sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,577 
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Sept 27, 2015 18:46:36 GMT
My dd started 6th this year. 2 of her friends from the previous 2 years are in the majority of her classes as they were the previous 2 years. 2 other girls that she has been friends with but not in the same classes are in with them too. So that is a total of 5 in this "group". So they decided to name their group, had cute names for each other and had a group text going. They would just text together about just stuff. All was good.
One of the girls (from the previous 2 years) all of a sudden is trying to stir up drama and just not being very nice. It is very out of character for her. I've known her for many years as well as her mom. She even admitted to liking to start drama. Over the last few days it's gotten really bad. My own dd has lashed out in response and said some not so nice things and I have talked to her about it and explained there was a better way to respond. So I'm not by any means saying that it's just the one girl. But this one girl is the majority of the issues. I told my dd this afternoon that I wanted her to stop with that group message. I was tired of the drama and the mean girl stuff. She was over it too and left the conversation as did another one of the girls. That girl then within mins starts another group text with my daughter and 2 of the other girls, leaving the other girl that left the previous text off (the latest drama was between them).
So here's my question. Would you say anything to the one girl's mom? Like I said, this is very out of character of her and I know her mom and she would not be happy if she found out her daughter was treating others this way. I know that if my daughter were talking to her friends like this, I'd want to know.
I have read all of the messages and the drama. I do check my kids' phones frequently.
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Post by BlueDiamond on Sept 27, 2015 19:08:53 GMT
At that age, I would just stay out of it. The most you should do is talk to your daughter and give advice. That's it. You don't want to be that mom that inserts herself in the kids' problems ... they need to learn to work it out by themselves.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,688
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Sept 27, 2015 19:18:43 GMT
I live in a smaller town and don't see the need for 12 year old girls to have a phone.
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Post by mom on Sept 27, 2015 19:19:54 GMT
I agree. Stay out of it. If its out of character then the girl is probably just trying to figure out who she is/wants to be. Running to her mother will only make it clear that she cannot trust the mother of her friend (and you do not want that to happen). Just sit back and talk with your own daughter about how she should handle this.
Edited to add: I also think it is time to have your daughter not text the other girls (or anyone other than you) for a bit. Take a break. Daughter gets to blame you and you give daughter a break from the cycle.
FWIW, a do not think a 6th grader is mature enough to be having 'group' texts. You have given them an adult way to communicate and then get upset when one doesn't act mature when they have it.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 27, 2015 19:22:09 GMT
I probably wouldn't call up the other mom, but if I ran into her, I might mention that her DD seems to not be herself lately. If it was a good friend, I would probably come up with a plan for how the moms would handle the drama.
Both of my kids were 11 for most of 6th grade. It was a very hard year for both. If they were having trouble with one person, whom I knew and seemed to be a nice kid, I'd probably keep an eye on the situation. I wouldn't have the girls sit down for a heart to heart with me as the mediator, but I would be looking at how the group interacted. Mostly because I'd want my child to behave with grace and compassion.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 7:43:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2015 19:29:28 GMT
Would you want the other mom to talk to you if it were daughter?
If this very out if character for this girl, I would give the mom a heads up.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 27, 2015 19:34:48 GMT
Remember that the other mom has probably only heard her daughters side of the story. Calling her might make her defensive. It really depends. I would leave if for now and use this time to (re)teach your daughter how to value herself enough not get into drama and rehearse some strategies for the fall out of all of this. Talk to her about wanting to get along with everyone if possible, and if it isn't possible, how to exit a friendship cleanly. It is a great skill to learn at such a young age. Girl drama is the worst. Some girls just don't give up.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 27, 2015 19:39:33 GMT
Are you friends with the mom? If it were a mom Tha I were friends with or spent a lot of time with, I would say sonething like,
Hey your girl is being a butt head and the others are starting to exclude her.
More importantly though, I would squash the group text and quick. Those things never end well and there will be groups made that exclude and talk badly about each of the girls and it will be a mess.
Also, I hope you've had the talk that once it is written, that it can be shown to anybody and everybody
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
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Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Sept 27, 2015 19:44:17 GMT
*This time* I would sit your DD down and talk about the part she played in the situation because she did play a part. I would have asked my DD to leave the group text too-I think that was a smart idea. I would also talk about why the need to form this exclusive five-some. I'm not really of the opinion that an exclusive group needs to be formed at any age, but that's probably more of a personality trait of my own. All I can think of exclusive little groups is who they're leaving out and that just doesn't make me comfortable. If you want to have a close group of friends...that's awesome! My own girls who are now 24 still hang out with the friend group they formed in middle/high school. They're all coming home from college, getting married, starting families. It's a really cool thing to see their friendships continue to grow. But I never encouraged them to make it exclusive. Just not a good idea with girls IMO. Going forward, if the same drama queen started it again, I would nicely say something to the mom about "being concerned that the group was getting a little drama heavy." I live in a smaller town and don't see the need for 12 year old girls to have a phone. Ok. Maybe times have changed since you were raising your kids? |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
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Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Sept 27, 2015 19:45:53 GMT
At that age, I would just stay out of it. The most you should do is talk to your daughter and give advice. That's it. You don't want to be that mom that inserts herself in the kids' problems ... they need to learn to work it out by themselves.  Stay out of it. The girls are feeling their way with these kinds of dramas, and it's better that they work out themselves what is acceptable and what isn't. Yes, advise your daughter, but don't get directly involved. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Sept 27, 2015 19:51:16 GMT
Anytime there is a group, or "squad" as they are calling it, and they have a private group on FB, or text, there is going to be drama and ganging up. I would just talk to your dd about not being that mean girl, and not being in so inclusive a group, but friends with everyone.
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Sept 27, 2015 22:15:43 GMT
I live in a smaller town and don't see the need for 12 year old girls to have a phone. That's not really helpful and most 12 year olds I know from the city or small town have phones. Times are changing
OP I would stay out of it for now but keep a close eye on the texts and if they seem to be getting worse then maybe talk to the other girls mom. I have a 16 yr old dd and the most drama IME was in 6th and 7th grade.
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Post by beebee on Sept 27, 2015 23:25:30 GMT
I always hear that it is best to stay out of it, but I wonder how kids will learn the correct way to interact if an adult does not interfere and teach them. I personally think that at 12 yo, kids are still learning and if an adult sees kids act in an inappropriate way, they should speak up. It could be done in a teachable way rather than a "mean adult" way, but I think the child should still be talked too. There is too much "hands off" these days in my opinion. But I know it is just my opinion.
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Stay out of it. The girls are feeling their way with these kinds of dramas, and it's better that they work out themselves what is acceptable and what isn't. Yes, advise your daughter, but don't get directly involved. 
