|
Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 25, 2015 16:55:15 GMT
I'll be honest, I don't read anything into haircuts other than the person wanted/needed a cut. I wouldn't automatically assume you're no longer grieving and therefore moving on. Sometimes a haircut is just a haircut. You've put a long of effort, time and energy into caring for Fred and your kids. It's okay to do something that perks you up, on the outside and the inside. I think that style would look great on you, so my vote is go for it! My mom was a hair stylist for decades before she started losing her memory and couldn't do it anymore. My sister went to school for it but never did it professionally and she did my hair after that. So I had a lot of years with great stylists who knew me, knew my hair and its quirks. After my sister moved, I didn't get a haircut for a long time and I finally decided to try out this guy that several of my friends/acquaintances had been going to. He's GREAT! Not only does he really take the time to get to know his clients and what they like, but he really knows how to style hair too. It definitely makes a difference in how I feel about myself when I take the time to go in and get my hair cut because it's not something I just run off and do on a whim. I vote you should go for it. You deserve a little pampering and if it makes you feel even a little bit better and makes your life even a little bit easier, then it is money well spent. I don't think anyone who knows what you've been through would think anything other than it was time for you to spend a little time taking care of you and there's nothing at all wrong with that.
|
|
The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,159
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
|
Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Sept 25, 2015 16:57:19 GMT
I haven't read all the responses yet so I don't know what the general consensus is.
I get where you are coming from. Are people going to think that if you get your haircut they might think that you are ready to move on??
I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think.
Personally I would think that you are taking care of yourself. I would be happy and encouraged.
People will know that you are still grieving Fred, I don't think a haircut will change that.
BTW....Such a cute cut and color!! If you do it, you have to post a picture, your pea sisters want to see!!
|
|
|
Post by lurkingsince2001 on Sept 25, 2015 17:26:08 GMT
Sometimes a haircut is so much more than just a haircut. There can be a lot of psychology going on there. And our hair styles can say a lot about us, both good and bad. But it can also just be what it is: a cut, color, and style. It's more than a cut because it's doing something good for yourself, which you deserve. And when we think we look better we feel better. And I think you will look fabulous with the cut pictured. Just remember the pea rule and post your after pics!
|
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
|
Post by mallie on Sept 25, 2015 17:27:26 GMT
Sometimes a haircut, like a new outfit, can mean something. Sometimes, it means nothing more than that a person saw a haircut or outfit and liked it.
Regardless, I would not deny myself this small pleasure for fear of worrying about what anyone else may think.
Just like I didn't cut my hair off the way so many older women told me I "had" to once I became a mother to symbolize that I no longer should be attractive or sexy because I had reproduced. Clearly to them, a haircut was hugely symbolic of what they considered a massive change in my identity. They judged. I survived the trauma.
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
|
Post by happymomma on Sept 25, 2015 17:35:10 GMT
I always feel like my spirits are boosted just a bit after a salon visit. Am I all better? Definitely not. If that is all it took, wow, I'd be so happy! I think you should go for it. I think the people that know and love you who are giving you some TLC right now will not think that you don't need any more, but that will totally be happy to see a tiny bump in your spirits. By the way, that is the photo I took to my stylist last month when I got my hair colored! We tweaked it just a bit and I LOVE the results. I shared both the original and the results on another thread here. I didn't get the cut, I still have long hair. Please be sure to show us a picture when you are done! My heart goes out to you and I hope this little (in the grand scheme of life) thing brings you a bit of happiness. xo
|
|
mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,017
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
|
Post by mimima on Sept 25, 2015 17:38:23 GMT
It is because it is you taking a step after Fred. Hugs and prayers
|
|
|
Post by kamper on Sept 25, 2015 19:11:38 GMT
I think if getting your hair done will make you even a little bit happier then you should do it. If someone asks "Why the change?" I'd just respond "No reason."
I really like the cut and color. I wear my hair super short. When ever I go to a new hair stylist they are afraid to cut it above my ears. I always tell them not to worry it will grow out. I think making hair style changes is one of the great things about being female.
|
|
scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
|
Post by scrappinspidey2 on Sept 25, 2015 19:17:48 GMT
Jenjie,
From my own experience people are going to judge you no matter what you do. If you get the haircut and color or if you don't. People have to put their own filter on your experience with grief and there is NO possible way to make everyone happy. I have started asking myself this question: "how is this going to make ME feel in the short and long term arena?" Personally I think the haircut is cute and I love the color! I think it would be a good thing for you. People will ask you or say things that will make you shake your head. Just smile, nod, and move on. I have felt very very stuck sometimes with grief and managing other people expectations of where I should be, how I should feel, what I should be doing etc. You have to let that go or it will eat you up slowly.
I say if you feel like it is time to get a haircut and color that will help make you feel better (as only a good cut and color can for us women) then go for it and screw the rest of them who feel the need to add their own interpretation of it. One haircut and color doesn't cure what you are going through. Big big big hugs.
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on Sept 25, 2015 19:26:09 GMT
Perhaps you are overthinking. . . to me, a haircut/color is just that...a cut and color - doesn't mean anything except that you wanted a change to your hair.
|
|
melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
|
Post by melissa on Sept 25, 2015 19:33:38 GMT
If someone was to think anything, they would likely think something like "Oh good! She is finally starting to take care of herself!" or "at least she is doing something to make herself happy for a moment>"
|
|
paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,743
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
|
Post by paget on Sept 25, 2015 19:34:21 GMT
I have never thought a haircut was anything but a haircut. it just means someone needed/wanted shorter hair. go for it- it's cute!
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 20:06:03 GMT
Jenjie, From my own experience people are going to judge you no matter what you do. If you get the haircut and color or if you don't. People have to put their own filter on your experience with grief and there is NO possible way to make everyone happy. I have started asking myself this question: "how is this going to make ME feel in the short and long term arena?" Personally I think the haircut is cute and I love the color! I think it would be a good thing for you. People will ask you or say things that will make you shake your head. Just smile, nod, and move on. I have felt very very stuck sometimes with grief and managing other people expectations of where I should be, how I should feel, what I should be doing etc. You have to let that go or it will eat you up slowly. I say if you feel like it is time to get a haircut and color that will help make you feel better (as only a good cut and color can for us women) then go for it and screw the rest of them who feel the need to add their own interpretation of it. One haircut and color doesn't cure what you are going through. Big big big hugs. Thank you. I'm listening. Big hugs right back to you.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 20:06:29 GMT
If someone was to think anything, they would likely think something like "Oh good! She is finally starting to take care of herself!" or "at least she is doing something to make herself happy for a moment>" You are probably exactly right!
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Sept 25, 2015 20:11:59 GMT
I love it! I understand your concerns, but hair is such a temporary change. A very safe way to brighten yourself up without doing anything permanent. Go for it! You've been through so much, and if you strike on something that might life your spirits a little, don't hesitate.
I don't say this to be morbid, but grief will be with you for a long time. Don't put yourself in a holding pattern waiting for it to pass.
|
|
akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
|
Post by akathy on Sept 25, 2015 20:30:02 GMT
I think you may be overthinking it a bit I found that after my DH died I had to make changes in the way my life was going. Kind of like a plan B. Whether I wanted it or not my life became 'me' and not 'us' any more. I learned I had to do things for me. And with that came change. Change is hard, bad changes and good changes it's really hard. I found that my good friends stayed around and supported me while I was changing. If I lost any over it they didn't matter enough for me to even remember who they were these 10 years later. If getting your haircut and styled makes you feel good, go for it. You're the only one that has to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror. If you like what you see, piss on what everyone else thinks. Your good friends will tell you how good you look but they'll never forget you're grieving the loss of Fred. Hugs to to you my friend, losing your spouse sucks big ( donkey dicks) time. Sorry, I swear like a sailor thanks to my late DH
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 20:36:51 GMT
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 20:37:19 GMT
I love it! I understand your concerns, but hair is such a temporary change. A very safe way to brighten yourself up without doing anything permanent. Go for it! You've been through so much, and if you strike on something that might life your spirits a little, don't hesitate. I don't say this to be morbid, but grief will be with you for a long time. Don't put yourself in a holding pattern waiting for it to pass. Good advice. Thanks.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Sept 25, 2015 20:40:00 GMT
Don't overthink it. It's cute. Go treat yourself and be prepared for all the compliments!
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 20:41:21 GMT
Thanks for the encouragement! I sent the pic to SIL who is my hairstylist. She gave it a thumbs up so I made an appt for next Thursday. That will be just a few days before Fred's award dinner so I'll have time to get used to it.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
|
Post by caro on Sept 25, 2015 20:41:34 GMT
Yay! I think you will like it.
|
|
akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
|
Post by akathy on Sept 25, 2015 20:50:58 GMT
Thanks for the encouragement! I sent the pic to SIL who is my hairstylist. She gave it a thumbs up so I made an appt for next Thursday. That will be just a few days before Fred's award dinner so I'll have time to get used to it. Yay! And without a doubt Fred would be the first to cheer you on! We will need pictures
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 16:03:29 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2015 21:00:30 GMT
I honestly think if you get the new hairstyle (love it btw!!)there WILL be people that see it as a sign you are feeling better. I totally understand what you are saying about not wanting people to think you are ready to move on and not needing extra TLC... Do not worry about what those people think.
I have not lost my DH and recognize that is one of THE worst things ever, but I have been through some bad times (again, not nearly as difficult as you have) and have honestly felt my outside should match my inside.....my haggard, icky, ugly, sad inside. BUT!!!!!! I noticed when I started to take a little more care it made my children feel better. It was as if their mom was back. They seemed worried to upset me because, from the way I looked, I could be in tears at any moment. I am not saying your are unstable or anything, just sharing my experience.
|
|
melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
|
Post by melissa on Sept 25, 2015 21:39:29 GMT
You know, the only problem with posting here that you want that haircut is that you will need to take a photo and update the thread afterwards!
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 25, 2015 21:47:13 GMT
It's kind of a Victoria Beckham kind of cut. I like it! I think you will, too! The colour though is smashing! I love it! The chocolate and the reddish purple together are amazing! Love it!
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 21:56:13 GMT
I honestly think if you get the new hairstyle (love it btw!!)there WILL be people that see it as a sign you are feeling better. I totally understand what you are saying about not wanting people to think you are ready to move on and not needing extra TLC... Do not worry about what those people think. I have not lost my DH and recognize that is one of THE worst things ever, but I have been through some bad times (again, not nearly as difficult as you have) and have honestly felt my outside should match my inside.....my haggard, icky, ugly, sad inside. BUT!!!!!! I noticed when I started to take a little more care it made my children feel better. It was as if their mom was back. They seemed worried to upset me because, from the way I looked, I could be in tears at any moment. I am not saying your are unstable or anything, just sharing my experience. Thank you
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Sept 25, 2015 21:57:14 GMT
You know, the only problem with posting here that you want that haircut is that you will need to take a photo and update the thread afterwards! I will! I promise!
|
|
Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
|
Post by Nicole in TX on Sept 26, 2015 0:43:43 GMT
I think that will look great on you!
|
|
purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,728
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
|
Post by purplebee on Sept 26, 2015 0:50:05 GMT
Love the cut and the color is gorgeous. I say go for it!
|
|
marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
|
Post by marimoose on Sept 26, 2015 1:31:36 GMT
If getting your haircut and styled makes you feel good, go for it. You're the only one that has to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror. If you like what you see, piss on what everyone else thinks. Your good friends will tell you how good you look but they'll never forget you're grieving the loss of Fred.
|
|
|
Post by ashleysummer on Oct 1, 2015 23:48:06 GMT
I think this one will suit you too
|
|