|
Post by epeanymous on Jan 3, 2018 23:16:41 GMT
This is a “what would the peas do?” that an acquaintance related to me. I have never met either person in the couple and have zero info besides what I am relating.
Man and woman are of relatively advanced first-marriage age (40s) and got married. Groom has always been clear that he doesn’t want kids and mentioned it again during the reception to Guest, who is a close relation.
Bride also talked to Guest during reception and told Guest that she planned to try to get pregnant ASAP anyway.
If it matters, Bride cannot work due to a disability (I do not know what disability) and Groom is marginally employed. They live in a space they rent from his parents.
Should Guest say anything or not?
|
|
rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,656
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
|
Post by rodeomom on Jan 3, 2018 23:18:20 GMT
No guest should mind their own business.
|
|
|
Post by katlady on Jan 3, 2018 23:19:51 GMT
The guest should keep their mouth closed.
|
|
SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,343
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
|
Post by SabrinaP on Jan 3, 2018 23:20:41 GMT
Heck no! The guest should stay out out of it.
|
|
johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
|
Post by johnnysmom on Jan 3, 2018 23:20:46 GMT
Wow, so bride knows groom doesn't want to have kids and plans to get pregnant without his consent? Damn. I don't know what I would do. Is guest the relative of the bride or the groom? If closely related to the groom I think I'd have to tell him, but I cannot imagine what that conversation would be like.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
|
Post by AnotherPea on Jan 3, 2018 23:20:52 GMT
Guest should mind his own business. Crazy that speaking up would even be an option.
|
|
|
Post by busy on Jan 3, 2018 23:21:45 GMT
In almost all circumstances, I would say the guest should keep their mouth shut. And if the guest feels they must say something, they need to realize they are risking their relationship with both the groom and the bride.
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 3, 2018 23:25:35 GMT
Stay out of it.
|
|
|
Post by gizzy on Jan 3, 2018 23:29:28 GMT
I wouldn't say anything if they were casual friends. For immediate family, I'd be blabbing before they could cut the cake.
|
|
pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,642
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
|
Post by pudgygroundhog on Jan 3, 2018 23:30:46 GMT
My first reaction was stay out of it. But thinking about it, there are situations where I would speak up - depending on my relationship with the bride/groom, the piece of info, and weighing the risk/reward of potentially losing a friendship.
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 3, 2018 23:31:29 GMT
I'm generally in the keep your mouth closed group, but I think it does depend a bit on what "close relation" means. If the groom was my brother, I'd tell him.
|
|
Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,231
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
Jun 26, 2014 18:42:33 GMT
|
Post by Sue on Jan 3, 2018 23:31:58 GMT
Not yours to discuss.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jan 3, 2018 23:34:12 GMT
That doesn’t bode well for the marriage does it! Yikes!
My instinct is to stay out of it - but if groom was, say, my brother, I might feel differently.
|
|
|
Post by dewryce on Jan 3, 2018 23:36:17 GMT
I agree that it is none of guest's business. My issue is that if she is planning on getting pregnant without him knowing, there will be some form of deception or trickery involved which will tie this man to a child for the rest of his life. And more importantly, a child born to a parent who doesn't want them. Two innocent peoples lives will be greatly impacted due to another's deception. That's so wrong on many levels. Honestly, I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
|
|
PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,730
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
|
Post by PLurker on Jan 3, 2018 23:36:19 GMT
MYOB- but damn!
unless groom was someone extremely close to me. Then I might think about it.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Jan 3, 2018 23:43:09 GMT
That doesn’t bode well for the marriage does it! Yikes! My instinct is to stay out of it - but if groom was, say, my brother, I might feel differently. This is exactly what I was going to say! My first thought was that the guest should mind their own business, but if the groom was a close relative or friend of mine I think I would (almost feel obliged to) mention it to him. Even if it was just along the lines of "Oh, have you changed your mind about having kids? Because Bride mentioned to me that she was going to try and get pregnant straight away." Yeah, it's most likely going to cause problems in the marriage, but not as many problems as an unwanted (by the groom) pregnancy!
|
|
|
Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Jan 3, 2018 23:54:53 GMT
This is a “what would the peas do?” that an acquaintance related to me. I have never met either person in the couple and have zero info besides what I am relating. Man and woman are of relatively advanced first-marriage age (40s) and got married. Groom has always been clear that he doesn’t want kids and mentioned it again during the reception to Guest, who is a close relation. Bride also talked to Guest during reception and told Guest that she planned to try to get pregnant ASAP anyway. If it matters, Bride cannot work due to a disability (I do not know what disability) and Groom is marginally employed. They live in a space they rent from his parents. Should Guest say anything or not? Wow. This is a tough one. I am a lifelong mind your own business leaning pea, but this one is fraud which goes to the very heart of the marriage and has the potential to affect so many lives, including the kid to be (or not to be) so I would tell the hearer to blab. I would fear the consequences, hope the close relation can survive them, wish them well, see if they could find another way to get the message through, if not they should blab. A thought- the bride cannot be unaware of the close relationship. Like a certain owner of the scrapbook company in the 750 page thread on the GS board, maybe she told many guests her little secret and it will be told anyway? Off to to read the peas' responses.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 3, 2018 23:58:28 GMT
I too was going to say MYOB, but after thinking about it a minute I think I would say something if the groom was my brother and I knew for a fact that he really, really, really didn’t want kids.
I think because due to the age of the couple it becomes a bigger deal. When I was in my 20’s I definitely didn’t want any kids at that time. But once I hit my early 40’s I softened my stance in part because I knew DH really did want one. I think if someone is in their 40’s and is still really not wanting a child, that particular decision shouldn’t be forced on anyone against their will.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jan 4, 2018 0:00:59 GMT
Guest should myob, but this marriage probably won't last
|
|
|
Post by meridon on Jan 4, 2018 0:04:21 GMT
Stay out of it--what good would it do now? what would he do? Try to get an annulment?
|
|
ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Location: Valley of the Sun
Jul 26, 2014 21:02:07 GMT
|
Post by ComplicatedLady on Jan 4, 2018 0:06:09 GMT
I agree with those who say the definition of close relation matters. If the groom was my brother or a close cousin or whatever, then I may have to say something. On the other hand, if I were close to the bride (which I realize is not the case in this case, but if she were a good friend), I would talk to her about why not to deceive her spouse or at least talk to her spouse about kids before trying to get pregnant. If I weren’t really close to either of them, I’d stay out of it. So, my answer is—it depends.
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 4, 2018 0:10:22 GMT
If I were the groom, would I want to know? Yes. That would play a big role in helping me decide whether or not to speak up.
|
|
sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
|
Post by sassyangel on Jan 4, 2018 0:10:37 GMT
Yikes. That's a bit of a huge gulf in life goals for each party in the marriage isn't it? I'd stay out of it, unless it was immediate family I was close to, then I'd really weigh the outcomes before saying something. Just how the hell I'd go about having that conversation though, I've no clue.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 4, 2018 0:11:05 GMT
I agree that it is none of guest's business. My issue is that if she is planning on getting pregnant without him knowing, there will be some form of deception or trickery involved which will tie this man to a child for the rest of his life. And more importantly, a child born to a parent who doesn't want them. Two innocent peoples lives will be greatly impacted due to another's deception. That's so wrong on many levels. Honestly, I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I'm a firm believer in MYOB, but...
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 4, 2018 0:13:54 GMT
Stay out of it--what good would it do now? what would he do? Try to get an annulment? I was thinking more along the lines of him talking to his wife and maybe getting a vasectomy.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Jan 4, 2018 0:17:59 GMT
This is so weird. Sounds like either guest is close to both parties, or they are both blabbermouths. What a weird thing for bride and groom to bring up with a wedding guest. Had it come up in conversation before?
Unless people have been wink, wink, nudge, nudging them about kids and they decided to deal with it not by deceiving each other, but their guests? Did guest bring it up and each responded that way?
|
|
|
Post by nyxish on Jan 4, 2018 0:21:00 GMT
If the guest is a close relation to the groom, in that guest's place, i would seriously consider saying something to the groom, with the understanding that the groom, or the fallout of that conversation, may land badly on the guest.
Normally i would be in the mind yo' business camp, but this is involving the life of a possible child who ...if things go poorly... is going to get all the s--- end of the stick on this one, and that's horrible.
|
|
|
Post by prapea on Jan 4, 2018 0:23:48 GMT
Man ohman! My firat instinct was to shutup and mind your own business. But then, why bring a child into the world when they do not seem to have their shit together and one of them is not really ready. I hate the thought of bringing a child out of deception
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 4, 2018 0:25:45 GMT
Stay out of it--what good would it do now? what would he do? Try to get an annulment? I was thinking more along the lines of him talking to his wife and maybe getting a vasectomy. This was my thought as well - not that it would change the marriage, but rather his choices in birth control.
|
|
|
Post by meridon on Jan 4, 2018 0:27:20 GMT
Stay out of it--what good would it do now? what would he do? Try to get an annulment? I was thinking more along the lines of him talking to his wife and maybe getting a vasectomy. Well, yes. My first thought actually was that he's equally responsible for birth control, so if he really doesn't want to be a dad, he needs to go get snipped. That said, he shouldn't do it without telling her any more than she should not be on the pill or have an IUD or whatever without discussing it with him. This whole situation sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.
|
|