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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Oct 17, 2018 21:15:03 GMT
I'm so sad. She had terminal lung cancer, so this was the expected outcome and I had prepared for it, but not this soon. I just talked to her on the phone the other day and she sounded so good and so strong. She recently came off all her oxygen and while still tired and a bit weak seemed to feeling much like her normal self. There was no warning, no declining or anything. She died at 4 a.m. I wanted so badly to call her yesterday, but I had such a terrible day. Our autistic son spent most of the day throwing tantrums and I was so exhausted and physically sore from trying to restrain him all day. I cried most of last night because of the day I had and I just didn't want her to hear me upset, so I didn't call. I will probably regret that for the rest of my life. However, I know she is no longer in pain and I know she didn't suffer at the end. My brother was with her and he said her breathing sounded bad, but she was resting peacefully and then just went.
Unfortunately overall my family isn't very close. I wanted to go and be with my siblings and they told me not to come and that mom was already taken away. I thought we could be together and grieve together, but that didn't happen. So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with myself. I have my DH and my boys and of course our 3 beautiful kitties that keep me happy. But I feel like I should be doing something, but don't know what. She is being cremated, didn't want a service or a memorial so there isn't anything to plan. She's just gone and I'm devastated and feel quite alone at this point. My brother and sister have always been close and always treated me like an outsider of the family and unfortunately that continues.
Thanks for hearing me out!!!
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Post by annabella on Oct 17, 2018 21:16:24 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,509
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Oct 17, 2018 21:19:46 GMT
Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry. Regarding calling her yesterday, think how awful you might feel if you HAD called her, and she was upset because you were feeling bad from your terrible day. You had loving intentions in not calling her, and I'm sure she knows that now. May she rest in peace.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Oct 17, 2018 21:20:17 GMT
I am sorry x
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Post by JoP on Oct 17, 2018 21:23:03 GMT
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,166
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Oct 17, 2018 21:25:36 GMT
I am so sorry. Sorry you got less time with your mum that you expected, and sorry that your siblings make you feel unwanted. Hugs.
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Post by jennyap on Oct 17, 2018 21:25:43 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss, and that you’re feeling left out by your siblings at this difficult time (((hugs)))
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Post by christine58 on Oct 17, 2018 21:26:38 GMT
I am so sorry. Would you go to your siblings anyways regardless of what they said?? Can you have some of her ashes to maybe bury/spread yourself??
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 17, 2018 21:31:06 GMT
But I feel like I should be doing something, but don't know what. She is being cremated, didn't want a service or a memorial so there isn't anything to plan. She's just gone and I'm devastated and feel quite alone at this point. My condolences on yous loss. Perhaps you should plan some sort of ceremony with your own family to commemorate her passing. Maybe plant a tree or place an engraved rock in your garden?
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Post by Patter on Oct 17, 2018 21:32:25 GMT
I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss!
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Post by chlerbie on Oct 17, 2018 21:32:51 GMT
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Even when it's "expected" it's still so very hard. Please don't beat yourself up over not calling. I think the most important thing you should remember is that she knew that you loved her and you know that she loved you and there's nothing that will ever change that. Focus instead on the positive memories that you have and hold those close. Much love to you!
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,229
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Oct 17, 2018 21:33:03 GMT
I am so sorry. Since your siblings are making you feel unwanted, can you do something special with your immediate family in honor of your momma? Big ((HUGS))
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 17:51:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2018 21:33:22 GMT
So sorry for your loss.
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Post by katelynr439 on Oct 17, 2018 21:33:28 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss and wish you peace through the grief process.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Oct 17, 2018 21:33:40 GMT
i'm so sorry your mom is gone
and i'm sorry that you are feeling left out
i've got a big lump in my throat and feel awful for you
gina
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Post by jenjie on Oct 17, 2018 21:34:35 GMT
Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry. Regarding calling her yesterday, think how awful you might feel if you HAD called her, and she was upset because you were feeling bad from your terrible day. You had loving intentions in not calling her, and I'm sure she knows that now. May she rest in peace. I’m so sorry. 😢 I couldn’t say it any better than Kate. Your choice not to call was for her sake, not yours. Know that you did the right thing. I’m sorry about your situation with your siblings.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 17:51:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2018 21:35:57 GMT
Pm me if you want to call me. I will be your sister for the day.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
Enter your message here...
Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Oct 17, 2018 21:36:32 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 17, 2018 21:36:48 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Oct 17, 2018 21:37:23 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss. Being expected does not make it any easier. And I'm sorry your siblings aren't close. Maybe you can do your own memorial for her when you're ready. Much love to you xx
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 17, 2018 21:38:51 GMT
I am so sorry. Since your siblings are making you feel unwanted, can you do something special with your immediate family in honor of your momma? Big ((HUGS)) I'm am so sorry for you loss.... My momma is getting older but in good health and I just dread the day it will happen. Would something special with your immediate family make it better for you? I would suggest it if you wanted to. I lost a dear friend and it was unexpected. Her family (and I think per her wishes) did nothing.. no service or memorial, it was like she was here and gone. I still think of her and don't feel any closure and think of her often. It just seems so sad to me. But of course not my family so this is just what I deal with inside me. So that said, maybe you and your family can do something to honor her?? Again... I'm sorry...
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 17, 2018 21:38:58 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss and how left out you feel. Let us be your sisters and we'll grieve with you.
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Post by tuva42 on Oct 17, 2018 21:39:01 GMT
Tammie, I'm so very sorry. I lost my mom many years ago to lung cancer, and we are watching my MIL slowly decline from the same terrible disease. Your mom knew you loved her and that is all that mattered. I wish you had better closure. It's got to be hard not to be with family.
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Post by cmpeter on Oct 17, 2018 21:39:14 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs to you!
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 17, 2018 21:39:51 GMT
I'm so sorry for this loss.
Eternal rest, grant unto her, O Lord, And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen
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Post by Mel on Oct 17, 2018 21:41:45 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss!
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Post by brenda89 on Oct 17, 2018 21:42:39 GMT
So sorry for your loss. Sending hugs!!
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Post by bearmom on Oct 17, 2018 21:43:31 GMT
Sorry for your loss, prayers for you and your family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 17:51:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2018 21:44:36 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Post by Horse scrap on Oct 17, 2018 21:47:13 GMT
I am so sorry about your mom. Losing a parent is the worst pain, so be good to yourself. Let yourself grieve, cry, whatever will make you release some of the pain. Maybe you could do a special service with just your family. Plant a tree or bush, make a donation to some place special. Love and hugs.
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