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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:12:51 GMT
the deed is done! Before and after.  Thank you for encouraging me! I sent the pic to SIL who is my hairstylist. She gave it a thumbs up so I made an appt for next Thursday. That will be just a few days before Fred's award dinner so I'll have time to get used to it. *** I guess I know the general answer to that question, people often make statements with their hair. More specifically, if I get my hair cut will people think it means something more than I needed a haircut? My hair is long (for me), drab and lifeless. I either straighten it or scrunch it and pull it back in a clip. I'm long overdue for a cut and color. I was thinking of getting it done once the kids started school. I saw a cute short sassy hairstyle I think I would like. But then I wondered if it would represent something I'm not ready for - like I'm ready to take the bull by the horns and jump into life with both feet and make a big splash. Like people would think "she's all better now" when in reality I just "need" my hair cut and I'm putting one foot in front of the other, some good days, some bad days, some a little bit of both. Am I overthinking this? ETA "Who cares what others think?" I know what it sounds like but it's not exactly what I mean. Frankly I think people will be relieved if I get it cut. LOL I can't explain it without sounding like an idiot. Probably because it's stupid. It's more like, will they think I'm ready or wanting things to be "business as usual"? I appreciate the extra care I'm being given right now and I still need it. I'm not quite ready to be cut loose. Maybe I'm underestimating the people in my life. |
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:14:31 GMT
Here is the style and color I was looking at.  |
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,744
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Sept 25, 2015 13:17:13 GMT
I can totally see where you are coming from.
Is the "just a haircut" just so you can get by, or is this going to make you feel better? Maybe you need this haircut FOR YOU. Who cares what others think (easy to type out!).
To me, after a life change, a haircut can say a lot. It can feel a lot, too. What is more important, what you feel or what others may think/say? If it makes you happy to have a cute short sassy hairstyle, then do it for you.
ETA: I really like that color and was thinking the same thing for me, but my grey comes too fast and I would really have to maintain it more than the 5 weeks I go now... And I also love the cut! |
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 25, 2015 13:19:31 GMT
Here is the style and color I was looking at. Yes, you are overthinking it.  I think, instead of making OTHERS feel like yo are ready to jump in head first, that maybe it would give YOU a feeling of being refreshed. No, you may not be "all better now", but maybe it WOULD make you feel better. A fresh start. BTW, I LOVE that cut and color, and think it would look great on you. I say go for it! And BIG hugs to you, from me.  |
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Post by bluepoprocks on Sept 25, 2015 13:22:00 GMT
I think you are overthinking it. I love that cut and color and I think you should just go for it and not worry about what other people are thinking.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,170 
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Sept 25, 2015 13:24:19 GMT
You're not talking about doing something wildly extravagant or crazy. It's a haircut. We all know that a good haircut and maybe color can make a person feel better.
If this makes YOU feel good, even though you may be a mess inside, then go for it.
I also bet you'd rather look like you have your act together than like you can't manage to take care of yourself.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 5:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 13:29:04 GMT
I like the style! I had a similar cut a while back and because it was such a drastic change, I had a few people ask me "so why the change?" Because I wanted something different, that's all! No one notices when I get a trim. I think when it's a big change from the usual, people will comment and/or wonder.
I say go for what you want and don't worry about what others may say or think. If someone asks, just tell them "because I wanted to do something that makes ME feel good about myself."
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:32:50 GMT
"Who cares what others think?" I know what it sounds like but it's not exactly what I mean. Frankly I think people will be relieved if I get it cut. LOL
I can't explain it without sounding like an idiot. Probably because it's stupid. It's more like, will they think I'm ready or wanting things to be "business as usual"? I appreciate the extra care I'm being given right now and I still need it. I'm not quite ready to be cut loose. Maybe I'm underestimating the people in my life.
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 25, 2015 13:33:55 GMT
My mom always told me that you should never get a drastic, new look haircut while you are going through a stressful time. She told me this while I was going through a divorce, but lots of other situations apply. I thought she was a bit nutty at the time, but over the years I kind of see what she meant. It wasn't so much about the hair cut in and of itself, it was about making drastic changes while still going through transitions caused by grief and thinking that the change will help with our overall well being. In thinking that, I would say carefully consider what the haircut means to you. If it is just that you put it off while handling the day today stress of what you have been through and you need to get the ends trimmed, etc, then go for it. If it is a complete and total change from what you have now, consider that maybe the real reason you are thinking about it is that you are trying to control the uncontrollable-maybe now isn't the time for that kind of haircut. Just my two cents, and it may not even be worth that much. If we were sitting around having coffee, I would probably tell you to wait a little while longer, get the maintenance cut, and then when you are feeling a little stronger, go for the big change cut. And, because I would assume that if we were sitting around having coffee we would be close enough friends you could tell me to go jump in a lake and your appointment is in the morning. |
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TwentyThree
Shy Member
Posts: 49
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Post by TwentyThree on Sept 25, 2015 13:44:58 GMT
I understand where you are coming from, I lost my son a little over 3 years ago. I remember the 1st time I actually put some effort into myself (makeup, hair etc) and met friends, it was weird because what they were seeing on the outside looked like the normal me but on the inside I was a grieving sopping mess. It was unsettling for a bit as I felt like I was being unfaithful to my grief, I didn't want people to misconstrue looking awesome with feeling awesome ... If that makes any sense. I have come to realize that most people are going to judge a little after death, they are sympathetic but have not walked in your shoes so they think they know what they would do if they lost their spouse or child. Your close friends will always know where you are emotionally and the others don't matter.
Getting your haircut isn't going to change what you are dealing with bit it's ok if you feel better about yourself while grieving.
Love that cut and the color is fabulous.
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:45:01 GMT
Lol anxiousmom! But I'm also thinking about what you said. Originally it was for convenience because I don't feel like putting a lot of time into it. then it got to the point where it just looks terrible. I could do an in between cut but I think that might require more maintenance than either long or short. Decisions decisions |
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Post by littlemama on Sept 25, 2015 13:49:12 GMT
The only thing I might consider would be whether your hair is close to being long enough to donate (if that is something you would be interested in). I donated mine last fall, and I was really sick of it for at least a year before that, but it was so close to being long enough that I forced myself to wait. I'm now rocking the shorter hair and embracing the natural curl that I have spent over 40 years trying to tame. I love it!
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:52:19 GMT
I understand where you are coming from, I lost my son a little over 3 years ago. I remember the 1st time I actually put some effort into myself (makeup, hair etc) and met friends, it was weird because what they were seeing on the outside looked like the normal me but on the inside I was a grieving sopping mess. It was unsettling for a bit as I felt like I was being unfaithful to my grief, I didn't want people to misconstrue looking awesome with feeling awesome ... If that makes any sense. I have come to realize that most people are going to judge a little after death, they are sympathetic but have not walked in your shoes so they think they know what they would do if they lost their spouse or child. Your close friends will always know where you are emotionally and the others don't matter. Getting your haircut isn't going to change what you are dealing with bit it's ok if you feel better about yourself while grieving. Love that cut and the color is fabulous. You do understand. I'm so sorry that you do.  thank you for sharing your experience. "I don't want people to misconstrue looking awesome with feeling awesome." Yes. |
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 13:53:10 GMT
The only thing I might consider would be whether your hair is close to being long enough to donate (if that is something you would be interested in). I donated mine last fall, and I was really sick of it for at least a year before that, but it was so close to being long enough that I forced myself to wait. I'm now rocking the shorter hair and embracing the natural curl that I have spent over 40 years trying to tame. I love it! It's nowhere near that long! Good thought though. |
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Deleted
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Apr 25, 2024 5:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 14:05:10 GMT
I think you deserve to do something nice for yourself and not feel guilty about it or wonder how it will affect others.
I say go for it!! It's a great looking style.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Sept 25, 2015 14:10:24 GMT
If someone says something, just say "yes, I've needed a good cut for a very long time. *blank stare*" and leave it at that. You can't help what other people are thinking, they're thinking about things ALL THE TIME anyway.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 5:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 14:13:31 GMT
I'll be honest, I don't read anything into haircuts other than the person wanted/needed a cut. I wouldn't automatically assume you're no longer grieving and therefore moving on. Sometimes a haircut is just a haircut.
You've put a long of effort, time and energy into caring for Fred and your kids. It's okay to do something that perks you up, on the outside and the inside. I think that style would look great on you, so my vote is go for it!
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,534
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Post by MerryMom on Sept 25, 2015 14:27:19 GMT
I think it looks good, take the picture to your hairstylist and see if your hair texture would work for it. It's not too short of a cut that if you didn't like it, it would grow out nicely.
Or maybe do the cut first, wait a few weeks, and then do the color?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 5:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 14:32:52 GMT
I love that cut and color!!!!! You should do it and report back the results!
Sometimes, you just a need to shake things up a bit and a bold hair change can be just the ticket.
Good luck!!
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Post by anonrefugee on Sept 25, 2015 15:10:20 GMT
Not making big changes during time of transition or stress means selling a house, quitting a job, moving to a different country.
Cutting hair or coloring it to have a new, possibly "fresher" look equals trying a new grocery store or route to the office. It might rank as high as a new bright winter coat, but isn't as permanent.
ETA I'm a shorter haired person, so growing it and having it "unstyled" actually means I am creating more work for myself and creating more stress on something less important, taking more time. A good cut lets it be mindless. This might be different if you've got longer hair and can pull it back.
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Post by gar on Sept 25, 2015 15:13:08 GMT
A hair cut can definitely be more than a hair cut but......the people who might mistakenly think you're "better" will be people who obviously don't know you that well so I guess you have to ask yourself if they're important enough to you to make you think twice about doing something innocuous and normal that will give you a little pleasure. Gosh, that was a long sentence, sorry!  |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,166
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Sept 25, 2015 15:17:38 GMT
And remember that old Dr Seuss quote "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind". I say go for it!
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 15:37:24 GMT
A hair cut can definitely be more than a hair cut but......the people who might mistakenly think you're "better" will be people who obviously don't know you that well so I guess you have to ask yourself if they're important enough to you to make you think twice about doing something innocuous and normal that will give you a little pleasure. Gosh, that was a long sentence, sorry! Excellent point. Thanks. I was thinking the same thing as I added my ETA. The people who are close to me will know. |
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Post by heartland on Sept 25, 2015 15:43:29 GMT
Not making big changes during time of transition or stress means selling a house, quitting a job, moving to a different country. Cutting hair or coloring it to have a new, possibly "fresher" look equals trying a new grocery store or route to the office. It might rank as high as a new bright winter coat, but isn't as permanent. ETA I'm a shorter haired person, so growing it and having it "unstyled" actually means I am creating more work for myself and creating more stress on something less important, taking more time. A good cut lets it be mindless. This might be different if you've got longer hair and can pull it back. 
I've always been of the opinion that my hair will grow back, or color will fade if it was something that didn't work.
I love that style and the colors - I'm sure you'll rock it! And we all know that a great cut and color can make you feel great and lift your spirits. I would definitely say that you are due for a little of that.  I know it's not going to magically take away all of your hurt and grief and make your life sunshine and rainbows...but it might for just that day (or two lol). One day at a time right?
I expect to see update pictures really soon! 
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 5:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 15:50:34 GMT
I can totally see where you are coming from.
Is the "just a haircut" just so you can get by, or is this going to make you feel better? Maybe you need this haircut FOR YOU. Who cares what others think (easy to type out!).
To me, after a life change, a haircut can say a lot. It can feel a lot, too. What is more important, what you feel or what others may think/say? If it makes you happy to have a cute short sassy hairstyle, then do it for you.
ETA: I really like that color and was thinking the same thing for me, but my grey comes too fast and I would really have to maintain it more than the 5 weeks I go now... And I also love the cut! :yeahthat:I agree for the same reason. I was looking at doing this same color combo. Please post a picture of your hair after you get it done! |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Sept 25, 2015 15:58:49 GMT
Have you thought about how YOU might feel when seeing yourself with new hair...a new look?
gina
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Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 16:24:31 GMT
Have you thought about how YOU might feel when seeing yourself with new hair...a new look? gina if it looks like the girl in the picture I will be happy. And feel better than I do right now, like I made some attempt at looking good. Thanks |
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 25, 2015 16:31:07 GMT
If you and I hung out and you had a big change in your haircut (under your circumstances) I might actually feel relieved that you feel like you want a change. I don't think it says anything other than you want to take care of yourself. You live with other people that look at you and why wouldn't someone, anyone want to look nice? I think if you started hanging out at bars and flirting with men you didn't know, that would say something different. You get that cut and post a picture!
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Post by pb on Sept 25, 2015 16:33:30 GMT
When I finally got to quit my soul sucking job because we were moving went and got my hair cut really short. For me it was a statement, something I needed to do to announce a new me. My husband, who likes me in longer hair, gulped when he saw me and said, "that's really short". I simply nodded...he took a long look at me and never said another word
Those who know you, the inside you, will understand. Those who don't, do not matter.
And I think you will rock that haircut and color.
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Sept 25, 2015 16:52:07 GMT
I love that cut and color. In fact, I sent the picture to my stylist a couple weeks ago when someone shared the picture here on another thread. I did the color first. I'm not ready for the the cut right now.
I think, if I knew you and saw you with a new cut and color, I wouldn't think that you're "all better". I would think that it was nice to see you getting back to you and finding your way. I'd tell you that you look great, but still ask how you're doing and if there is anything you need. Grief is a process and I think most empathetic people know that there will be baby steps forward (a cut and color) along the way that help lead up to the bigger steps forward, but they also know there will be backward steps. Don't overthink it. Bring in fall with a great new look! It's one of the fun parts of being a girl.
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I think, instead of making OTHERS feel like yo are ready to jump in head first, that maybe it would give YOU a feeling of being refreshed. No, you may not be "all better now", but maybe it WOULD make you feel better. A fresh start.
thank you for sharing your experience. "I don't want people to misconstrue looking awesome with feeling awesome." Yes. 
I know it's not going to magically take away all of your hurt and grief and make your life sunshine and rainbows...but it might for just that day (or two lol). One day at a time right?
