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Post by peasapie on Jul 30, 2015 18:15:50 GMT
I have on moment I live with everyday. I wish I had asked or said the right thing to my brother the day before he took his life. I was the last sibling to speak to him & I failed him by not saying the right words. This will haunt me until end of days. You didn't fail him. You can wish it had been different and that you magically had the foresight to know what would happen and to know the perfect words to say...but you didn't fail him. We always wish we could fix the pain of others, but even those who are trained and who know what the outcome might very well be can't guarantee that. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 30, 2015 18:34:26 GMT
Wow, a lot of these are really heartfelt. I dated a guy in high school for 3 uneventful years. When I was ready to walk away, he hit me in the face (he had never been violent until that moment). I knew I was never going to see him again, so I just walked away. I completely regret not hitting him back. This is terrible, but the matter-of-fact way that you typed that out made me lol.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 9:10:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2015 18:38:34 GMT
Not me but a friend - when she and her hubby got married 36plus years ago they decided to take $1,000.00 to invest it - they couldn't decided if they wanted to invest in Braniff airlines or Walmart - guess which one they picked. Not WM! they often say they'd be multi millionaires had they invested the other way. But they both agreed at the time whatever they chose they'd be good with and not let it get them down. And they haven't. They talk and laugh about it and they've invested well and are doing just fine now.
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Post by monicad on Jul 30, 2015 18:41:16 GMT
A guy I hurt. I was young and dumb and didn't realize how much I'd regret it over the years. It's probably nothing to him now, but it still bothers me.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,675
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 30, 2015 18:48:16 GMT
There are a lot of things I wish I could do differently with my daughter.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 30, 2015 18:48:59 GMT
Ooohhh. I wish I would have noticed that the place we had our wedding reception at did not serve soda and tea like they were supposed to. Also that we wouldn't have taken so long to do after wedding photos.
Something I said to or done to one of my best friends between her weddin and my wedding a month later must have pissed her off because she hasn't talked to me since
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Post by sues on Jul 30, 2015 19:10:43 GMT
I know people say they have no regrets- everything makes them the person they are...but I think it's not about having them, it's about getting bogged down by them. If you don't have any regrets, I'm not sure you're learning from your mistakes. You just can't get consumed by regret.
I don't get hung up on regrets, but I still have them. Almost every one of them involves someone being hurt or negatively impacted by something I said or did. I wish my lessons didn't come at someone else's expense. And with my kids- gosh, I wish I could do over all the times I was impatient or harsh when I should have counted to ten and gotten the heck over myself. People tell you (when they're little) how short your time is with kids- and all you can think is 'I just have to get through now. I want to take a shower without someone pounding on the door, shop without someone flipping out.' - and then it's over. You sit there thinking "When was the last time I carried her?" or "When was the last time I took him to the park?" You just never think about the last time you do something, you know?
Other regrets- not saying or doing something in response to someone who wronged me. I dated a guy on and off for 5 years right after HS graduation. He had been a friend before he was my boyfriend, our relationship evolved slowly- and then he was everything. But it wasn't great. I made excuses for him. i gave him a pass when I should have stuck up for myself. He said and did some terrible things. In the end, I walked away- but even now, 30 years later I think of things he said or did- and my lack of response- and I want to scream. I guess I shouldn't regret that though- because boy oh boy, did I learn from that relationship.
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Post by renateb on Jul 31, 2015 0:25:04 GMT
I regret not speaking up about the abuse I received as a child. I wonder if other girls were also abused because I didn't speak up.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 9:10:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2015 0:49:15 GMT
Wow, I wasn't clear in the op, I meant to ask everyone to share a time that you didn't stand up for yourself or someone else that you regretted.
But I'm really glad I was so broad, this is such an interesting thread. Thanks everyone for sharing, especially the tender regrets that deal with life and death. Maybe it will prompt someone to reach out to someone else.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jul 31, 2015 2:01:51 GMT
I would raise my children again. They are wonderful men but I think back to all the times I cleaned instead of playing with them. Or told them I was too busy to read them a book. If I could do it again, I would play more and clean less. I would create more memories and laugh more with them.
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Post by sugarmama on Jul 31, 2015 2:25:30 GMT
I regret one day after I had just gotten to college as a freshman and I saw some kids out practicing a sport. I wanted to go out and join them, but was too shy. I regret so much that I didn't because one of the girls was the nicest person on campus and I feel like if I had met her right away, my entire college life would have been so much better.
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Post by Yoki on Jul 31, 2015 3:13:29 GMT
When I was a freshman in college, my dad - with whom I had a very distant (literal & figurative) relationship - was diagnosed with cancer. During the year between his diagnosis and death, he tried to reach out to me and I was too angry and hurt to accept it. The biggest regret of my life is that I couldn't get over myself so that we could have gotten to a better place before it was too late.
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Post by wagleg on Jul 31, 2015 3:16:18 GMT
I have on moment I live with everyday. I wish I had asked or said the right thing to my brother the day before he took his life. I was the last sibling to speak to him & I failed him by not saying the right words. This will haunt me until end of days. I have the same issues,. I failed my brother in such a huge way.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 31, 2015 3:27:43 GMT
A couple of things I can think of involve 2 girls at my school who were terrible bullies. They were a couple of years ahead of me, and they hated my BFF’s older sister who was in the same year level as them. Instead of bullying the sister, they bullied my BFF, throwing her up against the lockers and demanding money from her. I wish I had stood up for her but I was scared they’d do the same to me. These same 2 girls were also thieves. We used to volunteer to go door-to-door collecting money each year for the annual Good Friday Children’s Hospital appeal. A bus would pick us up from our school and take us to whatever area they needed us to door-knock. One year the 2 bullies in my previous story volunteered too. When the bus brought us back to our school at the end of the day, we saw them pull wads of cash out of their pockets and count it all. It turns out that every time someone would hand over a note to put into the collection tin, the girls would pretend to put it in the tin but when they left the house they would stash the money in their pockets. I was disgusted, especially as the money was for the Children’s Hospital that cared for my sister up until she died (only a year or so after that incident actually). I wish I had been brave enough to report the girls, but again I was too scared of them. Funnily enough, a few years ago DSO and his family were talking about the neighbour girl who used to babysit them when they were in primary school, and how nice she was. Sure enough, it was one of the bullies. I told them all about how she was a bully and a thief, and not quite the nice girl-next-door they always thought. There are lots of other things I wish I could do over that have nothing to do with standing up for myself. I wish I’d not given into peer pressure and maybe chosen some better friends in high school so I wasn’t doing things like smoking and drinking and driving without a licence from the age of 14…….
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 9:10:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2015 10:25:03 GMT
I wish I had backed out of the tubal ligation when I had the chance. Now I can't have a child with dh without spending thousands of dollars and no guarantee.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Jul 31, 2015 16:39:13 GMT
It never crossed my mind to invite my dad to offer a toast at our wedding. I don't know how I missed that detail, and he mentioned later that he was disappointed not to have been asked to speak. It's one of the few regrets in my life. We had a really small wedding and my uncle videoed everything except...... My dad did a toast and my uncle put the camera down for it. Oh how I wished i had that on video. it was sweet and thoughtful and he's no longer with us. That's what I get for not paying someone to video. i do have some fabulous pictures taken right after the toast, but it's not the same. I should have had him do the one at our reception the next day, but the best man did and i wasn't really that pleased with it. My dad would have done it right. I totally get this! A friend of mine did the toast at our wedding since our best man was somewhat reclusive. My friend said something crazy about how in some other culture the phrase for taking care of each other for life can be translated into "making love." So he wished us a lifetime of making love. I was a bit of a blushing bride and I could have died on the spot. I can assure you my dad's toast would have been very different!
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jul 31, 2015 17:12:46 GMT
Back in college I took a creative writing course from my favorite professor. I wrote a short story I was proud of and then turned it into a one act play for children. I went to his office to ask about publishing and brought up the play first. He told me if I had asked about the story he would have helped me find an agent, but since I didn't believe in it enough, he wouldn't. Personally, I thought that wasn't fair, but I wish I could go back and ask about the story and not the play. That story still sits in my file cabinet waiting for me to have the guts to find a publisher.
This summer, I had the opportunity to go visit my grandpa. My husband encouraged me to see him. I could have taken four of my kids and we could have had a lovely visit in SLC. I was worried about money and how we would afford the trip we had planned for July if I took a trip in June as well. Instead I spent that money going to his funeral and I didn't get to say goodbye.
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flopsykitty
Full Member
Posts: 180
Jun 26, 2014 18:08:12 GMT
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Post by flopsykitty on Jul 31, 2015 17:19:53 GMT
I have two.
I had a friend in college who I reconnected with through Facebook. If I could do it again, I would have NEVER accepted her friend request.
And...
The weekend before my mother passed away. She hadn't been feeling well on Saturday, and I told her I wanted to come home, and she told me not to, because I had planned on coming home on the following Thursday for the weekend. I spoke with her on Sunday, and she said she was feeling a bit better, but didn't sound well. When I spoke to her on Monday, she sounded worse, and I told her I'M COMING HOME RIGHT NOW. She said ok, I left work immediately for the 4 hour drive, she passed away 2 hours before I arrived. Until this, she had been in very good health. She had a heart attack. Heartbreaking.
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Post by hockeymom4 on Jul 31, 2015 17:45:07 GMT
I have on moment I live with everyday. I wish I had asked or said the right thing to my brother the day before he took his life. I was the last sibling to speak to him & I failed him by not saying the right words. This will haunt me until end of days. HEARTBREAKING, I am sure you second guess everything you said that day BUT believe that nothing you could have said would have altered his actions if he believed that that was his only path.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 31, 2015 17:55:33 GMT
My big regret is that I wasn't more focused in college. I think if I had been, I would have been able to say no to marrying my XH. Instead, I felt like it was my only option. Nagging regrets that stay with me, was also one about a miscarriage . I thought I was being sympathetic, but it was not the right thing to say. Also, the many, many times I pretended to be stupid or ignorant of things because I didn't want people thinking I was smart. Fortunately, that ended by my early 20s. How stupid is that?!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 9:10:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2015 18:00:45 GMT
Two things, about the same situation. First of all, I wish I'd never gotten back together with my first serious boyfriend. Second (which wouldn't be necessary if I had the first moment to do over), I wish that I'd been kinder when I broke up with him for the second and final time.
I broke up with him at the beginning of summer before my senior year in high school. We had been together for about a year and a half and I knew he loved me, but I was ready to move on because he was far too serious. I knew I was going away to college and didn't want to take the relationship with me. I didn't want to lead him on about my long-term intentions, so I ended it. That went as well as could be expected. But what I didn't expect was the impact it would have on our friends over that summer. We'd been together long enough that most of our friends were mutual and it put everyone in a weird position and I got significant pressure to get back together with him. "We miss everyone doing things together. He's so sad. He still loves you so much." And so on. It was hard. And so, toward the end of the summer, I called him and we got back together.
I knew from the first day it was a mistake. But I didn't want to be the bad guy again, so I tried be a PITA so he'd break up with me. It didn't work. After about 3 months, I just couldn't take it anymore. He was a great guy, but he was in too deep. I knew I wasn't going to marry him and he was talking about getting married after graduation and following me to college. Just no. I tried to talk to him kindly about that, but he was sure we could make it work. Finally, I just snapped and I broke up with him very unkindly and it ended with him crying in a sand volleyball pit at the beach at sunset and refusing to get back in my car for me to take him home. I used a pay phone to call his parents and waited in my car until they got there to pick him up.
It was awful. I was awful.
Years later, I apologized to him, and DH & I are friendly with him and his wife, but still. I have never been that unkind to anyone in my life and to do it to someone I knew really loved me. Just gross.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,418
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Jul 31, 2015 20:19:17 GMT
One big thing and a handful of small things.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jul 31, 2015 21:12:01 GMT
I can't think of any off hand but I know there have been times I have said something and it came out wrong and I wish I could take it back and say what I really meant. I think this happens to everyone though.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on Jul 31, 2015 21:37:29 GMT
I have three. I didn't find out about a friend's bridal shower until a few days before, as they had sent my invite to my mom's house instead of mine. I really didn't feel like grabbing a gift last minute and driving out there, so I made up an excuse. Apparently she was super pissed about it, as she didn't invite me to the wedding, and I haven't seen her since. Do over - I would have just gone to the damn thing.
I wish I had discussed having a super tiny wedding with my family instead of just going along with a really large guest list that included a lot of extended family and my parents' friends. I don't think anyone would have cared and it would have been more me.
I wish I hadn't had so much to drink at my brother's wedding. Every time I think of their wedding, I cringe.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jul 31, 2015 22:00:50 GMT
When I had my daughter they were just barely starting to let fathers into the delivery room and my husband wanted to be there. There were very few doctors who would allow it. I asked my dr. and he said absolutely not. Being the young, dumb, nice girl, I didn't argue. If I had it to do over again he'd damned well let my husband be there or I'd find a new doctor. I will always regret not insisting. That was back before I had a spine.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jul 31, 2015 22:03:07 GMT
A guy I hurt. I was young and dumb and didn't realize how much I'd regret it over the years. It's probably nothing to him now, but it still bothers me. Wow, I could have written that. Exactly.
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Post by k8smom on Jul 31, 2015 23:13:32 GMT
When I was 19 I dated a guy who was in love with me. I liked him, but didn't love him. He was leaving for the navy at the end of the summer so I just continued to date him, rather than go through a big break up. He left and he wrote me letters, but I just let the whole thing fizzle and started dating someone else. When I wasn't replying to his letters he somehow arranged personal leave and came home to talk to me and to propose. He tracked me down at the local Pizza Hut where I was on a date with someone else. I didn't even see him, he told me all of this years later. He was so upset and was hurt about it for years. We reconnected on Facebook years later and he told me the whole story, and I felt like a jacka$$ for being so careless with his feelings. I should have been honest and saved him years of hurt over the whole thing. He's happily married now and I'm divorced, so I guess the joke's on me!
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Post by Belia on Jul 31, 2015 23:35:59 GMT
11-11-11. I would not have let DH take the dog for a walk that morning. She was hit by a car and died later that day. She was the first pet I've ever had in my life and just the sweetest, smartest dog.
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