mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,019 
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Post by mimima on Aug 24, 2015 15:21:06 GMT
Hugs.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 24, 2015 15:23:12 GMT
I think if you've ever had a friendship that just clicked and had great value, it's a loss when that changes, for whatever reason.
The way that you handled it sounds pretty darned civilized!
ETA: The friend I'm thinking of in my life just makes up shit. She's estranged from her children now, maybe for that reason? I've never been able to pin down if she has some psychological condition with a name, or what. It's disconcerting because A. I believed her random, dramatic lies for a long time and B. I'd love to put a name on why she does it and what she does. "Just makes up shit" isn't very satisfying as an explanation, you know?
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,811
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Post by TXMary on Aug 24, 2015 15:35:24 GMT
I'm sorry. I know how that feels and it hurts. Big hugs to you!! I recently "broke up" with a friend that I have been friends with for over 40 years. We met in junior high and we are now 53. And the sad part for me is that I don't know what happened. She's always been a bit of a drama queen. I couldn't have done anything to her because we don't live in the same town and I hadn't even seen her. We did have an ongoing Facebook chat with three other friends and honestly, I think one of them is behind this. But I will never know. She just started acting really mean and hurtful to me. When I questioned her about it, she unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me. Seriously? I'm 53 years old. I don't want to act like we are still in junior high. But it's hard because I loved her dearly. I have known her most of my life. And we have one mutual friend who is part of the group and she's stuck in the middle. I feel really bad about that. She swears she has no idea what happened either. We have all been friends since junior high. It's the two other ladies who were not part of the original group. We went to high school with them and knew them in high school, but the three of us were the lifelong friends. I almost wish we hadn't reconnected. It was really fun while it lasted and then it took this turn and it absolutely broke my heart. I have had a really bad year since last August anyway. A lot of bad stuff going on. And then this. It happened in March and I'm moving on, but it hurts my heart and it probably always will. I have gone back over that chat many times and there is just nothing there. I can't imagine what happened to make her act this way.
Anyway, losing a friend is so hard. I'm sorry that you are going through it even if it is for the best.
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Post by abr79 on Aug 24, 2015 15:36:11 GMT
I"m sorry - big hugs. As I read your post, I realize that that is kind of where my friend of almost 28 years and I are heading. Lots of water under our bridge, too - but we've always bounced back. The thing is, our friendship has survived this long because I've made it survive. I was always the one pushing for getting together, sending emails, talking, etc. In the last 10-15 years as adult friends, she has initiated something maybe twice. And I think one of those I may have hinted that she needed to step up (it was after I had my son and had really bad PPD). So, really, once. Normally, I don't mind but the past few years, things in my own life have changed to the point to where I just can't work that hard if she's not willing to, either. I have a husband, a son and a business and all of those things are hard work. I shouldn't have to beg someone to be my friend and that's what it started feeling like. She's also very a much a "love the one you're with" kind of a friend - she becomes "close friends" with people she works with for a couple of months (she jumps around jobs a lot, so she is always with a new group of people). I used to get upset and hold a great deal of resentment but last fall, something happened. I think I just kind of stopped caring. We were hanging out (upon my invite, of course) and she told me how sick she had been recently....like going to the hospital really sick. I had no clue. A year before, I would have been sad and upset and insulted. Instead, I had zero feelings. I wasn't mad or anything. I told her I was sorry that she was so sick but I had no other emotion. It was at that point that I realized that things had really shifted and I was OK with it. And, yeah, it was kind of a relief. A couple months ago, she called me up to let me know she was engaged and I was legitimately surprised. She wanted me to know before she posted it on Facebook...I congratulated her and we chatted a bit but other than that, again - no emotion. I have no expectations of being part of the wedding planning process or anything, either. I'm just kind of over it. I haven't really talked to her since aside from a few text messages and emails. It's kind of an unspoken thing that we are "paused"...I don't think either one of us have to say. I'm sure it's an ebb and flow - 28 years of friendship is nothing to shake a stick at. Anyway, I don't think friendship should be harder than marriage. I think that friends should bring out the best in each other...build each other up. And if you have to work as hard with your friendship than your marriage, I think there's a bigger issue at play and it's probably good for both parties to "take a break". Another hug heading your way.  |
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Post by abr79 on Aug 24, 2015 15:36:59 GMT
I think if you've ever had a friendship that just clicked and had great value, it's a loss when that changes, for whatever reason. The way that you handled it sounds pretty darned civilized! ETA: The friend I'm thinking of in my life just makes up shit. She's estranged from her children now, maybe for that reason? I've never been able to pin down if she has some psychological condition with a name, or what. It's disconcerting because A. I believed her random, dramatic lies for a long time and B. I'd love to put a name on why she does it and what she does. "Just makes up shit" isn't very satisfying as an explanation, you know? Pathological liar? |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 24, 2015 15:46:27 GMT
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Post by pierkiss on Aug 24, 2015 15:58:06 GMT
I understand completely. Only my friend and I didn't leave the caveat of getting together in the future. I'm just done with that friend. She was my oldest friend, 23 years. She was my maid of honor, and we were there for each other every step of the way in life. But then she married this guy that terrifies me, we had a HUGE blow out about him and lots of things were said but the kicker was she accused me of forcing her to choose between him and me and I ABSOLUTELY NEVER EVER DID THAT! There was no repairing the friendship after that weekend.  It's sad and I miss the friendship like crazy, but I don't actually miss *her*. She comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of drama, and after 3 kids and all the twists and turns of my own life I just do not have the energy for hat kind of personality right now. People grow and change, and some friendships last and last and others drift apart. It's hard to come to terms with. Clearly by my rant above I am still not at peace with my decision, though it has gotten easier over the past 4 years. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 1:10:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2015 16:05:30 GMT
This thread came at the right time.
I have two friends (they're sisters) and we try to get together for coffee every week. And we always try for Monday or Tuesday. I've always tried to respect that and plan some of my other stuff for different days because I really value our friendship.
Lately it feels like the one friend is always busy. I understand summer is busy around here but it feels like she barely has any time for us. Her sister doesn't know what her problem is, she gets the same busy excuse but says she has no clue what she's so busy with.
I've asked her if I've done anything to make her upset but she said absolutely not.
I know she has some sort of mental health issue, she makes stuff up but genuinely believes they're true. Her sister calls her out on it but never pushes back to prove her story is false. Their mom does this too so you can see the one friend following in her foot steps. She's not lying per say, she completely believes her version is fact. e.g. One day she might say she bakes bread every week and a month later if it comes up again she'll look at you like you're crazy and say no she bakes bread every other week. Lame example but you get the idea, lol.
We had arranged to have an all day visit this week because we missed the last two weeks because of my volunteer work the one week and we were on holidays last week. Well, now she's busy and she can't join us. A while ago she was busy for a few weeks again, only to find out she had been doing stuff that would have still left plenty of time for coffee.
I'm not going to lie, it hurts.
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Post by heartland on Aug 24, 2015 16:46:01 GMT
I've totally been there, done that, and have the t-shirt to prove it - so I'm sending you great big (((hugs))) right now cause it's a totally sucky place to be in. I've been both the dumpee and the dump-er in different circumstances, and I must say that having civilized conversation to put your friendship on hold seems so much more honest and refreshing than the no-contact versions I've been through.  Give it a good day or two to cry or be mopey, and then put it behind you and go on. We're all here for you... |
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Aug 24, 2015 16:52:43 GMT
Been there, done that, doing it now. It's hard, but sometimes it's needed.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
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Post by Mystie on Aug 24, 2015 16:54:12 GMT
Aw, I am sorry there are others of us who are hurting, too. It really makes you doubt yourself when a friendship comes to an end. But I woke up this morning and I still felt at peace, so I am moving on. Thanks for all the hugs, I really needed them!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
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Post by Mystie on Aug 24, 2015 16:56:31 GMT
You know what?! She knows where to find you too! I'm sorry she's being like this to you. Doesn't seem like she's being all that good a friend to you. Is her name Felicia? Ha! No, not Felicia. I know I bear some responsibility in this situation, too, but I keep thinking about this and that thing she said or didn't say, did or didn't do...and I know she bears responsibility of where this ended up as well. Ah well. |
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Post by jonda1974 on Aug 24, 2015 19:52:30 GMT
I have been through this, survived it, and came out the other side. I know the pain of a friendship ending, so I'm sending you all the hugs I can. It is positive that you are feeling peace about the situation. There have been a couple of times in my life where I just said enough. Right after college, I was the one who worked really hard to keep in touch with everyone. Wrote letters (pre cell phone days) almost every week. To each one of them, called a couple times a month, til I realized that I was the only one making the effort. So one day I just decided to stop. I wanted to see who would make the effort. Out of that came my best friend of 21 years now. She's the only one that maintained a constant connection. There are a few friends that we keep in some contact once or twice a year, but that's it. Do I miss those friendships...yes, but not enough to be the only one putting in the work to make them happen.
One friend I had known since I was 8 years old. She called me her best friend...until she was getting married, I was catering the reception, and she moved the date of the wedding up by 3 months without telling me. I only found out through my best friend that it was taking place. The night before I called her to see if she would say anything about it...She didn't. I haven't spoken to her since, and honestly don't miss her. We had an argument prior about her refusing to attend my wedding if I were to ever get married. So she has tried numerous times since to reconnect...She "misses us". Baloney.
However, most recently I went through one of the most hurtful breakups with a friend. I've mentioned him here several times. In January he just disappeared. He didn't speak, call, text or anything. His family couldn't understand it. I was crushed. We had spent nearly every day for 3 years together at the time. Every holiday, every hurt...I had moved in with him for 3 months while he recuperated from an injury. At Christmas I gave him a photo book of pictures from our time together. He burst into tears, sobbing...then 2 weeks later right a week after we spent New Years together...he just chopped me. No explanation no nothing. Hurt like hell, and I went through a huge grieving process...I finally in May sent him a text asking if I could at least pick up my belongings from his house. he texted back asking if we could talk. We planned for a week later. He apologized profusely and took all the responsibility for what had happened. It's the first time he ever did. I tried to keep him at arm's distance, but that lasted all of a week, and we are back to every day together. But it's different....stronger...it feels good to have my right hand back.
I wish you all the best, and hope that you have friends who will truly show you your value to them.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 24, 2015 20:07:40 GMT
hugs
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Post by knit.pea on Aug 24, 2015 20:37:14 GMT
Peace with a decision is a good thing (hugs).
It is so strange when paths cross again. Saw an old friend's picture
on FB last year and found out she was a relative by marriage
of DS's girlfriend from hell. Had to contact her, because that was
just our sense of humor, and we had a nice conversation.
This year, I now drive by an apartment that she and I went to look at
for me, so many years ago; a very creepy dump of a place.
Again, just our humor. Debating if I should message her about it.
But it always seems to be me initiating ... meh.
Really do miss those friends you "grew up" with, so much history,
laughs, being part of their family too.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 24, 2015 20:56:37 GMT
I have been through this, survived it, and came out the other side. I know the pain of a friendship ending, so I'm sending you all the hugs I can. It is positive that you are feeling peace about the situation. There have been a couple of times in my life where I just said enough. Right after college, I was the one who worked really hard to keep in touch with everyone. Wrote letters (pre cell phone days) almost every week. To each one of them, called a couple times a month, til I realized that I was the only one making the effort. So one day I just decided to stop. I wanted to see who would make the effort. Out of that came my best friend of 21 years now. She's the only one that maintained a constant connection. There are a few friends that we keep in some contact once or twice a year, but that's it. Do I miss those friendships...yes, but not enough to be the only one putting in the work to make them happen. One friend I had known since I was 8 years old. She called me her best friend...until she was getting married, I was catering the reception, and she moved the date of the wedding up by 3 months without telling me. I only found out through my best friend that it was taking place. The night before I called her to see if she would say anything about it...She didn't. I haven't spoken to her since, and honestly don't miss her. We had an argument prior about her refusing to attend my wedding if I were to ever get married. So she has tried numerous times since to reconnect...She "misses us". Baloney. However, most recently I went through one of the most hurtful breakups with a friend. I've mentioned him here several times. In January he just disappeared. He didn't speak, call, text or anything. His family couldn't understand it. I was crushed. We had spent nearly every day for 3 years together at the time. Every holiday, every hurt...I had moved in with him for 3 months while he recuperated from an injury. At Christmas I gave him a photo book of pictures from our time together. He burst into tears, sobbing...then 2 weeks later right a week after we spent New Years together...he just chopped me. No explanation no nothing. Hurt like hell, and I went through a huge grieving process...I finally in May sent him a text asking if I could at least pick up my belongings from his house. he texted back asking if we could talk. We planned for a week later. He apologized profusely and took all the responsibility for what had happened. It's the first time he ever did. I tried to keep him at arm's distance, but that lasted all of a week, and we are back to every day together. But it's different....stronger...it feels good to have my right hand back. I wish you all the best, and hope that you have friends who will truly show you your value to them. I remember when you'd posted about this. I'm SO happy that he took the blame and you were open enough to accept his apology. I know when I had my falling out with my dear friend, I was positive we'd never speak again. And for the first month, I was sure *I* would never speak to her. But then the angered faded and I just missed my friend. I shared the blame in our falling out. But i think many people aren't willing to open that door back up once it's been closed. I'm really happy for you and your friend.  |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 25, 2015 1:47:23 GMT
ETA: The friend I'm thinking of in my life just makes up shit. She's estranged from her children now, maybe for that reason? I've never been able to pin down if she has some psychological condition with a name, or what. It's disconcerting because A. I believed her random, dramatic lies for a long time and B. I'd love to put a name on why she does it and what she does. "Just makes up shit" isn't very satisfying as an explanation, you know? I have a friend like this too! I really don't get it. She makes up stuff all.the.time. Being a reasonably intelligent person with the ability to Google and look things up on Snopes.com, occasionally I will call her out on her BS. More often than not it's harmless and sometimes the level of stupidity of what she says is actually comical. Sometimes she forgets what she's said previously and then accidentally contradicts herself, then when I remind her of what she told me before she quickly back pedals and comes up with a new story. None of the stuff she lies about has any impact on my life, so I pretty much take almost everything she says these days with a grain of salt and just laugh about it. |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 25, 2015 1:56:48 GMT
crazy4scraps it's weird, huh? I don't know what regular people are supposed to do to recognize liars like this. My particular friend mostly lies about her life, so it's not 'google-able'. It usually involves her being exceptional, or how she has been persecuted by family, friends and coworkers. Every once in a while though, she tells me something about myself that I supposedly said or did years ago. Stuff that supports a point she's trying to make. It's sad because she's been important and helpful to me in many ways, and still could be. I miss that part of our friendship.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 25, 2015 2:43:30 GMT
sharlag yes! It IS weird. For example, my friend says all this stuff about all of these obscure medical conditions she supposedly has or had, and it is literally a laundry list of ailments. I can think of at least a dozen things she has claimed she is or was afflicted with right off the top of my head. It's really just bizarre. While I can't Google whether she actually has this stuff or not, I can Google what the symptoms and treatments are, and none of it ever jives with what she claims. I was talking to her recently and her newest story was about how someone stole her identity six months ago that she just realized now, and this person opened up and used a bunch of credit cards in her name (in spite of the fact that her credit is total crap), but it should all be resolved within 30 days or so. It's a ridiculous claim, and sorry but I'm NOT buying it. I don't know anyone (either personally or anecdotally) who has been a victim of identity theft that has been able to clear up that kind of mess in less than a year, and definitely not in two months or less!   I just let her yammer on and on and then Google the crap out of everything later which proves her totally wrong. Ha ha, I guess that makes me sort of a spreadsheet keeper, but with all of the crazy she constantly spews you almost have to. ETA: I usually enjoy her company and I do find her amusing even though every time we get together it's another episode of "Ripley's Believe It Or Not!"
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Post by k8smom on Aug 25, 2015 2:54:21 GMT
I've done it. Some people grow and change in different directions and that's okay. I had an ex close friend do it to me because she married into wealth and I wasn't part of that circle. I guess life has a way of sorting these things out for us.
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Post by jonda1974 on Aug 25, 2015 14:07:00 GMT
I have been through this, survived it, and came out the other side. I know the pain of a friendship ending, so I'm sending you all the hugs I can. It is positive that you are feeling peace about the situation. There have been a couple of times in my life where I just said enough. Right after college, I was the one who worked really hard to keep in touch with everyone. Wrote letters (pre cell phone days) almost every week. To each one of them, called a couple times a month, til I realized that I was the only one making the effort. So one day I just decided to stop. I wanted to see who would make the effort. Out of that came my best friend of 21 years now. She's the only one that maintained a constant connection. There are a few friends that we keep in some contact once or twice a year, but that's it. Do I miss those friendships...yes, but not enough to be the only one putting in the work to make them happen. One friend I had known since I was 8 years old. She called me her best friend...until she was getting married, I was catering the reception, and she moved the date of the wedding up by 3 months without telling me. I only found out through my best friend that it was taking place. The night before I called her to see if she would say anything about it...She didn't. I haven't spoken to her since, and honestly don't miss her. We had an argument prior about her refusing to attend my wedding if I were to ever get married. So she has tried numerous times since to reconnect...She "misses us". Baloney. However, most recently I went through one of the most hurtful breakups with a friend. I've mentioned him here several times. In January he just disappeared. He didn't speak, call, text or anything. His family couldn't understand it. I was crushed. We had spent nearly every day for 3 years together at the time. Every holiday, every hurt...I had moved in with him for 3 months while he recuperated from an injury. At Christmas I gave him a photo book of pictures from our time together. He burst into tears, sobbing...then 2 weeks later right a week after we spent New Years together...he just chopped me. No explanation no nothing. Hurt like hell, and I went through a huge grieving process...I finally in May sent him a text asking if I could at least pick up my belongings from his house. he texted back asking if we could talk. We planned for a week later. He apologized profusely and took all the responsibility for what had happened. It's the first time he ever did. I tried to keep him at arm's distance, but that lasted all of a week, and we are back to every day together. But it's different....stronger...it feels good to have my right hand back. I wish you all the best, and hope that you have friends who will truly show you your value to them. I remember when you'd posted about this. I'm SO happy that he took the blame and you were open enough to accept his apology. I know when I had my falling out with my dear friend, I was positive we'd never speak again. And for the first month, I was sure *I* would never speak to her. But then the angered faded and I just missed my friend. I shared the blame in our falling out. But i think many people aren't willing to open that door back up once it's been closed. I'm really happy for you and your friend. Thank you! He honestly never adjusted to our just being friends...even though we haven't dated in 3 years. But It's really good to have my friend back. The one thing I tried not to do the whole time was allow myself to talk bad about him. I didn't want the resentment building, or to burn that bridge. I didn't want to speak to him the first month either. I understand you completely. I poured all that frustration out in the gym, 7 days a week 3 hours a day for the first month and a half. But I knew that if he came back I'd be at least open to hearing what he had to say. The day we were to talk another friend gave me advice, asking if I'd already forgiven him. I said I wasn't sure...He told me to be sure before I went, because if I hadn't already forgiven him, nothing he said was going to change my mind and not to waste my time or his. So I went in, non-judgmental, listening, cautious, but forgiving, and it was like going home honestly. |
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Post by utmr on Aug 25, 2015 14:26:33 GMT
My ex friend is just mean. When we were friends (20+ years) I didn't see it as much. She moved away and we drifted apart, as happens. About 5 years ago she made done mean comments on Facebook, to agree with her mean girl friends. I pointed out that that really wasn't very nice. I thought about it for a couple of hours, decided it wasn't worth the aggravation, and went back to delete the comment. I found that she had blocked me, so I just unfriended her. I don't have time for that kind of game.
She came back with a bunch of passive aggressive mess about "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I'd hate to lose a 20 year friendship because you overreacted". That was it. I walked away and never looked back. Life's too short to waste energy on people who don't have your back.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 25, 2015 14:36:57 GMT
I remember when you'd posted about this. I'm SO happy that he took the blame and you were open enough to accept his apology. I know when I had my falling out with my dear friend, I was positive we'd never speak again. And for the first month, I was sure *I* would never speak to her. But then the angered faded and I just missed my friend. I shared the blame in our falling out. But i think many people aren't willing to open that door back up once it's been closed. I'm really happy for you and your friend. Thank you! He honestly never adjusted to our just being friends...even though we haven't dated in 3 years. But It's really good to have my friend back. The one thing I tried not to do the whole time was allow myself to talk bad about him. I didn't want the resentment building, or to burn that bridge. I didn't want to speak to him the first month either. I understand you completely. I poured all that frustration out in the gym, 7 days a week 3 hours a day for the first month and a half. But I knew that if he came back I'd be at least open to hearing what he had to say. The day we were to talk another friend gave me advice, asking if I'd already forgiven him. I said I wasn't sure...He told me to be sure before I went, because if I hadn't already forgiven him, nothing he said was going to change my mind and not to waste my time or his. So I went in, non-judgmental, listening, cautious, but forgiving, and it was like going home honestly. I must've felt the same way subconsciously because I never bad talked my friend either. When people would ask me why they hadn't heard about her or why I didn't talk to her anymore, I simply said we had a bit of a falling out. I never elaborated, never felt the need to explain more than that, nothing. I didn't care if people were nosy about what happened, it wasn't their business. I was mad but I refused to speak ill of her. That was VERY good advise from your other friend. After that month of being mad, I don't think there was anything to really forgive for me. We were both just in a bad spot, at that time, and couldn't find a middle ground for us. When we began talking again, I wasn't quite sure how to discuss what had happened. She said she wanted to pretend like nothing ever happened...and honestly, I was fine with that. Everyone has bad moments, we happened to have a big one at the same time. LOL |
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Post by jonda1974 on Aug 25, 2015 14:48:53 GMT
That was VERY good advise from your other friend. After that month of being mad, I don't think there was anything to really forgive for me. We were both just in a bad spot, at that time, and couldn't find a middle ground for us. When we began talking again, I wasn't quite sure how to discuss what had happened. She said she wanted to pretend like nothing ever happened...and honestly, I was fine with that. Everyone has bad moments, we happened to have a big one at the same time. LOL This was where I netted out as well. We all have those bad moments, and it's like I told my best friend, if I can't love you at your worst, I don't deserve to love you at your best. |
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Post by nyxish on Aug 25, 2015 15:29:17 GMT
I have been through this, survived it, and came out the other side. I know the pain of a friendship ending, so I'm sending you all the hugs I can. It is positive that you are feeling peace about the situation. There have been a couple of times in my life where I just said enough. Right after college, I was the one who worked really hard to keep in touch with everyone. Wrote letters (pre cell phone days) almost every week. To each one of them, called a couple times a month, til I realized that I was the only one making the effort. So one day I just decided to stop. I wanted to see who would make the effort. Out of that came my best friend of 21 years now. She's the only one that maintained a constant connection. There are a few friends that we keep in some contact once or twice a year, but that's it. Do I miss those friendships...yes, but not enough to be the only one putting in the work to make them happen. One friend I had known since I was 8 years old. She called me her best friend...until she was getting married, I was catering the reception, and she moved the date of the wedding up by 3 months without telling me. I only found out through my best friend that it was taking place. The night before I called her to see if she would say anything about it...She didn't. I haven't spoken to her since, and honestly don't miss her. We had an argument prior about her refusing to attend my wedding if I were to ever get married. So she has tried numerous times since to reconnect...She "misses us". Baloney. However, most recently I went through one of the most hurtful breakups with a friend. I've mentioned him here several times. In January he just disappeared. He didn't speak, call, text or anything. His family couldn't understand it. I was crushed. We had spent nearly every day for 3 years together at the time. Every holiday, every hurt...I had moved in with him for 3 months while he recuperated from an injury. At Christmas I gave him a photo book of pictures from our time together. He burst into tears, sobbing...then 2 weeks later right a week after we spent New Years together...he just chopped me. No explanation no nothing. Hurt like hell, and I went through a huge grieving process...I finally in May sent him a text asking if I could at least pick up my belongings from his house. he texted back asking if we could talk. We planned for a week later. He apologized profusely and took all the responsibility for what had happened. It's the first time he ever did. I tried to keep him at arm's distance, but that lasted all of a week, and we are back to every day together. But it's different....stronger...it feels good to have my right hand back. I wish you all the best, and hope that you have friends who will truly show you your value to them. That's so cool to hear.  i went to a sort of informal HS reunion this past weekend - a bunch of us got together for dinner and drinks. Ended up being mostly the group of people i used to hang out with which was cool. i went with my best friend from HS - he and i had a complicated friendship for years... and then we didn't speak for almost 10 years (he was dead for a while). Last winter i reached out and he actually responded. Now we are back in touch and we are as close as ever. It's been kind of amazing. i also saw my other best friend from HS who i lost touch with in the middle of college; She was my rock and really saved me during a wretched time in HS when i was really lost. i used to live at her house in the summers because my parents were just...losing their minds pre- and during divorce. i miss her a lot and i have a lot of good memories, but by the time i was in the middle of college i was really done with the being judged, found lacking and then shred me thing she did every time i did anything she didn't approve of. Seeing her this weekend was a bit of a shock (we all look pretty much the same) but i didn't ...feel anything but kind of ...wary. Which made me really sad, but i don't think i'm sad enough to see if i can reach out to her or anything. i'm not usually one to just let go of the people who matter to me. And i don't know how i feel about that. i guess i don't need to. Anyway. OP yeah i hear you. Sucks about it all, but i am glad there is at least relief. |
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 25, 2015 15:51:42 GMT
That was VERY good advise from your other friend. After that month of being mad, I don't think there was anything to really forgive for me. We were both just in a bad spot, at that time, and couldn't find a middle ground for us. When we began talking again, I wasn't quite sure how to discuss what had happened. She said she wanted to pretend like nothing ever happened...and honestly, I was fine with that. Everyone has bad moments, we happened to have a big one at the same time. LOL This was where I netted out as well. We all have those bad moments, and it's like I told my best friend, if I can't love you at your worst, I don't deserve to love you at your best. Absolutely true!! |
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It's sad and I miss the friendship like crazy, but I don't actually miss *her*. She comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of drama, and after 3 kids and all the twists and turns of my own life I just do not have the energy for hat kind of personality right now. People grow and change, and some friendships last and last and others drift apart. It's hard to come to terms with. Clearly by my rant above I am still not at peace with my decision, though it has gotten easier over the past 4 years. 
Refupea #39
