momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 5, 2020 11:42:24 GMT
My heart breaks for all you've been through. I'm sorry for your losses. So much in such a short span.
Lots of good advice, let the small things go and do what you can to emotionally support those around you while you grieve. Don't forget you in all of this.
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Post by Basket1lady on May 5, 2020 11:49:48 GMT
I’m so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. That is a lot!
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,734
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on May 5, 2020 12:06:47 GMT
So sorry for all that you are facing right now. Your son should be your priority, along with your nephew. Your sis will have to deal with life on her own from now on, she needs to muster the strength to do what needs to be done, even when it is so difficult. You have way too much on your plate to handle everything.
Does your ex have any family who can help? Hugs....
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Post by mikklynn on May 5, 2020 12:25:36 GMT
Oh my gosh, that is too much in the best of times.
Hugs to you and your family. I hope you will keep us posted. We care.
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Post by unknown pea on May 5, 2020 12:29:12 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is a lot to handle all at once.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on May 5, 2020 12:37:49 GMT
i am so sorry for all that is overwhelming you during an already stressful time.
i can't help with your sister, i am sorry. but if your ex owned his house and died intestate, due to the lack of a will, the sale of the home and assets (if any) has to go through a recognized estate company.
i work in real estate in ontario and we had a man who owned three homes and passed away with no will. the estate company assigned to manage it was a division of royal bank of canada. as the realtor, my boss agreed to clear everything out and bill it to the estate. the man was a hoarder and 2 of the 3 homes were full of stuff. we donated as much as possible (not a filth/garbage type hoarder - more like 15 of the same fleece sweater, pairs and pairs of shoes, brand new in the box, etc).
perhaps your son can take what he wants from the home and then it becomes the estate company's problem to address (understanding that any costs associated will come out of whatever the house sold for)?
if the home is rented... technically, i expect he could probably just leave it and the landlord would junk it all likely. not saying that is ideal but not sure they would have any avenue to pursue your son about it. property management companies do this on a not-so-irregular basis. i do believe junk removal places are open and i know the dump is open (may have revised hours - but i am in toronto).
alternatively, he could get what wants and just rent a bin and clear the rest of it out... if he feels up to it?
i realize walking away from it is not perhaps the most ethical thing to do but if your son just lost his dad, uncle and grandmother, perhaps it is just too much for him to address right now. all the other crap on power of attorney is burden enough....
wishing you and your family all the best - so very sorry. (((hugs)))
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Post by peace on May 5, 2020 12:38:03 GMT
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I relate more than I can say.
As far as removing items from the ex's place, we used a junk service. They came and loaded it all into the truck and hauled it away. The prep getting ready for them wasn't fun, but once it was gone, it made things much easier.
Best of luck to you. One day at a time. It's all you can do. Maybe even just one task at a time. Peace to you and yours.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 5, 2020 12:42:24 GMT
I think you should focus on helping your son. Even though I’m sure you don’t want to have the burden of your ex’s estate, your son likely is the least prepared for this unusual situation. How old is he? Never too old to have mom help, I’m sure. I agree although it's possible your son really doesn't have much obligation to do anything. You said he is the POA and didn't know he was. I don't know how things differ in Canada, but if that means he was named Power of Attorney, it's quite possible it expired upon his father's death. First thing to do is clarify whether it's POA or if he is the executor of the estate which is entirely different. Even if he is executor, he could possibly petition to be removed on the basis of not having been informed of or agreeing to that role. Help him to clarify that first and then figure out what other things you are willing to take on from there. You have so much going on. You can't reasonably be expected to handle everything for everyone. My condolences on your losses.
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Post by peasapie on May 5, 2020 12:44:10 GMT
That's a lot all at once. As far as your sister, she sounds overwhelmed and not ready to deal with things right now. I agree with jeremysgirl that maybe everyone needs a time out and the chance to grieve over time. You don't have to take care of everyone's problems right now. Is your son also the executor? If so, an attorney can advise him about how to proceed getting the trash removed from his father's home.
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Post by lisae on May 5, 2020 15:41:19 GMT
I'm very sorry all this has happened and for the loss of your mother. I'm glad you got to be with her. Try to be good to yourself and not take on too much of the burdens yourself. {{hugs}}
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Post by scrapmaven on May 5, 2020 15:56:40 GMT
That's way too much for one person to deal with even during a normal season. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother, as well as your bil. Maybe your younger sister is struggling to hold it all together right now. I hope that you'll all get through this together.
May both your mother's and bil's memories be for a blessing to all who knew them.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,744
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 5, 2020 18:46:00 GMT
I'm overwhelmed just reading your post. What a horrible lot to have to deal with all at once. Sending you hugs and praying for strength for you to get through this. I do agree with the others though, that your sister needs to do (or not do) things her own way.
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on May 5, 2020 18:55:59 GMT
I am so sorry for all of your losses. Please give your sister some grace and patience, we all handle grief in different ways. I'll be honest, if I lost my husband I really would not give a flying f about flowers or an obituary. I doubt I could even handle any type of service. That stuff is just not important to me (doubt it would be to him either), maybe that's also how your sister feels.
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