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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 16, 2016 0:04:22 GMT
Ummm but didn't you walk out without going to tell her you were all leaving? Indeed we did when we arrived home to put the littles to sleep. The way you are wording this is confusing. So you went out, then came back but told her you were going out again - then put the kids to bed, then like ten minutes later left without telling her?
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Post by LiLi on Oct 16, 2016 0:08:19 GMT
Niece's version:
"WHO THE FUCK LEAVES A HOUSE WITH 2 VERY YOUNG KIDS ASSUMING I AM BABYSITTING AND DOESN'T EVEN TELL ME THE KIDS ARE THERE!!!"
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 0:12:20 GMT
Indeed we did when we arrived home to put the littles to sleep. The way you are wording this is confusing. So you went out, then came back but told her you were going out again - then put the kids to bed, then like ten minutes later left without telling her? This is why I admitted there was assuming going on. We were having a loud discussion directly below her AS we were leaving. Not even 2 minutes before we were leaving, it got really quiet and I joked to hubby, 'so did you leave without me?' loudly (because he legit leaves to the car sometimes without me...I get caught up in things without knowing everyone is finally ready...hubby takes forever to get dressed) and he said 'yes, we left without you...no, oldest is in the bathroom, we are waiting on him'. It was going to be run in, run out after we put the kids to bed but it took longer because of her kids occupying our kids' beds. Pretty sure the confusion started with having to rethink where kids were going to sleep because it threw everything off. I can't tell you what I was thinking at the time, but what likely happened was that I had planned for xyz to happen in my head (I plan several steps ahead) and when things were thrown off, I remembered thinking about doing it and failed to realize that it (it being explicitly looking at her and saying we were about to leave) hadn't happened. If that makes sense? Kind of like walking into a room for something, getting sidetracked by something else, going about your business and not realizing you never did what you intended to do until much later when you reach for that item and it's not there.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 0:13:45 GMT
Niece's version: "WHO THE FUCK LEAVES A HOUSE WITH 2 VERY YOUNG KIDS ASSUMING I AM BABYSITTING AND DOESN'T EVEN TELL ME THE KIDS ARE THERE!!!" Possibly...except she knew my kids were there.
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Post by LiLi on Oct 16, 2016 0:16:32 GMT
Sorry, what I got from your original post was it was possible she thought you had taken them with you and didn't know they were there.
Either way, it sounds like all of you are to blame. I always have a full conversation with my oldest son,(22) before I leave my two youngest at home. I just can't see it not being everyone's fault.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 0:19:19 GMT
Sorry, what I got from your original post was it was possible she thought you had taken them with you and didn't know they were there. No problem. I deserve some of the flack I'm getting. I missed a step in the process and am happy to admit my error.
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Post by elaine on Oct 16, 2016 0:24:58 GMT
I don't purposefully listen to other people having conversations in another room. And if I'm on my phone or iPad, I literally don't know someone is speaking, let alone what they are saying. You can't have a conversation in another room and assume that she should be listening in on you. If you want someone to know/hear something, talk directly to them and wait for them to respond so you know they heard you. I think blame could be evenly split here. So, be as pea livid with yourself as with her and all is cool.
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Post by secondlife on Oct 16, 2016 0:29:57 GMT
That happened to us once. I thought my adult niece had my then 4yo daughter and she thought I had her. I went to the gym for an hour. Came back - kid was happily playing with toys but there was no adult in the house. House unlocked and back door open.
In my situation it was a miscommunication and not a transgression. I was just glad everyone was fine and no problems occurred. I realized after the fact how it happened and couldn't be too upset because it was an error we both made at the same time.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 0:37:29 GMT
I don't purposefully listen to other people having conversations in another room. And if I'm on my phone or iPad, I literally don't know someone is speaking, let alone what they are saying. You can't have a conversation in another room and assume that she should be listening in on you. If you want someone to know/hear something, talk directly to them and wait for them to respond so you know they heard you. I think blame could be evenly split here. So, be as pea livid with yourself as with her and all is cool. Oh yeah...once I calmed down and really thought back, I get it. I am not wired like that. I can be talking directly to my husband and he doesn't hear me (I have a habit of repeating myself like 4x because of this) and he also falls asleep at the drop of a hat even when not tired...it can be during a critical point in a movie and he's still out. However, if I hear something loud going on, I'll hone in on it and hear it all whether or not I want to...I also can't fall asleep during any show or movie because I can't miss out on what's going on, it doesn't matter if I can barely keep my eyes open. I naturally don't like missing out. I limited my texting to her when I was first mad about the whole situation to avoid saying something I'd regret (and vented here instead), but messaged her again letting her know it was okay, that I thought I said something that I hadn't and it was a big miscommunication.
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Post by melanell on Oct 16, 2016 1:00:14 GMT
The OP was deleted by the time I saw this, but I found it quoted and was kind of confused by exactly what all happened. And I'm not sure the following posts helped clear it up for me. But all in all I am very glad that all the kids involved are safe & sound. Hugs to you, OP. I can only imagine how terrifying it had to be to realize that your young kids had been home alone, no matter who bore what responsibility in the whole situation.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 1:03:01 GMT
The OP was deleted by the time I saw this, but I found it quoted and was kind of confused by exactly what all happened. And I'm not sure the following posts helped clear it up for me. But all in all I am very glad that all the kids involved are safe & sound. Hugs to you, OP. I can only imagine how terrifying it had to be to realize that your young kids had been home alone, no matter who bore what responsibility in the whole situation. Thanks. I realized that I was overreacting in my post and had deleted others in other places before comments were left (figuring a conversation wasn't going to result and no need to clutter the board with it) and didn't realize I wouldn't delete the whole thread in removing the comment. It became clear to me before the opposing arguments were posted that it was a no-win situation and I honestly didn't feel like defending my initial reaction when I already realized I was partly responsible...but the internet, it is forever!!! And now I can't undo it in order to make it all clear in the first post, haha.
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 16, 2016 1:18:50 GMT
A few years ago we all left one of my kids at his baseball game. The funniest part was like he had like 8 relatives there (grandparents, parents and siblings) but after the game we all scattered thinking someone else was taking him. He called me on someone's phone and was all "ummmm mom? I'm still at the ball field" oops
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 16, 2016 1:35:15 GMT
OP, I give you balls for sticking it out on this thread! for admitting where you went wrong. We all make mistakes. Even Peas!! GASP!! GOOD for you!!
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 1:38:12 GMT
A few years ago we all left one of my kids at his baseball game. The funniest part was like he had like 8 relatives there (grandparents, parents and siblings) but after the game we all scattered thinking someone else was taking him. He called me on someone's phone and was all "ummmm mom? I'm still at the ball field" oops I've forgotten to buckle in each of my kids a time or two...usually after an atypical event. Once was unwrapping a sandwich, one was going to the park and having to manually close the garage for some reason, and one recently was being distracted by shoes on the wrong feet and fixing them. There was one other instance, but I can't remember how it came to be (that was with the middle kiddo, first 2 were the oldest and last was the youngest). But this was a big deal to me because I don't even like running down the street with my kids still at home or to walk away to a cart return in the parking lot if it's more than a space or two away just in case. We've had too many instances of forgotten candles or the gas turned on on the stove (but the fire not set, yet) from bumping into it or the dog jumping up for something and hitting it with a paw for me to even want to take a few moments for granted. Suffice it to say, I'm an intense worrier.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 1:41:39 GMT
OP, I give you balls for sticking it out on this thread! for admitting where you went wrong. We all make mistakes. Even Peas!! GASP!! GOOD for you!! Haha. How can I teach my kids to accept responsibility for their actions if I run from mine?? I did try, though (mostly because I knew that it wouldn't have mattered what I said in follow up, the original post would still be what stood out and that would have started the back and forth all over again... ).
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Post by elaine on Oct 16, 2016 1:49:44 GMT
OP, I give you balls for sticking it out on this thread! for admitting where you went wrong. We all make mistakes. Even Peas!! GASP!! GOOD for you!! Haha. How can I teach my kids to accept responsibility for their actions if I run from mine?? I did try, though (mostly because I knew that it wouldn't have mattered what I said in follow up, the original post would still be what stood out and that would have started the back and forth all over again... ).
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PaperAngel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,357
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Oct 16, 2016 2:08:31 GMT
Glad your children are safe!
While I understand there was clearly a miscommunication, I agree with you that a responsible adult/houseguest should not leave unannounced (especially knowing sleeping toddlers are inside!). She should have texted you before leaving to confirm her assumption that your husband was there & inform you that she intended to leave the door unlocked. Her actions jeopardized the safety of your children & home. It could have ended differently...
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 16, 2016 3:25:37 GMT
I bet that will never happen again.
I'm glad your kids were fine.
I probably would have tried to tip toe out of the house if I thought your kids and hubby were sleeping.
Seeing a car gone, I think reasonably she should have texted you before she left if only to ask about locking up the house.
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Post by Belia on Oct 16, 2016 3:30:55 GMT
You're a class act, OP! Say an extra prayer of thanks tonight, and call it good.
From, The mom who lost her 4YO kid at the incredibly crowded arboretum today because I was a being a dumbass
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Post by mlynn on Oct 16, 2016 4:20:04 GMT
A sleeping person is NEVER an appropriate caregiver of children. Your niece had a responsibility to make sure someone was awake before leaving the house with the door unlocked. She sounds like a very irrisponsible person. So...you or your spouse stays awake all night when the kids are asleep?
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 16, 2016 4:51:24 GMT
I would have been pea livid too, mainly because of how freaked out I would have been at the "what if."
Then, like you, I would realize it wasn't intentional and be very thankful it worked out the way it did, although maybe not as fast as you
Good for you OP for going from pea livid to understanding quicklt
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Post by gryroagain on Oct 16, 2016 12:53:15 GMT
It sounds like a bunch ofmiscommunicationn, and it was scary but it all ended fine- no harm done. Don't be too hard on yourself, because Bonehead parent moments are just par for the course. (Except the Perfect Pea Parents, of course, lol).
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 0:25:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2016 13:23:44 GMT
HUGS to you, scrapaddict702. You're a class act. I'm glad you and the kids are okay. I'm not a parent so I tread carefully sometimes. I was always aware that if I became a parent it would be the hardest thing I would ever do so I try not to be quick to judge. So I love that Belia and @~summer~ shared their "Well, Holy Crap" parenting stories here to help ease the burden. That was incredibly kind and I love seeing things like that. Happy Sunday, Moms!
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Oct 16, 2016 14:51:41 GMT
I kind of get it. You thought she was staying because she was getting away from your sister. When you put the littles to bed you mentioned you'd be leaving soon. She should have said she wasn't staying and you should have made clear that she was. Miscommunication but also flighty-ness on your niece's part and I'd be pissed off too.
Have you said what time of day this was? If it was mid day id be more pissed off at niece for not trying to locate DH. The fact that he was meant to be sleeping makes me feel like this was late at night.
We once left then 5 year old dd home alone by accident. It was miscommunication. DH was going to take both girls to the farmers market and then meet me and my parents in the village for lunch. When he left I was on the phone. I stayed home another 30 minutes, then left the house and walked 5 min to the village, but I went 30 minutes early so I could walk around the village. When we all met at the restaurant 30 min later I asked DH why 5 yr old wasn't with him and he said what do I mean because he motioned to me that dd was staying home because she was into something she was playing in her room. !!!!!
We ran home. Dd didn't even realize I was gone. If she'd walked around the house the alarm would have gone off but thankfully she never left her room. Phew.
Also, when we were visiting my sister in LA one year we went to the planetarium with the kids. Little dd was then 18 months. She was sleeping in the car and when we went to a restaurant DH thought I took her (the car seat was on the drivers side so I claimed that was his side while older dd was sitting in the back on the passenger side). She was fast asleep in the back of the car. I took older dd and walked into the restaurant. DH talked with the valet (everyone valets in LA - we don't normally!) and then walked in and I freaked out screaming where is little Dd. The car had been parked down the lane!!!!
Miscommunication. Which is another word for dh's fault. Ha ha! Not funny at the time but funny 10 min late when everything turned out.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 16, 2016 17:54:36 GMT
I kind of get it. You thought she was staying because she was getting away from your sister. When you put the littles to bed you mentioned you'd be leaving soon. She should have said she wasn't staying and you should have made clear that she was. Miscommunication but also flighty-ness on your niece's part and I'd be pissed off too. Have you said what time of day this was? If it was mid day id be more pissed off at niece for not trying to locate DH. The fact that he was meant to be sleeping makes me feel like this was late at night. We once left then 5 year old dd home alone by accident. It was miscommunication. DH was going to take both girls to the farmers market and then meet me and my parents in the village for lunch. When he left I was on the phone. I stayed home another 30 minutes, then left the house and walked 5 min to the village, but I went 30 minutes early so I could walk around the village. When we all met at the restaurant 30 min later I asked DH why 5 yr old wasn't with him and he said what do I mean because he motioned to me that dd was staying home because she was into something she was playing in her room. !!!!! We ran home. Dd didn't even realize I was gone. If she'd walked around the house the alarm would have gone off but thankfully she never left her room. Phew. Also, when we were visiting my sister in LA one year we went to the planetarium with the kids. Little dd was then 18 months. She was sleeping in the car and when we went to a restaurant DH thought I took her (the car seat was on the drivers side so I claimed that was his side while older dd was sitting in the back on the passenger side). She was fast asleep in the back of the car. I took older dd and walked into the restaurant. DH talked with the valet (everyone valets in LA - we don't normally!) and then walked in and I freaked out screaming where is little Dd. The car had been parked down the lane!!!! Miscommunication. Which is another word for dh's fault. Ha ha! Not funny at the time but funny 10 min late when everything turned out. I really had no clue if/when she'd be leaving. She came over with her husband who refused to come in the house (so he drove around the corner to sleep in the car...before we arrived home, we even drove to where she said he had gone to see if he was still there, when we saw no car, we thought he had taken off on his own) and just based on everything going on with them, I wouldn't have had a clue he had to work. We discussed making sure we bought enough food for dinner to include them while we were shopping, too...I think not knowing what they planned to do played a big part of it. Glad you immediately noticed that she wasn't with you...and how strange that the valet had no idea she was there, either...that must have been hard/embarrassing to explain when your husband went back out to retrieve your daughter.
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