azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Apr 21, 2018 20:15:54 GMT
Zella- my mom would say the same thing about therapy, especially if she decided to end it, then it would have been waisted .she would say But again I refer you back to the feelings of those who love you the most and the guilt that consumes them. And not knowing if that was truly intentional... My step dad said she actually quit going at one point because he (the dr) had a an aggrement with my dad and that really pissed my mom off lol! It was something silly but she was just mad that he had ‘sided’ with my dad on something, he had to convince her to go back!
I also wanted you to know you’re in no way a bad personal for thinking this way, I don’t want people to think my mom was a bad person for walking away from it all. Especially her kids. But domes the medical stuff is such a difficult thing you only understand it if you’ve dealt with it and it seems like there is no escape. I promise there is hope! Even if you tell yourself that every day like I do now. It’s taken a lot just to get my head there. Icant imagine what that’s like for you or it was for her. I hear you and you say a lot things she would. I hope you’re still listening or reading. There is a light there I can promise you that!
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 22, 2018 0:43:56 GMT
You must do what you need to do, but when I hear you repeatedly feeling suicidal, it's alarming. This will not get better unless you can find a way through the feelings of total devastation and there is a way.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 22, 2018 4:53:10 GMT
Thank you, all of you, for the time you've taken to respond, for your thoughts, for the sharing. It means so much to me. Today (Saturday) I've had a "normal" day. I went with my daughter to her counseling appointment, which is an hour plus drive each way. We stopped at Target on the way home. I ate real food. I'm still feeling anxious, but I'm taking the new anxiety med regularly, and I do think it helps. jenjie, you are such a sweetheart, and I've long felt a wonderful connection with you; I appreciate you more than you could possibly know. azredhead, I am so very sorry for all the pain and troubles you have endured. You've had a hard life. I'm going to check on that coloring app; I think that sounds cool. I play a cross stitch game on my Kindle which is much like coloring. I didn't have to use my IV today, so that's a good day.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 22, 2018 5:23:08 GMT
zella 😍 I know what you mean. I’m glad today was a better day. If you’re not already doing so, can you start making a list of every good thing that happens each day? Each thing that makes you smile? You may not have something to add every day. But I hope you will be able to see a pattern that will show you in spite of the struggle, there are things worth smiling about. It won’t fix everything but maybe it will be one small start.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Apr 22, 2018 5:24:32 GMT
zella ohh good! I love it! It truly has been a good thing! I used to print them out but now I can just lay down and do it or days are hard. There is the pro one that costs more but there’s enough good free ones I don’t do the pro. But the challenges are fun. My name is the same on there. I’m glad you are doing a little better. One day at a time! I bet it feels good to not have the I’ve..’s baby steps sometimes
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Post by scrappintoee on May 15, 2018 22:34:57 GMT
zella.....How are you doing? Many (( hugs )) !!!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on May 16, 2018 5:11:36 GMT
scrappintoee, thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm doing okay. I've had a full week with no flares of my illness, and that makes me feel so much better emotionally. I'm on a new med, but it's too early to know if it's the med or just coincidence. As long as I'm fairly well physically, I do okay emotionally. But when I get really sick the depression is instant. My hubby is out of town for a week; he's gone to visit his daughters in Toronto. I'm a little nervous being without him for so long as he's my primary support, but I think I'll be okay. And it's not like I'm alone: DD1, DD2, SIL and granddaughter are all in the house. Actually, granddaughter just fell asleep beside me. I'm typing on my laptop, and her little head is resting on my arm. She's such a sweet girl. I love her so much.
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Post by Delta Dawn on May 16, 2018 5:31:59 GMT
Things are going ok for you? I am glad. Ok is good. I am wishing good things for you, Zella. I hope you have a good rest of the week xoxox
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 16, 2018 9:10:34 GMT
I'm very happy that you're having a better time. Fingers crossed that it is the new med, and that it continues.
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