|
Post by mimi3566 on Feb 20, 2019 17:38:40 GMT
My daughter told me right away every time she found out she was pregnant but asked me to not say anything to anyone else as she wanted to wait until further along....just in case.
She's pregnant with #5. She is my only child and we are very close and since she is an adult we are also best friends in addition to being mother/daughter.
She never told me they were trying to get pregnant but told me they had agreed they both wanted 4 children...# 5 was whoops!
BTW....her first four children are boys....#5 is a GIRL!!!! To say we are all beyond elated is an understatement.
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Feb 20, 2019 18:32:37 GMT
I honestly don’t remember telling about DS1. It was 30 years ago lol. But that first Mother’s Day I gave my mom a charm for her charm bracelet similar to what she had for me, with his info engraved. When I was pregnant the second time, I got her the same charm for Christmas with no info on it. Took her a moment to figure it out. Then I had to get another charm when it turned out I had twins!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:48:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2019 18:38:32 GMT
As a mom to "kids" in their 30s... I don't really want to know if you are trying. My son and his wife are childless after 4 years of marriage. I have never asked them. Not because I don't care but because I don't want to step on super sensitive personal things that are frankly non of my business unless they want to tell me.
So I vote, don't tell you are trying. Just wait until you are.
|
|
kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,390
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
|
Post by kelly8875 on Feb 20, 2019 19:07:29 GMT
Everyone knew we wanted to have kids. That’s as much as they got to know until I said I was pregnant. It’s none of anyone’s business that we were trying. No one needs a “heads up”.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:48:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2019 19:25:05 GMT
Why on earth would anyone want to know that you're trying for a baby?
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Feb 20, 2019 19:33:21 GMT
Did you tell your parents when you started to TRY? Or did you just wait and surprise them when you were successfully pregnant? No, we told no one when we decided to try. We told our parents when the tests were positive. Both sets of parents were grandparents multiple times before us and they all knew we loved kids. It didn't exactly come as a surprise to them.
|
|
pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,992
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
|
Post by pancakes on Feb 20, 2019 19:36:28 GMT
Why on earth would anyone want to know that you're trying for a baby? A ton of couples I know have parents who are fully aware they are trying for kids.
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Feb 20, 2019 19:39:04 GMT
My mom sounds like your parents. Didn’t want my husband and I to get married right away. We planned our wedding over the course of 2 years and she kept saying “slow down, just enjoy you’re engagement”. 🤷♀️ Never bugged us about having kids after we were finally married.
My dad, on the other hand, called us up about 6 months after our wedding to announce that he was “ready to have some grand babies!” And wanted them ASAP. We laughed at him and told him no.
A few years later, my husband and I decided to start trying for our first. And we didn’t tell anyone. And it was not going well at all. My dad would mention it every now and then but we just brushed him off. 2 years into that ordeal and I got my prescription for clomid just in time to go to my parents house for Christmas! 🤦♀️ So we’re all stuffed in the car driving back to my parents house after Christmas Eve mass (me and hubs, my brother, and my parents), and were looking at Christmas lights. And my dad starts up with the baby pestering. And he has really ramped it up because 4 of his other siblings were already grandparents and he really wanted to do that. So my husband is in the front next to my dad and he’s quietly trying to get my dad to stop. And my dad just wasn’t taking the hints at all.
And then there’s me in the backseat, full of baby making hormones from the Clomid getting an earful of this nonsense. And I just completely snapped. I started screaming at my dad (and I don’t ever scream at my dad). And the whole story came tumbling out, complete with the Clomid and 2 years of trying. I was absolutely hysterical. My mom started crying because she felt bad for us. But it shut my dad right up. And when I was done nobody said a word for a good 5 minutes. And then my brother pipes up with, “You’re on Clomid? Jesus you’re going to have like 10 babies like that lady on tv”. And everyone laughed.
And I didn’t hear a word out of him again until we made our announcement. And it was excellent.
When we did tell them we called them via Skype and made sure they were in the same room together. We Skyped because we wanted to see their reactions. They were beyond happy and excited. It was great! We did the same thing with my husbands parents and they were also thrilled. We didn’t do anything cutesy, we just told them. They were happy with that.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Feb 20, 2019 20:04:53 GMT
Why on earth would anyone want to know that you're trying for a baby? A ton of couples I know have parents who are fully aware they are trying for kids. I suppose this could come about in two ways. Nothing pregnancy related has been spoken about and then prospective parents suddenly announce - hey we’re actively trying to conceive! Weird! Alternatively, it’s ‘common knowledge’ that children are wanted and it’s assumed that ‘trying’ is happening and when pregnancy occurs parents etc will be told. Normal, imo of course 🙂
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on Feb 20, 2019 20:07:42 GMT
We never announced that we were trying, but, after several unsuccessful years of trying, we let our parents know we were struggling to conceive. When I finally became pregnant (5 years after we started trying), we waited until I was nearly 4 months along to tell our families. We told everyone at a family dinner.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:48:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2019 20:30:32 GMT
Why on earth would anyone want to know that you're trying for a baby? A ton of couples I know have parents who are fully aware they are trying for kids. But why do their parents have to know about their sex lives? Trying for a baby obviously means having lots of unprotected sex, that isn't something that's up for discussion imo.
|
|
|
Post by piebaker on Feb 20, 2019 20:43:45 GMT
We were so excited about our first we told everyone after the first doctor appointment at seven weeks. It was the first grandchild for my in-laws and they were older and didn't think we would have kids.
With the second, we waited until after the 12 week ultrasound because a close friend had a miscarriage the month before. I had been so sick with morning sickness my mother wasn't surprised.
Your pregnancy, you decide the right time to share the news.
Best wishes for your future.
|
|
scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,814
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappinmama on Feb 20, 2019 20:47:22 GMT
I didn't tell my parents that we were trying to get pregnant. Frankly, it wasn't their business. It wasn't anyone's business but my husband and mine. When I got pregnant, I called my mom to tell her and my husband called his parents. We were very happy and excited, but did not make a huge hoopla out of it. Save the hoopla for the baby shower.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Feb 20, 2019 21:09:45 GMT
Well since my first pregnancy, that no one knew about because we had just figured it out for ourselves, ended in miscarriage, on my 30th Birthday screwing up the surprise party ex had planned for me ( I hate surprise parties btw why was he having one? ) EVERYONE knew what I had gone thru. I mean everyone from my furthest cousin, my in-laws, my work friends, everyone knew. It was difficult. Oh man the endless questions from people who mean well but you just want to scream leave me alone.
I certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone the next time I was pregnant until I had to ( showing ) I wasn’t up to dealing with all the questions. Well meaning people seem to ask a lot of questions and you can’t be rude because they are well meaning. And with my DS 3rd pregnancy, we also did not tell anyone until we had to ( showing ) My sister guessed but kept it to herself god bless her.
After all that, you tell whom ever you want to tell when ever your both ready to tell. Some people relish in it and want to share from the very first thought. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people want to tell no one, crawl in a hole, and not talk to anyone or answer any questions. I also happen to think there’s nothing wrong with that. Or with any variation in between.
It’s a very personal choice.
|
|
pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,992
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
|
Post by pancakes on Feb 20, 2019 21:13:06 GMT
A ton of couples I know have parents who are fully aware they are trying for kids. But why do their parents have to know about their sex lives? Trying for a baby obviously means having lots of unprotected sex, that isn't something that's up for discussion imo. Like peaname suggested, it's more about mentioning you're thinking about starting a family. I also feel like with a lot of parents, once you're married and if you're trying for a baby, they don't really think of it as their child having unprotected sex as they would with an unmarried, likely younger adult child. I'm not saying it's right/correct, but there seems to be a mental shift that happens.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Feb 20, 2019 21:14:54 GMT
I would just tell them when you are pregnant and ready for people to know. Some people keep it quiet until 12 weeks have passed, others essentially roll out of bed and announce it.
|
|
johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
|
Post by johnnysmom on Feb 20, 2019 22:00:06 GMT
We told relatively early on because I'm short and small so it doesn't take me long to start showing. First ds we wrote it in my dad's birthday card at around 5-6 weeks. Second pregnancy, I don't really remember how we told but it was early-ish again (6 weeks, I'd guess) but we lost that one and it was nice to have the support (my siblings and I were all pregnant at the same time, had they not known I'd lost one they wouldn't have understood my craziness as each of their babies were born). Third pregnancy, no time to tell lost within a few days, almost no one knows there was a pregnancy that time. Ds2 we'd learned our lesson and told around 10 weeks after multiple good ultrasounds, can't remember how we told though As for telling them we were trying, hell no. They knew we wanted another eventually and after the first loss it was pretty much common knowledge that we were working on it. But our parents, most specifically my parents, will never know the lengths we went to get ds2. Fortunately we only needed 1 IUI and with injectable hormones (after an unsuccessful try with clomid and many tests). My parents are uber religious and I don't ever want to know if they feel "having kids is God's will" or some crap so they'll never know. Even my siblings don't know, and won't as far as I'm concerned not that they'll judge as harshly but still. I'll freely talk about it with my friends and such, but not family.
|
|
|
Post by quietgirl on Feb 20, 2019 22:21:21 GMT
This is just me, and i see this only through the lens of my relationship with my parents, I would just announce it when you are pregnant. I think that leaves a buffer between you and your husband and the rest of the world. Sometimes, it's good to have that.
|
|
artsydaisy
Full Member
Posts: 464
Jul 1, 2014 4:55:48 GMT
|
Post by artsydaisy on Feb 20, 2019 23:02:54 GMT
But why do their parents have to know about their sex lives? Trying for a baby obviously means having lots of unprotected sex, that isn't something that's up for discussion imo. Like peaname suggested, it's more about mentioning you're thinking about starting a family.
I also feel like with a lot of parents, once you're married and if you're trying for a baby, they don't really think of it as their child having unprotected sex as they would with an unmarried, likely younger adult child. I'm not saying it's right/correct, but there seems to be a mental shift that happens. Do you want to this to be open for debate? Are you willing to hear input from your parents that may be negative? Those are important questions to answer before you decide what you want to do. If you say that you're thinking about starting a family, I could imagine your parents thinking they were being invited to discuss it, and as a previous poster said you want this to be between you and your DH, no one else. I did not tell anyone until I was way into my second semester and honestly would have told both of our parents after childbirth if it were possible, haha! It is hard to understand in advance how much unsolicited advice, criticism, and comments you get as a pregnant woman from the general public. I would not invite any more of that into my life than absolutely necessary. As far as parents knowing their children are trying to get pregnant, the only times I've seen that happen is when a couple gets married in order to have children. Like, they've been together for a long time and get married just so they can start a family as a married couple. But in that case everyone knows, not just their parents.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Feb 21, 2019 0:53:16 GMT
I have never asked my son and DIL about their plans and I never will ask any of my children. I don't want them to feel pressure and they are/will be adults and that is their own business. I wouldn't announce that you are trying. Unless you are having a struggle to conceive I always find that odd to announce. With my oldest we didn't plan to announce the pregnancy for awhile, but I had so many complications early on that dealt with my type 1 diabetes and low blood sugar that with subsequent pregnancies we announced it early for safety reasons. I think that is a real personal choice. Some people don't want to deal with questions after a loss. Others really want support through it all. So you have to figure out where you feel and recognize that may change if a loss happens. I also never ask any of my kids their plans for children for the same reason. Also not because I’m not interested, but because of the pressure. It annoys the crap out of me when I hear parents pressuring, harping, asking, etc when their kids are going to give them grandkids! It’s their life, not the grandparents I also wouldn’t announce I was trying. That feels weird.
|
|
lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,158
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
|
Post by lesley on Feb 21, 2019 0:57:51 GMT
I remember telling my mum I was pregnant with DD, and she just looked at me and said "Deliberately?" We had been married for four years at this point, so I’m not quite sure why she thought it wouldn’t have been deliberate. (Or that I would have admitted it if it had been an accident. She would have reminded my DD of that every birthday.)
|
|
Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
|
Post by Peal on Feb 21, 2019 1:12:54 GMT
With our first, we didn't tell family until I was 7 months along. I don't usually recommend that to others. I would not tell anyone you were trying unless you need emotional support through infertility.
|
|
|
Post by utmr on Feb 21, 2019 1:19:07 GMT
I don’t know that I (personally) would want to announce we were trying. You might consider if they will be supportive, or pressure you. If you have difficulty conceiving, or a miscarriage will they be comforting and supportive or will they increase your stress?
Nothing wrong with keeping it quiet until “time” to announce that you are pregnant. But an in between might be to kind of hint around - comment about how cute other people’s kids are, wander through the baby department at Target, etc. This way when the time comes to officially announce, they can say “oh I thought so!” ,and be happy that they were in on the secret.
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Feb 21, 2019 1:34:20 GMT
We never would have told our parents we were trying. First pregnancy we told them when we told everyone else... at 11 weeks. It WAS hard keeping it quiet, but that was what we felt comfortable with. (We had planned to wait until 13 weeks but I was so nauseated that I eventually wasn't able to keep it a secret at work any longer, and once my coworkers knew, we drove "home" (an hour) and told our parents in person.
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Feb 21, 2019 1:35:58 GMT
Why on earth would anyone want to know that you're trying for a baby? A ton of couples I know have parents who are fully aware they are trying for kids. I'm afraid that if it takes a while it puts an awful lot of pressure on the couple. No way would I want to be dealing with that stress on top of the stress of trying unsuccessfully.
|
|
|
Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Feb 21, 2019 1:36:38 GMT
Tell them when you’re actually pregnant.
|
|
scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
|
Post by scrapaddie on Feb 21, 2019 3:44:10 GMT
Not everyone gets pregnant easily. I would not announce until well pregnant. It took me 3 years to get pregnant and I didn't want to jinx anything!
|
|
seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
|
Post by seaexplore on Feb 21, 2019 4:48:21 GMT
My first pregnancy, (i was 36) we told both sets of parents right away because we were excited and renovating SIL’s house. I wasn’t able to paint because of the fumes. I lost it at 7 weeks. My second pregnancy, we told everyone right away.... can’t keep good news quiet. Healthy delivery after an awesome pregnancy. My third pregnancy, I made a big sister in training shirt for DD to wear when we went to see my parents. Lost that one at 9 weeks. My 4th pregnancy, I was taking meds (started with clomid, progressed to femara), told family and close friends, lost multiples at 6 weeks AND lost a Fallopian tube to an ectopic within 4 days. My 5th pregnancy we told everyone from the start. At this point, friends and family were my village of support. After an uneventful and VERY closely monitored pregnancy, I had a fantastic healthy delivery. At that point, I had my remaining tube tied. I was 42 by then and was sooooo over that crazy roller coaster ride of 5 years!
So.... yeah, tell your village after you’re pregnant. Only tell those you’re willing to have to give the bad news to also. I told everyone that I didn’t care who they to,d but if I lost it, they were responsible for passing that news along too.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Feb 21, 2019 10:52:18 GMT
I did actually give my mum and Nanna the heads up that we were going to try, but that was only so my dear old religious Nanna could get used to the idea that her unmarried granddaughter was going to have a child out of wedlock. Other than that we didn't tell anyone until I was about 12 weeks along.
|
|