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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 26, 2017 1:25:26 GMT
I absolutely hate the memes about hiding your purchases from your husband, bringing things into the house when he's not home (because he won't notice it mixed with everything else), or being worried that hubby is going to be home when a package is due to arrive. It just perpetuates gender bias that men own financial decisions in a household...this is the last thing we need, especially in the US, right now. Ugh! They aren't funny!!!!! Can they just die now?!
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Post by katlady on Jan 26, 2017 2:05:16 GMT
I get what you are saying, but I don't think that is the case in all situations. My SO and I both work, and we make financial decisions together, but if I saw a lot of packages arriving from Amazon for him, I would question and wonder what is going on. And he would probably ask me what I was buying if the situation was reversed. And yes, I have hidden packages from my SO because he does not need to know I bought even MORE craft supplies when I haven't even used up the ones I have. And he probably hides how many boxes of golf balls he buys from me!  |
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Post by scrappyem on Jan 26, 2017 2:08:20 GMT
I 100% agree. That crap drives me nuts. And if "hiding" things from your husband/partner is the norm, that could say something creepy about your relationship. Just saying.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jan 26, 2017 3:07:50 GMT
I hate them too but what I hate more is when women say their hubby allowed them to buy some scrappy stuff WTF is it 1950 and no one told me.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 26, 2017 3:52:54 GMT
I hate them too but what I hate more is when women say their hubby allowed them to buy some scrappy stuff WTF is it 1950 and no one told me. I know, right?! To be fair, though. I do ask my husband before I buy things. We each get an allotment each paycheck to do with as we please and I usually spend 2-3x that (and I'm talking purely craft related purchases here) because shopping makes me happy...it's not because I need his permission, because I manage our money while he's the sole breadwinner so it's out of respect. I had to rely on my husband to manage everything when I first became a SAHM and he was terrible at it. I had to ask him to buy me things I needed and it felt degrading...and I felt guilty asking on top of it. When our oldest was about 3 months old, I broke down in tears about the whole thing and how awful it felt having to ask for money like I was a kid. I also hated not knowing where we stood financially (I'm the type of person that needs to know what's going on and that everything is okay). His response was that he would change his direct deposit the next day and he would happily hand over any and all bill paying duties to me. It's been 6 years and I've paid off damn near every feasible debt early. Some several months early and others (like my student loans) YEARS early...something he'd never have been able to do (we each have different strengths, lol). All that to say, he'd never make me feel guilty or like I had to hide something I bought, even if it was just because I knew he'd lecture me. There was a YouTube video a couple of years ago of a dubbed Taylor Swift song, it was for crafty people and the woman was singing about all of the things that she was buying. One line was talking about buying mason jars because they were cute or on sale and then segues into 'am I ever going to use all of this stuff?' and when I played the video for my husband, he laughed and said 'nope!!!' I just don't understand having people in your life that aren't supportive of things you love. I could understand it if bills weren't getting paid and credit cards were getting maxed out, but otherwise a spouse is supposed to at least support you...even if they don't get it and have to feign interest when you're talking about something they are clueless about. |
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jan 26, 2017 3:59:25 GMT
I hate them too but what I hate more is when women say their hubby allowed them to buy some scrappy stuff WTF is it 1950 and no one told me. I know, right?! To be fair, though. I do ask my husband before I buy things. We each get an allotment each paycheck to do with as we please and I usually spend 2-3x that (and I'm talking purely craft related purchases here) because shopping makes me happy...it's not because I need his permission, because I manage our money while he's the sole breadwinner so it's out of respect. I had to rely on my husband to manage everything when I first became a SAHM and he was terrible at it. I had to ask him to buy me things I needed and it felt degrading...and I felt guilty asking on top of it. When our oldest was about 3 months old, I broke down in tears about the whole thing and how awful it felt having to ask for money like I was a kid. I also hated not knowing where we stood financially (I'm the type of person that needs to know what's going on and that everything is okay). His response was that he would change his direct deposit the next day and he would happily hand over any and all bill paying duties to me. It's been 6 years and I've paid off damn near every feasible debt early. Some several months early and others (like my student loans) YEARS early...something he'd never have been able to do (we each have different strengths, lol). All that to say, he'd never make me feel guilty or like I had to hide something I bought, even if it was just because I knew he'd lecture me. There was a YouTube video a couple of years ago of a dubbed Taylor Swift song, it was for crafty people and the woman was singing about all of the things that she was buying. One line was talking about buying mason jars because they were cute or on sale and then segues into 'am I ever going to use all of this stuff?' and when I played the video for my husband, he laughed and said 'nope!!!' I just don't understand having people in your life that aren't supportive of things you love. I could understand it if bills weren't getting paid and credit cards were getting maxed out, but otherwise a spouse is supposed to at least support you...even if they don't get it and have to feign interest when you're talking about something they are clueless about. Awe that's great you were able to tell your hubby your frustrations. Haha I'm in charge of the bills etc and yep like you I paid off stuff way sooner then expected our mortgage/our line of credit for our renovations. |
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 26, 2017 4:22:52 GMT
I know, right?! To be fair, though. I do ask my husband before I buy things. We each get an allotment each paycheck to do with as we please and I usually spend 2-3x that (and I'm talking purely craft related purchases here) because shopping makes me happy...it's not because I need his permission, because I manage our money while he's the sole breadwinner so it's out of respect. I had to rely on my husband to manage everything when I first became a SAHM and he was terrible at it. I had to ask him to buy me things I needed and it felt degrading...and I felt guilty asking on top of it. When our oldest was about 3 months old, I broke down in tears about the whole thing and how awful it felt having to ask for money like I was a kid. I also hated not knowing where we stood financially (I'm the type of person that needs to know what's going on and that everything is okay). His response was that he would change his direct deposit the next day and he would happily hand over any and all bill paying duties to me. It's been 6 years and I've paid off damn near every feasible debt early. Some several months early and others (like my student loans) YEARS early...something he'd never have been able to do (we each have different strengths, lol). All that to say, he'd never make me feel guilty or like I had to hide something I bought, even if it was just because I knew he'd lecture me. There was a YouTube video a couple of years ago of a dubbed Taylor Swift song, it was for crafty people and the woman was singing about all of the things that she was buying. One line was talking about buying mason jars because they were cute or on sale and then segues into 'am I ever going to use all of this stuff?' and when I played the video for my husband, he laughed and said 'nope!!!' I just don't understand having people in your life that aren't supportive of things you love. I could understand it if bills weren't getting paid and credit cards were getting maxed out, but otherwise a spouse is supposed to at least support you...even if they don't get it and have to feign interest when you're talking about something they are clueless about. Awe that's great you were able to tell your hubby your frustrations. Haha I'm in charge of the bills etc and yep like you I paid off stuff way sooner then expected our mortgage/our line of credit for our renovations. Yep and he was receptive. He could have said 'tough cookie...you want to feel better, get a job, it's my money' and that's the kind of response I feel would come out of the mouth of a man who needed purchases hid from him. The only big debt (other than our mortgage) that I'm willing to just make the regular payments on is our van. We qualified for such a great rate that we pay so little interest on that it just isn't worth it (it's under $15 a month...I think it's close to $10 now). At least handling the budget means I can say that I'm not completely wasting my education (I have a degree in finance...the worst industry to try getting into during the housing bubble bursting here, what fun that was). |
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Deleted
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May 1, 2024 0:15:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2017 4:24:00 GMT
My DH never asks and doesn't mind when stuff comes in. He has his interests, I have mine. Of course, we have kind of an unspoken agreement that we're both careful and if a purchase is going to be over $100 or so, we would naturally talk about it - we don't make each other, we just do. But the lesser $$ stuff we just trust each other about. I can't picture (for me only) asking or even worse, hiding. But, I know, all relationships are different and if it works for consenting adults, I'm gonna say, good for them.
(it probably also helps that he knows I'm a sale hound :*))
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 26, 2017 4:30:03 GMT
I am in charge of the checkbook. I put a set amount of money into investments every month and whatever is left over I usually spend. We have never had a money agreement. He's always had cash to do what he wanted (boats, tools, vehicles) and I have also. This is the first year I have made more money than my husband, and I am enjoying it.
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Post by katlady on Jan 26, 2017 5:15:34 GMT
Just want to clarify that what we "hide" from each other are small purchases for our hobbies. Does he really need another box of golf balls. Do I really need another set of markers. So, we just buy and don't say a word and just put it with our stash. Of course I look at his golf ball collection and think to myself it looks like he has more than last week, but I don't say a thing. And I know he can tell my stash of craft supplies is growing too. It is not something we argue/fight about. So, I sometimes find those memes funny and we both laugh about them.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 26, 2017 7:17:01 GMT
Just want to clarify that what we "hide" from each other are small purchases for our hobbies. Does he really need another box of golf balls. Do I really need another set of markers. So, we just buy and don't say a word and just put it with our stash. Of course I look at his golf ball collection and think to myself it looks like he has more than last week, but I don't say a thing. And I know he can tell my stash of craft supplies is growing too. It is not something we argue/fight about. So, I sometimes find those memes funny and we both laugh about them. Oh I get that it is intended to be funny...I am presuming most women don't actually hide their stuff. Just putting it away and not thinking that you need to give your husband a running inventory list isn't the same as hiding, IMO, it's the implication that women need permission or aren't supposed to be making the decision to buy something without the go ahead from their husbands that gets to me. I just don't see that as being humorous. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jan 26, 2017 9:58:54 GMT
The one that bugs me is the UPS one that says "If you see my husband's car in the driveway come back later". That was my reality for a long time.
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Post by JaneB on Jan 26, 2017 15:36:08 GMT
I couldn't hide anything if my life depended on it. Packaging these days makes it impossible for me to open anything myself. My husband often walks in the door, looks at the table and says, "Shall we see what you've got?"
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 26, 2017 15:40:01 GMT
I can't hide packages, either, not that I need to! DH is retired, so when a delivery is made, he gets it.
I joke about having a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about my scrapbook spending.
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Post by lisae on Jan 26, 2017 15:51:17 GMT
I don't hide stuff. I pay for my purchases with my own money. We have a deal about personal expenditures. If it is over a certain dollar figure, I have to talk to him about it and vice versa. Other than that, we are both responsible for our personal spending.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jan 26, 2017 17:42:12 GMT
It drives me nuts also. I think my husband is more the hider, but i've told him i don't care what he spends as long as our bills are paid and retirement funded.
I did ask him last night if my cut and color is cutting into our expenses too much. I pay (way) over $100 every 6 weeks and I cringe every time. I love my stylist and he makes my head look good. DH just laughed and said don't worry about it.
My husband gets off easy with my scrappy hobby. I'm not a clothes or shoe or purse horse and only drink enough Starbucks to keep my gold status.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Jan 26, 2017 19:13:32 GMT
Honestly, I think some of us joke about hiding a purchase not because of patriarchy but more because our SO is often some sort of reflection of our own little voice/conscience. I know I got a couple of the $5 kits from SC sent to my parents' home last year because I didn't want to see his pensive face when he found yet another SC/AE/Messy Box envelope/box in the mailbox (we both work full time and come home around the same time but he often beats me to it). I wasn't being reprimanded or asked about the amount of money spent (we're not married, share our living expenses but have our separate accounts and no limit on how much each can/should spend monthly from their own salary). And he knew I was getting the kits on the cheap. It was just that tiny little bit of buyer's guilt that comes with accumulating a little too much (by my personal standards). In the same way I've snuck in an extra pair of shoes or jeans when I was a teenager although I had saved the money for it. It's silly. And, in retrospect, I don't even know why I bothered. But it can be one's conscience speaking more than anything else. Personally, after getting two kits sent to my parents instead, I decided to stop with AE and ABM. I got the SC Documenter kit another couple of times but eventually gave up on those too. My SO had nothing to do with these decisions. While he seemed a bit puzzled by the amount of new stuff, he didn't confront me about it or make any remarks. My husband gets off easy with my scrappy hobby. I'm not a clothes or shoe or purse horse and only drink enough Starbucks to keep my gold status. *pets the one pair of Louboutin pumps in the wardrobe* Mmm, shoes... |
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 26, 2017 20:06:25 GMT
I can't hide packages, either, not that I need to! DH is retired, so when a delivery is made, he gets it. I joke about having a " don't ask, don't tell" policy about my scrapbook spending. We used to have that policy, but the guy bought a boat years ago and that went out the window. Those suckers need more stuff than a craft room. ANd after they get all of the bells and whistles, they sell it for a better one. Ha! |
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,887 
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Jan 26, 2017 20:49:21 GMT
No need to hide anything here... DH rarely looks at the bank statements, doesn't pay the bills, and isn't home when the mail gets here  I'm kidding, he wouldnt't care even if he was here when it got delivered... |
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Post by warrior1991 on Jan 26, 2017 20:51:34 GMT
I wasn't into crafting when I was married years ago, but I would have probably hid purchases from my then husband. Sadly.
He didn't trust anyone when it came to money, so we had separate checking accounts, and wrote 2 checks for everything. Yep, 2 checks for the mortgage, 2 checks for the electric bill, etc and we would each write a check for half when we would go get groceries. I was salaried at my job and he never understood why I didn't have extra money ever. He was paid on commission and 1 of his weekly checks could be bigger than a whole month of mine. It was one factor that lead to the divorce.
I have no frame of reference for a relationship that is open about money and purchases, I think that is great when couples can do that.
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Elsabelle on Jan 26, 2017 20:58:59 GMT
My DH never asks and doesn't mind when stuff comes in. He has his interests, I have mine. Of course, we have kind of an unspoken agreement that we're both careful and if a purchase is going to be over $100 or so, we would naturally talk about it - we don't make each other, we just do. But the lesser $$ stuff we just trust each other about. I can't picture (for me only) asking or even worse, hiding. But, I know, all relationships are different and if it works for consenting adults, I'm gonna say, good for them. (it probably also helps that he knows I'm a sale hound :*)) Same here. This isn't an issue for us at all. |
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Post by rhhdk on Jan 26, 2017 21:02:36 GMT
My sister and I went to a crop with a lot of scrap-stores, my sister overheard a mother tell her daugther "don't tell Dad about this purchase!"
What an example to set for your child, and tell her to lie 🙄
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 26, 2017 21:12:46 GMT
My sister and I went to a crop with a lot of scrap-stores, my sister overheard a mother tell her daugther "don't tell Dad about this purchase!" What an example to set for tour child, and tell her to lie 🙄 In my house, it's essentially the opposite. When we're in a craft store and I'm using my husband as a sounding board/the voice of reason, my oldest usually chimes in very loudly, 'let Mommy buy that, Daddy...I'm her uh-abler' and then when I'm talking to my husband about a killer online sale, he tells me to stop talking to him about it and go buy it before I miss out. I've missed out on a few things that I really wanted because I had one of those 'I have too much stuff, do I really need this? But man, I really want it! But yeah, do you need it?!' moments...it usually results in me randomly stating that I'm so sad I missed out at least a dozen times over the course of the next week, lol. He'd rather me just buy it rather than me obsess over missing out (I tend to forget things I've bought, but I rarely forget a good deal that I've missed out on). The man wants to see me happy and if that means I spend more than our car payment on craft stuff every month, he's game. He very rarely has any problems with me buying stuff and usually when he does, it's because it's a lot of money for one thing, like an electric die cutter or the button maker I got so I could make my own flair. |
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Post by tinksmommy on Jan 27, 2017 0:31:46 GMT
Sheesh. Gender bias? Come on...... the memes are more poking fun at the shopping addiction that can be a factor in our hobby. I think they are hilarious, personally, and don't think it is some overarching plot.
I have a career, am a strong independent woman, have always made my own money and still ask my hubby about big purchases. I don't have to but I do it out of respect for my husband. He could care less about what I buy. I tease him about Amazon Prime packages that show up on my doorstep out of no where. I don't really care about those either. It's all good.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jan 27, 2017 0:50:35 GMT
Sheesh. Gender bias? Come on...... the memes are more poking fun at the shopping addiction that can be a factor in our hobby. I think they are hilarious, personally, and don't think it is some overarching plot. I have a career, am a strong independent woman, have always made my own money and still ask my hubby about big purchases. I don't have to but I do it out of respect for my husband. He could care less about what I buy. I tease him about Amazon Prime packages that show up on my doorstep out of no where. I don't really care about those either. It's all good. M'eh. To each their own. I think it's a problem because I just don't see it happening the other way around. If there is some huge meme trend for men's hobbies and hiding things from their wives that I don't know about, then I'm happy to stand corrected... |
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Post by cannmom on Jan 27, 2017 2:39:32 GMT
Sheesh. Gender bias? Come on...... the memes are more poking fun at the shopping addiction that can be a factor in our hobby. I think they are hilarious, personally, and don't think it is some overarching plot. I have a career, am a strong independent woman, have always made my own money and still ask my hubby about big purchases. I don't have to but I do it out of respect for my husband. He could care less about what I buy. I tease him about Amazon Prime packages that show up on my doorstep out of no where. I don't really care about those either. It's all good. M'eh. To each their own. I think it's a problem because I just don't see it happening the other way around. If there is some huge meme trend for men's hobbies and hiding things from their wives that I don't know about, then I'm happy to stand corrected... They exist. My DH has a t-shirt that says "When I die, I hope my wife doesn't sell my bicycles for what I told her I paid for them" Or something to that effect. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 27, 2017 5:58:00 GMT
My sister and I went to a crop with a lot of scrap-stores, my sister overheard a mother tell her daugther "don't tell Dad about this purchase!" What an example to set for your child, and tell her to lie 🙄 One time I asked my son (I was joking) if his dad ever hid purchases. He was 18 at the time and I have never heard him hem or haw like that. I pay the bills, so it isn't like I don't see the Amazon purchases. His dad was just buying a lot of stuff for his boat and knew I would have a comment or two. |
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Jan 27, 2017 7:27:20 GMT
Sheesh. Gender bias? Come on...... the memes are more poking fun at the shopping addiction that can be a factor in our hobby. I think they are hilarious, personally, and don't think it is some overarching plot. I have a career, am a strong independent woman, have always made my own money and still ask my hubby about big purchases. I don't have to but I do it out of respect for my husband. He could care less about what I buy. I tease him about Amazon Prime packages that show up on my doorstep out of no where. I don't really care about those either. It's all good. M'eh. To each their own. I think it's a problem because I just don't see it happening the other way around. If there is some huge meme trend for men's hobbies and hiding things from their wives that I don't know about, then I'm happy to stand corrected... Every single meme I have seen regarding scrapbooking, I have seen repeated on DHs hobby groups. (Warhammer and airsoft). Ones about hiding purchases, ones about 'if I die she's going to sell it for what I told her it cost', ones about the hobby being shopping rather than X....they're all there. |
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Post by Restless Spirit on Jan 27, 2017 12:39:46 GMT
My DH actually goes to Michaels and Hobby Lobby with me. We both have the store's app on our iPhones, so that way I can buy 2 items with 40% or 50% off in one trip. Although lately, he's been buying things like glue for his own projects. As for packages, he's almost always home when they come and he gets the mail everyday (it's down the street). I try to tell him when I'm getting packages (I buy a fair amount of non- craft items from Amazon). It frustrates me to no end that UPS does NOT ring the doorbell! I hate when packages (particulate if they are craft items like paper products) lay on the front porch over night in rainy/snowy weather! Grrrrr. I tell DH when a package is expected so he can be on the lookout for it. I do mention if there is something I am thinking of purchasing with a larger price - over $100 or so, just to check on the timing in case there is a big auto repair or another payment that has priority. It works for us.  |
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Post by myboysnme on Jan 27, 2017 15:42:56 GMT
Sheesh. Gender bias? Come on...... the memes are more poking fun at the shopping addiction that can be a factor in our hobby. I think they are hilarious, personally, and don't think it is some overarching plot. I have a career, am a strong independent woman, have always made my own money and still ask my hubby about big purchases. I don't have to but I do it out of respect for my husband. He could care less about what I buy. I tease him about Amazon Prime packages that show up on my doorstep out of no where. I don't really care about those either. It's all good. I hate these meme's too. and I feel bad for the person who thinks they are funny because they are true for them. You ask your hubby and I don't. I either inform or make a decision that he is not interested or doesn't care. If I am going to a getaway I say, "I have a getaway on Jan 3rd in Savannah until Sunday." I would never even think to ask his permission or put up with any commentary by him on what I buy, where I go, what I do. I do think it is kind to share with him what my plans are and he shares his with me, but we do not ask for permission. I am open to discussion if he had an issue with something.
Now here's what I do hide: there are certain special treats I love, like a box of Aunt Sally's original pralines. He will buy me a box for a special occasion, but I try not to sit there and eat 3 of them in front of him because I don't want to share. So I wait until he leaves the room before I scarf one.
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