momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
|
Post by momto4kiddos on Oct 14, 2016 17:34:41 GMT
Just wondering if my personal opinion colors my judgement too much here. I am not a party person, i'm good with small gatherings and I don't mind attending some events.
But I've grown to dislike giving/planning parties! I have 4 kids and I did yearly birthday party and religious milestone parties. I planned/gave anniversary party for parents, given and helped give showers, etc. Here's the thing, I just don't enjoy planning and giving them and they make me irritable.
So a close family member enjoys being given parties for big events. Admittedly it has been a number of years since they've had an event to have one. But at the same time they basically expect a party and expect you'll be involved in throwing it. To be honest, I didn't do graduation parties for my kids because they didn't care much and I hate planning parties (we did dinner with close family instead.)
So how do you handle things like this, give parties that you don't want to give? Avoid them like the plague? Or would give a party every weekend if you could? And if you are a lover of party given, why do you love doing it?
|
|
|
Post by colleen on Oct 14, 2016 17:38:43 GMT
I generally enjoy giving parties but the minute I feel like someone EXPECTS me to do something, I don't want to. If you want to mark the milestone, suggest going out to dinner. Otherwise, send a card.
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on Oct 14, 2016 17:43:46 GMT
We had lots and lots of big parties growing up. My mother was the ultimate hostess.
Then she got early mild cognitive impairment (which lead to dementia) and she did NOT want to have parties any longer and always picked fights with my dad over having parties.
Then she got medicated properly and all she could talk about were parties she was going to hostess from her hospital room. We had a big birthday party for her at the end of December last year and it was wonderful. She was happy, singing, eating cake, hugging guests and had a grand time. I wish I could have recorded the party because it was so much fun!
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Oct 14, 2016 17:54:14 GMT
I'm more comfortable giving a party than attending one. No one should ever expect someone else to throw a party for them though.
|
|
|
Post by KiwiJo on Oct 14, 2016 18:04:40 GMT
I am not keen on parties. I can tolerate going to one, but planning and/or hosting one would be one of my worst nightmares.
I also don't like to disappoint people. However I would far rather tell someone that I won't be able to plan a party for them, than to plan the party.
|
|
MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
|
Post by MsKnit on Oct 14, 2016 18:08:12 GMT
Not a fan of parties. Neither is my husband.
We never held a friend b-day party for the boy child. We did offer. He was never interested.
Our parties are the three of us and dh's parents. Thanksgiving has ballooned though. My dad, sis, and bil. Plus a family friend. That's huge for us.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Oct 14, 2016 18:13:39 GMT
I generally enjoy giving parties but the minute I feel like someone EXPECTS me to do something, I don't want to.. Yup. No, I wouldn't throw a party I was 'expected' to throw.
|
|
|
Post by kkooch on Oct 14, 2016 18:28:22 GMT
I used to love throwing parties (which I also count Thanksgiving and Christmas in that group) but I do believe I am burned out from it. For everyones birthday I use to let them pick a favorite meal and me and my then husband would cook for everyone along with a cake that I would make (not just a boxed regular one but something cute with flowers or a character cake made with all the little star dots). But then my birthday would come and slowly it turned more and more to shit. No one would ask what I wanted, if I was lucky I had burgers on the grill. If! So now I hate birthdays. Everyone is happy with me to cook for them but my day is nothing. SO, my kids and family included in that non-celebration of me! So now I think I want to go away for the upcoming holidays even. Or say I am and just stay home. I don't want to cook, don't really enjoy it any more. If I say so myself I thought I was great at it!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 1:53:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2016 18:46:38 GMT
We're having a party in a couple of weeks and although I know it will be fun once it gets here, I dread it.
We also go to a lot of parties - which I also dread but always end up having a good time.
I'm not a natural hostess. I'm also not a natural guest.
I've got friends that could host a party for 100 with leftovers in their freezer with 30 minutes notice and you would think that you were at a presidential gala. I am, unfortunately, not that person.
How do I handle it? I power through it. We live in a very social neighborhood. People move here (active adult retirement community) because they WANT to be social. I know that relationships are built at these events and I know that those relationships are important so I make myself go and I make myself host. Sometimes there are so many events in a single month - or even week - that I select the one that is easiest, most appealing, least pressure, whatever but I cannot attend 5-6 gatherings a week like some of my friends do. There are many times that they have 2 group events in a single day. I love my friends and I like being with them, but I need a great deal of alone time in order to recharge.
If you have ever seen a Del Webb community commercial where there are parties in someone's kitchen or on their deck, those are, in fact, absolutely accurate. All the freaking time. Which is why we moved here, but still . . .
|
|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on Oct 14, 2016 19:02:53 GMT
This is a spin-off comment, but I hate the one "guest" who is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS two hours late. IT's zaps the happy right out of the birthday. And we have a family member...ugh!!! (Yes, I know it's rude, but their child is on the spectrum and it is ALWAYS because of that.)
|
|
|
Post by anniefb on Oct 14, 2016 19:17:55 GMT
Not a fan of parties. Don't like to go to them, never organise/give them myself. I might have a few friends over for dinner or go out for a meal. Thankfully have never been asked to organise a party for anyone - my good friends know me too well I've stopped doing things I don't really enjoy (unless they;re required for work - LOL) Life's too short....
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 14, 2016 19:32:34 GMT
Depends on what it is and who it's for. Surprise party for DH? No way. Things get way too complicated and expensive way too fast. His life motto is "Go big or go home!" But a birthday party for DD? I'm all over that! I can plan and host a killer kid's party and they all go home raving about it. She is so easy though. The kid picks a theme ten months in advance and never wavers from it. She knows exactly what she likes, knows exactly what she wants, but yet is very flexible when it comes to actually pulling it off. And on top of all that she's grateful and appreciative of the effort, which in the end makes it all worth doing.
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Oct 14, 2016 19:52:00 GMT
When I was younger and had a huge social circle we went to a lot of parties and threw a lot of them. Although we had tons of fun I just got tired of it all as I got older. Now my idea of a party is a bottle of wine and a fun evening with just the hubby.
I also have come to hate the holidays with a passion. I'm old enough that time just whizzes by. It is Christmas and five minutes later here it comes again. I would enjoy it so much more if Christmas and Thanksgiving only happened once every five years. I might actually enjoy the holidays if we didn't have them so often.
|
|
|
Post by scrapsotime on Oct 14, 2016 19:57:13 GMT
We are not a planning parties for people family. Our parties usually are for holidays and any holiday will do. We are having 2 Halloween parties - one for the business and one at home.
People know better than to expect a party from us just because they want one.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,769
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on Oct 14, 2016 20:06:21 GMT
I feel like there's more to your OP that would probably change my answer if I had all the details. No, I'm not a party person. I do enjoy the event once it's happening, but I don't enjoy the lead up to it. Whether I'm planning or just attending. Like burningfeather said above...I power through. Sometimes you just do. I'm curious if this is kind of a "my MIL (or some other equally evil in the pea world person) always wants me to throw a birthday party and I don't want to!" To which I would respond, in my relationship I do some things for my DH because I love him. And he does things for me because he loves me. Sometimes we just do things for others because it's the right thing to do and doing it once or twice a year doesn't kill us. I do it out of respect for my DH because I have and want to maintain a loving, mutually respectful relationship and throwing a get together for his mother would not be my hill to die on.
|
|
|
Post by mom on Oct 14, 2016 20:15:04 GMT
I'm more comfortable giving a party than attending one. No one should ever expect someone else to throw a party for them though. Sitting on this bench. I hate going to parties but have no issues in throwing one! The moment I feel like 'its expected' that I throw a party, though, is when I step back and let someone else do it.
|
|
|
Post by lbp on Oct 14, 2016 20:26:28 GMT
I am convinced that in a former life I was the scullery maid! I love the planning, decorating and cooking, then when all the people get to the house I just want to go upstairs and climb in the bed and read!
I have maybe 5-6 "parties" per year, which includes birthdays and holidays. I am having 12 people tomorrow for a Halloween dinner, mostly family and I am looking forward to that.
I am not very comfortable at other people parties though. While I can talk the hind legs off a mule and will talk to anyone, anywhere, I sometimes feel awkward if it's a lot of people I don't know very well. I don't think anyone I know expects me to give them a party. That would be weird.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 14, 2016 21:11:51 GMT
I love to host parties as well as attend them. I'll have anything from neighbors over for impromptu drinks to a fancy dinner party for 16. I love to do beautiful tablescapes and plan a coordinated meal from hors d'oeuvres to dessert.
As a result, I am often expected to be the one who hosts -- by family and by friends. My husband's office just assumes we will host the office Christmas party. His aunt assumes we will host Thanksgiving. And for me? That's okay. I choose to see it as a compliment that people always enjoy coming here. And I genuinely like to do it.
If you don't enjoy it though, I can see why you would resent being expected to host a party. If you feel that way, please be upfront with people and simply say it doesn't work for you to have it. No explanation required. When you start explaining, you give people the room they need to start "helping" you overcome your obstacles to it as they guilt you into doing it. Just say, "Sorry, that's not going to be possible for me." Period. Repeat as needed. Better to do that than be bitter about being pressured into doing something you really don't want to do.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Oct 14, 2016 21:20:30 GMT
Apart from kids parties, I've never thrown a party. The concept is actually quite foreign to me. Perhaps when DSO turns 50 we might have a party? But I doubt it.
So in answer to your question, I'd avoid them like the plague. If this person in your family loves parties so much, and "expects" them, let them throw their own!
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 14, 2016 22:40:30 GMT
I'm not a lover of throwing parties. I do it extremely rarely.
But I don't feel like I have to do it, either.
|
|
|
Post by leannec on Oct 14, 2016 23:32:03 GMT
I'm pretty good at hosting a group of 10-15 ... I host Book Club every month and it is a lot of fun We also host Thanksgiving and Christmas most years ... it's a group of about 15 ... I get stressed a bit but I enjoy having people over to my house more than going to another persons place
|
|
Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
|
Post by Grom Pea on Oct 15, 2016 0:44:18 GMT
I love planning and throwing parties but I hate cleaning my house to have guests. This year we were going to have a Halloween party, but someone in our circle was going to have a Halloween themed birthday for their child so I didn't plan a party, the cancelled the party and now I feel bad I didn't just go ahead with the party, but we've been sick and have too many birthday parties to attend so I'm taking a year off.
|
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,318
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
|
Post by smcast on Oct 15, 2016 1:12:44 GMT
I wish I had enough close friends that lived close enough to have parties with. Everyone is spread out and at our stage in our lives, it is hard to arrange work schedules and kids' activities to get together. I don't mind having parties or attending them.
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Oct 15, 2016 4:30:41 GMT
We're having a party in a couple of weeks and although I know it will be fun once it gets here, I dread it. We also go to a lot of parties - which I also dread but always end up having a good time. I'm not a natural hostess. I'm also not a natural guest. I've got friends that could host a party for 100 with leftovers in their freezer with 30 minutes notice and you would think that you were at a presidential gala. I am, unfortunately, not that person. How do I handle it? I power through it. We live in a very social neighborhood. People move here (active adult retirement community) because they WANT to be social. I know that relationships are built at these events and I know that those relationships are important so I make myself go and I make myself host. Sometimes there are so many events in a single month - or even week - that I select the one that is easiest, most appealing, least pressure, whatever but I cannot attend 5-6 gatherings a week like some of my friends do. There are many times that they have 2 group events in a single day. I love my friends and I like being with them, but I need a great deal of alone time in order to recharge. If you have ever seen a Del Webb community commercial where there are parties in someone's kitchen or on their deck, those are, in fact, absolutely accurate. All the freaking time. Which is why we moved here, but still . . . Wow, that's a very social community you live in! I don't think most of us could handle accepting all of those invitations!
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Oct 15, 2016 4:34:52 GMT
When I was younger and had a huge social circle we went to a lot of parties and threw a lot of them. Although we had tons of fun I just got tired of it all as I got older. Now my idea of a party is a bottle of wine and a fun evening with just the hubby. I also have come to hate the holidays with a passion. I'm old enough that time just whizzes by. It is Christmas and five minutes later here it comes again. I would enjoy it so much more if Christmas and Thanksgiving only happened once every five years. I might actually enjoy the holidays if we didn't have them so often. For the most part I've done a good job of letting go of the things that feel obligatory. If I truly want to do something, great, but if it is expected and not something I'll enjoy, I can just say no. Politely. I love giving gifts to friends and family but not because a date on the calendar says it is time to do so - bday, christmas, anniv. When I see something I think so and so would love, I get it and gift it then. Same with our kids starting when they were about 16 yo. My fave gifts to give are experiential ones. I do love to connect people and usually that happens over food, but I prefer small events like a cozy dinner for 6 where we can all take part int he same conversation and really share to big gatherings which feel like a lot of small talk.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 1:53:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2016 13:36:18 GMT
Just wondering if my personal opinion colors my judgement too much here. I am not a party person, i'm good with small gatherings and I don't mind attending some events. But I've grown to dislike giving/planning parties! I have 4 kids and I did yearly birthday party and religious milestone parties. I planned/gave anniversary party for parents, given and helped give showers, etc. Here's the thing, I just don't enjoy planning and giving them and they make me irritable. So a close family member enjoys being given parties for big events. Admittedly it has been a number of years since they've had an event to have one. But at the same time they basically expect a party and expect you'll be involved in throwing it. To be honest, I didn't do graduation parties for my kids because they didn't care much and I hate planning parties (we did dinner with close family instead.) So how do you handle things like this, give parties that you don't want to give? Avoid them like the plague? Or would give a party every weekend if you could? And if you are a lover of party given, why do you love doing it? I have never in my life hosted a party I didn't want to host. I handle it by 1) being oblivious to the expectation and 2) if the person gets to pointed about expecting me to do it I simply say "this is not a good time to host a party" I don't explain why it is a bad time.
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on Oct 15, 2016 13:48:36 GMT
I am not sure. It always seems to fall to the same sister in law to host "events" but the rest of us chip in and help. But sometimes it's a little disappointing when you attended and participated in celebrations over the years, but then the next generation seems forgotten. Does that mean the other side of the family needs to step up and host? Possibly. But they kind of want the same as their cousins got so it's a learning process for everyone. It's hard to say "Well Aunt ____ gave everyone else a party but...." fill in the explanations. Adults get it, children sometimes don't. Sometimes adults don't get it. I am glad we are not a big event holder. Most of the time we just meet at the family cabin and potluck it.
|
|
kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
|
Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 15, 2016 13:50:18 GMT
Can't imagine throwing a party I don't want to give. ?? There's got to be a more clear explanation from the OP, or at least more clarifying details.
That said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE hosting parties, planning parties, going to parties, attending events. Love it all. Love the planning, cooking, dressing - everything. I can host a crowd of 20 based on just what's laying around the house. Give me a day's notice, and I can host a dinner for 50 - and that includes having the appropriate servware and table service. That's just me.
|
|
|
Post by beachbum on Oct 15, 2016 13:52:33 GMT
My question is: Does this family member throw big parties for other people on their birthdays? How many parties has this person thrown? How often? The answer to that would most likely color my view on planning a party.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 1:53:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2016 13:56:21 GMT
I only enjoy giving parties for my own kids or husband. Everyone else, they're on their own. I'll attend if invited and I want to celebrate.
Even then, I keep it simple and will pay more if it means less work for me. Too much stress and pressure (even if there is none) makes me wonky. It's like I become manic and cycle between manic and depressed. If I can hire out nearly everything, I'm good.
|
|