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Post by Really Red on Jan 16, 2018 2:06:03 GMT
I'm a single parent and my ex is out of the picture. I work a lot of hours and I am always trying to keep up. I've only got one left at home (2 in college), but I have a lot to do. Right now, filling out the myriad financial aid forms is my goal. This year, all the dates changed from Mar 1 to mostly Feb 1, but there was one that caught me by surprise and is today. I worked on it over the weekend and had a stumbling block and was only able to submit this morning. In time, but definitely last minute.
My sister, who I adore, is my ear and my shoulder to lean on. She really is great, but she makes some judgey comments. I know I don't have to tell her things, but I have no one else to tell and she is nearly always a giant help. So I let the comments go.
Tonight I was telling her about the CSS profile and talking to someone there today and how I was 40+ minutes on hold and then another 30 getting the problem resolved, but I finished with "Yay! My part is all done. Now I just have to help my ex finish his part."
Her response to me was "Let the [bleep] do it himself. If he can't, tell him he has to pay for all of the financial aid himself." Well, he can't do it and if he can't do it, he won't. If he doesn't do it, the financial aid people don't care that I filled out my part; I will get zero money. Period. I tell her that. Then she says, "You always wait until the last minute." It made me see red. This is not untrue, but I'm not watching TV and eating bon bons either. I'm working all day, going to my son's games, cleaning, cooking, paying bills and getting crap done. And I'm never late. Just never super early.
It just hit me wrong tonight. I went on my first vacation in 5.5 years over Christmas. I got back last weekend and came back with a 48-hour bug and then went right to work. Suitcases of dirty clothes and 3 basketball games later, I get to work on the CSS on Saturday. I am TIRED. This is hard for me. She and her husband have a lot of money and she did not need financial aid for her kids. Also, her husband does all the bills and the taxes and everything and she does not work and her kids are married and out of the house. Fuck, yes, I am last minute! I don't have a maid or an accountant or anyone to do anything for me but me! I want to say something to her because I do not say those crappy things to her! But she isn't mean and she loves me and wants the best for me.
So thank you for listening to my vent. Now I'll get back to working with my ex on his CSS.
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Post by hop2 on Jan 16, 2018 2:11:28 GMT
I’m sorry she said that.
Hugs
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Post by cindytred on Jan 16, 2018 2:12:09 GMT
I understand why you are upset. She was being thoughtless when she said those things. This is a great place for venting - which is better than starting a feud with a loved one. Good luck with all that paperwork. My youngest is a senior this year so I don't have to fill out the FAFSA and I'm doing a happy dance!!
Cindy
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Post by hop2 on Jan 16, 2018 2:15:17 GMT
I’m already counting down I have only 3 more to do for my youngest
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Post by mcscrapper on Jan 16, 2018 2:18:01 GMT
I'm so sorry she's being insensitive to your situation. Being a parent to teens is hard. Being a single mom to teens is even harder sometimes. We can't expect these kids to fill out these financial aid forms. Heck! I can barely do it! If we forced our kids to fill out the forms, he/she would ask us about every single entry so we might as well do it ourselves.
FA is a HUGE deal and if one little number is off, the money awarded could be affected. I can't ask my teen to do it. She's way more responsible than I was at that age but I would never force her to do this.
You have my sympathy. Now, go have a glass of wine and relax!
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Post by Basket1lady on Jan 16, 2018 2:25:23 GMT
First of all, today is January 15. You have 2 weeks until the first. I do not consider that last minute.
As for your ex, she’s right. You shouldn’t have to nag him. And you’re right—it has to get done and the only way it’s going to get done is if you get after your ex. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
As for her getting after you, I’d talk to her when you are both calm. Thank her for being your sounding board and ask her to be more supportive. And I’d probably add that it’s frustrating for her to chastise you when she has someone to do these tasks for her.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,050
Jul 4, 2014 6:57:02 GMT
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Post by AllieC on Jan 16, 2018 2:54:21 GMT
Vent away, you sound tired and frustrated. I think this is why you are taking what your sister said to heart. It sounds like you have a very good relationship with her but your different circumstances affect you. I don't think it was meant to be mean or to upset you just that it was said at the wrong time. Try to let it go.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 15:30:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2018 3:02:58 GMT
You are doing a great job, momma! Don’t let your sister bring you down. You know what has to be done.
It won’t be long until your kids are all on their own. Then you can rest!
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,493
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Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 16, 2018 3:08:52 GMT
I hear you and validate you. I'd be frustrated, too.
My DH and I have been splitting up the college-parent duties; the FA stuff is his bailiwick. Thank you for reminding me how fortunate I am to have someone with whom to share the load. Sometimes I'm afraid I take it for granted.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 16, 2018 3:51:09 GMT
Vent away, you sound tired and frustrated. I think this is why you are taking what your sister said to heart. It sounds like you have a very good relationship with her but your different circumstances affect you. I don't think it was meant to be mean or to upset you just that it was said at the wrong time. Try to let it go. I am sure you are right! She's probably frustrated at hearing me frustrated as well. It's all almost done. I guess I have to link my tax documents, but I can't do that right now as they are "preparing" my documents. But my part and my ex's part are done and paid for, so hopefully that will be fine for the school that is due today. Thank you everyone for helping me put things in perspective. It's lucky I'm not back on my diet as well or I'd really be grinchy! Two more financial aid forms to go! I am not going to the basketball game tomorrow as it's 2 hours away, so I'll have time to finish those and they will be two full weeks in advance!
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ComplicatedLady
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Jul 26, 2014 21:02:07 GMT
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Jan 16, 2018 3:51:10 GMT
Hugs to you. Vent away! I’m a married mom who works full time and many days I feel overwhelmed. Single moms who do it all are wonder women.
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scrapngranny
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Only slightly senile
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Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Jan 16, 2018 5:15:58 GMT
My DH handles all of bills, taxes, insurance too. I can’t imagine coming home after work and dealing with that stuff. When I got home my brain was already done for the day. Last minute is way better than not at all.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
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Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Jan 16, 2018 5:31:03 GMT
I think too many see one moment in time (late filing) and not what moments lead up to that. The reason why. Even if you weren't so busy, no one knows the crosses you bear. They don't see the unseen so unfortunately make uniformed comments.
Sorry for the uniformed and thoughtless comments she made.
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jan 16, 2018 6:19:43 GMT
We can't expect these kids to fill out these financial aid forms. Heck! I can barely do it! If we forced our kids to fill out the forms, he/she would ask us about every single entry so we might as well do it ourselves. FA is a HUGE deal and if one little number is off, the money awarded could be affected. I can't ask my teen to do it. She's way more responsible than I was at that age but I would never force her to do this. You have my sympathy. Now, go have a glass of wine and relax! But actually they can. I filled out all my own applications for student aid, student loans, scholarships and bursaries. Every. single. one. Actually I can't think of anything I applied for that my parents got involved in any paperwork. Sure they provided me with the information on their annual incomes that was about it.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 16, 2018 13:19:19 GMT
I’m already counting down I have only 3 more to do for my youngest We stopped doing it because we weren't getting anything but a tiny loan that we don't want. We confirmed with the university that his scholarship did not require the FAFSA, and then we skipped it.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 16, 2018 13:39:19 GMT
The FAFSA is a huge pain! I'm sorry your sister doesn't understand that and how hard it is to do it all alone.
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Jan 16, 2018 13:57:56 GMT
Hang in there. I don't consider this last minute either, so you're doing good Vent away, it's super hard and mentally taxing to get it all done. My XDH is taking our kids on a cruise over spring break, and is just now realizing they need a passport for this. I've known about it for over a month, and he's had more than enough time to get them applied for. But he's now freaking out because the time is running out...and of course this morning I'm having to dig out a birth certificate and help arrange picking up DD to go apply TODAY. I've told him ten times to go get his own birth certificate copies downtown (this is a 10 minute process because we're in the birth county), but he won't. The only bright side is that *so far* he hasn't asked me to file the application. But I would've bet money he was gonna ask me.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 16, 2018 14:17:31 GMT
Thank you for all your SO understanding comments. You seriously cannot imagine how comforting it is to me for you to understand. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you!!! And for those who say their kids did these financial aid forms (not the FAFSA)? I have a hard time believing it. By the time you got all the information the kids needed, it's just as fast to do it yourself. If it were a matter of giving them my 1040 and mortgage info, that would be nothing! 17 pages of questions about my retirement (how much is there, how much I pay into it annually, how much my company pays annually), my monthly bills (water, electric, car insurance, etc), my vacation (outside of this year, that one is usually fast!), how much each of the schools each one of my kids attend and all of their costs, what they earn and how much they pay towards that, etc. Can your kids really know all of that? Plus, both my daughters work over 20 hours/week at school. They have less time than I do. I did make them both sit with me when they were seniors so they could see what went into all of this, but we all had a little trauma from that! I think my son may end up in public school, so all these forms (except that FAFSA) will be for naught, but if he could get into the one private college that is his top choice (and mine), I can't swing it without help and that is what I think of when I fill out all these forms.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jan 16, 2018 15:02:30 GMT
The college forms we’re filling out today are not the same as when we were in school. They’re hard, long, and sometimes complicated. Especially difficult if you’re no longer married and have to rely on someone else to fill out part.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 16, 2018 18:36:03 GMT
I just want to give you a hug. I had something similar happen to me this weekend with my mom and sister. I understand perfectly.
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