Deleted
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Apr 25, 2024 19:55:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2018 1:07:16 GMT
How close is guest to groom? If really closed, Guest might suggest to groom to get snipped.
If it were me? I would be oh hell no! First child for over 40 couple one of whom has a disability, that does not bode well for having a healthy baby. Well in my head mind I would be thinking that.
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Post by anniefb on Jan 4, 2018 1:11:14 GMT
Say nothing.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jan 4, 2018 1:13:07 GMT
Zip the lips!
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Mary Kay Lady
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Jan 4, 2018 1:19:32 GMT
That is clearly something that should have been discussed before the marriage took place. Hopefully, the Bride's efforts to conceive will be unsuccessful. I'm predicting that the marriage won't last long as they both have communication issues.
But, to answer your question, I'd stay out of it. I don't think getting involved would end well for the messenger.
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Post by myshelly on Jan 4, 2018 1:34:39 GMT
Guest should keep quiet.
Also, I don't think people should jump to nasty conclusions about the bride.
If you asked me and my husband if we want more kids we would both adamantly deny that we ever want anymore. But really we are having trouble getting pregnant and don't want to discuss it with anyone.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Jan 4, 2018 1:51:16 GMT
I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, that's a really crappy & deceptive thing to do to your spouse. On the other hand, does the groom really not want kids or does he just not want to discuss that with a wedding guest at the wedding? DH & I were pretty adamant when we got married & several years after that we weren't having kids. We were lying. We knew we wanted kids. We just didn't want to discuss it with others or listen to their pressuring "when are you going to have a baby" bullshit.
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Jan 4, 2018 1:51:48 GMT
Like others have said, it would depend on my relationship with them... brother, I might mention something whereas acquaintance, I would not.
And how far into their 40s are they? Forty year old women have about a 50% chance of conceiving on their own, while a 43 year old has like, 1% chance. (I know this from moments of panic that I have accidentally gotten pregnant, when in reality it's just my peri-menopausal cycle going wacky.) So, if she is 43, I'd probably just let it go. (Although, my hyper-fertile mother got pregnant twice after 43, so...)
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Post by peasapie on Jan 4, 2018 2:33:12 GMT
Guest should keep quiet. Also, I don't think people should jump to nasty conclusions about the bride. If you asked me and my husband if we want more kids we would both adamantly deny that we ever want anymore. But really we are having trouble getting pregnant and don't want to discuss it with anyone. I am of the same opinion. I suspect one of the two isn't being quite honest with their friends and in either case I would stay out of it.
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Post by epeanymous on Jan 4, 2018 2:38:12 GMT
I'm generally in the keep your mouth closed group, but I think it does depend a bit on what "close relation" means. If the groom was my brother, I'd tell him. Groom is your brother.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 4, 2018 2:46:03 GMT
This is the reason that if you don't want kids you fix it on your end and don't depend on your partner for birth control. He is a fool for not getting a vasectomy.
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sassyangel
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Post by sassyangel on Jan 4, 2018 2:47:50 GMT
I'm generally in the keep your mouth closed group, but I think it does depend a bit on what "close relation" means. If the groom was my brother, I'd tell him. Groom is your brother. That being the case, I would say something to my brother.
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Post by txdancermom on Jan 4, 2018 2:49:43 GMT
No, the guest should keep out of it, it is between the couple.
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Post by scrappychick on Jan 4, 2018 2:52:38 GMT
Groom is my brother? I’d tell him and then fish my wedding card/ check out of the card box. They’ll be divorced soon enough.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2018 2:54:16 GMT
I'd tell my brother. Actually, I'd get them both in the same room and tell them they need to be on the same page with regards to whether they plan on having a baby.
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Post by Zee on Jan 4, 2018 2:58:05 GMT
Unless the brother is mentally disabled, I'd stay out of it. He's a grown man who more than likely knows how to wear a condom or get a vasectomy.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jan 4, 2018 3:00:00 GMT
I would hate to see someone get trapped into Parenthood against their will. Meaning, someone purposely getting pregnant, when they know the other party is not in agreement.
She could be saying, she's using birth control, and not be using it at all. Planning to use the nothing's 100% card. With the dumb logic of.....once I'm pregnant, he will be on-board with it and nothing he can do about it then.
I'm not one to get involved in that kind of "he said-she said" drama.
I think a fair warning, is the best interest of the Groom. As one can't protect oneself, if they are blissfully unaware of anothers secret or sneaky intentions.
I would send him an anonymous gift. A box of condoms, with a note saying "overheard at the wedding that Bride-name is planning to get pregnant right away". In case you're still in the "don't want kids" camp, thought you might need these. Buyer beware, on the Mrs intentions. Best wishes!
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Post by dewryce on Jan 4, 2018 3:01:34 GMT
Unless the brother is mentally disabled, I'd stay out of it. He's a grown man who more than likely knows how to wear a condom or get a vasectomy. I hear what you're saying, but I don't feel this takes trust into consideration. It absolutely never would have occurred to me that my husband (newly married or now) would lie to me about birth control. He may be a fool for trusting her, we don't know if she's given any indications, but it's a child who will likely suffer for this.
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anaterra
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Post by anaterra on Jan 4, 2018 4:08:23 GMT
My love n loyalty would go to my brother... i would tell him like a previous poster said.. hey thought you didn't want kids... susie just told me yall are gonna try right away... whats up with that?? And then have his back when him confronts susie...
No way would i let my brother get blindsided while I sit there and watch
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Post by smokeynspike on Jan 4, 2018 4:24:49 GMT
Uh, the guest should absolutely keep their nose out of their brand new marriage!
Melissa
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 4, 2018 4:57:26 GMT
I'm generally in the keep your mouth closed group, but I think it does depend a bit on what "close relation" means. If the groom was my brother, I'd tell him. Groom is your brother. If I liked said brother and we were close, I would say something because I care and I would imagine he wouldn’t lie to me about that. If I didn’t like said brother, I still would say something because the resulting kid would probably turn out to be a jackwagon too and the world already has enough jackwagons.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 4, 2018 11:41:33 GMT
No, the guest should keep out of it, it is between the couple. The problem is that it is not between the couple, it’s a potential decision being made by one person that will have a huge impact on someone the guest is supposed to be friends with (or, in this case brother). So, in a few months when friend/brother comes to you (general you), talking about the betrayal of having a wife who got pregnant on purpose or, say she pulls it off, some birth control failure, is that the point that you would tell him or would you pat him on the back and continue to pretend you never knew? Gotta say, threads like these make me oh so thankful that I’ve got friends who would go to the mat for me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2018 12:01:00 GMT
I only have a brother in law. If he confided in me or dh that he didn't want kids and his bride tells me she wants kids, I'd be telling both of them to get on the same page and fast. And yes, I'd tell my BIL that she wants kids and may be planning an oopsie. It'd be on him to talk with her and how he handles it.
Two people being of differing opinions or desires would lead me to advising them to talk seriously. One person saying they basically plan on deceiving the other would lead me to warn the future victim.
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Post by missbennet on Jan 4, 2018 13:37:40 GMT
Oh, it's the brother of the groom who heard this? Ugh.
I also think potentially it's not what it seems - like maybe the groom says no kids to save face in case maybe they can't, or something.
I'd probably take it to the grave, unless the siblings have ever had that conversation about how if one knows something, they agree to tell the other. Without that kind of understanding already established, better to stay out of it.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Jan 4, 2018 13:43:10 GMT
I’ve known a couple of men who never wanted kids or marriage. Then met the right woman later and changed their tune.
I would just assume husband is still singing the old tune but perhaps doesn’t want to say change of mind in case it doesn’t happen for them whereas wife is more optimistic. I wouldn’t assume they haven’t discussed it. Maybe I’m too optimistic. Either way I would keep my mouth shut. IF opportunity arose - someone else brought it up - that is a different story.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Jan 4, 2018 13:49:04 GMT
Wait - the husband’s brother is the one who heard from both husband and wife seperatly?
And both bride and groom were talking about whether they wanted kids or not at the wedding reception to this brother?
If brother was close I’d bring it up with my brother if it was bothering me. I’d bring it up in a casual way. Like the funniest thing happened to me at the wedding - wife was talking about this and you were talking about that. And I’d leave it at that.
If I wasn’t close to my brother and didn’t ‘talk’ then I’d leave it alone.
In the end I feel like it is something they’ll work out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2018 14:26:37 GMT
Unless the brother is mentally disabled, I'd stay out of it. He's a grown man who more than likely knows how to wear a condom or get a vasectomy. I agree totally. It always surprises me what other people think is their business.
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carhoch
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Post by carhoch on Jan 4, 2018 14:32:16 GMT
I'm generally in the keep your mouth closed group, but I think it does depend a bit on what "close relation" means. If the groom was my brother, I'd tell him. Groom is your brother. If it’s my brother I would absolutely talk to him .
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jan 4, 2018 15:14:49 GMT
It's worth mentioning risks for baby and mother go up in their 40s, as well as risk of mental disabilities of the child. Can you imagine raising a disabled child you never wanted in your 40s? They'd be in their 70s by the time they were 18. Not that they'd be necessarily be self-sufficient at 18.
I would tell my brother.
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likescarrots
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Post by likescarrots on Jan 4, 2018 18:06:10 GMT
This is so weird. Sounds like either guest is close to both parties, or they are both blabbermouths. What a weird thing for bride and groom to bring up with a wedding guest. Had it come up in conversation before? Unless people have been wink, wink, nudge, nudging them about kids and they decided to deal with it not by deceiving each other, but their guests? Did guest bring it up and each responded that way? you would be shocked by how mere strangers will enquire about your reproductive decisions when you reach early to mid thirties and don't yet have children. I bet a bunch of people at that wedding were asking them both all about it.
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Post by papersilly on Jan 4, 2018 18:17:50 GMT
i think the groom should know somehow, some way. maybe not from Guest and maybe not right this second but this could be a life altering thing for him and he should have a chance to talk it out with the bride.
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