theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 16, 2018 22:54:35 GMT
Please help me.
My mom is 82. Until my sister died at Christmas, and she stayed with me for nine weeks I hadn't realized how badly her memory was failing. Sure I had caught a few "senior moments" but nothing that really stood out.
Factor in my own brain injury and memory issues from it, I'm having an extremely hard time knowing how to deal with it.
Many times she is like a toddler in the "terrible twos", mean, nasty, demanding, argumentative.
Other times she is almost the mom i remember from ten years ago. Almost but not quite.
How do you deal with it? Any hints, tips, ideas?
Im so overwhelmed. My teen son has autism, my teen daughter multiple medical issues, myself multiple medical issues, and the only local family is a drug addicted niece that causes more trouble every day.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 16, 2018 23:00:29 GMT
There is testing you can get for your mother to find out what she has. My mom initially had "mild cognitive impairment" and when she died she had advanced dementia. She went downhill quickly in a year's time. We were able to get respite care for Mom a few hours a week so I could work part-time and my dad could golf. When the dementia got really active we had to admit her into the hospital (as the doctor told us "you can't take her home like this or anymore") and that was the end of her living with us. It was a gradual progression. Sometimes we knew who she was and other times she was another person. Until they got her on the right medication she was mean. Holy cow was she ever mean. Then she was really nice. She also had cancer at the time so I am not sure what took her in the end.
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lindas
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Post by lindas on Mar 16, 2018 23:12:17 GMT
BTDT. I highly recommend reading the 36 Hour Day. It's one of the best books out there for help dealing with someone with memory loss.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 17, 2018 0:28:56 GMT
BTDT. I highly recommend reading the 36 Hour Day. It's one of the best books out there for help dealing with someone with memory loss.  I also agree with seeing if you can get her assessed by her doctor to see what the level of impairment is, depending on what form she’s dealing with there are drugs that can slow the progression somewhat for a time. I would also see if there is somewhere you can call that can give you help with finding elder care resources that might be available to her. We used A Place for Mom to help us find a really great adult daycare that we eventually used for a year, and then to give us leads on nursing homes when it came to that. My brother and I also were able to get some caregiver counseling through a local non-profit community foundation that helps with services for families. |
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 17, 2018 0:58:16 GMT
I'm sorry. My mom is having short term memory issues. She has seen her doctor and there is a problem.
I suggest you start with her primary care physician for an evaluation.
Hugs, my pea friend.
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Post by scrappintoee on Mar 17, 2018 2:11:19 GMT
I don't have any advice or tips; but wanted to send you huge ((( Hugs )))) because of ALL the stressors you're dealing with! I'm so sorry you don't have any family to help, too !  |
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Mar 17, 2018 2:55:54 GMT
I'm right there with you on this. My mother started having issues several years ago. She tells us something and then tells the same things the next day or week. She's also been having bouts of sundowners. Good times right there. She also seems to be obsessed about taxes and medicare. Over obsessed. My sisters and I agree she probably needs antidepressants but know she would never take them.
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 17, 2018 3:30:47 GMT
I'm right there with you on this. My mother started having issues several years ago. She tells us something and then tells the same things the next day or week. She's also been having bouts of sundowners. Good times right there. She also seems to be obsessed about taxes and medicare. Over obsessed. My sisters and I agree she probably needs antidepressants but know she would never take them. What are sundowners? Sorry you are going through this too |
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 17, 2018 3:32:24 GMT
I'm sorry. My mom is having short term memory issues. She has seen her doctor and there is a problem. I suggest you start with her primary care physician for an evaluation. Hugs, my pea friend. The twice I was with her to see her GP she had extremely good days, and made it look like it was all my brain injury. And the stress of my sister passing. |
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 17, 2018 3:33:19 GMT
BTDT. I highly recommend reading the 36 Hour Day. It's one of the best books out there for help dealing with someone with memory loss. I also agree with seeing if you can get her assessed by her doctor to see what the level of impairment is, depending on what form she’s dealing with there are drugs that can slow the progression somewhat for a time. I would also see if there is somewhere you can call that can give you help with finding elder care resources that might be available to her. We used A Place for Mom to help us find a really great adult daycare that we eventually used for a year, and then to give us leads on nursing homes when it came to that. My brother and I also were able to get some caregiver counseling through a local non-profit community foundation that helps with services for families. We see a geriatrician in a couple weeks. |
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 17, 2018 3:33:53 GMT
I don't have any advice or tips; but wanted to send you huge ((( Hugs )))) because of ALL the stressors you're dealing with! I'm so sorry you don't have any family to help, too ! Thank you. |
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 17, 2018 3:35:16 GMT
BTDT. I highly recommend reading the 36 Hour Day. It's one of the best books out there for help dealing with someone with memory loss. I'll take a look at it. As stupid as this sounds in this post, reading is very difficult for me due to my memory issues. |
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Mar 17, 2018 4:00:19 GMT
I have been thinking about you. Did you get your Mom's apartment emptied out? Is she still living with you? Does she require home care part time? I believe her Doctor could recommend an agency such as Bayshore. You pay by the hour according to your income. I believe a nurse from Alberta Health comes in to assess her first. They might suggest she might need to be in assisted living or maybe a nursing home.
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wellway
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Post by wellway on Mar 17, 2018 7:54:53 GMT
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Mar 17, 2018 9:48:24 GMT
I've been through this too. My Mum is 83 now and a few years ago was very poorly with a newly-manifesting wheat intolerance. She lost a lot of weight and got quite confused and repetitive for several years. Now she's off all wheat, has gained back her weight and is as sharp as a new pin. One thing for confusion that I can't stress enough though is fluid intake. Dehydration, even mild, can turn otherwise sane folk with all their marbles quite do-lally. I can't help wondering whether that might be a cause of sundowners. Also UTIs, so if an elderly person suddenly gets a lot more confused, have them checked for a UTI. Poor you, theshyone. You've got a LOT going on there. I hope you're finding time for yourself? |
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Post by Lindarina on Mar 17, 2018 10:53:00 GMT
Memory People is a great community on Facebook. It’s run by a man who was diagnosed with early onset a few years ago. 70.000 members ready to give advice or just support or a shoulder to cry on.
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 17, 2018 12:04:11 GMT
You are on the right track with your appointment to see a geriatric specialist. I wish you all the best.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 17, 2018 12:33:12 GMT
We've begun to deal with some more issues with this for my mama. She can't keep current info in her head anymore. As soon as you tell her a plan or a date, she gets the information all confused. We're putting everything in writing so she can refer to it as needed.
She's most frustrated though by not feeling capable anymore. She's always been such a take-charge person and now the least little thing overwhelms her to the point of tears. I think that's sometimes where the change on personality comes from -- they want to be who they always were (and still view themselves), but they aren't capable of it anymore. She gets teary and apologizes for having to ask for help so often. It's heartbreaking to watch.
I even see some cracks in her long-term memory. I've been doing some genealogy work (thanks AncestryDNA) and asking her lots of questions about the family. She'll lose track of who we're talking about or confuse my father (her husband) with her father. I watch her face as she struggles to place people, places, and events. It's sometimes very sad.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Mar 17, 2018 12:48:19 GMT
I'm right there with you on this. My mother started having issues several years ago. She tells us something and then tells the same things the next day or week. She's also been having bouts of sundowners. Good times right there. She also seems to be obsessed about taxes and medicare. Over obsessed. My sisters and I agree she probably needs antidepressants but know she would never take them. What are sundowners? Sorry you are going through this too Sundowners is when a person's mood changes towards the end of the day as light fades. Depression, agitation, anger and confusion are symptoms of it. It happens with some people with dementia. |
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Post by mommaho on May 1, 2018 10:06:03 GMT
theshyone I understand. Mom is 88, had 4 surgeries back to back in a 3.5 week period for her hip and due to the anesthesia and medication (she developed several infections including MRSA in her hip) she is rehabbing in a nursing facility but has also been diagnosed with Early Stage Dementia. I've down loaded the 36 Hours book, just haven't had time to read it yet! There is another great Facebook page for caregivers - Alzheimers and Dementia Caregivers Support I've learned so much there. Everyday is a new adventure with Mom. Hugs
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on May 1, 2018 10:17:24 GMT
I guess it's all a futile question now.
Mom fell a week ago and broke her hip. While hospitalized it was discovered her blood was very low, needing several transfusions prior to surgery to fix it.
they then discovered with a ct scan what was thought to be a small section of the bowel bleeding, they went in to fix it but found her filled with colon cancer. The small section that was bleeding was removed but the rest of it was too far spread. Pathology needs to type it before we know if it's a fast acting aggressive kind, or a slow moving kind. I'm told she could go in three months if it's aggressive or she could live for years if it's slow growing.
Chemo would likely cause more bad sideeffects than provide benefits.
Today she couldnt even remember why she was in hospital.
Im stunned.
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Post by christine58 on May 1, 2018 10:29:54 GMT
I guess it's all a futile question now. Mom fell a week ago and broke her hip. While hospitalized it was discovered her blood was very low, needing several transfusions prior to surgery to fix it. they then discovered with a ct scan what was thought to be a small section of the bowel bleeding, they went in to fix it but found her filled with colon cancer. The small section that was bleeding was removed but the rest of it was too far spread. Pathology needs to type it before we know if it's a fast acting aggressive kind, or a slow moving kind. I'm told she could go in three months if it's aggressive or she could live for years if it's slow growing. Chemo would likely cause more bad sideeffects than provide benefits. Today she couldnt even remember why she was in hospital. Im stunned. I am so sorry. |
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sueg
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Post by sueg on May 1, 2018 10:32:34 GMT
I am so sorry to read your update. I hope your mum gets the care she needs, and that you have some help in the coming months.
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Post by peasapie on May 1, 2018 11:06:00 GMT
I’m so sorry. It must be so hard with all of this happening at once.
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cakediva
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Post by cakediva on May 1, 2018 12:04:59 GMT
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that - hugs to you.
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maryannscraps
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Post by maryannscraps on May 1, 2018 12:10:15 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear your update. Gentle hugs to you both.
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Post by mikklynn on May 1, 2018 12:18:30 GMT
Oh, no. I am so very sorry to hear all that has happened recently.
Hugs from me, too.
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janeinbama
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Post by janeinbama on May 1, 2018 12:20:10 GMT
(Hugs) so much has happened in such a short time. Prayers for you and your family, just take it one day at a time.
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Post by Basket1lady on May 1, 2018 12:33:17 GMT
I'm so very sorry.
One thing to watch for--anesthesia can affect people with memory loss more than others. My MIL had back surgery 2 years ago and was an angry, depressed, forgetful old woman when she was recovering. It took almost a year for her to get back to her baseline (she has a form of dementia related to Parkinsons.) Last year she had a hip replaced and it was completely different. I'm not sure what all they did--I know they gave her a different sedative, but I'm not sure if there was more in her after care.
I wish you peace with your journey over the next few months.
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Post by birdy on May 1, 2018 16:07:05 GMT
Start with her doctor as others have said. The dr will be able to guide you from there. We are going through this with my FIL now. H
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I also agree with seeing if you can get her assessed by her doctor to see what the level of impairment is, depending on what form she’s dealing with there are drugs that can slow the progression somewhat for a time. I would also see if there is somewhere you can call that can give you help with finding elder care resources that might be available to her. We used A Place for Mom to help us find a really great adult daycare that we eventually used for a year, and then to give us leads on nursing homes when it came to that. My brother and I also were able to get some caregiver counseling through a local non-profit community foundation that helps with services for families.
