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Post by katlady on Aug 10, 2016 21:30:07 GMT
Just curious. I know the responses will vary depending on family dynamics, but if your uncle divorced his wife, do you still call the ex-wife your aunt?
Two of my uncles are divorced, for a long-time and not remarried, and I still occasionally see their ex-wives because of my cousins. Half the time I refer to them by their first names, and half the time I call them "Aunt". They respond to both and never correct me. Would you still refer to them as your aunt?
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Post by mom on Aug 10, 2016 21:33:58 GMT
I would call them by their first names and not Aunt.
The only exception would be if I were extremely close with said aunt and kept in regular contact despite the divorce.
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Post by polz on Aug 10, 2016 21:33:59 GMT
Yes. Although in my culture (I'm from New Zealand), Aunty and Uncle is a sign of respect. Like teachers here are sometimes called Whaea (Aunty) Mary, instead of Mrs Smith. My friend married a white dude from Scotland and he is honoured to be called Matua (Uncle) Mark by his students, rather than Mr Jones. Actually, I have a friend from India who is Whaea Darshna. I love how people adopt the best bits of our culture when they come here.
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Post by annaintx on Aug 10, 2016 21:34:16 GMT
When my uncle and his wife got divorced, I still called her "aunt" because I had ever since I was little and it just stuck. When he remarried, I called the new wife "aunt", also. I'm in my mid 40s and I still call my uncle "uncle" rather than just his name, though my other cousins call him just by his name.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 10, 2016 21:36:45 GMT
I do....my uncle divorced his first wife (my Aunt Barbara) about 25 years ago. He remarried a very nice woman (Diane). But I still call his first wife "Aunt Barbara" and I call his second wife Diane. I guess because I was a child when he was married to the first wife and referred to her as my Aunt and I was grown when he married the second wife and it felt odd to call her Aunt for some reason so I just called her by her first name.
Even to this day, his first wife is still "Aunt Barbara" to me.
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 10, 2016 21:37:50 GMT
I would think it would depend on how close you were with them.. (at least for me)... My sis and her hubby are getting divorced and now I have to think about it. LOL... My kids were not really close to that uncle and probably most likely will never see him unless a family function like a wedding.. I guess we will cross that path when we need to.
I am also saying, there hasn't been much divorce in our family, I can't think of a single 'ex' aunt or uncle.. LOL
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Post by turangaleela on Aug 10, 2016 21:38:06 GMT
When my uncle and his wife got divorced, I still called her "aunt" because I had ever since I was little and it just stuck. When he remarried, I called the new wife "aunt", also. I'm in my mid 40s and I still call my uncle "uncle" rather than just his name, though my other cousins call him just by his name. I could have written this! Exactly the same here. |
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mimima
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Post by mimima on Aug 10, 2016 21:38:48 GMT
I have always called my uncle's former wife aunt even after their divorce
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2016 21:40:37 GMT
I have a couple aunts and uncles who because of divorce are no longer technically family. I grew up with them being part of the family and they were all married for my entire childhood. Because of this, I still call them aunt or uncle so and so. On the other hand, my aunt married a man who is a wonderful, generous and kind person but because I was already an adult when they married, I feel awkward calling him Uncle "C".
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Post by bianca42 on Aug 10, 2016 21:41:10 GMT
My Aunt Carol used to be married to my Step-Dad's brother and I still call her Aunt Carol. (Does that make her my ex-step aunt?) I also refer to her kids from a previous marriage as my cousins. (Ex-step-step cousins?)
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Post by secondlife on Aug 10, 2016 21:42:44 GMT
Im sure it does depend on family dynamics.
My daughter's aunt by marriage elected to remove herself from the marriage. I no longer consider her my daughter's aunt and her children of her subsequent remarriage are not my daughter's cousins. I don't see why I would still call her aunt or her children cousin. The children have no connection to one another, nor we any longer.
My daughter's uncle remarried. His wife is her aunt and their children are her cousins. At the moment all those children are cats. it's cool, we follow them on instagram.
So the ex wife who elected to be on her way - I wish her well but she is not family by her own choice. No ill will, no disrespect. Just the facts. I'm certain she no longer considers us family either and would not refer to any of the children as nieces or nephews.
In different families the relationship is obviously different - this is just us. It's entirely possible that under different circumstances we might have felt differently. But she chose to have no contact with any of us and I feel no need to sentimentalize that relationship. I liked her a great deal but that is no longer relevant.
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on Aug 10, 2016 21:43:02 GMT
We've had a couple of divorces in my large extended family and I still refer to the non-blood relative as aunt/uncle.
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 10, 2016 21:49:34 GMT
No, just like my X-SIL is no longer my SIL. If it was by marriage, and the marriage is no longer, they are no longer my aunt, unless I was SUPER close to them. I only see it as a sign of respect if that is still their title.mit should no longer be their title.
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Aug 10, 2016 21:50:34 GMT
Personally, I think it reflects on me more than the person. In my family, it's respectful to call your elders by their title, I can't imagine calling someone by only their first name unless I'm invited to do so. So unless my "ex-aunt" requested that I drop the aunt, she will always be called and referred to that way.
I think we're probably not the norm though.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 10, 2016 21:51:45 GMT
Just curious. I know the responses will vary depending on family dynamics, but if your uncle divorced his wife, do you still call the ex-wife your aunt? Two of my uncles are divorced, for a long-time and not remarried, and I still occasionally see their ex-wives because of my cousins. Half the time I refer to them by their first names, and half the time I call them "Aunt". They respond to both and never correct me. Would you still refer to them as your aunt? Always...and they attend family functions. One Uncle is an asshole and has no contact with his kids nor 3/4 of the rest of us. The other Uncle's divorce was fairly friendly |
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Post by maryland on Aug 10, 2016 21:54:11 GMT
Still call them uncle and aunt. If she/he was abusive or a jerk, they would not be called aunt/uncle anymore.
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Post by grate on Aug 10, 2016 21:55:39 GMT
I stilled called my aunt, aunt but the times I saw her again were minimal
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2016 21:56:17 GMT
Opposite situation here: Aunt divorced her husband. That was probably twenty years ago. I'm 57 now, and I still call him Uncle Tony. Always will. And he still calls me Dizzy Lizzy.  |
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Post by papersilly on Aug 10, 2016 21:57:57 GMT
yup, still my aunt, still my uncle. I would continue to call them that out of respect.
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Post by darkchami on Aug 10, 2016 22:02:19 GMT
As others have said, it very much depends on how close you are. I had one uncle by marriage that I don't consider an uncle after the divorce. My aunt's second husband will always and forever be my uncle. After she passed, he remained part of our family. We had a great relationship.
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River
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Post by River on Aug 10, 2016 22:08:41 GMT
Yep! I come from a large family, 10 aunts and uncles on BOTH sides. There's been several divorces over the years and we've always still referred to them by title when we see them out and about.
One of my uncles divorced a long time ago and remarried. Him and his wife are very good friends with his ex wife and her new husband. They even vacation together. The new husband is now referred to as uncle. Lol. He is the police officer that works at my sons school and we greet him daily. I don't think my boys know that he's not really my uncle.
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 10, 2016 22:09:52 GMT
I still don't get the "respect" part of it? It's only respectful if that's actually what they are. If the marriage is over, they are no longer in the family.
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NoWomanNoCry
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 10, 2016 22:16:11 GMT
If we were close sure. When my dad divorced my stepmom I still called her my stepmom and I called her mom and dad my maw-maw and paw-paw still.
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Post by lostwithout2peas on Aug 10, 2016 22:18:45 GMT
Yes! I have an Uncle who divorced my Aunt over 15 years ago and remarried. New wife was called by her first name and my aunt was still my Aunt. Sadly, we just helped my cousins lay my sweet aunt to rest a few months ago.
My mom and Dad divorced about 20 years ago, they had been married for over 30 years and to this day all my cousins on my Dads side of the family still call my Mom Aunt and still visit her and consider her family. She watched them grow up, was apart of their lives and loves them all very much. I wouldn't expect any less from them.
I would hope that if by some craziness me and my DH got a divorce, my nieces and nephews who I have loved and been apart of their lives since the day they where born wouldn't just write me off and not call me Aunt anymore cause of the divorce. I have been with my husband 21 years, and the love I feel for my nephews and nieces on his side is strong and genuine.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 10, 2016 22:24:53 GMT
My bil is divorced and we still refer to my ex-sil as aunt. Of course, I'm not fond of current sil.
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Post by Linda on Aug 10, 2016 22:29:53 GMT
for me it depends on family dynamics and at least partly on the age gap between the niece/nephew and the ex-relative.
My children are the youngest grandchildren - my oldest is only 18m older than the first great-grandchildren. They refer to their first cousins as Cousin FirstName because of the age gap out of respect.
All of my SILs and all but one of my BILs have been married and divorced more than once (the one BIL never married). Generally speaking we haven't had contact with the ex-spouses with two exceptions. My children did and do refer to my BILs 2nd wife (of 4 - but the one my older two knew best) as Aunt S. even though they've been divorced for 11-ish years and BIL has been dead for 4 years. My DS worked with Aunt S. before he joined the Navy and she retired and he said it was awkward calling her S. at work when he was accustomed to calling her Aunt S. - I think he compromised with Miss S. The other exception was my SILs 1st ex-DH - she's gone now and we see him at family gatherings with his kids/grandkids (he lives with his dd) -she divorced him before my kids knew him so he's Mr. Surname to them not Uncle J.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 10, 2016 22:32:17 GMT
I would call my aunt's ex husband by his first name. Then again, I would call my aunt by her first name, but she has never been a part of my life and the few times I've ever seen her she could care less. An aunt that I liked I would call aunt and if the uncle and I had been close I would still call him uncle.
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Post by deekaye on Aug 10, 2016 22:32:24 GMT
Yep, my mom's brother who divorced his first wife is she is still my aunt, even though both have remarried... after all, she's the mom to my cousins! I do see her quite often. My mom's other brother divorced years and years ago and his first wife (no kids) just located me on Facebook. It just seems natural to refer to her as Aunt Gloria, because that's how I knew her way back when!  (and, on a side note, she refers to me by my childhood nickname... a name that no one uses because, well, I'm not a child and haven't been for eons... I thought it was sweet). |
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 10, 2016 22:33:51 GMT
No, just like my X-SIL is no longer my SIL. If it was by marriage, and the marriage is no longer, they are no longer my aunt, unless I was SUPER close to them. I only see it as a sign of respect if that is still their title.mit should no longer be their title. I consider my x-sil my sil and my ils still think of her as their dil. Of course she is the mother of my niece and my bIL has done a shitty job of being her dad, so luckily I've continued to foster the relationship with my sil and thus kept niece in our lives. |
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azredhead
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Post by azredhead on Aug 10, 2016 22:36:45 GMT
It's not necessarily a respect thing- just family dynamics. I'm closer to some of my aunts and uncles on my moms 2nd spouse. even though I (and two brothers) have no blood relation to them. It's complicated but we have a better relationship they tried to repair things after the divorce as my younger siblings are blood related.
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(and, on a side note, she refers to me by my childhood nickname... a name that no one uses because, well, I'm not a child and haven't been for eons... I thought it was sweet).