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Post by prettyprettypaper on Jan 15, 2019 10:08:08 GMT
I don't mind if they have a legitimate reason, whether it's really bad traffic or getting off of work late. However, I don't tolerate people who don't respect my time. People who are chronically late are inconsiderate. I don't feel that I should have to adjust the start time and pretend that we are going to meet at 5:00 so the person shows up on time at 6:00. Instead, if they are late with no valid reason (and I know which friends and family are the disrespectful ones), I don't wait. I go on about my business and they can catch up when they arrive. When my husband and I host parties, we always give a start time and a "meal to be served at" time. If people don't show up by the scheduled eating time, we proceed, especially because we have kids in the family and don't want to keep them waiting. One holiday, we had family members show up at 7 pm, even though we told them we were going to serve dinner between 5:30 and 6:00. They didn't bother to call to tell us they had decided to watch a movie ( ), yet they acted surprised when they arrived asking, "You guys ate already??" We just smiled and said, "Yup! We told you guys what time we were serving dinner and we didn't hear anything from you guys so we went ahead and served dinner!"
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Post by mariemily on Jan 15, 2019 14:26:35 GMT
One of my friends used to be always late. Years ago, I was hosting a party for about 20 people. I knew he would be the only one late and that it would annoy the other guests so I told him to be there an hour early. Of course he was the first there, but still 45 minutes after the time I told him to show up. Then he said proudly: see, you always accuse me of being late, but all the others aren't here either. So I said: well, it's because I told you a different time to be sure you would show up on time and not keep the others waiting. The party in fact starts at six. I told you to come an hour earlier. He told me after the fact that it made him realize the effect his behavior had on others and he was deeply ashamed for that. And he changed and is always on time now.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,091
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Jan 15, 2019 14:52:37 GMT
One of my friends from HS was like that. We would have plans to meet based on her express bus schedule but she missed that bus on a regular basis. On weekends, it ran every 30 or 60 minutes, so if she missed it she was super late. One time she missed it because she the bus wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes so she got a manicure. This was long before cell phones so it was super frustrating.
Fast forward 10-15 years, my husband and I were going to meet her and her husband for dinner. Her kids were staying at their aunt's house that night so dinner was at a place near us. They were running late because they decided to paint a room that afternoon, then traffic of course, then run the kids out to the aunt's place then come back to meet us. We get to the restaurant at 9:30-10:00. They realized they didn't leave the car seats so we had to rush through dinner so they didn't get back to the aunt's house too late. I think that was the last time I saw her or pretty close to it.
We always had a tumultuous friendship - so it was on again, off again most of the time we knew each other. Now we're just FB friends which is fine.
Generally, I am early for things although there are times when things happen. It's a joke with one couple we go out with that they always expect us to be waiting at the bar when they arrive. Although, it seems the times I try to really be prepared is when something happens. One time I was meeting friends and I was trying to get to the restaurant at 7:30. I left in plenty of time, with extra time to spare but there was an accident and a road closure, etc. I can't help that - I felt bad but some things can not be controlled. My friends are understanding because sometimes they run into the problems and are late. If it was habitual, then I think adjustments would be made.
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Post by lbp on Jan 15, 2019 17:59:21 GMT
Drives me crazy!!! One of my best friends always drove her children to school because they couldn't get ready in time to catch the bus, then they were so late to school for so many times that she was called into the Principals office about her children's tardiness! She lived 1 mile from the school. (kids can't walk as it is a rural area). That was a big wake up call for her. She is pretty prompt now days.
I have an employee who shows up to work and hour to an hour and a half late every single day! Then spends 1/2 the day bitching about how much she has to do and has no time to get it done. Why do we keep her? She is the President of the company's sister and he thinks she walks on water.
I am usually early. If I am too early I will sit in the car until the proper time.
What makes me furious is people who say they are coming to an event (say dinner at your house) and then call 5 minutes after the time and say they can't make it because they needed to finish painting, kissing the dog, decided to go somewhere else instead. Or don't bother to call at all. That is soooo rude! I have spent my time preparing food and getting stuff ready then they blow you off like it doesn't matter!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 15, 2019 18:55:21 GMT
he cruises thru the door from his big run at 12:35 and needs to shower, shave and get dressed. he will even sometimes get it together to be in the car at 12:52. when he realizes it's only 12.52, he says "oh, i am early" and runs back into the house to rearrange the tupperware cupboard or sort and put out the recycling, resulting in them leaving at 1:25. i told her to get her damn drivers license!! for stuff in the city, she just leaves by public transit on her own schedule and says "meet ya there"! i think people who chronically late literally just do not respect other people's time. no other excuse. if things *always* go wrong for you... learn from the experience and GIVE YOURSELF MORE TIME!!! I have to admit, I fall (infrequently!) into this trap. I work, and have been either the homefront spouse during deployments or a single parent. I have SO much to do!!! Most often, if I'm sitting there at 12:52 and I could have taken the recycling down to the curb, put up the hose, and swept the porch in that 8 minutes, I would do it. Not because I feel like my time is more valuable or I don't respect others time, but because that 8 minutes is very valuable to me. Most often I can do those tasks, be in the car and on our way on time and it's no big deal. Every now and then though, I finish the tasks, open the garage to put the hose away or bike... and the dog escapes and I have to spend time catching her. Or, yes, errands. If I need to return something and I rarely get over that way, yes, I'll leave early and do it on the way. Usually it works out fine, other times the line is long, the cashier is new, the register quits working. Once Someone had a fender bender right behind my car. UGH.My guy is a saint, and we often ride separately to things for convenience. And he has no problem sitting at the bar for a beer before I arrive. If it's something with a hard timeline, he'll tell me. Meeting clients or friends for dinner etc. I do my very very best and the vast majority of time it is fine. I was late for a family dinner at his mom's house. She is very much like apparently many of you are. If you are to arrive at 1, 1 is late. So the plan was I would leave my house, at noon, drive to my guy's house 15 minutes away, then we'd ride together to his parents house 20-30 minutes away. 15 minute buffer. I left my house (dead end on a HUGE hill) and started down the hill. I passed the residential road I could have turned on, and continued down the hill that leads to downtown where I'd planned to turn left. Next thing I know, the motor cycle in front of me at the stop sign is hit by a truck. It took a moment to register. I stopped my car, and called 911. The police station is about 2 blocks away. Next thing I know police come from both directions, and I'm now stuck, even after I give my statement. I just watched a man DIE. And I'm stressing that I'm late for freaking dinner at his mom's. That's bs to put that kind of pressure on people to be on time. I intentionally took the job I have because I didn't want to have to worry about whether I arrive at 8 or 8:02. Quite frankly, I can arrive at 10 and no one will say a word. My mom doesn't work, never has. If she has to be somewhere 5 minutes away at noon, she wants everyone ready to go by 10. Maybe that's where I developed the I'm ready but now I have time to kill. Should I waste it, or should I make it count? Take out the recycling, take out the trash, vacuum, fold some clothes, hit the grocery store.... Believe me.. in that 8 minutes I am not thinking "I'm going to make them wait. See how important I am!" I think it's self righteous that people think everything is about them lol Not you specifically Merrick lol I hate being too early too for the exact same reasons you do. I just sit there thinking of all the things I could be doing and could get done while I'm sitting there wasting my time! And yep, I was another military wife that was often the only one that was home to do it all, work ft, take care of the kids, the appointments, the house, the cars, etc.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Jan 15, 2019 20:15:19 GMT
I’m sorry I was late to this thread but I got caught in traffic and then I had to return a library book that is due on Saturday I am always early and it often gives me time to get angrier and angrier when someone shows up late. I have offered to drive if the late person meets me at my house then at least I am not sitting in a restaurant alone.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jan 15, 2019 22:35:21 GMT
I was once sent to a store to "clean it up" -- to handle long standing personnel issues that had escalated due to a manager refusing to manage. Chief amongst the issues were attendance problems -- tardies, no shows, call offs, leaving early. If the manager had actually been following policy, 90% of his staff would have been fired. Yes, that's right. 90% of the staff.
Yes, 90% of all people chose to be late, not show up, leave early when there were no consequences. Which tells me so much about our society today.
Once I started writing people up and showing them the policy -- and pointing out that if the manager had following policy, that they would have been fired -- 80% of the problem employees straightened up immediately.
The remaining 20% were fired within 9 weeks for continued attendance issues. They all insisted that they "needed" the job. But couldn't manage to get themselves to work on time. (And keep in mind, this company allowed 8 minutes of grace past your actual start time before you were considered tardy.) Many of them were shocked that they were being fired. Surely, surely, I wasn't going to fire people for something as "stupid" as being late? And they also did not care one bit that their tardiness or failure to come into work meant more work for everyone. Simply did not care. It was all about them and what they wanted.
Which did not surprise me in the slightest. In my personal life, I learned as a child that the chronically tardy fall into two categories: 1. The people who will straighten up when there are negative consequences. This is the larger group. 2. The people who will continue to be late no matter what. Smaller group, but absolutely untrainable. In my personal life, I will not tolerate relationships with people who will not show up on time. I am not one of the "if you're on time, you're late people." I think that is bullshit. As well as illogical. If you are on time, you are on time. But what is also bullshit, much stinkier bullshit, is the attitude that the only person whose time matters is their own. Someone like that, I do not do any activities with.
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Post by peano on Jan 15, 2019 23:42:35 GMT
I am a formerly late person. I have worked hard to overcome this problem. I'm hearing a lot of self righteousness on this thread, and where I can understand the frustration at dealing with chronically late people, I disagree it’s always about selfishness and lack of consideration.
In my case, it was a manifestation of acute anxiety and lack of self-worth. Anxiety that I wasn’t good enough, or presentable enough or enough enough. Anxiety that because I wasn’t enough enough, the person I made the date with was going to stand me up and leave me alone and abandoned and exposed to ridicule. This is why I always liked to arrive fashionably late. Arriving early to things even now fills me with extreme anxiety—but I do it. In fact, I get anxious just thinking about it.
Because of my ambivalence—wanting to have a social life but fearing rejection—I found myself obsessing over my appearance and the desire to be “acceptable” in the other person's eyes and so this became my focus—not the clock. Is this totally irrational? Yes. But anxiety to this extreme is not rational.
It’s just weird to me that on virtually every character flaw and/or psychological issue that has ever popped up on 2 Peas, people are willing to offer grace and the benefit of the doubt—except this one. It feels like it comes in just after pedophilia on the list of unforgivables.
And for the “if you’re on time, you’re late” contingent: Haha. No.
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