pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Apr 27, 2017 2:43:33 GMT
My parents paid for college and while they didn't spell out any specific conditions, it was understood I would work hard, graduate in four years, and work summers. I think every time I talked to my parents on the phone my dad would ask "you are still on track to graduate in four years, right?". I was a hardworking, responsible student in high school, so I don't think they had any concerns based on past behavior. Even though I didn't take any loans or have significant payments to make, I was serious about school.
We hope to do the same for our daughter, although she is only in fourth grade, so who knows what will transpire in high school and by the time she goes to college. I'm not keen on paying big bucks if she doesn't take college seriously - so we will have to assess the situation when the time comes. But I assume/hope she will take college seriously, we will pay, and it will be a good investment.
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Post by seikashaven on Apr 27, 2017 2:55:17 GMT
I was a straight A hard working excellent student all through high school. Then I shocked my parents by dropping out my third year. Luckily,I was paying my own way and only I was impacted financially.
Because of my own experience, I expect my children to get scholarships, grants and loans and I will pay on successful completion of their program.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 27, 2017 4:40:03 GMT
This is something I'm beginning to think about as I have two kids entering college within the next two years. I want to give it some good thought. Ds is not a good student. He isn't excited about starting his future. I feel like some incentive would be helpful for him. Dd will be valedictorian. She is the one who isn't satisfied with a 99. But she has no idea what she will want to go to school for.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 11:01:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2017 5:40:11 GMT
Did you put re-payment conditions in place if your child dropped out, quit, got kicked out, or otherwise did not finish the degree? Dh and I would both like to help our children with college expenses. However, he has several siblings who did not finish college, so he's concerned about us wasting our money. And I agree that the child should feel like s/he 'has some skin in the game' as motivation. My parents helped me pay for college, but the only restriction they gave me was that they'd only pay for 8 semesters. Anyway, I'm not sure how to go about this. Any ideas or experiences? TIA! You'd be surprised at how many students make it to almost the end... just 12-24 credits left to go (1 or 2 semesters) and just stop going. They've got good gpas and nearly done but they are tired of being students and ready to move on to adult life (what ever that means to them) Or they have other family demands that are expected to just temporarily interrupt schooling but it ends up being permanent. Or the big one is the money just runs out... how ever they were being funded is no longer an option. Personally I feel some college is better than no college so for the siblings who didn't finish it doesn't mean the experience was necessarily wasted unless they spent the whole time partying. If you don't help, how will your kids pay for college? Have they been saving for it? You could also have them do student loans and you pay back the loans for them after they graduate if your goal is to see them actually graduate. If they don't graduate they pay the loan. (Don't take out the parent loans because you will be on the hook no matter what for those) Mine put themselves through on the GI Bill. So, yes, they were motivated to get it done well.
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Post by omarakbt on Apr 27, 2017 5:41:03 GMT
We used the FASFA? form, we paid what the recommended amount for parents was, She borrowed what it said the student could borrow and she had a scholarship. We told her her scholarship was her job, her loan was her investment. She worked summers and holidays and had her loans paid off by graduation Diane
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Post by Patter on Apr 27, 2017 10:39:05 GMT
No conditions what-so-ever. Our girls were homeschooled from 8-12th grade so I knew what kind of responsible and hardworking girls they were. One graduates from college next Friday with degrees in Chemistry, Forensic Science, and a minor in Criminal Justice. Took her exactly 4 years, and she is graduating Summa Cum Laude and starts her job June 5th. Her other sister will graduate with two degrees and a minor next May because the medical school she wants to get into want more classes than all of her degrees offer. We will pay for her extra year of school also but not medical school. She also has a very high GPA and works extremely hard. The 3rd one is several years behind because of 4 back surgeries and 2 heart surgeries but she also will have everything paid for. Had they not been so hardworking and responsible, maybe we would have imposed something like my parents did for me. It was a set amount, and once I used it up, I was on my own. Yep, I used it up, didn't work hard, and then had to pay for the rest of my schooling and finally graduated with honors once I paid for it myself. My girls knew my story and history. They also saw the tears I have shed at various times for screwing up my first years. I was the bad example (even though I finally graduated), they didn't want to do what mama did. They saw my regret.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 11:01:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2017 12:33:17 GMT
My parents paid for my college education and my "skin in the game" was my future. I wasn't interested in entering the working world without an education and my parents knew it. There were no repayment conditions for me or my brothers, but we were always good students and responsible people. It was unlikely we were going to become entirely different people just because we started college - especially because we had all worked very hard for years to be sure we would get into the schools of our choice. Our parents always had high expectations for us and we had always delivered. We did so because we were capable, wanted to make them proud, and we saw the long-term benefit for ourselves. Threats weren't required. DH and I will do the same with our son. Unless your kids have history that suggests sticking with college will be an issue, I wouldn't put conditions on it, personally. I agree with this and this is how we handled it with our kids and it worked. But, be forewarned this isn't always the case. My oldest's best high school friend decided to spend half of college on academic probation - this was a elite university and major where the average incoming gpa for the major was over 4.3 and top sat scores. We had another friends who's child basically moved across country and dropped out after 2 years and over $100,000 of expenses because she decided she didn't want a degree from that school - again another stellar student in high school. Both sets of parents were blindsided by their kids behavior. I want to give the same warning. It happened to one of my friends. Her DS was in the top of his HS class, applied and was accepted early to his first choice school that he picked at age 14, class president, NOS and other awards, held 1-2 jobs at a time from the age of 16...just idea situation. Fast forward to college... It took him 5 1/2 years to finally graduate. He changed his major a number of times, dropped out of failing classes, took only one class a different semester, got into parting way too much etc..etc...
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Apr 27, 2017 12:39:59 GMT
I think this really depends on your kids and not what you want for them. Are they focused on school and really interested in going to college? Can they handle pressure and failure, because those are both part of the college experience. If so, they are probably fine. Many of my friends were NOT ready for college, it was obvious to all of us. But to their parents, that was the next step so that's what they were going to do. It didn't work out well for many of them, and they dropped out. On the other hand, some of them dropped out but got and kept good paying jobs, so while they didn't get the degree, they weren't failures. I don't know how you would decide which case you would want your money back.
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Post by busy on Apr 27, 2017 12:41:20 GMT
I agree with this and this is how we handled it with our kids and it worked. But, be forewarned this isn't always the case. My oldest's best high school friend decided to spend half of college on academic probation - this was a elite university and major where the average incoming gpa for the major was over 4.3 and top sat scores. We had another friends who's child basically moved across country and dropped out after 2 years and over $100,000 of expenses because she decided she didn't want a degree from that school - again another stellar student in high school. Both sets of parents were blindsided by their kids behavior. I want to give the same warning. It happened to one of my friends. Her DS was in the top of his HS class, applied and was accepted early to his first choice school that he picked at age 14, class president, NOS and other awards, held 1-2 jobs at a time from the age of 16...just idea situation. Fast forward to college... It took him 5 1/2 years to finally graduate. He changed his major a number of times, dropped out of failing classes, took only one class a different semester, got into parting way too much etc..etc... [ Of course it *can* happen - anything can happen. But I would not be inclined to pre-punish my child and assume the worst of them because other kids had made bad choices. If we got to that kind of situation, we would deal with it then.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Apr 27, 2017 12:46:43 GMT
I think my question is about how you intend to enforce repayment. Do you plan on having a legal contract drawn up requiring the student's signature? How is that contract enforceable?What if he or she refuses to pay the parent back? What will you do? Attempt to have wages garnished? Repo their car?
I guess my point is that if you distrust your kid's willingness to complete their college education (because they will party too hard, not attend classes or do the work), then why would you think such an irresponsible person who disrespected your tremendous gift would pay you back?
If it is a case where you doubt their maturity or ability to handle time management in college, etc, then I would strongly encourage the parent to withhold monies and for the kid to get a job until such time as they are ready. If the kid is not college material, he honest about that and help them find their way into a well paying vocational field -- assuming they are ready from a maturity standpoint to make the best out of training. If not, time to get that minimum wage job and figure it out while earning some money.
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Apr 27, 2017 13:03:54 GMT
This is something I'm beginning to think about as I have two kids entering college within the next two years. I want to give it some good thought. Ds is not a good student. He isn't excited about starting his future. I feel like some incentive would be helpful for him. Dd will be valedictorian. She is the one who isn't satisfied with a 99. But she has no idea what she will want to go to school for. does your son have a job? Does he have to pay for most of his entertainment and clothing? I would suggest that first. Either he will realize getting a job and being responsible for little pay is not how he wants to live his life, or it will teach him responsibility and he can decide if he wants to focus on a trade or a career that does not require a degree. Throwing him into college when he is not a good student and does not have any goals is really a recipe for disaster.
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Post by maryland on Apr 27, 2017 13:29:30 GMT
We have been saving for college since before dd was born (ds was about 15 months when we had our first meeting with a financial planner). We told both kids that we were prepared to pay the equivalent to a Virginia state school -- so if they went in-state we'd pay it all, if they went out of state they'd have to take out loans to make up the difference. Dd (and all her friends... smart kids) chose to stay in-state. We're very lucky here in Virginia to have such an excellent state university system. We pay her tuition, room, board, food, car, etc. She really asks for very little extra money because she has a work-study type of job, plus money from summer. She's only had the car for her senior year because of needing it to get to her internship. We had no conditions, but if she had been messing around, failing, etc. we would have told her that she needed to rethink. However she has taken all opportunities that have come her way, and really embraced the whole college experience. It was an excellent investment in her future. Ds on the other hand always hated school and told us right up front that he did not want to go to college after high school. He spent several years at home, taking a few classes at our community college, doing an internship at the Smithsonian, playing computer games, mowing lawns, etc. Then he decided to move to Georgia to live with some friends and go to school there. A few years of maturity totally changed him. He worked for a year before starting school, totally paying for everything. Once he started school we started paying everything just like we do for dd. He has a sporadic part-time job but had to quit his full-time job that had paid all the bills the previous year. His tuition is lower than Virginia's (he's considered a Georgia resident now) so we're getting the better end of that deal. We also had no conditions on him but again if he'd been wasting our money we would have had a chat. Fortunately he's taking it all VERY seriously. I am shocked actually. lol. My kid who HATED school now texts me things like "Mom! I'm really mad, I missed two questions on the exam and I should have known the answers! I ended up with a 94%." lolololol... omg, I'll take a 94% any day. -- Again, it's an investment for his future and this is what we've been saving for all these years. In fact, because of good returns on the money we will probably be able to help with graduate school also which neither one is expecting (we haven't mentioned it yet). Ds's program is actually one of those five-year ones where you end up with a master's degree at the end of it. You are! I am from Maryland and we do too! But we live in PA and PA does not! Pitt and Penn State have two of the most expensive in-state tuitions in the country. Pitt nursing tuition alone is $22,270 a year. I wish we lived in the southeast! Great schools and more affordable tuition.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 11:01:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2017 13:30:35 GMT
I want to give the same warning. It happened to one of my friends. Her DS was in the top of his HS class, applied and was accepted early to his first choice school that he picked at age 14, class president, NOS and other awards, held 1-2 jobs at a time from the age of 16...just idea situation. Fast forward to college... It took him 5 1/2 years to finally graduate. He changed his major a number of times, dropped out of failing classes, took only one class a different semester, got into parting way too much etc..etc... [ Of course it *can* happen - anything can happen. But I would not be inclined to pre-punish my child and assume the worst of them because other kids had made bad choices. If we got to that kind of situation, we would deal with it then. I was simply agreeing with what Clair shared. We were just talking about how perfect HS students do not always remain that way. I am not suggesting you pre-punish your child and am not sure where that came from??? As for my children... they did not and do not pay for their education.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 27, 2017 13:46:33 GMT
This is something I'm beginning to think about as I have two kids entering college within the next two years. I want to give it some good thought. Ds is not a good student. He isn't excited about starting his future. I feel like some incentive would be helpful for him. Dd will be valedictorian. She is the one who isn't satisfied with a 99. But she has no idea what she will want to go to school for. does your son have a job? Does he have to pay for most of his entertainment and clothing? I would suggest that first. Either he will realize getting a job and being responsible for little pay is not how he wants to live his life, or it will teach him responsibility and he can decide if he wants to focus on a trade or a career that does not require a degree. Throwing him into college when he is not a good student and does not have any goals is really a recipe for disaster. Those are very good questions and thoughts. Thank you! He does have a goal. My kids... dd the junior who gets the grades and can do whatever she wants, has no idea what she wants to do. Ds who graduates this year has to work for his grades. But he has the passion. He loves loves loves working with little kids. He wants to teach lower elementary.
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 27, 2017 13:53:26 GMT
Honestly, it never even occurred to me that my kids might drop out before getting their degree (my son graduated two years' ago and my daughter graduates next month).
If one of my kids had dropped out I think I would have just said, "Okay, I still love you, but it's up to you to find a job and support yourself without a college education." If, after a few months of working my kid decided he/she wanted to go back to school, it would be a whole new ballgame. I probably wouldn't make my kid repay me in the event that my kid dropped out of school, but I probably would stipulate that my child would have to maintain a certain GPA or I would not continue to pay his/her tuitionl.
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Post by kelbel827 on Apr 27, 2017 14:27:06 GMT
No
I paid for my son's education. He will help with loans. It's my duty as a parent.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 27, 2017 14:44:13 GMT
I think my question is about how you intend to enforce repayment. Do you plan on having a legal contract drawn up requiring the student's signature? How is that contract enforceable?What if he or she refuses to pay the parent back? What will you do? Attempt to have wages garnished? Repo their car? I guess my point is that if you distrust your kid's willingness to complete their college education (because they will party too hard, not attend classes or do the work), then why would you think such an irresponsible person who disrespected your tremendous gift would pay you back?If it is a case where you doubt their maturity or ability to handle time management in college, etc, then I would strongly encourage the parent to withhold monies and for the kid to get a job until such time as they are ready. If the kid is not college material, he honest about that and help them find their way into a well paying vocational field -- assuming they are ready from a maturity standpoint to make the best out of training. If not, time to get that minimum wage job and figure it out while earning some money. This is exactly why I would have my kid take out student loans in her own name to pay for school up front. If she passes, DH and I will pay off the loan. If she goofs around and takes the opportunity she's being given for granted--that loan is in HER name and she can pay it back herself. So far she's showing she has the capacity to be a very good student but we're not intending on promising her anything. At this point she doesn't even know she has a college fund and DH wants to keep it that way. I never even had the opportunity to go on to college right out of high school and I was an honors student. I was accepted at my first choice school but there was no money to pay for it and I couldn't wrap my head around how I would pay back the tens of thousands of dollars in loans if I did go, so I chose not to. I took a few university classes through continuing ed but didn't go back full time until DH had graduated (he had a scholarship) and we (mostly) paid my tuition ourselves. DH's parents did give us some money for Christmas one year to pay off the rest of my last student loan.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Apr 27, 2017 15:31:59 GMT
We will pay for it all for our kids, but we have the means. Also our kids are good students, it would be very surprising if any of them dropped out. I provide a small cost of living allowance to my junior son who lives off campus. It's probably less than most of his peers, but he has good paying internships in the summer and I would like the skills of thriftiness and money management to be part of his college experience. We will not pay for post graduate degrees.
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Post by stingfan on Apr 27, 2017 15:45:20 GMT
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the various perspectives. You've given me a lot to think about and discuss with dh. He had no support from his parents and finished college on loans and credit card debt . But he feels like he came out stronger for having to do it himself. (Of course, we also went to college in the 90's, before it was crazy expensive.) Initially dh was not inclined to help the kids at all. So getting him to this point is a victory. My parents paid half of my schooling, but only up until a set dollar amount. All of my siblings and I graduated, so like some of you, it didn't occur to me that my kids wouldn't finish whatever program they entered. We do definitely intend to help them financially. But we have 4 very different children, so we'd like to come to some sort of equitable arrangement that will hopefully suit all of them. Our oldest graduates in 2 years, so we're starting to feel the pressure to figure this out soon!
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Apr 27, 2017 15:45:28 GMT
This is something I'm beginning to think about as I have two kids entering college within the next two years. I want to give it some good thought. Ds is not a good student. He isn't excited about starting his future. I feel like some incentive would be helpful for him. Dd will be valedictorian. She is the one who isn't satisfied with a 99. But she has no idea what she will want to go to school for. does your son have a job? Does he have to pay for most of his entertainment and clothing? I would suggest that first. Either he will realize getting a job and being responsible for little pay is not how he wants to live his life, or it will teach him responsibility and he can decide if he wants to focus on a trade or a career that does not require a degree. Throwing him into college when he is not a good student and does not have any goals is really a recipe for disaster. My only caveat is that if your kid is not responsible when he gets a job, having one will not teach him responsibility. He will be irresponsible on the job too. Says the supervisor who fired two kids my first week at a prior job. Both kids whose parents insisted they had to have jobs to teach them responsibility. Both parents called me up to complain and told me how shocked they were, that it couldn't be true because these kids were A students who "just" needed to learn responsibility. What I wanted to tell them was this: Thing is, if you as a parent have not been successful at teaching your kids responsibility in the 16+ years you've had them, I can't do it in the ten hours per week I am supervising them. I am not holding their hands watching over them to make sure they do the job. I am not going to praise their every single correctly performed task. I am not their parents who think their sassy back talk is cute. I am not their parents who think their sulking when they are corrected or refusing to respond when spoken to is adorable. I am not the parent who will happily cover for them when they show up later or never show up. I don't have time time to or the remotest interest to teach your kid responsibility. I will simply fire them and move on the next applicant. I suppose eventually those kids may have figured out that they had to show up to work on time, talk respectfully to supervisors and customers, and do the job given them. But it sure didn't happen at their first or second jobs. And that was just the first week! I learned to ask WHY the kid wanted a job when I interviewed them. If they give me even a tiny glimpse that it was the parent's idea, I would not hire them. I don't have time for remedial responsibility training.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 27, 2017 17:20:09 GMT
Thanks for your perspective too, mallie. My ds is very responsible. He has a very good reputation with his teachers and the staff at school, as well as other activities he involves himself in.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,610
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 27, 2017 19:05:39 GMT
Did you put re-payment conditions in place if your child dropped out, quit, got kicked out, or otherwise did not finish the degree? Dh and I would both like to help our children with college expenses. However, he has several siblings who did not finish college, so he's concerned about us wasting our money. And I agree that the child should feel like s/he 'has some skin in the game' as motivation. My parents helped me pay for college, but the only restriction they gave me was that they'd only pay for 8 semesters. Anyway, I'm not sure how to go about this. Any ideas or experiences? TIA! We're two for two (daughter 2 graduates next week) so we haven't had to worry about this. The only way our kids wouldn't finish college was if 1. there was an emotional or physical problem that prevented it - and if that's the case, we wouldn't expect repayment or 2. they got their dream job in their field of study and we wouldn't expect repayment. I simply can't imagine another scenario where my kid would leave school. We never even brought the topic up with them.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 27, 2017 21:44:32 GMT
We will pay for our kids' college education and don't have a repayment expectation if they drop out. We do expect them to have a plan/goal and be working toward it and everything in their past behavior indicates they will do that.
Most kids we know are graduating in 4-5 years, but a couple have dropped out 3 credits short of their degree. I don't think either will ever go back and finish as they have both been able to get pretty good jobs and are living independent of their parents. The parents are having a much harder time accepting the kids walking away from the degree, but it is the classes they took that landed them their jobs (computer programming) so in that sense the parents' made a good investment.
DD is at a CC and there is a good chance DS will join her next year. He doesn't see the value of going to a 4 year school if he can get the credits for less and live at home.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Apr 28, 2017 0:21:43 GMT
We have one daughter. She was a good student in HS and college. We had decided to pay for room and board, and everything else. My parents did that for me and DHs parents paid for part. I went all the way through, and later to grad school. I paid for grad school. Our daughter had a double major and it took longer than 4 years to get her degree. No fault of her own, just that the college only offered essential courses every year vs every semester. She had a great education!
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Post by needmysanity on Apr 28, 2017 2:47:32 GMT
We knew our oldest wasn't very motivated so the deal we made with him was he paid tuition and if he got A's or B's, we would reimburse him at the end of the year. We thought if he had to dole out the money up front he would be more committed to sticking with it.
We were right in our concerns...he didn't last 1 semester.
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justjazzy3
Shy Member
Posts: 26
Mar 4, 2017 17:43:12 GMT
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Post by justjazzy3 on Apr 29, 2017 2:12:25 GMT
My oldest daughter is graduating next week with her Masters. We paid all tuition for undergraduate degree-academics, but not living expenses. She had the option of living at home for free...no rent or request for any utilities being paid, food, essentials such as TP, soap, shampoo, etc. She paid her car insurance, gas, clothes etc. So she would have to work part time. When she decided to move to Orlando we continued to pay her tuition. She was responsible for her living expenses. She did this by working and taking out small loan. For her masters she did pay the whole thing with a student loan. We discussed this when she started college and chose Social Work as a major. We told her she would need a masters degree and we could not afford it. We have 2 other daughters and plan to do the same thing. We paid cash and also paid for my husband who started college at the same time. It was tight, but we are glad we were able to help. If we had tried to do any more we would have really been in a bad financial situation and it was not fair to her sisters.
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