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Post by mom on Feb 18, 2022 21:53:26 GMT
This is just a rant. DD40 called yesterday and let me know she is getting a divorce. They've been married 13 years and have two kids, 10 and 6. It has been a long time coming. Our family has felt she should have left him years ago. SIL hasn't had a job in 6 years, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. He does get some disability payments but it's not much. DD works full time while trying to go to school, and takes care of DGDs. They live 3000 miles away from me and the rest of the family. DD wants to move home. She can easily get a job (she's in the medical field) and she can temporarily move in with my ex. My ex's wife works PT and has very flexible hours and has offered to watch the two DGDs for free as needed. DD and SIL have already agreed on how to separate their property (they don't have much and live paycheck to paycheck). BUT good-for-nothing SIL has decided he wants custody of the DGDs. He says DD can move home without them and they can visit during the summer. What??? Of course DD wants to move the DGDs back home with her. This POS doesn't have a job and has made no effort to get one until just this week. No job, no healthcare, no money. DGD10 has an IEP and is in therapy. DD doesn't think SIL will follow through with either because he thinks things like that are BS. DD wants to keep things amicable but I don't see how that will happen. Stepmom and I would like to fly out, pack up DD and DGDs and fly them back home now. FTR we won't really do that because we know that would probably backfire on DD, it's just how we feel. But I am now worried that some judge will say POS SIL can have the kids and DD will be forced to stay there. She can't afford to live there on her own, the COL is astronomical. They were barely getting by as it was. I've already told DD to get a lawyer ASAP. Luckily they already have separate bank accounts and she is getting a different cell phone today (she is on a plan paid for by SILs mom). It just pissed me off that POS SIL has just now decided he wants to try and be responsible when he had years to do so and didn't! Stepmom and I think it's a ploy to get DD to stay. I'm afraid it's going to get very messy, very quickly. My heart aches for her and I want her and the kids home! I just needed to get this out. Rant over. I am sorry this is something you are having to deal with. And yes, I think it will get very messy. While I understand you and stepmom want them all to move where you are, please recognize that that might not be in the kids best interest. The reality is kids need both parents in their lives on a regular basis--- even if one is unemployed and sleeps a lot. Just because he isn't an ideal partner doesn't mean he isn't capable of being a good father with some help. From my experiences with custody court, COL doesn't really factor into whether or not one parent should be able to move or not. My best advice is she needs to lawyer up immediately and start documenting things right now. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,408
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Feb 18, 2022 23:17:46 GMT
I'm thinking more along the lines of can't keep a stable job not doesn't work and kicks it on the couch with his homies all the time. My DH "doesn't work" for the last 11 years since we started having kids. He's been a kick ass SAHD. Now that both kids are back in school he's back working. He's a general contractor/home builder so self employed. See I'd be okay with him being a SAHD. He stays home but doesn't do anything. He wasn't prepping dinner, doing dishes, helping with homework, nothing. DD has been doing it all. DD also got a truancy letter from the school because he was failing to get DGD10 on the bus on time and she wouldn't make it to school. DD had to change her work hours so she would be home to make sure DGD got on the bus. Yeah, that’s a dead beat. I’m so sorry. |
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Post by busy on Feb 18, 2022 23:59:30 GMT
I'm thinking more along the lines of can't keep a stable job not doesn't work and kicks it on the couch with his homies all the time. My DH "doesn't work" for the last 11 years since we started having kids. He's been a kick ass SAHD. Now that both kids are back in school he's back working. He's a general contractor/home builder so self employed. See I'd be okay with him being a SAHD. He stays home but doesn't do anything. He wasn't prepping dinner, doing dishes, helping with homework, nothing. DD has been doing it all. DD also got a truancy letter from the school because he was failing to get DGD10 on the bus on time and she wouldn't make it to school. DD had to change her work hours so she would be home to make sure DGD got on the bus. Ugh, what a loser |
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Post by littlemama on Feb 19, 2022 0:07:18 GMT
He didnt decide to be responsible, he decided to make things hard for your DD.
Hugs to you and her.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Feb 19, 2022 17:43:34 GMT
This is just a rant. DD40 called yesterday and let me know she is getting a divorce. They've been married 13 years and have two kids, 10 and 6. It has been a long time coming. Our family has felt she should have left him years ago. SIL hasn't had a job in 6 years, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. He does get some disability payments but it's not much. DD works full time while trying to go to school, and takes care of DGDs. They live 3000 miles away from me and the rest of the family. DD wants to move home. She can easily get a job (she's in the medical field) and she can temporarily move in with my ex. My ex's wife works PT and has very flexible hours and has offered to watch the two DGDs for free as needed. DD and SIL have already agreed on how to separate their property (they don't have much and live paycheck to paycheck). BUT good-for-nothing SIL has decided he wants custody of the DGDs. He says DD can move home without them and they can visit during the summer. What??? Of course DD wants to move the DGDs back home with her. This POS doesn't have a job and has made no effort to get one until just this week. No job, no healthcare, no money. DGD10 has an IEP and is in therapy. DD doesn't think SIL will follow through with either because he thinks things like that are BS. DD wants to keep things amicable but I don't see how that will happen. Stepmom and I would like to fly out, pack up DD and DGDs and fly them back home now. FTR we won't really do that because we know that would probably backfire on DD, it's just how we feel. But I am now worried that some judge will say POS SIL can have the kids and DD will be forced to stay there. She can't afford to live there on her own, the COL is astronomical. They were barely getting by as it was. I've already told DD to get a lawyer ASAP. Luckily they already have separate bank accounts and she is getting a different cell phone today (she is on a plan paid for by SILs mom). It just pissed me off that POS SIL has just now decided he wants to try and be responsible when he had years to do so and didn't! Stepmom and I think it's a ploy to get DD to stay. I'm afraid it's going to get very messy, very quickly. My heart aches for her and I want her and the kids home! I just needed to get this out. Rant over. He’s not suddenly becoming “responsible” he’s more likely trying to avoid child support. |
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Post by Mel on Feb 20, 2022 20:33:58 GMT
Um... I'm not defending this specific guy but what the hell? A dad who doesn't work is an unfit parent? No. I think a dad who plays video games all night and sleeps all day is definitely an unfit parent. What would you call a mom who did that? It doesn't sound like he is not working because he is a stay at home involved dad. That's what I meant. 😞 |
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