Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Aug 1, 2016 22:45:05 GMT
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 22:45:05 GMT
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,772
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Aug 1, 2016 22:49:21 GMT
Post by Kerri W on Aug 1, 2016 22:49:21 GMT
I'm clearly no longer allowed unsupervised visits. I feel like telling her that if we were going to run off together, we would have done it 20 years ago when we were both better looking. And what's weird is, I've suggested getting together as two couples, but that never seems to get off the ground. Oh well. I don't know. I think you're making a leap thinking this is obviously her decision to not allow you to hang out one on one. Have you asked him about it? SaveSave
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 22:50:53 GMT
I agree. He could very well want her to be included. I know that would be the case with my DH.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 1, 2016 22:51:50 GMT
If you can meet up with the couple, why can't your dh? Have him make it a priority. Who knows maybe he and the friends wife will have things in common to talk about, and then you two can talk. I would have a problem with it at first too, honestly. I might have a problem with my dh meeting up with someone to talk about things like that at first, but if after awhile I went with and saw how you two got along, and felt comfortable with it, I'd be ok with it. Newly married, yea, that's a big NO.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 1, 2016 22:52:42 GMT
Agree with the others. Maybe he wants you to get to know her, and HE wants her with.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 1, 2016 22:54:13 GMT
It may not be that it is the unsupervised visits, but that they really enjoy being together. I know some couples that are attached at the hip. DH and I are not, and I don't understand it, but it works for them/
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 1, 2016 22:54:15 GMT
Talk to him.
But I will say I lost a dear friend from his wife's jealousy issues. Her husband and I were friends long before she came into the picture. And I was happily married and faithful to my husband, because you know, I don't want to have sex with every man I know.
But just like when I go to lunch with a girlfriend I don't want their husband there every.single.time. I feel the same about my guy friends.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Aug 1, 2016 22:57:13 GMT
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 22:57:13 GMT
I agree. He could very well want her to be included. I know that would be the case with my DH.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 1, 2016 23:15:07 GMT
Oh, I forgot to make that point. It's a long complicated story, but no, he definitely does not want it. She's difficult, and has caused rifts with other of our mutual friends, male and female, as well as problems with his family. I don't have a problem with her because she's always nice to me, but apparently that is not always the case. Then probably even MORE so he wants her with. It sounds like he can't really take her around his other friends or family? and he can take her around you. See where I'm going? Obviously he loves her and see's something special in her, otherwise he wouldn't have married her.
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Post by SockMonkey on Aug 1, 2016 23:19:06 GMT
Man, this is a no win situation. You gotta just deal with it, or risk losing your friend. Seriously, coming between two people never works out, even if THEY don't work out in the end. You're always going to be the jerk.
Keep trying to get together as a double date. The more you hang around them and include your husband so she can see YOU GOT A MAN, maybe the more comfortable she will be with you.
Good luck!
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 23:37:09 GMT
Man, this is a no win situation. You gotta just deal with it, or risk losing your friend. Seriously, coming between two people never works out, even if THEY don't work out in the end. You're always going to be the jerk. Keep trying to get together as a double date. The more you hang around them and include your husband so she can see YOU GOT A MAN, maybe the more comfortable she will be with you. Good luck!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 1, 2016 23:52:30 GMT
Unfortunately, in my world, wife trumps best friend. He chose to marry her and this can't be coming as a surprise to him about how to integrate his wife with his friends. Did he not socialize with her and the friends before the wedding? I agree it's not a battle you'll win.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 23:57:11 GMT
Unfortunately, in my world, wife trumps best friend. He chose to marry her and this can't be coming as a surprise to him about how to integrate his wife with his friends. Did he not socialize with her and the friends before the wedding? I agree it's not a battle you'll win.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 1, 2016 23:57:45 GMT
Draft your husband into service as SockMonkey said. Make a big effort to get to know her, ask your husband to do the same. At one year they are still newlyweds, things smight mellow with time.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,647
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Aug 2, 2016 0:01:34 GMT
I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are losing your friend. That sucks.
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Aug 2, 2016 0:07:26 GMT
Post by scrapmaven on Aug 2, 2016 0:07:26 GMT
I think it depends upon the people involved. I just lost a lifelong male friend a couple weeks ago and dh has been wonderfully compassionate. Knowing that it's hard for me to get out, my friend has come here a few times when dh is at work. It's nothing suspicious at all. It's just timing. My friend did shift work and dh works business hours. Both of my oldest friends are guys and were both in my wedding. Nothing ever happened between us and nothing ever would have. My very bff and I spend time together w/o his or my husband. So what? We each love eachother's husbands and we also have spouses who know us well. However your friend's wife is new to the scene. She might not have that level of understanding. Give her time to get to know you and things might change. Meanwhile, I hope that some couple's events can happen so that you can all become friends.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 2, 2016 0:07:52 GMT
the transition from 'individual' to 'married couple = package deal' is different with every couple, and it sounds like it is changing the dynamic between you and your friend. It's a tough change to go through, on both sides of the coin. Unfortunately, the 'old' friends sometimes get pushed out of the picture (that's more dramatic wording than I really want, but I can't think of the right word for it) due to all sorts of reasons, and it sounds like that's what's happening to you. Relationships (all kinds) change, and it sounds like this one is moving on / away.
It is difficult to 'lose' a friend for any reason, and I'm sorry it's happening to you like this-- when everything seems okay and you can't quite put your finger on why it's happening almost makes it more difficult.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 2, 2016 0:15:44 GMT
I would be disappointed in your situation as well. It's annoying regardless of the gender of the people involved. I would be really put out if my BFF started bringing her husband every time we went out for dinner. The conversation just wouldn't be the same. It's *our* time together, her husband gets her the other 29 nights a month! But I do agree with the others, it seems like you're just going to have to accept the way things are now so as not to cause trouble. I feel for you though.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 2, 2016 1:07:35 GMT
@crankypea please know I'm sympathetic. The ball is really in your friend's court and he has to manage his relationships. I hope it works out in the end for you.
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Post by kelbel827 on Aug 2, 2016 1:20:38 GMT
I'm on your side. Guys and girls, married or not can be friends. End of story
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Post by theboydbunch on Aug 2, 2016 1:27:02 GMT
I feel like telling her that if we were going to run off together, we would have done it 20 years ago when we were both better looking. This made me LOL
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Aug 2, 2016 1:29:46 GMT
Post by LiLi on Aug 2, 2016 1:29:46 GMT
I agree. He could very well want her to be included. I know that would be the case with my DH. Oh, I forgot to make that point. It's a long complicated story, but no, he definitely does not want it. She's difficult, and has caused rifts with other of our mutual friends, male and female, as well as problems with his family. I don't have a problem with her because she's always nice to me, but apparently that is not always the case. SaveSaveIf you talked down about his wife to him, or he to you, that is completely inappropriate. You shouldn't be alone with him anyway. With others, sure no problem. Not alone though.
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Post by mollycoddle on Aug 2, 2016 1:30:04 GMT
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I can see how that would be annoying. Talk about what you want; she can join in the conversation if she wants. But I wouldn't skip talking about your favorite topics just because she's there. She can introduce topics too if she so desires.
Oh, and you're probably not going to be able to get rid of her on yout meet ups. She sounds like a fixture.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 2:12:58 GMT
Oh, I forgot to make that point. It's a long complicated story, but no, he definitely does not want it. She's difficult, and has caused rifts with other of our mutual friends, male and female, as well as problems with his family. I don't have a problem with her because she's always nice to me, but apparently that is not always the case. SaveSaveIf you talked down about his wife to him, or he to you, that is completely inappropriate. You shouldn't be alone with him anyway. With others, sure no problem. Not alone though. I don't know what thread you are reading? I have never and would never said anything negative about his wife to him. And we don't go skipping off to a meadow filled with daisies and have private picnics, we go to public restaurants. SaveSave
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Aug 2, 2016 2:22:37 GMT
Post by LiLi on Aug 2, 2016 2:22:37 GMT
If you talked down about his wife to him, or he to you, that is completely inappropriate. You shouldn't be alone with him anyway. With others, sure no problem. Not alone though. I don't know what thread you are reading? I have never and would never said anything negative about his wife to him. And we don't go skipping off to a meadow filled with daisies and have private picnics, we go to public restaurants. SaveSaveyou said: How do you know he "does not want it" if he didn't tell you that...
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 11:06:45 GMT
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Aug 2, 2016 2:27:04 GMT
LiLi likes this
Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 2:27:04 GMT
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Post by peasapie on Aug 2, 2016 3:16:26 GMT
This happened to my daughter, too, with one of her guy friends. I think it's a thing that happens across the board, not just opposite sex friends. The new couple bonds and there isnt much room for friends unless they are a couple as well.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 2, 2016 3:31:57 GMT
[/font
I can see how that would be annoying. Talk about what you want; she can join in the conversation if she wants. But I wouldn't skip talking about your favorite topics just because she's there. She can introduce topics too if she so desires.
Oh, and you're probably not going to be able to get rid of her on yout meet ups. She sounds like a fixture. This is what I would do. I guess it only works if all four people think it works. I lost a great friend when she got married. He has to be with her all of the time. He isn't a fan of hanging out with my husband and me. Unless we can provide him with something he needs like help moving.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Aug 2, 2016 4:25:21 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 2, 2016 4:25:21 GMT
Oh, I forgot to make that point. It's a long complicated story, but no, he definitely does not want it. She's difficult, and has caused rifts with other of our mutual friends, male and female, as well as problems with his family. I don't have a problem with her because she's always nice to me, but apparently that is not always the case. SaveSaveIf you talked down about his wife to him, or he to you, that is completely inappropriate. You shouldn't be alone with him anyway. With others, sure no problem. Not alone though. LOL!
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Post by Marina on Aug 2, 2016 5:07:04 GMT
The way I kept a good male friend was to completely drop him for a while and just got to know his wife. We became great friends and I was able to keep his friendship. Becoming friends with the wife can only bless your friend and the overall friendship.
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