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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:23:28 GMT
Honestly I have been better. We are all healthy and safe in my household, so I am thankful for that. But yes, world and national events have made this week tough--we have family in Israel that is Jewish, and I also really hurt for the Palestinian families being killed and displaced. The discourse, such as it has been, has been awful. And watching the clown show in the House makes me leery that we'll ever fix anything. At the same time, I'm burned out at work--the Boomers say they paid their dues and the Millennials won't take responsibility so I'm stuck with an ever-increasing set of time-consuming responsibilities that involve weekend and evening meetings. And I'm dealing with personal stuff too because I read the Kerry Washington memoir (she, like me, is a sperm donor baby whose parents didn't tell her), but unlike me, she was able to get closure and healing with her parents, and I'm processing that I just won't ever have that. Anyway, yeah, it has been a week. Hoping things will get better, but part of the existential dread here is that I have no signs things will improve any time soon.Big, big hugs. It will get better! I know it's hard to see that right now, but one day you will look back and be amazed at how you've dealt with things.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:24:57 GMT
Could be better that's for sure. I noticed this morning I woke up with a heaviness I haven't had in years. And I just want to cry.
It's homecoming for ds so he has a fun filled day then this evening he and dh get their Covid boosters. Dd went Tuesday and I go tomorrow. Dh, ds, and I got our flu shots last week. We have fire station open house to attend and the farm/pumpkin Patch. Still in the darn 90s here. But the warm sun feels good on my skin. I will be taking a FB, X/Twitter, and IG (my private account, not my craft one) break. This weekend when home I am working on my Santa swap goodies and will put finishing touches on my fall/Halloween cards for that swap. Oh and watch football (yay for a Chiefs win last night). I just need to get over this funk. Thats how I am feeling as well. And like you, I am instituting a news break for myself.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:26:33 GMT
I had a total knee replacement yesterday and hoped to go home but my blood pressure had other ideas! Today I was able to get up, use the bathroom (bedpans don’t do much for your dignity!), walk a bit and try the practice stairs. If I can handle real stairs when PTcomes back I can go home. I don’t usually watch tv but being bored in the hospital I turned it on this morning. That was a mistake. I can’t handle news. My mental health is too fragile. Ohh take care of yourself while you heal! And that includes your mental health as well!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:28:27 GMT
Thanks for asking about us, mom . I'm in a much better place these days. I told my therapist I had nothing to complain about! My parents are settling in at the care facility. I've gone from spending about 10 hours per week on their care to more like 4. Over the summer I had to spend 1/2 the week at their house, as mom couldn't be left alone. My living in a constant state of crisis really took a toll on my mental health. I'm putting myself first these days. Hugs to all my Pea friends who are struggling. OH!! I am really glad that your parents are settling in so well. I had meant to ask about them and it slipped my mind.
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Post by gryroagain on Oct 13, 2023 22:29:54 GMT
Thank you mom for this thread, and thank you peas for being you. This community is very important to me, and it is very very special ❤️
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:30:22 GMT
I too am super stressed about what is happening in the world. I try to watch news for only a short time each day, then I have to shut it off and listen to some good music or go sit out in the sunshine and read for a bit. I'm trying not to bury my head in the sand, and my heart goes out to everyone personally affected. It's such a scary time right now. In the mean time, I'm also at the breaking point where my divorce is concerned. I just want it to be OVER and it seems like that is never going to happen. Oh, I know it will eventually but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I met with my attorney yesterday, and it seems as if my stbx is being difficult with his own attorney. Mine said this his attorney tells her he hasn't complied with anything she has asked him to provide regarding paperwork about finances. He is supposed to be paying for my attorney to hire a forensic accountant because apparently his business finances are a hot mess, and it needs to be determined what his business is worth so I can get my fair share in the divorce settlement. She has a forensic accountant who said he will work on the case, but he needs a $5000 retainer, and my stbx hasn't paid that yet, even though the judge said he has to pay for it. I would just pay it myself then get reimbursed when the divorce is final, but I don't have that much money to do that. We have a hearing in a few weeks, so hopefully something will happen. She is also trying to get temporary maintenance for me as well. I'm just holding on until then I guess. So yeah...I've been super stressed. I am trying to do things that calm me down. I am working on a fun, artsy project for work that is taking my mind off things. Also, my daughters and I are going to a Chihuly exhibit at the Missouri Botanical Garden tomorrow evening. I have wanted to go all summer but haven't been able to, and it ends Sunday. So I am looking forward to that. Ohhh dont do that! He will never reimburse you. Let him tell the judge why he hasn't done what he is ordered to. I am sorry it's taking so long, but hopefully he's showing his true colors enough to everyone that you get more than you ever dreamed of!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:31:41 GMT
hi mom I appreciate the check in. I'm currently sitting in the outpatient surgery waiting room while my DH has a full axillary lymphnode dissection in his left armpit/chest/neck for melanoma. I'm holding it together just barely. My kids are at home with my FIL and his wife while we're here for surgery. I haven't watched the news since March 13, 2020- the day Covid hit and shut everything down. Like, I seriously have not even turned on the new channel for information. I "get my news from Facebook" in that I see a story and I go research it. It's been very good for my mental state. I find that lately I've been super sucked into technology. I really need to break that bad habit. I come home from work and grab the switch and get lost in Animal Crossing for many hours. When the switch dies, I have my phone that I text and web surf on. When that dies, I grab the computer. I sit next to DH on the couch while he watches TV so it's not like I'm removed from the room but I'm not really "available" in that I'm playing a game/texting/surfing. We do talk and have conversations and I interact with the kids but it's not best for my mental state to be so absorbed in tech. It's been a needed escape while dealing with DH's cancer. Now that surgery day is here, I'm hoping I'll be a bit better and more conscious of all the time I'm spending on tech. How's your DH? I assume surgery went well? Take care of yourself while you are taking care of him!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:33:28 GMT
Thanks so much, Mom, for your loving concern. I don’t post about family, but there is such GOOD news I want to shout it from the rooftops. DH does NOT have Alzheimer’s!!!!! The diagnosis from The Pat Summitt clinic is mild cognitive impairment 🥰. I am still celebrating. THAT IS AWESOME! I am (literally) clapping for you right now!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:34:26 GMT
I have been absent for several months due to major depression. I am getting TMS treatments. During this time I asked my SO for some space. Found out he cheated on me during our break and then broke up with me. We had been together for 6 years. Thankful TMS is successful and although I am sad, I know this isn’t about me. I didn’t do anything wrong. Far cry from other relationship failures where I took all the blame on myself. I am feeling strong and confident. Thanks to everyone for sharing. ❤️ I am so sorry. That kind of betrayal is just rough. Please take care of yourself.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 13, 2023 22:35:09 GMT
I'm pretty stressed as well. I am spending too much time on IG and reading comments, which is never good. I have listened to some good podcasts on the Palestinian/Israeli history and have a better understanding of the accurate history, but that has led to feeling even more frustrated with things TBH. I am trying to limit my viewing (I typically have CNN on in the background when I am at home) and spending time getting other things done. Work is also stressful right now and I feel like our house is in disarray so trying to get things wrapped up with the new furniture, etc. It's also raining today and I am dreading watching football in this weather tonight. 99% of my Instagram feed are dogs. There’s a couple of golden retrievers that are absolutely hysterical. There’s also another one that just shows funny dog videos every day. The other one percent are just some people that I follow in the autism world because they’ve helped me with ideas for my great nephew. I do not follow anyone in the political world. I do have some cute dogs and other things, but also follow several news organizations. The comments are usually what get to me so I just need to stop reading them.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:36:18 GMT
I don't usually let things around the world get under my skin, and typically I can have a convo with anyone about any subject without getting icky. But this latest chapter in this war is so far under my skin, it's in my bones. It's in my soul. My heart is breaking every time I think about it, which is too often. Tomorrow we have a family gathering with my boyfriends family. We are a very politically and religiously diverse family, everyone is well read, intelligent, and everyone will have opinions. I just dread going. I'm an introvert, but typically enjoy getting together on our schedule, but I just really feel drained, and don't want to go. I don't usually "have anxiety" or stress about uncomfortable conversations. But I feel so impotent just sitting here in our beautiful country, watching. Just. Watching. I had a very traumatic time in Somalia while "peacekeeping...." This is bringing all that back and it is worse. So much worse. Please take care of yourself.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:37:51 GMT
thanks for asking. the week was ok until today. what a day and it's only 11:00 a.m. my time. makes a person wish they drank. i'll just take Pea company instead. Hope your day got better!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:39:20 GMT
My wife is leaving for four days next week to speak at a VR seminar, and I'd be lying if I said I was 100% confident about taking care of our daughters by myself. Like, I know I'll get them fed and in school on time, but if there are any pictures, I'm sure I'll get a text that says, "You dressed Sasha in THAT?!?" I'm sure I'll be writing about this on my Substack next week. ( Subscribe HERE) The seminar is in Orlando, and I'm worried about Evi getting there safely. We have two vehicles, a 2009 Honda Pilot and a 2014 Toyota Sienna, and the Pilot is currently in the shop getting $1,300 worth of repairs done to the A/C. It's also getting long in the tooth. But I started online shopping for cars and the prices are straight stupid now. I can't wait until the used car bubble bursts. (It absolutely will, by the way.) I haven't had a car payment in several years, and I certainly don't want some ridiculous $700/month one now. On the news, I saw a Jewish father screaming in agony over the dead body of his young child. I started crying immediately. I haven't watched the news much since. It feels awful to make that decision. People are actually suffering these atrocities, and not only will I not also suffer, I refuse to even watch. It feels arrogant. I feel guilty.
These are the little precious babies I'm responsible for: I feel this so much. Guilty that I can't watch...but also know if I do that I will go into a place that isn't good for me. Take care of yourself and you TOTALLY have next week under control. I have faith in you!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:40:29 GMT
I don’t post much but I check in daily. I feel like something isn’t quite right. I am anxious and stressed. I did schedule a total knee replacement for early next year. I am proud of myself for losing 15 pounds. I have finished a cross stitch project that I have been working on forever - close to 3 years. I took my DD to Disneyland for her birthday. My co-worker was headed to Israel the beginning of this week and his long anticipated trip got cancelled. My SIL was scheduled to be in Israel in a week. She was going to Egypt and then Israel. She is still going to Egypt but the tour company changed things to Turkey and gave them the option to still go to Egypt and Turkey, reschedule on another tour, or cancel completely. She left this morning. My younger brother gave her strict instructions to check in every other day and we all have her updated itinerary. Thanks for such a great thread. I enjoy reading about everyone. Thats awesome! You've been busy!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:41:24 GMT
Thank you for asking. In general, I am okay. Going along, one day at a time. Specifically, my slow spiral depression is back on occasion. Good days, rough days. I never know until I wake up in the morning how I am feeling. On the rough days it feels like I am in a slow motion fog. On the rough days, I do all that I *need* to do and nothing more. It takes all my energies to accomplish "what I need to do". It's a fine balance of keeping informed and not watching the news (and by "watching" I mean reading the daily news briefs, breaking news reports, etc...). I am triggered by upsetting things. Being triggered affects my depression. I will be okay. It's the ebb and flow of life is perfectly imperfect. Up until the pandemic, I had never experienced depression. It's been on and off. I have learned to reach out, when I need support. Sending good thoughts and hugs to those who need it. Take care of yourself and know we are hear if you need anything!
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Post by brynn on Oct 13, 2023 22:45:41 GMT
I'm saddened by the violence in the world. Life is good with the weather cooling for fall. Best wishes for all peas.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:45:55 GMT
mom How is your new craft room coming along? I may have missed an update but last I saw you had cabinets but nothing else. It's come along --- mostly done. Got the art on the walls, most of the supplies organized. Really I need to spend some time getting the drawer handles/cabinet knobs put in, but that's no fun so I've been putting it off. Its been somewhat hard going from such a large room in my old home to this smaller room, but I am actually finding that I use my supplies more and am being more creative so that's all good!
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:47:42 GMT
I am doing well! I finished my first quarter as a teacher! I got done all that I needed to do--IEP data collection; IEP progress reports written, printed, and filed; grades compiled and submitted, and 2 draft IEPS written and sent to parents for review. I learned so much this quarter that I am excited to apply. I get to start teaching science next quarter! (My co-teacher taught social studies this first quarter and we're switching off so I will teach science 2nd quarter). I have a good group of students and it's been great to see their progress. I'm excited to see more progress as we go through the rest of the year. Grad school is going well. I expected it to be really tough but since it's the student teaching quarter, most of the work is focused on that. I've had two observations already that went very well, and my submitted lesson plans were satisfactory. I have one more observation with my principal, and the last lesson plan I have to submit will be a big one--a unit lesson plan! Next week is midterms, which means I'm halfway through the semester! I'm on fall break right now. I was off yesterday and am off today and Monday. A 5-day weekend!!! I'm sad about what's going on in the world. I am paying attention to what my Congressional representatives are doing (or not doing) and will vote accordingly when the time comes. I send everyone prayers, good thoughts, healing thoughts--whatever you need. Please take care of yourselves. Glad your first quarter has gone so well and that your Grad program is also going so well!
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Post by MichyM on Oct 13, 2023 22:51:26 GMT
Did you ever update us on the health crisis with your DS a few weeks ago? If so, I missed it and I hope all is well and/or better. Still reviewing notes, images, etc. There is a lot to go over send pre 2015 is all non digital so they have to literally go through notes in multiple books. Then look up images on discs. Not everything was transfered over. Still leaking so Still keeping notes. And then to add to it, when he was a baby they thought he had a hernia but didn't in that same area so now we have to get out if network images to his team. So filling out paperwork for that. Hope to meet up in Decmber with peds surgery, GI, and specialty team center about this. I also want to get immunology and infectious diseases on board due to past issues with healing. Going to be a very involved operation when it does happen. But thankfully he is doing well and not loosing weight! Ugh, I was hoping it was a relatively quick fix. Sounds like you and your son are in it for the long haul though, so sorry this has been added to his medical plate so to speak. Sending lots of positive thoughts…
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Post by MichyM on Oct 13, 2023 22:54:05 GMT
I have been absent for several months due to major depression. I am getting TMS treatments. During this time I asked my SO for some space. Found out he cheated on me during our break and then broke up with me. We had been together for 6 years. Thankful TMS is successful and although I am sad, I know this isn’t about me. I didn’t do anything wrong. Far cry from other relationship failures where I took all the blame on myself. I am feeling strong and confident. Thanks to everyone for sharing. ❤️ While I am so sorry for the bad stuff with your SO (insert choice words for him here), I am SO glad that you found a treatment that is helping you, that is awesome news!
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Post by cecilia on Oct 13, 2023 23:12:46 GMT
Exhausted. But I stay exhausted. Made it through Arts and Crafts fair without a breathing episode/hospital trip. If I make it through tomorrow evening can say the same about film fest. My Dad has had to drop me off at the doors all week since I can't walk long distances right now. Made me realize how big of a toll the last 2 years have had on me and that I need to get back in shape.
I have seemingly fell through the cracks on counseling. Old therapist moved offices, can't get new office to call me back. Same with the other 2 PCP has referred me to. Vraylar has helped but I still need someone to talk to.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,990
Location: Colorado
Apr 26, 2017 6:14:47 GMT
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Post by snyder on Oct 13, 2023 23:26:34 GMT
Prayers for all. We were just talking about how difficult life is any more in all facets. My belief in a higher power helps me make it through each day.
Compared to many, I'm very blessed. I have some ups and downs, but overall life is going pretty well.
{{{Hugs}}}
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 13, 2023 23:27:46 GMT
Thanks for thread and thinking of everyone here. My heart and thoughts go out to everyone dealing with hardships, medical issues and all other distressful events.
In my little world, in addition to dealing with traumatic world events, my grandmother passed away Monday morning so are dealing with her service. While it is extremely hard to lose those you love I feel some what thankful that she lived a long life. We were able to celebrate her 101st birthday last month and she was able to stay in her house and passed peacefully in her sleep.
Hugs to all that need them.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Oct 13, 2023 23:37:46 GMT
I am so sorry to everyone on the struggle bus right now. It’s a hard time in the world. I am devastated for the innocent people in Israel and Palestine. And I worry about the general direction our country is heading in. And I am sad there is so much hate in the world. I, like others, have SERIOUSLY cut down on my news intake. I used to watch it several hours a day, and now I almost never watch. It’s has seriously improved my stress levels. I am doing pretty well in regards to my brother’s passing. He was sick for so long, and I didn’t realize how much the anticipatory grief was affecting me. We were ALWAYS worried about his next scan, complications, etc. I miss him every day but can always feel him near. I LOVE my job. Seriously. It’s a dream job. So different from where I was a year ago. My kids are funny, kind, respectful and bright. The parents are very supportive, and my school is a very positive, happy place to be. My teaching partner and myself get along really well and plan in a way that leaves us very little work outside of contract hours. Turns out 5th grade is my jam. I still live with my sister-in-law (my brother’s widow) and we get along well and support each other. We push each other to get out and do things. We live in a beautiful area and are determined to take advantage of it. We go hiking every Wednesday—and try to mix it up and try new hikes. We go on an “adventure” every weekend. Last weekend, we went to “Sips and Ships”—where we got to drink wine and tour yachts. This weekend , we are going to the Night Market, that is supposed to have all sorts of yummy street food. I worry about money all the time—it’s very expensive to live here. But it was very expensive to live in Austin, as well. I just don’t think I have saved near enough for retirement, and that weighs on me. But in general, I’m pretty happy. Also—the daily 20 mg of Lexapro don’t hurt.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Oct 14, 2023 0:39:43 GMT
This week, I am actually doing really well. Last week was hellish for me....lots of running around, a bunch of social commitments (and I'm a huge introvert), plus the ongoing stress of current events. One day I looked in the mirror and despite a regular night's sleep, I looked so haggard. I actually made NO plans for this week, except for the birthday party on Sunday that we'd already committed to, and when friends invited me to things, I said, "I'm really sorry, but can I take a pass? I need a week off from social things to kind of revive myself."
And it has helped immensely. I still had running around with my kid (homeschooled kid in one coop, plus has taekwnondo), and a few errands, but I was able to do what I needed and come home, no social obligations, no rushing from one event to another. I slept good, I even napped a few times, I made time for games with the kids and doing my own hobbies, and I feel ready to face the world again.
I also got a totally unexpected "boo basket" surprise left on my doorstep from a good friend, who knows how much I love Halloween. It really touched me.
So there's that. I feel almost guilty talking about my good week, when I read how other peas are having such rough time. Sending hugs to everyone that is struggling right now!
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 14, 2023 0:46:01 GMT
Btw huge props to Mom for starting this thread and all of you for being such a wonderful community. I spend most of my time mentoring students and junior faculty and taking care of children. Even my friends are often former students or lawyers I have mentored. I am literally teary about being able to just talk about how I am feeling.
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Post by Merge on Oct 14, 2023 1:19:01 GMT
Our public school district has been taken over by a tyrant bent on destroying it, with the state's blessing. Every day there is a new indignity foisted on our teachers, and the end result is that kids suffer. Good teachers are leaving their schools mid-year despite the fact that the district can and will place a year-long sanction on their certificate.
We are supposed to be in Colombia for a wedding this weekend, but our flight was delayed so long this morning that we would have missed our connection, and they couldn't get us on a flight that would have us there in time for the wedding tomorrow, so we had to just come home. Bummer as I had spent a great deal of time and effort finding the right dress and shoes for this formal wedding.
I've been a bit depressed lately - sleeping a lot, no energy for activities I normally enjoy - so my doctor added Wellbutrin to the Zoloft I'm already taking. Hoping for some improvement there. Being depressed is no fun.
But none of that compares to what people are suffering in Israel and Palestine. My thoughts are with those people. What a nightmare.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,738
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Oct 14, 2023 1:43:57 GMT
Hugs and wishes for better times to all who struggle, and grateful for so many kind and concerned Peas!
I too am sad and angry about the horrific situation in Israel. And so frustrated with US politics I could scream! It is unbelievable that one of the two main political parties in America has descended so far into extremism. I am thankful for the calm and sensible leadership that President Biden and his cabinet provide.
I am having a hard time with anxiety lately, and can’t take SSRIs b/c they all exacerbate my restless legs. Our son, our only child, has accepted a great job offer which will give him the opportunity to learn the fiber optics trade with the potential of earning really good money. Unfortunately, he will be living about 8+ hours away from us and will be working 2 months on and then home for a week, and will be leaving in a week. We are used to seeing him 2-3 times a week, so this will be hard. He is 28, sensible and very capable and he and his wife are both willing to make the sacrifice and be apart. She has a really good job here so doesn’t want to leave to go with him, it will take a year or so for him to become skilled enough to come home to apply locally. But I still worry - and I AM a worrier - about him being in a new place on his own and being separated from his family. So that is on my mind, though I am happy for him and want him to do well. I keep telling myself that it is like he is going out of state for college!
I also have a new boss who is making some decisions that are not being well-received, and my job is changing a bit for the worse, at least at the moment. Nothing too terrible, but just adds to my stress level.
But I am thankful for all that I DO have, and glad that, unlike some of my coworkers, I am in the position to walk if work gets too bad, so there IS that. Will try harder to find joy, and pray for the poor souls in the ME who are suffering so horribly.
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Post by mom on Oct 14, 2023 1:47:46 GMT
Exhausted. But I stay exhausted. Made it through Arts and Crafts fair without a breathing episode/hospital trip. If I make it through tomorrow evening can say the same about film fest. My Dad has had to drop me off at the doors all week since I can't walk long distances right now. Made me realize how big of a toll the last 2 years have had on me and that I need to get back in shape. I have seemingly fell through the cracks on counseling. Old therapist moved offices, can't get new office to call me back. Same with the other 2 PCP has referred me to. Vraylar has helped but I still need someone to talk to. Im sorry you are still so exhausted. Being exhausted makes the day to day just so hard. Please do what you can to get back to your counselor. Even if you have to call them 19x a day. Taking care of our mental health has to be a priority!
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Post by mom on Oct 14, 2023 1:49:08 GMT
Thanks for thread and thinking of everyone here. My heart and thoughts go out to everyone dealing with hardships, medical issues and all other distressful events. In my little world, in addition to dealing with traumatic world events, my grandmother passed away Monday morning so are dealing with her service. While it is extremely hard to lose those you love I feel some what thankful that she lived a long life. We were able to celebrate her 101st birthday last month and she was able to stay in her house and passed peacefully in her sleep. Hugs to all that need them. Oh I am so sorry for your loss. 101 years old and still able to stay in her home + pass in her sleep? What a gift!
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