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Post by beaglemom on Oct 24, 2015 23:54:43 GMT
We are going to visit dh's sisters and their families along with my inlaws over Thanksgiving. The last time we were there for Thanksgiving (2 years ago) I found a great photographer and we had the first and only professional photos of all 16 of us done. Dh's sisters were thrilled, inlaws luke warm. I spent the weeks leading up to it getting coordinating (but not matching) outfits for all 8 kids and some accent pieces for the adults. I was happy to do it since I love having nice photos done and I really wanted them to look nice. I also paid for the photographer - as a photographer goes it wasn't very expensive, we got great photos and I was super happy.
I arranged to have the same photographer do our pictures again this year and both of dh's sisters were excited, inlaws never really can tell with them. So yesterday my mil goes to costco with one of my sil's (who is in town visiting) and bought these horrible glittery dresses for the 4 girls to wear ( ages 11, 5, 4, 3). They are totally gaudy and in my opinion ugly. DD had already asked me to make her dress and we had been figuring out the pattern - I made her dress last year and got tons of compliments. I really, really don't want the girls to wear these dresses for the pictures. We won't have time for an outfit change - plus we will be at a park so I don't know if there would even be somewhere to change. This is the one set of nice family pictures I get for the year and I don't want dd wearing a dress I hate!
UPDATE:
So these are the pictures that are going on my christmas cards. I want a nice picture of my family. I booked and am paying for the photographer and the images and then extended the invitation to my sil's and my inlaws. We are having them done the weekend before Thanksgiving. I told them we were having the photographer do our pictures again and if they were interested they could have them done as well. Everyone said they wanted to do them again. Last time around my sil's asked me to get the outfits for the kids - both claimed they didn't have nice clothes that fit their kids and they were too busy to go shopping. The boys (7,7,5) didn't have any nice pants or dress shirts - they were easy I got them each a nice pair of navy pants, a sweater, a dress shirt, and a tie. The other little girls didn't have anything appropriate either. I was happy to do it. My inlaws wore their own thing, thankfully it coordinated with everyone else for the most part.
I don't have a picture of the dress. She bought the wrong size for dd and was going to return it for the correct size. I can try to sneak a picture when we are over there tomorrow. I'm fine with the girls wearing them for a couple pictures, but I really don't want it in our family picture for our Christmas card.
Part of the luke warm reaction the first time to the pictures was that before he retired fil was a "professional" photographer. He retired at least 10 years ago and the last 10-15 years that he took pictures he was just taking kids soccer, baseball, swimming, basketball team and individual photos. Every time we were all together he would take a "family" picture of all of us. But no matter how many times it was requested he would never get around to editing or even passing on the original photos to all of us. So I arranged this so we could have a decent picture of all of us that we could actually use. He was cranky about it and complained that we only got 86 images from the photographer even though he was sure she took a lot more than that.
We had the individual family pictures taken, all the grandkids with just the grandparents, inlaws with just their kids, inlaws with just their kids and the grandkids. They were great pictures. Everyone used them for their Christmas card that year. We all got tons of compliments.
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Post by mommaho on Oct 24, 2015 23:58:33 GMT
While I totally get your vent, maybe MIL wants to feel part of the plan? Maybe suggest since she picked the girls outfits this year, maybe you could help pick them out next year?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2015 0:02:52 GMT
We are going to visit dh's sisters and their families along with my inlaws over Thanksgiving. The last time we were there for Thanksgiving (2 years ago) I found a great photographer and we had the first and only professional photos of all 16 of us done. Dh's sisters were thrilled, inlaws luke warm. I spent the weeks leading up to it getting coordinating (but not matching) outfits for all 8 kids and some accent pieces for the adults. I was happy to do it since I love having nice photos done and I really wanted them to look nice. I also paid for the photographer - as a photographer goes it wasn't very expensive, we got great photos and I was super happy. I arranged to have the same photographer do our pictures again this year and both of dh's sisters were excited, inlaws never really can tell with them. So yesterday my mil goes to costco with one of my sil's (who is in town visiting) and bought these horrible glittery dresses for the 4 girls to wear ( ages 11, 5, 4, 3). They are totally gaudy and in my opinion ugly. DD had already asked me to make her dress and we had been figuring out the pattern - I made her dress last year and got tons of compliments. I really, really don't want the girls to wear these dresses for the pictures. We won't have time for an outfit change - plus we will be at a park so I don't know if there would even be somewhere to change. This is the one set of nice family pictures I get for the year and I don't want dd wearing a dress I hate! ummm - I get the vent. But IMO, this is the only set of pictures your MIL is going to have with all her family as well. I don't really see the harm in her having pictures in outfits that SHE likes. But I see the whole extended family pictures as being for the grandparents anyway. We did the whole over done jeans and white tshirts for my inlaws despite the fact my whole pale family looks like crap in white. |
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 25, 2015 0:04:09 GMT
Oh, ick, what an ugly (ha) mess. I would go with my well coordinated clothing plan, but have the girls change into the cheap tacky dresses for at least 1 shot. Then the in-laws can receive that photo and nobody else will have to look at the tacky dresses. You won't need a real changing room. just have people hold up a big sheet in a circle for the girls to stand in while getting into the glitzy things.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 15, 2024 18:37:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2015 0:06:00 GMT
Yikes, that's hard. I don't generally share tastes in clothing (especially for my kids) with my IL's, and it makes things difficult. Before I even got to the part of your post about your MIL buying the dresses, I was already wondering if the reason she was lukewarm over the whole thing is because you shopped for everyone and she doesn't share your taste in accessories, and wasn't happy about being in family photos wearing items she didn't care for.
I suppose you could white-lie and say you really appreciate the thought and expense she went to to buy dresses for everyone, but you have already planned and started making dresses for the photos this year. Maybe you could suggest the girls will want to change into her fancy dresses for Thanksgiving dinner?
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Post by chaosisapony on Oct 25, 2015 0:07:36 GMT
That's a tough one. Could you use the fact that you've already made your daughter a dress as your out? Even if you're exaggerating a little bit lol. As a photographer I've seen some people show up in truly hideous outfits for shoots. Most of the time it doesn't look as bad in the photos as it does in life.  |
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Post by moveablefeast on Oct 25, 2015 0:08:48 GMT
Can we see the ugly glittery dresses?  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 15, 2024 18:37:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2015 0:22:38 GMT
We are going to visit dh's sisters and their families along with my inlaws over Thanksgiving. The last time we were there for Thanksgiving (2 years ago) I found a great photographer and we had the first and only professional photos of all 16 of us done. Dh's sisters were thrilled, inlaws luke warm. I spent the weeks leading up to it getting coordinating (but not matching) outfits for all 8 kids and some accent pieces for the adults. I was happy to do it since I love having nice photos done and I really wanted them to look nice. I also paid for the photographer - as a photographer goes it wasn't very expensive, we got great photos and I was super happy. I arranged to have the same photographer do our pictures again this year and both of dh's sisters were excited, inlaws never really can tell with them. So yesterday my mil goes to costco with one of my sil's (who is in town visiting) and bought these horrible glittery dresses for the 4 girls to wear ( ages 11, 5, 4, 3). They are totally gaudy and in my opinion ugly. DD had already asked me to make her dress and we had been figuring out the pattern - I made her dress last year and got tons of compliments. I really, really don't want the girls to wear these dresses for the pictures. We won't have time for an outfit change - plus we will be at a park so I don't know if there would even be somewhere to change. This is the one set of nice family pictures I get for the year and I don't want dd wearing a dress I hate! IMO, the first year you got your way all the way. YOU chose clothing that perhaps your mil and sil felt was fugly. This time you have two choices... suck it up butter cup and let your dd wear grandma's choice of dresses or figure out a way to have a changing space and buy a mix of the prints so grandma/sil get prints of the kids wearing clothing they chose. |
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Oct 25, 2015 0:27:57 GMT
What you picked out last was perfect in your opinion but maybe your MIL didn't like it. Everyone has different tastes obviously.
Why can't your MIL pick out the dresses this year? Maybe she'll go from lukewarm to thrilled about the photo this year because she got some input. It sounds to me that you picked everything last time.
I think you should be happy MIL is getting into it. It's just a picture and really isn't it more important to document that everyone was together and not what they were wearing? And if having control of everything means that much to you bring a change of clothes, they can always change in the car.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 25, 2015 0:31:55 GMT
if it was just your immediate family, it's all your choice. But you're dealing with other family members that may have other ideas. These pictures aren't just for you so you have to accept other input.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 25, 2015 0:31:32 GMT
Going to need to see pictures of the dresses. What did sil who was with her think of the dresses?
I'm not sure why you bought all of the clothing for the last pictures. When we do family pics, we just decide on the colors and everyone else coordinates and wear what they want. Last time, my family had a medium blue, bils family had navy, my in-laws wore both of those colors and bils in laws wore red. Everyone wore jeans.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Oct 25, 2015 0:31:56 GMT
Looks like voltagain and I are thinking the same thing. Can you tell we're both MILs? Seriously though don't do this to your MIL, just don't. It makes you come off as a control freak. |
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,875
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 25, 2015 0:43:25 GMT
I totally get the vent. I do. I love for things to be matchy-matchy too. However, part of your vent was the in laws not being into it. Sounds like she's taking an interest .... Just go with it! It will save you time in making a dress and I bet your DD will be cute in whatever. :-)
Next year, you pick outfits...
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
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Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Oct 25, 2015 0:47:45 GMT
We don't have Thanksgiving here, but isn't part of the meaning of the day that you do things for others and put others first, especially family? When the photo shoot happened 2 years, it was you who coordinated the outfits for all the kids. Maybe MIL wants her turn this time.
So in the spirit of the day, I would have the kids wear the gaudy dresses. MIL isn't too keen on the whole photo thing anyway, so rejecting her outfits will just make it even less enjoyable for her - give her this small thing, with a thankful heart that she at least is trying to be involved. And 10 years from now when you all look at those photos, you'll have a good laugh at the year of the "glitter dress".
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 25, 2015 0:57:11 GMT
I say suck it up... wear the dresses your MIL picked. Be gracious and kind about it. Laugh about it later. If you hate the photo it can go in a private place like the bathroom! I promise when your MIL is gone you will be glad you did this for her. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 25, 2015 1:06:20 GMT
Oh no, I totally understand your frustration with this. Ugh! I know you said that you won't have time to do an outfit change, but is there any way at all that you could sneak in a quick change? Get the girls all done up in MIL's glittery dresses for the photos then change into your outfits for an extra photo or 2?
I also see the other side presented here about wanting to involve and keep MIL happy, BUT Beaglemom is the one who took the time to organise this photo shoot - and pay for it!!! - so she should really have a say in what the kids wear. If MIL wants glittery photos, she should organise it and pay for it.
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Post by shelby on Oct 25, 2015 1:07:24 GMT
We had pictures taken last year at my DH's 80th birthday. Everyone wore what they wanted to, some were in jeans, some more dressed up. When I look at those pictures I'm not paying attention to what we wore but the look of happiness on our faces and the fond memories of the day when we were all together. I'm not a glittery type person myself but I have a 13 year old grand daughter whom we call Bling Bling because she loves to dress up. Her outfit didn't bother any of us. Just consider yourself lucky that you have a family that gets together and relax and make it a fun day for everyone. Who other than you will be looking at those pictures and think, hmmm, why did those girls wear those dresses. They are just going to look at them and think, my what cute girls you have in your family.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,057
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Post by AllieC on Oct 25, 2015 1:14:55 GMT
I can understand your point of view however, I bet those little girls will love their dresses! Your MIL is trying to do something that shows she does want the photos where you have said she has been in the past lukewarm.
There are 19 of us in my family (parents, sibs and their partners plus kids) and the best photos of all of us are the ones where everyone is mismatched and nobody is really coordinated. For me it is about the love of us all being together and not about matching. As all the "kids" have gotten older and are nearly all adults, we look back at the imperfect photos where hair was messy and outfits were chosen by the kids with much more fondness than the perfect ones.
I don't want to be harsh but I think you need to let this go and appreciate just getting the chance to be together and record that memory.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 25, 2015 1:20:20 GMT
Oh no, I totally understand your frustration with this. Ugh! I know you said that you won't have time to do an outfit change, but is there any way at all that you could sneak in a quick change? Get the girls all done up in MIL's glittery dresses for the photos then change into your outfits for an extra photo or 2? I also see the other side presented here about wanting to involve and keep MIL happy, BUT Beaglemom is the one who took the time to organise this photo shoot - and pay for it!!! - so she should really have a say in what the kids wear. If MIL wants glittery photos, she should organise it and pay for it. I would sort of agree with the second point, but it doesn't sound like Beaglemom had staked a claim to the outfits. MIL probably thought she was doing something sweet. If Beaglemom throws a fit or even has the girls change, I believe it would hurt the MIL's feeling. I've got to say, as an adult, I would not be amused at someone picking the outfits of my family for a picture of all of us. I also wouldn't have someone else pay all of the cost as I would not want them in control of pictures for me. I would either suck it up or say, "DD has already picked her outfit and she is excited about it," and then make DD's dress with the knowledge that the other three girls will be wearing glitter dresses. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 25, 2015 1:35:31 GMT
Obviously they liked the dresses or they would not have bought them. You cannot control every aspect of the group photo. It's not what they are wearing that counts, it's that the family is together. I couldn't organize my siblings to do this if I tried, even with an act of Congress!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 25, 2015 1:38:02 GMT
We are going to visit dh's sisters and their families along with my inlaws over Thanksgiving. The last time we were there for Thanksgiving (2 years ago) I found a great photographer and we had the first and only professional photos of all 16 of us done. Dh's sisters were thrilled, inlaws luke warm. I spent the weeks leading up to it getting coordinating (but not matching) outfits for all 8 kids and some accent pieces for the adults. I was happy to do it since I love having nice photos done and I really wanted them to look nice. I also paid for the photographer - as a photographer goes it wasn't very expensive, we got great photos and I was super happy. I arranged to have the same photographer do our pictures again this year and both of dh's sisters were excited, inlaws never really can tell with them. So yesterday my mil goes to costco with one of my sil's (who is in town visiting) and bought these horrible glittery dresses for the 4 girls to wear ( ages 11, 5, 4, 3). They are totally gaudy and in my opinion ugly. DD had already asked me to make her dress and we had been figuring out the pattern - I made her dress last year and got tons of compliments. I really, really don't want the girls to wear these dresses for the pictures. We won't have time for an outfit change - plus we will be at a park so I don't know if there would even be somewhere to change. This is the one set of nice family pictures I get for the year and I don't want dd wearing a dress I hate! IMO, the first year you got your way all the way. YOU chose clothing that perhaps your mil and sil felt was fugly. This time you have two choices... suck it up butter cup and let your dd wear grandma's choice of dresses or figure out a way to have a changing space and buy a mix of the prints so grandma/sil get prints of the kids wearing clothing they chose. ITA. Plus you'll be teaching your DD the art of compromise! |
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Post by littlemama on Oct 25, 2015 1:44:28 GMT
I am not a MIL, but I am a DIL who doesn't have the best relationship with MIL. (It's not the worst, but her constant attempts at manipulation mean that we will never be close). If I were in your situation, I would let her have the dresses she wants for her granddaughters. Under no circumstances would I have the girls change into what I wanted partway through, as that would be terribly hurtful to her.
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Post by LiLi on Oct 25, 2015 1:47:48 GMT
I do understand where you are coming from. However, the "ugly dresses" will probably be a fun memory. Chances are some day sooner than later, all of the clothes in the photos will look outdated and funny anyway. No matter what is picked. |
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 25, 2015 1:48:41 GMT
Obviously they liked the dresses or they would not have bought them. You cannot control every aspect of the group photo. It's not what they are wearing that counts, it's that the family is together. I couldn't organize my siblings to do this if I tried, even with an act of Congress! Hell, I only have one sibling and we live within a hour and a half of each other. The last family picture we had taken was at least 5 years ago. Before that, it would have been at my wedding 13 years ago. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2015 1:54:18 GMT
Obviously they liked the dresses or they would not have bought them. You cannot control every aspect of the group photo. It's not what they are wearing that counts, it's that the family is together. I couldn't organize my siblings to do this if I tried, even with an act of Congress! Hell, I only have one sibling and we live within a hour and a half of each other. The last family picture we had taken was at least 5 years ago. Before that, it would have been at my wedding 13 years ago. I think that's part of my, no BFD attitude. We failed to take the whole family picture before premature death hit our family. I'd gladly put my daughter in the most god awful gaudy dress if we could get the pic before tragedy hit. We often don't realize just how quickly life can throw us a curve ball. Seriously, the dresses will really not matter. |
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Post by shanniebananie on Oct 25, 2015 1:59:31 GMT
This reminds me of the year my mother in law picked out red/blue wide striped polos for everyone - men, women, and children to wear. I called them the circus tent photos and I didn't order one. She however, loved them and displayed the photos for years. The next time, I picked the outfits. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. I don't even mention the year we all wore denim shirts...
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Post by CarolT on Oct 25, 2015 2:06:03 GMT
I understand your frustration, however if my sil selected the outfits for my kids and accessories for me and dh to wear in a family photo, I would be annoyed.
Honestly, your mil and sil might not have liked your outfit selections last time... they may have seen this as a chance to have some control this time.
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Post by carolynhasacat on Oct 25, 2015 2:12:48 GMT
Could you ask the photographer to print you a set of photos in black and white as well as the color photos just for yourself? They're less likely to show glitter, I think, in black and white and you might be happier with a more harmonious overall look. Or ask for the photographer's advice on minimizing the glitter in the final prints for you (not for MIL and SIL's family copies) if that's possible.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 25, 2015 2:23:17 GMT
Oooh...black and white is a great compromise. Good thinking carolynhasacatI want a clapping smiley here. |
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Post by cherrie on Oct 25, 2015 2:40:49 GMT
Oh, I feel your pain. My DIL has terrible taste in clothing...only wears tshirts with something across the front. Our Christmas pictures are pretty much yuck because of it, one year she wore "I got crabs at Crabby Dicks" and one year was CSI  |
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