How do I help my teenage son?

My DD did this. I started doing a ‘what did we learn from this/ find the silver lining’ review of events with her and it seemed to help. In this case, I’d ask if the bowling poorly will have any effect on his future? No? Ok then, he can’t change it and it won’t change him, so all that can happen now is he can take it apart and apply what he learned from it.

Why did he bowl poorly? Was it:
Lack of practice
Lack of focus on the game at hand
Lack of talent

What could he have changed BEFORE the game that would have resulted in a better game:
More practice
Meditation
Focus on his weak areas

What can he do NOW to make his next game better:
Practice
Work on leaving distractions at the door
Work on areas of weakness, like ball spin or power play

What did he learn from this he can use elsewhere:
Adequate study/practice time is a must
Focus on job/subject at study time or test time
Break into areas of weakness and focus more on those areas when practicing/studying

for my DD, this review would leave her feeling like she had regained some of the control she had lost by doing poorly. She would respond to a loss right before finals first with panic, then, after a review, with a sense of determination to use what she had just learned from her loss. This is how she coped at college and she is still using her review of events at work, even though she isn’t losing by any means. Her boss has already told her that her honest reviews and desire to constantly improve are 2 of her strongest points.

HTH,
Marcy