zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
|
Post by zella on Jan 21, 2020 22:23:02 GMT
A few weeks ago hubby and I were at a private event watching a Seahawks football game; it's a weekly event. We meet in the back room of a bar, but kids are allowed in there. There were 50+ people in the room.
There was a young man sitting beside me at the bar. I'm guessing 16 or 17. This older woman came over and he wrapped his arms around her. He then proceeded to kiss her neck. Not once, but many times. She just sort of smiled, didn't do or say anything. This happened twice. I then found out that this was his mother. I asked dh what he thought, and he said it seemed very sexual to him. Did to me too. Husband/dad was sitting at a table just behind us.
I'm all for affection, but this seemed very odd to me. I really did think he was older than he looked, and they were in a relationship. Did not think this was a mother and son.
What would you think? Weird? Sweet?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 10:26:04 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2020 22:27:30 GMT
Young man could have special needs. My asd son who is soon to be 14 is still very affectionate with me. We have worked on him kissing my cheek and he still likes to hug and wrap his arms around me.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 10:26:04 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2020 22:29:58 GMT
I honestly wouldn't think much other than maybe he has special needs. Different family, different dynamics ya know? Some parents have a hard time letting their kids grow up and some families are still very affectionate at older ages. I have a friend whose family is super affectionate. Just how he grew up
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Jan 21, 2020 22:38:16 GMT
My first thought was he may have special needs. Her neutral response to his hugging & kissing her makes it sound like typical behavior for him and not a sexualized encounter.
Was he talking or interacting with you or anyone else sitting at the bar?
|
|
|
Post by workingclassdog on Jan 21, 2020 22:39:55 GMT
I probably would have thought the same.. I guess it would have depended on how much I was paying attention. Of course there could be a million explanations..
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Jan 21, 2020 23:23:15 GMT
I can easily see him having some form of intellectual disability. My nephew who is on the autism spectrum is extremely affectionate, often times inappropriately. He doesn't pick up on the social cues that certain types or showings of affection are inappropriate between family members. My own son who is on the autism spectrum thinks it's appropriate to kiss everyone on the lips. If he can't get to our lips he will kiss wherever he can get to. Usually an arm, but whatever. (We're working on it).
I say that it could be ID vs. romance because the woman didn't seem to reciprocate. From your description it sounds like she was very self-conscious of how this behavior looked in public to onlookers. I know that if it were me, I would probably react the same way. I wouldn't want to draw further attention to it, and I also would be uncomfortable reprimanding him in public for being affectionate. If she had behaved differently I would be on the romantic train.
|
|
zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
|
Post by zella on Jan 21, 2020 23:26:05 GMT
He was sitting playing on his phone. He could have had special needs I suppose; that wasn't something I thought of. I did hear him speak to her, and there was nothing obvious in the way he spoke or their other interactions.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 21, 2020 23:29:32 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection.
For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks.
Americans needs to grow the fuck up.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 21, 2020 23:31:16 GMT
Not sure about other people's sons, but my boys would have stopped me at the wrapping my arms around them in public. We do hugs and I love you's. If they ever started kissing my neck... whaaaa? Nope.
|
|
zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
|
Post by zella on Jan 21, 2020 23:31:23 GMT
I can easily see him having some form of intellectual disability. My nephew who is on the autism spectrum is extremely affectionate, often times inappropriately. He doesn't pick up on the social cues that certain types or showings of affection are inappropriate between family members. My own son who is on the autism spectrum thinks it's appropriate to kiss everyone on the lips. If he can't get to our lips he will kiss wherever he can get to. Usually an arm, but whatever. (We're working on it). I say that it could be ID vs. romance because the woman didn't seem to reciprocate. From your description it sounds like she was very self-conscious of how this behavior looked in public to onlookers. I know that if it were me, I would probably react the same way. I wouldn't want to draw further attention to it, and I also would be uncomfortable reprimanding him in public for being affectionate. If she had behaved differently I would be on the romantic train. Very interesting. Thanks for this. I truly had no idea this could be related to autism spectrum disorders. I will say she didn't seem self-conscious; she just didn't reciprocate. I did wonder if her reaction was affected by alcohol, as there's a lot of drinking at these gatherings, and I do believe she was drinking.
|
|
zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
|
Post by zella on Jan 21, 2020 23:36:02 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. Uh, no. If dh and I both thought they were a couple, that suggests something more than affection. My point was, it DID look sexual to two adults. I'm affectionate with my grown daughters, but I wouldn't be kissing their neck while holding them tightly, nor would they do that do dh. It's nothing to do with growing up. And I am British first, not American.And my husband is Canadian. So all nationalities need to grow up? How silly. And why, oh why, do you have to be nasty?
|
|
|
Post by houstonsandy on Jan 21, 2020 23:40:11 GMT
I would go with "he's just very affectionate and not afraid to show it". My dd is still very affectionate with me (she's 22). Not kissy kissy....but hugging and holding hands. I attribute the hand holding to a time when she was little and got lost in Kohls. I guess it really scared her because ever since she would always hold my hand whenever we went anywhere and she still does! Hopefully it is now out of habit rather than insecurity. lol....when I was out with her and her boyfriend one night in College Station we went out to the "bar district". She was holding MY hand instead of the boyfriends! lol...that probably looked strange to some people....
|
|
|
Post by mustlovecats on Jan 21, 2020 23:42:19 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. I would generally agree, but I think kissing the neck is a level of affection that usually occurs in an intimate relationship more than a familial one in my opinion so this would not be something I would be comfortable with.
|
|
scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,757
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
|
Post by scrapngranny on Jan 21, 2020 23:43:12 GMT
I think I would mind my own business.
|
|
|
Post by librarylady on Jan 21, 2020 23:50:03 GMT
My very strange SIL might do this with roles reversed. She is just too "handy" and wants to hug/kiss everyone. In family gathering she might sit by me and then want to stroke my arm...or whoever else is sitting beside her. We now try to avoid her because of this.
When her only son was about 14, she would sit and stroke his arms and hug on him excessively.
Her mother was the same way. It became a family joke. When she and her mother arrived, all of us would rush to the bathroom (first arrival was the winner) and then hide in bathroom until the greetings were over in hopes of avoiding the excessive hugs and strokes.
Some people are just overly demonstrative.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Jan 22, 2020 0:07:23 GMT
On reading the OP, I felt very skeeved out at the thought of a teenager boy kissing his mum's neck. It sounds very sexual. It hadn't occurred to me initially that he might be special needs. I'm glad the rest of you brought that up. (I guess I didn't think of it because the couple of kids I know with special needs / on the spectrum are more likely to hit their mum rather than kiss her tenderly on the neck. ) So...... if the boy isn't special needs, then I think it's rather blech.
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on Jan 22, 2020 11:18:56 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. I think your comment is uncalled for. It was a simple question by OP and there is no need for name calling and being rude. This is exactly why so many here lurk and don’t post. Get over yourself.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 10:26:04 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2020 12:03:06 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. I think your comment is uncalled for. It was a simple question by OP and there is no need for name calling and being rude. This is exactly why so many here lurk and don’t post. Get over yourself. Where did she call names?
It's odd to me that so many people are quick to jump to everything being sexual or skeevy.
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Jan 22, 2020 12:06:52 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. I think your comment is uncalled for. It was a simple question by OP and there is no need for name calling and being rude. This is exactly why so many here lurk and don’t post. Get over yourself. She’s not being rude. Americans ARE extremely weird about affection and sex. And she didn’t call anyone a name. We’re also pretty weird about nudity. 😉. Americans do need to grow up with regards to this aspect. The Victorian age ended a long time ago. Time to take all that sexual repression shove it in a box. It’s silly.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 10:26:04 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2020 14:15:32 GMT
I would have assumed special needs teen. Perhaps with Williams Syndrome. People with WS are usually described as "highly social" but that can manifest is huggy and kissy. He may simply be modeling what he has seen his dad do without the awareness of the inappropriateness. I know one young man with WS. His intelligence is low-normal so he can hold a job. But the one aspect he can't grasp is the need to not touch other people. If he decides he likes someone (like a co-worker) he gets very "touch" and wants to hug/kiss them. He has been fired from several jobs because this is one aspect of his disorder he cannot control. He seeks out physical contact.
It is hard to know when there is a special needs issue or a child has been/is being sexually abused. I partly agree with Americans need to develop an acceptance of physical touch that we don't have; but not lose the concern for the child's safety.
|
|
|
Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jan 22, 2020 14:19:00 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. That escalated quickly
I think a kiss on the neck is an intimate kiss and would find it very odd for a son to do that to his mom. In the OPs case I'd have to be there to see the interaction but in general that is way too intimate a kiss for a mother/son.
|
|
joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
|
Post by joelise on Jan 22, 2020 17:30:12 GMT
My first thought was that he might be special needs. Also, maybe he wasn’t as old as you thought. I knew a boy who, when he was 11, actually looked 16 or older.
|
|
julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
|
Post by julie5 on Jan 22, 2020 17:56:02 GMT
I think I would mind my own business. Add an f bomb and I agree.
|
|
zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
|
Post by zella on Jan 22, 2020 21:01:33 GMT
peasapie, I appreciate what you said. I have become very reluctant to post for this reason exactly. Virtually every thread that I post, and I see this in many threads here, someone has to say something nasty and unwarranted. I don't get it. And I don't think it used to be like that. I actually have very European attitudes towards nudity, sexuality, affection. Nude beaches, sex and nudity on tv for example..no problem. Brits are a bit less effusive and physical with strangers and acquaintances; I must admit I still have trouble with how free Americans are with hugs. But I don't think any of this had any effect on my thoughts about this circumstance. I also don't understand the "mind your own business" comments; this was just a question, to see if my thoughts were shared by others. And this was in a public place, and right beside me. Less than two feet from me. So they kind of were up in my business, lol!
|
|
sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,573
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
|
Post by sharlag on Jan 22, 2020 21:08:55 GMT
I think it's a valid question/observation to post here. I often notice human behavior that makes me curious. This scenario definitely falls into that category. The OP didn't interfere or comment; she waited to discuss with us.
Neck kisses seem non-platonic to me, after the years of toddlerdom. The responding speculations of the young man being on the spectrum or special needs seem legit.
|
|
|
Post by colleen on Jan 22, 2020 21:22:03 GMT
I think it's a valid question/observation to post here. I often notice human behavior that makes me curious. This scenario definitely falls into that category. The OP didn't interfere or comment; she waited to discuss with us. Neck kisses seem non-platonic to me, after the years of toddlerdom. The responding speculations of the young man being on the spectrum or special needs seem legit. I agree. I will also say that not being the parent of a special needs person, some of these responses would not occur to me. I feel enlightened. I think it's normal to speculate privately on someone's behavior, the why's of it, at least.
I agree also that Americans can be a little uptight about some things, but we can learn!
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Jan 22, 2020 21:31:23 GMT
I think I would mind my own business. Why exactly do you think the OP was not minding her business? She is just asking a question to see what others thought. She didn’t say that she said anything to the people. She doesn’t appear to be ready to call CPS. The OP merely asked a question about a situation she saw. Peas do that all the time. We ask opinions on things we saw, things we overhear, we ask opinions on products, work situations, family dynamics, etc all the time. I don’t see any reason to suspect the OP was being a busybody.
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Jan 22, 2020 21:33:49 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. That escalated quickly
I think a kiss on the neck is an intimate kiss and would find it very odd for a son to do that to his mom. In the OPs case I'd have to be there to see the interaction but in general that is way too intimate a kiss for a mother/son.
I personally think that if the child was not special needs that it is odd for a child to kiss their mother’s neck. I do agree that the situation as described does make it seem the child was special needs. I find neck kissing very personal and intimate and not something that a child and parent should engage in. It has nothing to do with being prude or hung up. I wonder how some peas would honestly feel if they saw a dad kissing a 16 year old girl’s neck. Or even a young girl kissing her dad on the neck.
|
|
QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
|
Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jan 22, 2020 21:38:27 GMT
peasapie , I appreciate what you said. I have become very reluctant to post for this reason exactly. Virtually every thread that I post, and I see this in many threads here, someone has to say something nasty and unwarranted. I don't get it. And I don't think it used to be like that. I actually have very European attitudes towards nudity, sexuality, affection. Nude beaches, sex and nudity on tv for example..no problem. Brits are a bit less effusive and physical with strangers and acquaintances; I must admit I still have trouble with how free Americans are with hugs. But I don't think any of this had any effect on my thoughts about this circumstance. I also don't understand the "mind your own business" comments; this was just a question, to see if my thoughts were shared by others. And this was in a public place, and right beside me. Less than two feet from me. So they kind of were up in my business, lol! If you had gone up and asked them "Hey, what's up with your son kissing your neck?" then I think the mind your own business would be warranted. Since all you did was observe, wonder, and ask an annonymous group of people what they thought about it, I think both the mind your own business and the grow the fuck up are out of line. I also agree that the peas are getting nastier. Not wanted increased taxes on my husband's social security and pension to pay for maternity leave got me called all kinds of things. Another pea who also wasn't in favor got accused of wanted another pea to be forced to have an abortion. You aren't the only one who hesitates to post. Everyone says they want the board to be more active and for lurkers to join in, but with the increasingly viscious attacks on so many threads, the opposite is happening.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Jan 22, 2020 23:24:29 GMT
I also don't understand the "mind your own business" comments; this was just a question, to see if my thoughts were shared by others. If you had gone up and asked them "Hey, what's up with your son kissing your neck?" then I think the mind your own business would be warranted. Since all you did was observe, wonder, and ask an annonymous group of people what they thought about it, I think both the mind your own business and the grow the fuck up are out of line. I agree totally!
|
|