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Post by jenjie on Jan 4, 2018 18:18:01 GMT
This is so weird. Sounds like either guest is close to both parties, or they are both blabbermouths. What a weird thing for bride and groom to bring up with a wedding guest. Had it come up in conversation before? Unless people have been wink, wink, nudge, nudging them about kids and they decided to deal with it not by deceiving each other, but their guests? Did guest bring it up and each responded that way? you would be shocked by how mere strangers will enquire about your reproductive decisions when you reach early to mid thirties and don't yet have children. I bet a bunch of people at that wedding were asking them both all about it. Right. But for the couple to bring it up? That’s why I’m wondering if they’re playing their guests because they’re tired of the question.
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Jan 4, 2018 18:22:04 GMT
you would be shocked by how mere strangers will enquire about your reproductive decisions when you reach early to mid thirties and don't yet have children. I bet a bunch of people at that wedding were asking them both all about it. Right. But for the couple to bring it up? That’s why I’m wondering if they’re playing their guests because they’re tired of the question. I don't see where OP said they were the ones to bring it up, maybe I missed it.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 4, 2018 18:29:20 GMT
Right. But for the couple to bring it up? That’s why I’m wondering if they’re playing their guests because they’re tired of the question. I don't see where OP said they were the ones to bring it up, maybe I missed it. She didn’t specify who brought it up, but said “He doesn’t want kids and mentioned it again during the reception to Guest, who is a close relation.” And “Bride also talked to Guest during reception and told Guest that she planned to try to get pregnant ASAP anyway.” It sounded like the B and G brought it up, and I couldn’t figure out why they would. If (general) you are nosy enough to ask, you deserve whatever response you get.
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Post by bessieb on Jan 4, 2018 19:31:36 GMT
I would normally say keep right out of it - but there is potentially a child at stake here - and if one party really doesn't want one it can have huge repercussions -I've seen both sides of it - My mother decided to stop taking the pill when she remarried (she was 45) - even though my step dad had made it very clear that he didn't want a child (My brother and I were late teens at this point), but mother took things into her own hands and I have a brother (who is now 30) 19 years younger than me. My step-dad still thinks it was an accident and is none the wiser. On the other hand I have a friend who was determined to have a 3rd child against her husbands wishes and did the same thing - her biggest mistake was telling her girlfriends what she was planning to do and everyone kept quiet. They have now split up, word eventually got back to him what she had done and between them they have cut off most of their friend - him because he count believe that no one had the decency to warn him, and her because someone betrayed her. She is very bitter and twisted about the whole thing and the child is caught right in the middle of it all.
So to answer the question - I would go against my normal approach and tell him what had been said.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jan 4, 2018 21:01:38 GMT
I am not good at minding my own business at the best of times. I'd say something to him. I've also evolved in my thinking in that I do think even these situations that seemingly don't lend themselves to compromises or people changing their minds - as in the standard, 'you can't half have a child' argument... you either do or you don't - can sometimes be fixed. It would take counselling though. Like, what is the underlying need that is causing their stance on the issue? You can almost never solve a problem when you get stuck in a position of, "Yes I am/No you are not" type thinking. But if you can get to the core of WHY you must have/not have/do XYZ, you can often figure out a way to have both people be happy. Anyway - if it were me, I'd tell him & encourage him to go to counselling with her.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jan 4, 2018 22:07:56 GMT
With the added info that this is a sibling, yes, the groom absolutely needs to be told.
I might do as another pea suggested & talk to them both at the same time. On the one hand, my loyalty to my brother comes first, so if the sister in law is mad at me, I can live with that...but by the same token if I can handle it in a way that doesn't involve going behind her back, I will.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jan 14, 2018 22:17:27 GMT
Any updates?
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jan 14, 2018 22:19:40 GMT
Keep out of it.
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Post by hop2 on Jan 14, 2018 22:29:51 GMT
I didn’t answer this when first posted but if I had I’d have said stay out of it.
However - now that to say ‘guest’ Is the sibling of the groom, if I were th guest I’d say something because I can’t imagibe keeping such a thing from my sibling. ( and yes I’ve told my siblings some very difficult things and one thing even threatened to come between us. But once verified my sibling thanked me.) But then again my siblings & I were reasonably close and they aren’t complete assholes. If they were I’d go back to my first instinct.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,663
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 14, 2018 22:41:04 GMT
I'd like to say that I keep my nose to myself but I have very strong DNA. On one side we're from a super small town and on the other I'm straight out of the trailer park and I come more from the "You don't trick someone into being your Baby Daddy" side of things, and that quadruples when it's your sibling so I'm 100% sure that I would be speaking to him before she had the chance to get pregnant.
I also tend to talk a lot of nonsense and could see myself saying "Just as soon as I can" when someone asked me when I was going to get pregnant. If my sex life is going to be a topic of conversation, I'm going to give them something to talk about.
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Post by mikewozowski on Jan 14, 2018 23:30:15 GMT
if groom doesn't want kids, then he should go ahead and get snipped to make sure there are no surprises.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 18, 2024 23:05:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2018 23:34:23 GMT
there are several clues in this scenario that indicate the possibility that the bride's disability is a developmental one
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