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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 14:24:04 GMT
If two people are either the same, both romantic or both practical, I think that' s easier. How do you handle "disappointment" if you are one way, but your husband is the other? And does it work long term if you keep trying to see the bright side of things and put a positive spin on things? K
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Post by gar on Dec 7, 2014 14:30:51 GMT
His instinct is to fix things, anything, to mend problems or actual things, for me.....that's how he shows his love. But over the years we have learned from each other what we both like/want/need emotionally and so now he remembers that although I recognise his 'fixing' is him telling me he loves me he also tells me in ways I need, with words, or cuddles or whatever. It all comes down to communication so no, I wouldn't want to fake it long term, nor do I think that's healthy, but you both have to want to be willing to learn and recognise each others differences to build and grow.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Dec 7, 2014 14:57:12 GMT
Romantic and practical are not even on my radar as to how different my husband and I are. We are about as different as two people can possibly be. In almost every way you can possibly name - and I'll spare you the list, because WOW can I make a list! I truly think the only way we make it work is really knowing each other and having respect for who the other person is. I know the ways my husband is different from me - and I choose to make the effort to see and respect those ways. And he does the same. And we communicate wants and needs to each other. So no, I wouldn't want to just stick on a happy face. I don't think that will work in the long term. It's okay to be one way and your husband is the other. But ignoring the difference and living without regard to the other person is no way to live.
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Post by seikashaven on Dec 7, 2014 15:03:32 GMT
Both. But mostly practical. He shows me love by doing stuff around the house or wrangling our toddler to give me a break.
However, he recognizes that sometimes I need something else emotionally. And he usually does his best to accommodate that.
We are so different from each other but we see that and try very hard to meet each others needs even when it doesn't come naturally. We're a work in progress for sure!
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Post by Karmady on Dec 7, 2014 15:35:34 GMT
Pretty much this. My dh spent yesterday afternoon fixing things and taking all the pictures and artwork off the living room walls LOL. Then he fill the holes, matched and touched up the paint and hung new pictures and artwork. It helped remove some visual clutter and make things look better. I love that practical side,of him. He wants to make me happy. In return, I made him chicken parmasean which he loves. He didn't ask for it, I was thankful. That's how we roll
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Post by KikiPea on Dec 7, 2014 16:06:22 GMT
Both.
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Post by SweetieBugs on Dec 7, 2014 17:01:16 GMT
You didn't give an option for "clueless". That would be mine.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Dec 7, 2014 17:05:50 GMT
Mine can be clueless but he seems to know when to give me space when I need it and when to champion my cause too. We had a wonderful date last weekend, very simple...fast food and geocaching, but it was great to be out with him. We talked about when we have an empty nest (at least 4 years away) and it was really fun to think about that stage with just him.
I know he likes to hang out with me watching movies or just casual things so I need to be aware and make sure I make time for that.
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Dec 7, 2014 17:17:08 GMT
Gar answered perfectly the way I feel. Though my husband is more on the practical side he has learned to surprise me occasionally. The effort he puts forth pleases me and we both have waves and or bursts of emotional and physical needs that we are committed to fulfilling. To be honest, I feel that's what a marriage is. A commitment and a decision to care about one another in a balanced way.
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Post by picotjo on Dec 7, 2014 17:40:28 GMT
His instinct is to fix things, anything, to mend problems or actual things, for me.....that's how he shows his love. But over the years we have learned from each other what we both like/want/need emotionally and so now he remembers that although I recognise his 'fixing' is him telling me he loves me he also tells me in ways I need, with words, or cuddles or whatever. It all comes down to communication so no, I wouldn't want to fake it long term, nor do I think that's healthy, but you both have to want to be willing to learn and recognise each others differences to build and grow. This sums it us for me too.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 7, 2014 17:50:13 GMT
If two people are either the same, both romantic or both practical, I think that' s easier. How do you handle "disappointment" if you are one way, but your husband is the other? And does it work long term if you keep trying to see the bright side of things and put a positive spin on things? K DH and I are close to the same mix of practical/romantic so most of the time things work just fine. I learned early in the relationship to tell him what I wanted to avoid being disappointed because he can't read my mind. It only works long term if you are communicating and both put a priority on the other person's happiness.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Dec 7, 2014 18:28:10 GMT
He's practical. I remind myself that he's loyal, hard working, dedicated, and a good man. I do get disappointed in his lack of romance, but he has improved over the years.
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,822
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on Dec 7, 2014 18:44:01 GMT
Practical....very......it makes me sad sometimes, especially this time of the year. It has been the same things for years. He isn't going to change. I just become sad, then get over it.
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Post by polz on Dec 7, 2014 19:19:00 GMT
Sometimes practical, sometimes clueless. Never romantic. Friends of ours go on picnics and he writes poems. DH is all "Why go on a picnic? You cook at home, drive somewhere and eat it. Why not sit in front of the TV and eat?". But DH can fix things so I'll take it.
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Post by maryland on Dec 7, 2014 19:33:56 GMT
He's probably more romantic and I am more practical and clueless. But I think as long as you know you are different in this area, you can appreciate his way of doing things and he can appreciate yours. Maybe you both are wanting the same thing, but go about doing it differently? I don't know, just thinking out loud.
Our daughters take after me, there is not a romantic bone in their body (yes, they are only 11, 15 and 17, but I can tell already!). The 17 yr. old would get so mad at her boyfriend because he loved to compliment her and hold her hand at school as he was proud that she was his girlfriend. She wanted no part of that! Again, not romantic! She will have to look hard for a man who is not romantic as he will be the onle who will make her happy!
Maybe there is hope for my 15 yr. old who is loving all the boys telling her how pretty she is.
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Post by maryland on Dec 7, 2014 19:39:48 GMT
If two people are either the same, both romantic or both practical, I think that' s easier. How do you handle "disappointment" if you are one way, but your husband is the other? And does it work long term if you keep trying to see the bright side of things and put a positive spin on things? K DH and I are close to the same mix of practical/romantic so most of the time things work just fine. I learned early in the relationship to tell him what I wanted to avoid being disappointed because he can't read my mind. It only works long term if you are communicating and both put a priority on the other person's happiness. That's great advice! We aren't mind readers, so it's best that couples tell each other what they want. I have had to tell my husband that he should tell me, because I can be clueless, but I want to make him happy and he wants to make me happy, so why not just come out and say it.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Dec 7, 2014 20:02:10 GMT
My dh is of the practical and clueless variety. Somehow we make it work.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 0:44:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 20:29:17 GMT
He's very practical by nature and I choose to see his practical gestures as romantic.
He knows I adore a very large fresh Christmas tree but going to the tree lot stresses me. This year he handled it all while I was out. Went to the lot, picked the massive tree (10 feet), brought it home, put it in the stand, set it in place and put the lights on. Then he pulled all the bins out of the closet.
All I had to do was the part I enjoy.
What a gift!
I can give him a list of things to do and he will joyfully do them. I can ask for XYZ and he will get it for me, within reason.
He's a songwriter/musician. I have an entire catalog of songs he's written just for me. I love that man.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Dec 7, 2014 20:39:20 GMT
My husband used to be romantic when we first got together. But as the years went on he gets less romantic to the point where He gets flowers for me on Valentine's Day just because he knows that is what to do. but he always get tulips and I HATE tulips..... I like daises and yellow roses.
He used to get chocolates but not the past few years. I don't even get a card.
For my birthday this year he gave me a soft serve ice cream maker. I really don't like ice cream enough to have this item in my life. He thought because when I do want ice cream it is usually DQ's soft serve vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. yes this is true... But I usually want it mostly because DQ is the best and I really like their ice cream... That does NOT mean I want this machine for my birthday. Oh and to top it off it came from amazon and it was wrapped by them..... the card said enjoy your gift. there wasn't even a nice sentiment and he didn't even give me a card that be picked out for me. There is only one day a year I want to be special and that is my birthday.
oh yes We had a discussion about this.... And I told him that I was pissed because he made me feel like I didn't matter to him.
I don't even get an anniversary card for our anniversary. I try to do something special for him every year but that always back fires. half the time we only go out to dinner because that is the thing you are suppose to do... It isn't any place special it is one of the 4 places we always go to....
So we will see what Christmas brings. and what he does and if he remembers the screw you birthday I had....
But 18 years later we are still together and pretty happy.... I should say most of the time happy... WE will see if we have a happy Christmas....
I am not saying that the presents need to be expensive or a lot of them.. I am saying they need to come from the heart and have a specialness to them... I know he has it in him.... I know he isn't this person he has become... I says it is because he is too busy to go shopping in stores....
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conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
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Post by conchita on Dec 7, 2014 20:46:37 GMT
My husband is more practical. In the beginning of our marriage it caused a lot of unhappiness between us. We both had to find how to be considerate of one another. I also realized I was focusing on what he wasn't doing rather than all his wonderful traits. I really learned to appreciate his love language. He also learned to speak my love language in return. Now I believe I have one of the few almost perfect men created. He still leaves his socks stuck in the couch cushions but he does laundry so that balances out any slight imperfection he may have. I have a good practical man that realized being romantic made me light up. He loves me and wants to please me, what more could I want?
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Dec 7, 2014 21:07:45 GMT
Dh and I are very different. He can be romantic. He does bring me flowers occasionally--I have a vase on my bedside table. He loves roses, and I'm not a huge fan. I know the grocery store has more roses, and that's what he sees. I have pointed out the irises and gerber daisies, but I'm still thankful for the roses--I really like the interesting coloured ones.
Gift giving is definitely one of my love languages. I do tell dh that I need this--not expensive stuff, but stuff I want. Dh does really well with cool electronics and stuff to help me not be so bored at home.
Recently he came home with a great deal on a TV. I held my breath and let him explain his reasoning before I rolled my eyes and got upset at ANOTHER TV/speakers, etc. I'm glad I waited because he wanted to replace the tiny TV in our bedroom so we could watch movies in bed because I'm more comfortable there than on our sofa--plus we can cuddle.
Dh has given me some weird stuff over the years. Last year, he came home with a Poinsettia topiary the night before we left for a week. I did not handle that situation with grace, and I was terribly ashamed of myself. Dh is wonderful at forgiving and forgetting my foibles. We still have the poinsettia in our spare bedroom that is off limits to our cats. I just look at it and smile. It reminds me at how different we are, plus reminds me to be kinder to my dear husband.
Dh's love language is doing things for others. I originally cleaned out our litter boxes, but then my doctor advised that I stay away, so dh did it. Then when I got sick with the pancreatitis, I became and still am very nauseated all the time. Dh cleans out that nasty box without ever complaining. Our boy cat is so nasty smelling, and dh has a hard time with nausea, too. He just knows how much dry heaving hurts me.
The other day, I was walking by the laundry room while dh was cleaning the box. I stopped and put my hand on his back and thanked him for cleaning out the boxes. He stood up and kissed me and his eyes were so bright and happy. You would have thought I had just handed him the keys to his dream car.
Dh has said that he works much harder at trying to please me because I put in so much effort. I know it's hard to put in effort when your needs aren't met. Although I have been hurt by bad birthdays--I just want a cake! there is still so many other ways dh takes care of me. I'm by no means perfect, and I do have a temper. I am so thankful dh loves me so much to overlook my many faults.
This past birthday dh really surprised me. I wasn't expecting much because he had been so sick with his headaches and had been so overworked. He does get me cards and writes cute notes in them--plus he picked out a song on his iPod and played it on my stereo unit by my bed. So sweet. Then he came in with a piece of luggage--and in it was a Kate Spade handbag that he had found at TJ Maxx.
I was so amazed and humbled. He was paying attention and knew I had been looking for a good deal on a smaller cross body bag in a cool colour. This bag was exactly what I would have picked out myself. I did thank dh profusely.
Communication really is the key for us. Dh doesn't speak girl. He doesn't pick up on hints. I've learned that he understands my needs the best when I clearly explain them. I also try to understand his needs and get him to explain them to me.
I remember when my dad would shop for my mom, that he was sad that she never really tried to do anything cool for him anymore. I think the lack of appreciation for all his hard work--and he worked his butt off, really coloured their relationship. I learned a lot about how not to act.
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Deleted
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Apr 20, 2024 0:44:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 21:14:17 GMT
I would say more practical and thoughtful. And clueless. Sometimes he just doesn't see what I'm trying to point out or even pick up on the hints or cues. He is helpful and will do just about anything I ask of him. He is thoughtful and knows that I appreciate a sweet card more than flowers, a hug over chocolates, a dinner out instead of cooking, etc. He knows my preferences (silver, tulips, caramel filled chocolates, etc) and will try his best to get my favorites. We get Chinese take out sometimes and one of the places we go offer cherry coke on their fountain. He will often send me a text asking me if I'd want one or he'd just come home with one because he knows I love cherry coke from the tap but not the can or bottle.
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Post by AussieMeg on Dec 8, 2014 2:17:08 GMT
He is practical. Thank goodness, because so am I.
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Post by laureljean on Dec 8, 2014 2:25:11 GMT
DH thinks taking my car to get an oil change is romantic. He shows his love by taking care of things I often forget about. Fine by me!
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
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Post by Grom Pea on Dec 8, 2014 2:46:06 GMT
Practical, but I've pretty much trained the romantic out of him, eg he would get me cut flowers but I really don't enjoy them so I told him to stop. I'm very practical so I'm generally never disappointed in the lack of "romance" if you equate romance with jewelry or chocolates or flowers. He always does stuff for me, so I consider those to be affectionate gestures.
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ladypop
Junior Member
Posts: 85
Aug 5, 2014 3:36:55 GMT
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Post by ladypop on Dec 8, 2014 3:16:07 GMT
He's romantic and clueless, bless him. He's bought me delicate sapphire jewellery when my taste is leather bands and wooden beads. He brings me cut flowers when I spend hours in my garden and would love some new seedlings. He has this pre-conceived idea of what romance is, I think. BUT, on the other side of that, he washes the dishes EVERY night, he's happy to wander round flea markets with me and we have the same sense of humour. I think I'll keep him.
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Post by eebud on Dec 8, 2014 3:24:32 GMT
I would say that DH and I are both very practical. However, I also think we are very good at meeting each other's needs whether those needs are romantic or practical. As others have said, neither of us are mind readers. If there is something I really want, I tell him. If there is something he really wants, he tells me. We have zero desire to set each other up for failure. Our goal is to be the best we can be for each other. To this day, I don't think there is another man on this earth that I could be married to. I think I'll keep him. LOL (That is our joke to each other............any time there is something kind of funny that we love about each other, we say "I think I'll keep you" or something similar).
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Post by peasapie on Dec 8, 2014 3:30:38 GMT
Probably more practical. He shows his love for me by doing what he considers taking care of me, like putting my pills in the weekly container or making dinner (because I hate to cook).
But I will say that over the years I have been really clear about letting him know what I need if he's not doing it. Like, I want him to text me during the day with a hello. Or carry on an in-depth conversation about some things. And he's willing to listen to me and make changes, which is huge.
In my first marriage, I made the mistake of expecting my husband to just intuitively know what I wanted. I learned in therapy - and by experience - that's a bad idea.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,640
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Dec 8, 2014 3:34:06 GMT
I don't think he has a romantic bone in his body. But he does most of the cooking, so it works.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,736
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Dec 8, 2014 4:09:38 GMT
I was say he's more practical than romantic but he is more romantic than me. I am a practical girl all the way. I've "trained" him that a romantic thing for me is that it is equally important to get a good deal on my gift, not just the gift itself. So he will make sure and tell me about the coupon he used or the great sale. I love that!
He sometimes goes off and does a romantic- ish thing anyway. Last Christmas he bought me an expensive pair of earrings( I know because I found the receipt- and not a good sale!). It was all I could do to not take them back- I don't care about jewelry at all. But I decided to keep them and say nothing and I try to remember and wear them every once in a while for dh. I force myself to think about how much he loves me when I see them- not their impracticality!
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