3boysnme
Full Member
Posts: 156
Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on Apr 9, 2024 13:09:38 GMT
I think so. 5 minutes or maybe even 10 minutes early is okay. But anything beyond 15 minutes early is just as bad as being late. I have a friend that we go to events together sometimes. When she drives, she habitually arrives to pick me up about 15-20 minutes early. I'm still getting ready. When it's my turn to drive, I go to her house a few minutes before we've decided to leave, and I always end up waiting for her. It's maddening!
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Apr 9, 2024 13:15:01 GMT
Showing up at a house more than 10 minutes early is rude. Drive around or sit in the car. I have ADHD. I am still getting ready 15-20 minutes before you arrive.)
As a host, you have to plan on a 15 minute cushion either way imo, but beyond that, the guest is out of line to show up THAT early without a prior discussion. Same goes for being late. I think there is actually more flexibility with that depending on the event, but I usually let someone know if I am going to be more than ten minutes late as well (if meeting or going to someone's house).
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,612
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Apr 9, 2024 13:43:12 GMT
I'm always early. However, if I was invited to visit with a friend and I showed up early, I'd sit in my car until the agreed upon time. If I'm picking someone up, I sit in my car and will text "I'm here" at the agreed upon time. It's my choice to be early and I'm not forcing my earliness onto others. Now it's a different situation when I go to a party, especially a close friends party b/c I will always ask them if I can come early to help. Very few times have I been turned down
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 9, 2024 13:53:29 GMT
I grew up with a dad that had the mantra that if you weren't early, you were late so I've always been early but not with friends. If I am having people over, I'll be ready at leat 15 minutes before because i don't like being flustered or pushing getting ready.
Now that I have moved to the south around my sister's family, you're early if you show up on time. Chances are they won't be ready so I'll just sit and chill while they finish up. It's a little frustrating when I invite them over because I'll have dinner ready at a certain time and then they are late. Oh well, it's not the end of the world and I certainly don't get too worked up about it.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,350
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Apr 9, 2024 14:04:10 GMT
If you show up at someone’s house before they asked you to be there, that is rude. If you are meeting somewhere then just hang out or go get the table early. I’m someone that is usually early, but I would never go to someone’s house before they asked me to be there.
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Post by disneypal on Apr 9, 2024 14:09:51 GMT
I think so. 5 minutes or maybe even 10 minutes early is okay. But anything beyond 15 minutes early is just as bad as being late. I have a friend that we go to events together sometimes. When she drives, she habitually arrives to pick me up about 15-20 minutes early. I'm still getting ready. When it's my turn to drive, I go to her house a few minutes before we've decided to leave, and I always end up waiting for her. It's maddening! I agree with this. 5-10 minutes early is fine but I also have a friend that sometimes arrives 30-40 minutes early and often I am not ready and I feel rude making her sit in the living room while I’m blow drying my hair and such. If I am too early to someone’s house, I just drive around a bit until closer to our meeting time.
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Post by zippythebird on Apr 9, 2024 14:23:42 GMT
To be fair most of My friends are pretty easy going on the whole time thing, We don't really do formal gatherings most of the time . We are all quite close as most of us have known each other 30 years plus
With the appointment stuff I have to use public transport as I am medically unable to drive so I leave early to make sure I am not late due to buses / trains turning up late I also carry my kindle around with Me when I go out because 9/10 I end up having to wait after appointment time has been & gone thanks to our not so efficent NHS .
At the end of the day We are all different what annoys some does not annoy others I am on the spectrum and the fear of being late is real to Me thankfully My friends ' get Me & My little ways ' and that is all that matters .
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 9, 2024 14:51:20 GMT
This was what we wished for when we moved to this house but it was not to be. We’re across the street from a park so we hoped that there would be other kids in the neighborhood for DD to hang out and play with but all of them are either older or younger and pretty much all of them are boys who aren’t into the same things she is or was into. Her one same age friend (who happens to be a boy) that did move to the neighborhood in 2014 moved out in 2020 to a neighborhood still in the same school district but across the freeway from us. My kid has literally no friends she could walk or bike to. Every get together has to be scheduled because she will always need a ride to or from somewhere. Other than the park across the street, there is nothing in the area you could walk or bike to from where we live. My very best friend when I was an elementary schooler was a boy. He lived four houses down from me and him and I had great fun together. Still, him and I get together about every 3 or so months and do lunch. And we plan at least 3 hours for our lunches. He is a very intelligent person who I just love interacting with. As a kid both of us were highly creative and highly talkative. Yes, it was great having their family in the neighborhood while it lasted. They’re still friends but not BFFs anymore because they haven’t been in the same classes for a while. They still talk and are in some after school clubs together. Most of her better friends now are also boys but they all have the same things in common like band, anime, art, video games. All the neighborhood kids are what she calls “sports boys” and half of them don’t even go to her school.
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Post by Prenticekid on Apr 9, 2024 15:05:52 GMT
I'm always 15 minutes early, but I do not actually go in until closer to time. I also count that 15 minutes into my schedule when I'm expecting people. So, while I don't think 15 minutes is rude, I can see why one would.
Now, anything more than that is totally rude in any situation. When clients show up super early for an employment, I know they think it is because they might be taken in earlier - they won't. So, now they need to be politely dealt with when we are doing other work. And, personally, we have family members that show up more than a 1/2 hour early for parties. They know that people are still setting up. They have to know they are in the way, right? Especially when they show up to my SIL's early - her kitchen is super tiny and she's trying to get get things ready -- they stand there and start chit chatting. Or they ask for beverages that aren't out, but would be right before the actual start time.
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Post by lbp on Apr 9, 2024 16:28:19 GMT
I have a friend that does that as well. While I am a little annoyed, I just roll with it. Like when I am having a get together with other friends and she shows up early, I put her to work!
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,731
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Apr 9, 2024 16:42:38 GMT
Well, you know how she is — why didn’t you warn her that you weren’t available until 2? Going forward, you can choose to know she’ll always show up early and plan for that, or don’t plan get together with her anymore. You’re not going to change her, experience has shown that.
And my kids rode their bikes everywhere in town… we live in a safe area and my kids loved riding their bikes. You make it sound like the 2020s have changed all social activities. Just not true. Kids still ride bikes to visit their friends all over the world. I don’t get why you think that’s changed just because you and your kids don’t do that. It’s weird to think that everyone is exactly like you.
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Post by paulao on Apr 9, 2024 16:55:26 GMT
I’m always early for appointments. I always bring a book and sit in my car til it’s time to go in. I meet friends at venues. I don’t pick them up and vice versa.
Two questions about the incident. Why are you sitting in on your kid’s music lesson? And why was your kid flustered when you left to answer the door?
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Post by myshelly on Apr 9, 2024 16:59:20 GMT
Two questions about the incident. Why are you sitting in on your kid’s music lesson? And why was your kid flustered when you left to answer the door? As I’ve already explained in the thread, it is studio policy that an adult sit in the lesson both for insurance purposes (you can’t see an issue with an adult alone in a room with a minor, one on one?) and because parents are expected to handle discipline issues that arise during the lesson (although that has never been an issue with us). And again as was already discussed in the thread, child was not flustered. He was annoyed. You never get annoyed when people are talking while the teacher is talking?
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Post by littlemama on Apr 9, 2024 17:17:45 GMT
Another way around people being ridiculously early would be to say "Tha party starts at 4, but you can come as early as 3:45." Or, "the party starts at 4, but I'll be scrambling to get ready right up til 4, so please dont come before 4!"
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Post by Jenny in TX on Apr 9, 2024 20:29:41 GMT
It does not bother me when people are early. When I know people are coming to my house I am typically ready ahead of time because I know that them arriving early is a possibility. If someone comes early and I am not ready I would either tell them to make themselves at home while I finish getting ready or I would tell them to come back in to my room while I finish getting ready so we can chat.
If I knew that I had something that conflicted with them arriving early I would state that when we made plans so that they know up front that I will 100% not be available until xx o'clock because I will be tending to another obligation before that.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 9, 2024 22:53:59 GMT
See, I would never ever put a family member (or even a friend if truth be told) in the "rude" category for turning up early. That's such a weird thing to me. If my SIL or daughter or mother or any other relative turned up three hours early, I couldn't care less. You haven't met my sisters-in-law - three extra hours with one of them (and no one else around) would be torture. 🤣 Hahahaha too funny!! I love my SIL's, but if they were like yours, I'm sure I would feel differently about them coming early! I just had another thought about why it doesn't bother me, and why I haven't been in that situation..... DSO and I often have friends and/or family over, either for birthdays or other celebrations, or just to hang out. When they ask "What time should we come over?", I always say "We'll be eating at about 6:30pm, just come over anytime in the afternoon, we'll be home." I find that some people will come over at 4pm, some will arrive at 6pm, and the rest somewhere in between.
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Post by twistedscissors on Apr 10, 2024 19:43:22 GMT
Yes I think being early can be very rude. I am a hairdresser (34 years) and I know how to schedule my appointments very close to each other without overlap most of the time. BUT when you have someone show up late, and the next one is early it throws off the entire day. Also I like to go in to my salon 30-45 min early to prepare for my day, return calls and texts, pull clients records, and get chemicals(color and perms) laid out in order I will need them.
So if someone comes in as soon as I get there it severely annoys me that I can’t prepare for my day. The ones that show up early and want to have a whole conversation with me while I’m finishing the client in my chair, takes away from that clients experience. The customers that show up late or worse don’t show at all have no respect for me or my other clients because it cuts into another appointment .
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,708
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 10, 2024 22:44:57 GMT
Two questions about the incident. Why are you sitting in on your kid’s music lesson? And why was your kid flustered when you left to answer the door? As I’ve already explained in the thread, it is studio policy that an adult sit in the lesson both for insurance purposes (you can’t see an issue with an adult alone in a room with a minor, one on one?) and because parents are expected to handle discipline issues that arise during the lesson (although that has never been an issue with us). And again as was already discussed in the thread, child was not flustered. He was annoyed. You never get annoyed when people are talking while the teacher is talking? Unfortunately there are reasons other than to handle any discipline issues during a music lesson and it pertains to grooming/sexual abuse. So sad that this does happen. Also, the parent stays in the loop about what is being said and how the child is touched ~ the back to keep it straight or the fingers to have the correct placement. Massaging the shoulders is not to be done.
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Post by melodyesch on Apr 11, 2024 1:31:39 GMT
Yes, I have a friend that is like that. She ALWAYS gets places really early. But my friend never expects you to be able to accommodate her. Once I glanced out my back door and she was sitting on my deck an hour early reading a book. I wasn’t ready yet so I kept doing my thing and she knocked on the door at exactly the pre-arranged time. If I hadn’t of had the blind open in the room that overlooks my deck I would have never known. But yes, I think showing up expecting to be let in that early is annoying. My slight annoyance meter goes off at >10 minutes until to > 10 mins after, unless you’ve texted first.
Sometimes, however, I’ll see one or another outside waiting in their car early and if I’m good to go I’ll text them to come on in.
ETA: My MIL and SIL will often show up really, really early. But that doesn’t bother me because I can walk around in my T-shirt and panties while they hang out on the couch. If my mom were living, it would be the same. Those are my only Pre-dress people that wouldn’t bother me in the least.
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