DH just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. *update Jan 6*
Dec 15, 2014 15:29:19 GMT
gajitldy, KikiPea, and 17 more like this
Post by sunnyday on Dec 15, 2014 15:29:19 GMT
Hey Peas, Some of you may know me, but probably most don't. I've been around since the beginning, but post sporadically.
I have a couple questions, but first some background.
The last couple months, my DH has been feeling increasingly ill. We went to a few doctors in that time, trying to figure it out. Between Thursday and Saturday (while at the hospital) it was determined that he has stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to his liver and possibly his lung. I think it was quite a shock to everyone seeing that he is only 47 years old. His liver has 10 masses and one of them in 7 cm. The mass in his colon has almost completely blocked the opening. I'm amazed that he was functioning at all. But he has always been a fighter, fighter, fighter and I think that is why it took so long to discover. His mental toughness has always been phenomenal.
Here is my question:
He's tired of fighting. Though his years are few, they have been long and hard. He is exhausted, this is at such an advanced stage, and the cancer has just taken over his body (I can feel the masses now that he has lost so much weight, 30 lbs in the last few months). He just wants to lay down and die. That is what he wants. That is his wish.
But he feels a lot of pressure to go along with the treatment plan, which is of course, very aggressive. He knows that eventually he will need doctors, and worries that because they don't have a history of knowing him and treating him, that he won't get the support he needs at the end.
He also worries very much about the societal pressures. We've never heard of anyone who didn't at least try to do the chemo, etc. Everyone goes down that path. It is expected. And because we have 3 children ages 11-16, he is afraid that people will judge such a decision.
This is just so far gone, peas. Any treatment would merely extend his life, and to what cost? Besides, I know that attitude is so important at this time, and he just has nothing left. He's at death's door. He tells me that he's stoic, has little emotion right now, and I've seen that evidenced. If his attitude is one of hopelessness, I believe it will weigh him down anyway and not give the treatment it's best chance.
I guess there isn't really a straight out question in there. What say the peas?
P.S. (As for those who love him, we are all devastated. Utterly devastated.)
-----------------
*UPDATE:
Thank you all so much for the comfort, support, and advice you have extended in such a caring way. I value each of your posts tremendously!
We saw an array of doctors at the hospital, from every imaginable field: surgeon, oncologist, gastroenterologist, pulmonary, psychiatric, etc. The list goes on and on. The hospital was amazing and the staff incredibly caring to us all. I was overwhelmed by love and support there, there was a medical student who was amazingly helpful and caring, his tears as we left were indicative of all those we encountered. Yes, we were given a treatment plan and excellent doctors who would administer it. But Dave's attitude since we came home has been despondent.
When I told him about the option of palliative care, his whole attitude and countenance changed. It went from lethargic and exhausted to encouraged and more energetic. He got up, read many of these posts, and sat down at his work computer to get some things in order. We did not know this was an option and his whole body responded to that option in a way that I have not seen it respond up until now. There is a bit of life again in his eyes. A bit of his old self shining through.
Your words and advice mean the world to me. Thank you.
----------------
Wow, thank you all. I have read every one of your posts and they have brought such encouragement to me at such a difficult time.
I called the hospital where we were treated and asked for hospice information. I was then contacted by their hospice staff. All of them were so caring and supportive. They will be contacting me tomorrow and will have someone come to the house Wednesday morning.
As hard as it is, I know that his decision is the right one for him and I support him unconditionally in the path he has chosen. When we came back from the hospital on Saturday, planning on moving forward with chemo, I had a script for the shoulder catheter they use to administer the medications. Every time I thought about it, it just didn't feel right to me. My gut told me that this wasn't what Dave wanted, I knew it in my heart. I talked to him about it last night and it was a relief for him to admit that he didn't want this. That is why I reached out to the peas, a decision I will never regret. The information you gave us today has been absolutely invaluable. Your love and support, a gift. This is the right path, we know it in our broken hearts.
-----------------------
1-6-15
Your words of encouragement and love are truly inspiring. Thank you all for your continued support, it has warmed my heart immeasurably.
A lot has been happening since I last updated. As many of you said in your responses, decisions like this are not taken lightly and people go back and forth with what they want to do.
The day after my last update, Dave's sister called and they had a long conversation. At the end of that conversation, Dave decided to go ahead and try some treatment, figuring that he could always quit if he wanted to. What I didn't know at the time was that his sister had told him that he was "taking the cowards way out." Well, if there's one thing Dave is not, it's a coward. He didn't tell me that part until a couple days after the decision to begin treatment. I wasn't too happy she told him that, but whatever he wants to do in this situation is fully supported by me, so we geared up for the first round of treatments. We did them inpatient from the 24th to the 26th. We were glad to get home after that, let me tell you!
So far, there have not been anything but minor side effects. But as time progresses, I think we might be in store for some more difficult ones. His second treatment is tomorrow through Friday.
We picked up the radiology report yesterday and a few quotes are as follows: "Innumerable ill-defined partially confluent low density masses are seen throughout all segments of the liver." (largest is over 3 inches in diameter). Evidence of a distal sigmoid colonic mass with multiple adjacent lymph nodes." "Non calcified nodule in the visualized right lower lung also suspicious for a metastasis."
I've seen the pictures of his liver and it's not pretty, the cancer is just everywhere, large masses of it. It's very disheartening.
I scheduled a photography session for our family for the 17th and am really looking forward to it. Hopefully he'll still have hair at that point (some people don't lose it on this type of chemo). I'm also going to do a shout out to my DD, who's 14th birthday is today!
Thanks again everyone, you are the best!
I have a couple questions, but first some background.
The last couple months, my DH has been feeling increasingly ill. We went to a few doctors in that time, trying to figure it out. Between Thursday and Saturday (while at the hospital) it was determined that he has stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to his liver and possibly his lung. I think it was quite a shock to everyone seeing that he is only 47 years old. His liver has 10 masses and one of them in 7 cm. The mass in his colon has almost completely blocked the opening. I'm amazed that he was functioning at all. But he has always been a fighter, fighter, fighter and I think that is why it took so long to discover. His mental toughness has always been phenomenal.
Here is my question:
He's tired of fighting. Though his years are few, they have been long and hard. He is exhausted, this is at such an advanced stage, and the cancer has just taken over his body (I can feel the masses now that he has lost so much weight, 30 lbs in the last few months). He just wants to lay down and die. That is what he wants. That is his wish.
But he feels a lot of pressure to go along with the treatment plan, which is of course, very aggressive. He knows that eventually he will need doctors, and worries that because they don't have a history of knowing him and treating him, that he won't get the support he needs at the end.
He also worries very much about the societal pressures. We've never heard of anyone who didn't at least try to do the chemo, etc. Everyone goes down that path. It is expected. And because we have 3 children ages 11-16, he is afraid that people will judge such a decision.
This is just so far gone, peas. Any treatment would merely extend his life, and to what cost? Besides, I know that attitude is so important at this time, and he just has nothing left. He's at death's door. He tells me that he's stoic, has little emotion right now, and I've seen that evidenced. If his attitude is one of hopelessness, I believe it will weigh him down anyway and not give the treatment it's best chance.
I guess there isn't really a straight out question in there. What say the peas?
P.S. (As for those who love him, we are all devastated. Utterly devastated.)
-----------------
*UPDATE:
Thank you all so much for the comfort, support, and advice you have extended in such a caring way. I value each of your posts tremendously!
We saw an array of doctors at the hospital, from every imaginable field: surgeon, oncologist, gastroenterologist, pulmonary, psychiatric, etc. The list goes on and on. The hospital was amazing and the staff incredibly caring to us all. I was overwhelmed by love and support there, there was a medical student who was amazingly helpful and caring, his tears as we left were indicative of all those we encountered. Yes, we were given a treatment plan and excellent doctors who would administer it. But Dave's attitude since we came home has been despondent.
When I told him about the option of palliative care, his whole attitude and countenance changed. It went from lethargic and exhausted to encouraged and more energetic. He got up, read many of these posts, and sat down at his work computer to get some things in order. We did not know this was an option and his whole body responded to that option in a way that I have not seen it respond up until now. There is a bit of life again in his eyes. A bit of his old self shining through.
Your words and advice mean the world to me. Thank you.
----------------
Wow, thank you all. I have read every one of your posts and they have brought such encouragement to me at such a difficult time.
I called the hospital where we were treated and asked for hospice information. I was then contacted by their hospice staff. All of them were so caring and supportive. They will be contacting me tomorrow and will have someone come to the house Wednesday morning.
As hard as it is, I know that his decision is the right one for him and I support him unconditionally in the path he has chosen. When we came back from the hospital on Saturday, planning on moving forward with chemo, I had a script for the shoulder catheter they use to administer the medications. Every time I thought about it, it just didn't feel right to me. My gut told me that this wasn't what Dave wanted, I knew it in my heart. I talked to him about it last night and it was a relief for him to admit that he didn't want this. That is why I reached out to the peas, a decision I will never regret. The information you gave us today has been absolutely invaluable. Your love and support, a gift. This is the right path, we know it in our broken hearts.
-----------------------
1-6-15
Your words of encouragement and love are truly inspiring. Thank you all for your continued support, it has warmed my heart immeasurably.
A lot has been happening since I last updated. As many of you said in your responses, decisions like this are not taken lightly and people go back and forth with what they want to do.
The day after my last update, Dave's sister called and they had a long conversation. At the end of that conversation, Dave decided to go ahead and try some treatment, figuring that he could always quit if he wanted to. What I didn't know at the time was that his sister had told him that he was "taking the cowards way out." Well, if there's one thing Dave is not, it's a coward. He didn't tell me that part until a couple days after the decision to begin treatment. I wasn't too happy she told him that, but whatever he wants to do in this situation is fully supported by me, so we geared up for the first round of treatments. We did them inpatient from the 24th to the 26th. We were glad to get home after that, let me tell you!
So far, there have not been anything but minor side effects. But as time progresses, I think we might be in store for some more difficult ones. His second treatment is tomorrow through Friday.
We picked up the radiology report yesterday and a few quotes are as follows: "Innumerable ill-defined partially confluent low density masses are seen throughout all segments of the liver." (largest is over 3 inches in diameter). Evidence of a distal sigmoid colonic mass with multiple adjacent lymph nodes." "Non calcified nodule in the visualized right lower lung also suspicious for a metastasis."
I've seen the pictures of his liver and it's not pretty, the cancer is just everywhere, large masses of it. It's very disheartening.
I scheduled a photography session for our family for the 17th and am really looking forward to it. Hopefully he'll still have hair at that point (some people don't lose it on this type of chemo). I'm also going to do a shout out to my DD, who's 14th birthday is today!
Thanks again everyone, you are the best!
if there is truly no hope for any cure, and the aggressive difficult treatment would only prolong his life but not at any great quality, then I think his decision should be accepted. but i know if it was my husband or dad, i would really struggle with coming to terms with that. how heartbreaking for your family. I pray he is able to get some sort of comfort measures and you all are able to make some great memories in the time you have left with him!
I am so very sorry...sending prayers.
