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Post by beanbuddymom on Sept 22, 2014 14:53:39 GMT
It's funny but I just can't clean out closets or organize cabinets or rearrange furniture if DH is home. I wonder if I have issues or if I am not alone. Okay I clearly have issues but that's really another topic altogether, ha ha.
For example when I was cleaning out cabinets at Christmas last year after I rearranged one of them I was happy as a lark. I showed DH and said doesn't that look nice? He was like oh yeah, great, but was sarcastic about it. I was like, ?? what's wrong? He said, I don't understand why with all the cabinets we have to be organized you started with that one. THAT one (and he pointed at another one) is a mess and needs to get done. I don't know why you didn't do that one first.
I was like seriously? I told him because they were such a mess I was not in the mood to do them but I WAS in the mood to do the other one which coincidentally contained Christmas dishes with a glass door so I could show them off. It was one that made me happy to do. Well until that kind of comment from him and then it really annoyed me. He kept admitting he was right, and couldn't see why I was so annoyed with him.
He's typically a happy guy but extremely critical of jobs done around the house. Painting something he will point out what I missed, mistakes made, etc. If I am cleaning out a closet he will start on a rant about how much crap we have and how I should be throwing all that stuff out and/or the kids need to take responsibilty for their stuff, etc. Generally not pleasant to do any sort of big cleanup or change if he is around to comment or criticize. Every time he's very much taking the perspective of just being honest and I just don't care if he's honest I just want to do a job and take some pride in getting something done for the moment. If I do it when he's not home at least I can bask in my own glory for a bit until he comes along to give me his opinion and hopefully by then I just don't care to hear it or maybe I'm more open minded to hear what he has to say.
He is pleasant otherwise but just is not someone you want to be around if anything needs to get done. He wasn't like this when we first met, or first married, just got extremely irritated with project since the kids came along. ANd mostly because he is usually gone for 3-4 months out of the year so maybe he's trying to fit back in by exerting his manliness or whatever.
Whatever it is, it's a huge turnoff, and no matter what I say, he continues to do it. SO I just stick to doing any sort of project when he is either away on business or if it's a short project at work. He's just about killing me right now because he switched to working nights so he's home all day for the next few weeks and I want to cleanout the hall closet so badly but I just don't want to hear it.
I wondered if I was alone or if anyone else saved big projects for when they did't have their S/O at home because it's just easier.
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Post by ntsf on Sept 22, 2014 14:58:15 GMT
I can't clean something like a closet with my dh home...better when he is gone and I can make a huge mess in the middle of it.
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Post by beanbuddymom on Sept 22, 2014 15:03:09 GMT
I can't clean something like a closet with my dh home...better when he is gone and I can make a huge mess in the middle of it. Thank you, so glad I'm not alone. You're right about the mess, it's so much nicer to be alone with that to think! I need to have time to reflect on the mess and think without someone hovering. I can't think with hoverers ha ha. |
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Post by PinkPrincess77 on Sept 22, 2014 15:03:14 GMT
We do it together to keep each other company as well as motivated and since our furniture is heavy, I need his muscles. LOL
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421 
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 22, 2014 15:04:58 GMT
I agree. I don't like to tackle organizing chores when DH is around. As a PP mentioned, sometimes it looks worse before it gets better because of bags of donations and other such things lying around. DH does make comments sometimes that he could easily live in a tiny house since he doesn't have much and we have too crap but he doesn't realize that some of that is seasonal to make his Christmas nice. Also things like camping gear or winter gear that we rarely use but need to hang onto anyway. I feel your pain OP.
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Post by beanbuddymom on Sept 22, 2014 15:07:09 GMT
We do it together to keep each other company as well as motivated and since our furniture is heavy, I need his muscles. LOL Oh that's funny, yes I think if I needed to move something more than rearranging around the room I would need him. Mostly it's just stuff like couch from here to that wall or small tables or what not. His mother laughs though, she rearranges all the time and he is always going by there to help her move stuff. |
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Post by beanbuddymom on Sept 22, 2014 15:09:29 GMT
I agree. I don't like to tackle organizing chores when DH is around. As a PP mentioned, sometimes it looks worse before it gets better because of bags of donations and other such things lying around. DH does make comments sometimes that he could easily live in a tiny house since he doesn't have much and we have too crap but he doesn't realize that some of that is seasonal to make his Christmas nice. Also things like camping gear or winter gear that we rarely use but need to hang onto anyway. I feel your pain OP. Thank you, I feel so much better knowing there are others in my boat - I have a sister and friends who seemingly work flawlessly with and beside their hubbies and it makes me so mad sometimes knowing they get so much support. They could be exaggerating though, ha ha! |
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Post by uksue on Sept 22, 2014 15:11:27 GMT
I don't have a SO, but I tend to do that sort of thing alone anyway. That way they can't edit what I throw out!
Moving heavy furniture- I do fortunately have a hulk of a son to help me with. He just moves the stuff then creeps back to his X box, so no interference there!
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Post by tania7424 on Sept 22, 2014 15:12:34 GMT
Alone. My sister helped me rearrange the living room the other day. My gf is helping with the master bedroom. We do not work well together in these situations.  |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Sept 22, 2014 15:22:40 GMT
My husband has a bit of that in him. I've figured out that when I just stop interacting with that BS he stops. It takes 2 to argue about anything.
So... I'd stop asking his opinion. When he offered his opinion I'd just nod and keep doing whatever I wanted. You're not going to convince him otherwise. If he argues anyway, I'd just remind him I didn't ask for his opinion but thanks for letting me know what he thought. (with a smile).
Sounds like he needs some retraining, not convincing.
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Post by uksue on Sept 22, 2014 15:25:38 GMT
freebird, I like that advice! I will be using it next time my ex starts commenting on the repairs and maintenance I am doing now, that he should have done 10 years ago!
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 22, 2014 15:55:13 GMT
I do almost all my cleaning and organizing when DH is at work. I can't do house stuff with him here lol he gets in my way.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Sept 22, 2014 16:00:55 GMT
You are not alone. In regards to moving heavy stuff - I call my brother.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Sept 22, 2014 16:02:55 GMT
My OH 'rescues' things I have earmarked for recycling, so I do it when he is out of the way.
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Post by lorieann13 on Sept 22, 2014 16:06:34 GMT
When I decide to move furniture I wait for dh to be home. But when I clean the closet or do a deep clean I like to be home alone. But I make a pile of clothes that are questionable for dh to look through to see if he wants to keep it or donate it.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,110
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Sept 22, 2014 16:09:28 GMT
I prefer to clean or organize when DH is out or sleeping. I don't want him getting in the way or interfering. I don't want to work around him. And most importantly, I don't want an audience.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Sept 22, 2014 16:44:05 GMT
I don't do anything like that when hubby is home. If he becomes involved it becomes a day long project when I could have it done in an hour or two.
ETA: I see others needing help moving furniture. I put towels under each leg and just slide it. Thankfully, we live in a one level ranch.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 22, 2014 16:54:49 GMT
I want no one around when I am cleaning/decluttering. No man or child. I toss stuff and then have another box for them to look through. They usually rescue a few things and we are all happy.
My DH started in on all the kid stuff when they are little. The thing is that we went from a small space to another person living in our house with 1/3 of the stuff new. I just went with the belief that it was my kids' house as well as my house. We ALL need a space to store our stuff.
And yes, your man is peeing on trees. DH is active duty Air Force and it happens with every reentry. Luckily, the honeymoon stage makes up for the peeing on trees stage!
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josie
Full Member
Posts: 217
Jul 29, 2014 20:47:33 GMT
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Post by josie on Sept 22, 2014 16:55:22 GMT
I can't clean something like a closet with my dh home...better when he is gone and I can make a huge mess in the middle of it. This! I have my own "system" of doing it and sometimes I have to re-arrange things 100 times before I get it right or I have to walk away and leave the "mess" so I can come back with a fresh idea. DH doesn't get it or my organizational needs. |
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Post by deshacrafts on Sept 22, 2014 17:03:03 GMT
I've never cleaned a closet or moved furniture with my DH. Well almost never. If a piece of furniture is just to heavy, I will ask for his help otherwise I do it on my own.
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kimpea
Junior Member
Posts: 87
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Post by kimpea on Sept 22, 2014 18:14:18 GMT
I can't clean closets or organize when Dh is home either. He's all "why do we need this stuff? Let's just pitch it and be done already". It takes up too much time explaining why I want it. Plus, if he's not home I can arrange things how I like, not how he thinks it should look. Lol
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,854
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Post by breetheflea on Sept 22, 2014 18:20:17 GMT
DH doesn't get my method of organizing and cleaning, hates to rearrange furniture, doesn't want to get rid of any of HIS stuff, he doesn't mind getting rid of anyone elses stuff, and I don't like hearing him in the other room watching TV and having fun while I'm working. I can clean and organize when he is home but prefer, and get less grouchy, to do it when he is not here.
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 22, 2014 18:25:09 GMT
9 times out of 10, we do Spring cleaning together. It makes things go faster and more enjoyable. We always clean out the closet together because we like to try things on that we are on the fence about. It helps us keep/get rid of things we may not have otherwise.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Sept 22, 2014 21:28:22 GMT
I prefer to do most things by myself when it comes to the house. SO painted last week to help me. I wish he'd stop helping. I told him if he messes something up, I will be angry with him until he is dead. If *I* do it, I can only be mad at myself.
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Post by compwalla on Sept 22, 2014 21:32:35 GMT
I am the one who throws everything away. He is the one who wants to keep things. When we clean and organize together it's sometimes stressful. I would rather do serious organizing alone but I don't because I keep hoping he'll finally understand what my criteria are for keeping or tossing. Twenty-two years in, that still hasn't happened. Hope springs eternal though.  When it comes to things like painting, my husband leaves the precision parts to me and sticks to rolling, moving heavy things, and cleaning up. He doesn't have the patience for the detail work and I do. Mistakes bother him just not enough to slow down and get it exactly right. I don't mind. I like painting. |
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 22, 2014 23:06:49 GMT
I save deep closet cleaning for when DH is away. I like to pull everything out and seeing that mess stresses him. He likes things neat & tidy, but hates to do the actual organization, so it works for us. I can handle the mess around me for a day or two as I decide how to reorganize things, what to toss and what to keep.
He keeps way more than I do, so if I don't want something in the house, it gets sent to the garage and is his to organize.
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Post by BSnyder on Sept 22, 2014 23:27:22 GMT
We do most household stuff together, especially shared spaces. We both work long hours, we both are busy with the kids, we both contribute somewhat to the disorder, we both organize. What drives me crazy is that if it were just me things would stay organized. I put things back where I got them, pretty much always. Him, not so much. Why should I be stuck organizing what he (or the kids) disorganizes? One exception is our bedroom closets and dressers. He is in charge of his, me of mine.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 14:16:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 23:41:39 GMT
My OH 'rescues' things I have earmarked for recycling, so I do it when he is out of the way. That's my issue too! I always do cabinet clean outs when he is at work so he can't reclaim things that I'm tossing out. |
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Sept 22, 2014 23:43:09 GMT
I am sorry your husband did that to you.
I never do any kind of cleaning when husband is around. I will keep stuff picked up and keep the kitchen pretty clean but the weekends when he is home is for us time. I usually do all the cleaning when he is at work.
I would not be happy if husband did that to me.
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Post by wonderwoman on Sept 24, 2014 6:57:07 GMT
We do it together to keep each other company as well as motivated and since our furniture is heavy, I need his muscles. LOL  |
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