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Post by Zee on Sept 24, 2014 15:35:56 GMT
I've been told I do from some relatives, but that he doesn't know, and I'm not interested in pursuing it and ruining someone's life revealing that his dad isn't really his dad.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Sept 24, 2014 15:43:13 GMT
I have a brother of my dads that I have never met. I am not sure if he knows about me or not. I have tried to find him but I have not bee successful. I would love to know him.
If somebody came to me and said they were my sibling I would want proof first but I would be open to it.
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Post by gar on Sept 24, 2014 15:46:05 GMT
Ref your update - I wonder if they feel threatened in some way? Not sure why but people who react in that way often have some fear of what the new person will change in the original family's life or something along those lines.
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Post by mandolyn9909 on Sept 24, 2014 15:51:12 GMT
This happened to our family as well. I was 17 when my brother called my dad saying that he was his son and wanting to meet him. My dad didn't know about him. He was 18 when (brothers mom) got pregnant from a one night stand situation, he did hear a couple years later that she had a baby and went to her house to find out if it was his and she said that he wasn't his child and he dropped it. Didn't really pay it much thought after that.
My dad fully accepted him into our family as did all of us kids. He looks and acts exactly like my dad. My dad never got a paternity test either. Just was happy that he was united with him and knew deep down that he was his son!
I can remember being ecstatic about the news because I always wanted a bigger family. Now he fits right in with the rest of us siblings. My sister who was 7 doesn't really remember a time when he wasn't around. For the first few years my dad showered him with gifts and cash I think in part because he felt bad that he was never there for him growing up. He helped pay for college (as he did the rest of us). Now it is as if he was always around. It has been 16 years since we found out.
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Post by cbet on Sept 24, 2014 15:56:48 GMT
Sorry for the confusion, not a full sister ... a half sister. I guess I just can't imagine as a female not wanting to know my sister. My MIL offers no explanation, has readily admitted that this is her child but wants no part of her.
Ann Please try to not judge your mother in law harshly for this. If she is offering no explanation, it is quite possible that the child's conception was not a consensual act, KWIM? And if that is the case, I can certainly see where your MIL would want no reminder of that. Yes, I know it's not the child's fault - but at the time, adoptions were closed and I'm sure she never expected to see her daughter again, and was trying to put the whole thing behind her. Not easy to have that all stirred up again. |
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Post by peasful1 on Sept 24, 2014 15:59:58 GMT
BTDT. I mean, not exactly like that, but around the age of 10 I found out I had two half-siblings. what are you going to do? Shun them?
Your update is sad. Too bad his sister is so insecure. Does she not know the heart has an infinite ability to love?
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Sept 24, 2014 16:50:31 GMT
Yes.
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IPeaFreely
Full Member
Posts: 389
Location: Castle Frankenstein
Jun 26, 2014 8:32:27 GMT
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Post by IPeaFreely on Sept 24, 2014 16:51:56 GMT
At this point in my life I wouldn't want anything to do with a long lost sibling.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Sept 24, 2014 16:52:02 GMT
**Thanks for all the input. The reason for my question is I am still trying to understand my SILs reaction to this situation. A sister found my DH and one sister. We met her and she is just the nicest person. We see her and her DH all the time and enjoy their company. She is over the moon happy to have a sibling. My SILs have met her (basically under duress) and pretty much want nothing to do with her. Her mother wants no part of it. MY DH has tried to encourage one sister to reach out (we are not close with his sisters), but she has basically accused DH of dumping them for his new sister. The whole situation is very sad as all his new sister wants is siblings. She doesn't need money.** Say one of your parents had a child before they were married and gave that child up for adoption. That sibling shows up looking for their biological family. Would you welcome them? Ann Just because I would welcome an unknown/newly found sibling does not mean I would push or judge any of my other siblings that didn't want a relationship. Each of us are different and how they react or proceed would be up to them, not me. I also don't try to understand or reason out my siblings reactions. Their feelings are theirs and I don't have to justify them to myself since they aren't mine. They are allowed their feelings just as I'm allowed mine  |
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Sept 24, 2014 17:06:18 GMT
Her bio mom who put her up for adoption doesn't want anything to do with her? That's sad.
If something like that happened to me, yes I'd welcome her with open arms. My dad always says he thinks he has a long lost son out there, but it's a whole different situation (the mother had an affair with my dad who wasn't married, then she went back to her husband and had a baby shortly thereafter). Again, not the same situation, but if the guy is my brother (or half brother), I'd like to at least meet him.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 19, 2024 22:42:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 19:12:19 GMT
gmcwife1,
Thank you for this. I could adhere to this easier if my one SIL didn't go batshit crazy when we met their new sibling. So, I think I would have had an easier time accepting their decision if they hadn't challenged ours. Something I need to work on. 
If the search angel would not have found us too along with the SIL I refer to, she would have kept it a secret and we would have never known. When DH called to talk to her about it when it first happened she lied right to him and said she didn't know what he was talking about. So, further proof that God works in mysterious ways.
Ann
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Post by kimpossible on Sept 24, 2014 19:26:06 GMT
It happened in my family. All of the reactions were very different. I instantly connected with her and we still talk and visit when we can (we live in different states). There is no doubt she is related, she looks exactly like my Mom's sister. She has many of the same attributes of my Mom - yet they never lived together. Its bizarre and cool in so many different ways. She has an amazing family and has done wonderful things in her life. I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to get to meet her, form a relationship, etc.
I never once judged my Mom and the decision she made. It happened in the days where so many secrets were kept and she just never felt good about sharing it with any of us kids. Fortunately this sister was able to meet my Mom before my Mom passed away. I honestly think my Mom was able to rest in peace now that the secret she had held all these years was out in the open.
For the record, my other siblings did not have the desire to have a relationship - I consider it their loss because she is such a wonderful person.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755 
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Post by azredhead on Sept 24, 2014 19:28:56 GMT
that's a sad update but a little understandable. My siblings have different feelings even about my dad than I do because of what he did. For SIL she was scared to meet the one she put up for adoption because of the daughter she currently had. but daughter 2 was more accepting of it than mom. i think my SIL had a lot of guilt and didn't know how to put things behind her that happened then. The adoption did that and daughter 1 finding her again forced her to deal with in good and bad. It's been rocky but they maintain more of a 'friendship' level.
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