|
Post by Cupcake on Mar 17, 2019 0:58:02 GMT
Have you ever received a wedding invite that was clearly addressed only to you? I just received a wedding invite addressed just to myself. I have been married for over 20 years so was surprised. I know the bride, have known her since she was young... I work with her mother, and she (the bride) used to babysit for my kids. She is now grown and works as a substitute where I work, so I still work with her (and her mom) and see her regularly.
When I received the invite, I was surprised it was clearly only addressed to me. Very formal invitation, in my name only. Saturday mid-afternoon church wedding followed by an evening reception at a nice hall. I will go by myself but am kind of bummed. I have never been invited to a wedding solo as long as I’ve been married. Is this the new norm?
Lisa B.
UPDATE: The MOB is going to be out of work for the next couple of weeks recovering from an unexpected minor surgery, so I did some asking around and found out from another coworker (who is also invited) that the bride invited a few coworkers only, all solo, so they could also invite some 3rd cousins they never see. 🙄 I will happily go with the few others (4 or 5 of us from work), but honestly would rather they have picked one or the other to stay in budget. My husband actually has seen the bride recently, we live in the same neighborhood a couple of streets apart. The whole thing is just weird! I will go and enjoy a night out with my coworkers, and DH and I will plan a night out together some time soon after. Thanks for the feedback!
Lisa
|
|
|
Post by mygigiscraps on Mar 17, 2019 1:12:21 GMT
Wow. That is unusual. I can't see myself attending an event like that if my husband is intentionally not invited.
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Mar 17, 2019 1:20:20 GMT
That's unusual, since you're married. When dh and I were together, but not married he got an invitation to his friend's wedding. I was not invited, because his friend couldn't stand me. So, I'm sensitive about wedding invitations. In your case, sounds like a financial issue or an accidental slight. You're married and if they need to cut costs then maybe just invite close friends and family?
|
|
|
Post by mnmloveli on Mar 17, 2019 1:22:16 GMT
Since the bride definitely knows your husband since she babysat your kids, I would not be attending the wedding. Depending on my relationship with her and her mom, I might mention that I was surprised my husband’s name wasn’t on the invite. I’d be curious to hear their response.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 1:55:30 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2019 1:31:41 GMT
Maybe she's limited as to how many she can afford to invite and sees you as a coworker who will have other coworkers to keep you company? Odd though being that she knows your family.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Mar 17, 2019 1:36:17 GMT
Maybe she's limited as to how many she can afford to invite and sees you as a coworker who will have other coworkers to keep you company? Odd though being that she knows your family. I agree with this. She's probably put people into categories and the whole category is either with guest or without guest. Coworkers are a without guest category. I don't see the big deal. We've had threads about this before and I just don't see the big deal about going to a wedding (or anywhere for that matter) alone.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Mar 17, 2019 1:50:43 GMT
I’d bet money that the bride didn’t know any better. That she just assumes you will bring your husband. Not all the modern brides are up on (or care about) Emily Post etiquette. I would ask for clarification. I know it’s considered rude, but it’s rude not to invite the spouse. So I’d start chatting about the wedding and see where the conversation takes you.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
|
Post by AnotherPea on Mar 17, 2019 1:57:43 GMT
I have been. Small weddings and I was the only one that knew the bride. No connection to my husband at all. I didn’t feel odd at all but I did go with mutual friends.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Mar 17, 2019 2:48:34 GMT
I've gone without dh, but only when I know there are people that I want to hang out with. In fact, sometimes it is more fun without him.
If that isn't the case, then I wouldn't go.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Mar 17, 2019 2:49:08 GMT
I would just say no thank you. I’m not saying one half of a married couple should never attend a wedding without the other half, but I do think it’s incredibly rude to only invite the one person.
Anyone who plans a wedding without taking into consideration basic wedding etiquette or just plain good manners deserves what they get, which is a bunch of pissed-off friends and family.
|
|
chaosisapony
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,475
Jun 26, 2014 3:27:53 GMT
|
Post by chaosisapony on Mar 17, 2019 2:54:31 GMT
I’d bet money that the bride didn’t know any better. That she just assumes you will bring your husband. Not all the modern brides are up on (or care about) Emily Post etiquette. I would ask for clarification. I know it’s considered rude, but it’s rude not to invite the spouse. So I’d start chatting about the wedding and see where the conversation takes you. My money is on this as well. My peer group (and I include myself in this) is woefully uneducated on some etiquette stuff. This type of stuff simply wasn't taught to me when I was young. If it weren't for this board I wouldn't know that leaving someone's name off the envelope meant I was only inviting half of a married couple.
I say get some clarification from her in a non-confrontational way. "Hey Ann, quick question. I noticed my husband's name wasn't on the wedding invitation we received. Just checking, is it ok if he comes with me?"
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 17, 2019 2:59:10 GMT
Honestly, as a longtime married person, if my DH wasn’t invited I would probably just send a nice card and pass on attending. I don’t think weddings are much fun as it is when my DH is invited and even less so when he’s not, so I just wouldn’t go. Even weddings I am obligated to attend kind of feel like a chore.
|
|
|
Post by alexa11 on Mar 17, 2019 3:02:02 GMT
I’d bet money that the bride didn’t know any better. That she just assumes you will bring your husband. Not all the modern brides are up on (or care about) Emily Post etiquette. I would ask for clarification. I know it’s considered rude, but it’s rude not to invite the spouse. So I’d start chatting about the wedding and see where the conversation takes you. I think this may be the case, also. I would find out.
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Mar 17, 2019 3:10:47 GMT
I've given up trying to second guess wedding invitations. I would assume it is just you based on the way it is addressed, but others have said it they've had different experiences. When my widowed MIL gets invited to a wedding, she assumes it includes whichever of her 18 assorted children, spouses and grandchildren want to come with her. If it were me, I wouldn't hesitate to clarify whether the invite was just for me or me and DH. You work with the mom and are close enough to make the invitation list cut, you should be able to tactfully ask her, IMHO.
|
|
|
Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Mar 17, 2019 3:41:11 GMT
I think when there are maximum capacity limits or financial constraints, if the Bride or Groom doesn't know the spouse of the invitee then a solo invite is issued.
I have no problem receiving a solo invite, whether I am single or in a relationship.
If it's assigned seating, I end up assigned with other singles, or neighbors of the Family, distant cousins, etc... If it's not assigned seating, I simply look for an open spot, and ask "is this seat taken? No.... mind if I join you?" Then introduce myself and my new tablemates do the same.
I am social and have no problem mingling or making small talk with people I don't know. Generally, a good icebreaker is "How does everyone know the Bride and Groom?" then conversation segues from there.
I had a former boyfriend that was more reserved in social settings, and he was always relieved when I gave him the option to attend or decline. If he attended, then I always felt obligated to make sure he was having fun, wasn't left sitting alone while I was on the dance floor. Usually(and thankfully) there was always another Husband/boyfriend or two that remained at the table and they would end up talking cars, trucks, motorcycles and watch the purses while the ladies danced.
|
|
gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,171
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
|
Post by gina on Mar 17, 2019 3:57:49 GMT
I've never been invited to a wedding w/out my husband. I wouldn't be going to this one.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Mar 17, 2019 13:16:20 GMT
I would not attend this wedding. As for the financial issue, dh and I had a very small guest list. We did not cut out spouses, we cut out entire groups (for example, second cousins, children under 16, etc). If someone was invited, so was their spouse or other date.
|
|
hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,594
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
|
Post by hannahruth on Mar 17, 2019 13:23:45 GMT
Given your past relationship with the bride and her family I would be a 'thanks, but no thanks' as a response.
It is not as if she wouldn't at least know of your husband but if she babysat then really. What was her mother's response to her guest list? Tacky. Just tacky.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Mar 17, 2019 13:34:13 GMT
Tacky...I would not attend.
|
|
Why
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,134
Jun 26, 2014 4:03:09 GMT
|
Post by Why on Mar 17, 2019 13:41:32 GMT
I’d bet money that the bride didn’t know any better. That she just assumes you will bring your husband. Not all the modern brides are up on (or care about) Emily Post etiquette. I would ask for clarification. I know it’s considered rude, but it’s rude not to invite the spouse. So I’d start chatting about the wedding and see where the conversation takes you. My money is on this as well. My peer group (and I include myself in this) is woefully uneducated on some etiquette stuff. This type of stuff simply wasn't taught to me when I was young. If it weren't for this board I wouldn't know that leaving someone's name off the envelope meant I was only inviting half of a married couple.
I say get some clarification from her in a non-confrontational way. "Hey Ann, quick question. I noticed my husband's name wasn't on the wedding invitation we received. Just checking, is it ok if he comes with me?"
................ all of that. Most people I know are pretty uneducated on this stuff as well.
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on Mar 17, 2019 13:49:32 GMT
I wouldn't ask because then you put the bride in the position of either defending her decision or making an exception to be nice because now you've made her uncomfortable. The invite is for you only, you can decide if you want to go alone or not.
These etiquette rules are intended to prevent EXACTLY what some here are encouraging you to do.
|
|
J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
|
Post by J u l e e on Mar 17, 2019 14:07:05 GMT
Are you remarried to a man the bride does not know? (I was just wondering if maybe you were married to/divorced from your children's father when she babysat for you and are now remarried to someone different.) In that case, while maybe still not acceptable etiquette, it might explain the solo invite.
I'm not a big fan of all the rules that come with weddings. I feel for people trying to plan a wedding that they want and can afford and trying to take into account all the etiquette rules and expectations of people and their feelings. It's so much. I would have no problem attending a wedding without my husband. And I would never ask. It's one day. And it's not about me.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 17, 2019 14:55:24 GMT
Are you remarried to a man the bride does not know? (I was just wondering if maybe you were married to/divorced from your children's father when she babysat for you and are now remarried to someone different.) In that case, while maybe still not acceptable etiquette, it might explain the solo invite. I'm not a big fan of all the rules that come with weddings. I feel for people trying to plan a wedding that they want and can afford and trying to take into account all the etiquette rules and expectations of people and their feelings. It's so much. I would have no problem attending a wedding without my husband. And I would never ask. It's one day. And it's not about me. RE: what I bolded above. While I get what you’re saying, in this particular instance and many others like it that I’ve heard about, if the married/ longtime relationship person getting the solo invite is that far down on the guest list and the couple has to start trimming to stay within a budget more often than not cutting that solo person entirely vs. just cutting their spouse won’t break the invitee’s heart. Most of the time the person not getting the invite at all really won’t notice and probably won’t care. Everybody knows that weddings are expensive and sometimes you don’t make the cut. People generally don’t get all butthurt about it, especially if you are the co-worker/friend of the bride’s mom whose kids the bride babysat long ago. DH and I had a really small wedding and we didn’t invite ANY of our respective coworkers to it. I have a big family and even some of the extended family didn’t make the cut because we were paying for most of it ourselves. If I hadn’t seen or heard from the person or couple in years, they weren’t getting an invite and I’m pretty sure no one cared. My BFF of 25+ years has two DDs, both of them are married. DH and I have been in these girls’ lives since the older one was two and the younger one was an infant, so I am no stranger to either one but we aren’t particularly close. DH and I got an invite to the younger girl’s wedding and we attended. We didn’t get an invite to the older girl’s wedding and we were okay with that too. I didn’t take it personally because I knew she was having a very small wedding and I know how those things go. I would rather just be cut completely instead of being invited alone without my DH. That’s just weird. Etiquette makes these types of situations so much less awkward all the way around because it removes all doubt as to what the couple is thinking. Pretty much every bridal magazine in the history of ever has had an article about it and even a ten second Google search will bring it up. The basic things haven’t really haven’t changed all that much in a hundred years so it isn’t like the information is all that hard to find.
|
|
amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,318
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
|
Post by amom23 on Mar 17, 2019 15:02:58 GMT
A few years ago DH and I were invited to his cousin's DD wedding. Once there DH's cousin and wife asked us where our kids were...….'Um like you didn't list them on the envelop so we assumed they weren't invited hence they are at home LOL.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Mar 17, 2019 15:04:51 GMT
My money is on this as well. My peer group (and I include myself in this) is woefully uneducated on some etiquette stuff. This type of stuff simply wasn't taught to me when I was young. If it weren't for this board I wouldn't know that leaving someone's name off the envelope meant I was only inviting half of a married couple.Â
I say get some clarification from her in a non-confrontational way. "Hey Ann, quick question. I noticed my husband's name wasn't on the wedding invitation we received. Just checking, is it ok if he comes with me?"
................ Â all of that. Most people I know are pretty uneducated on this stuff as well. see, would have agreed years ago, but I think with the access to the internet, this is no longer true. Hell, I got married in 2002 Nd was a member of a wedding message board (which led me 2 peas). I had no idea of a lot of etiquette BEFORE planning my wedding and I am sure I made faux pas when I attended other weddings, but i learned quickly while planning. From all the posts in other groups, I'd say she decided she wanted gifts, so wanted to invite people but wanted to keep costs down and cut out people. It sounds like the "I want to invite 200 people, but cant pay for them all. Is it tacky to do a taco truck where guest buy their own food?"
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 17, 2019 15:23:25 GMT
freecharlie I agree completely. If people don’t know this stuff it isn’t because the information is hard to obtain. It’s because people either don’t bother to look or ask someone who would know, or it’s because they honestly just don’t care.
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Mar 17, 2019 15:23:38 GMT
For those of you suggesting the op ask the mom, what do you expect the mom to say? “Yes, it is tacky that my daughter invited you without your long term spouse that she knows and no, he cannot come?” Or, “It must have been an oversight, go ahead and bring him.” when in fact it was not an oversight and now the bride is going to be accommodating someone she didn’t really invite. That is putting the mother of the bride in a very awkward position. And asking her assumes that she knew how the invites were going and condoned leaving the husband off and nullifies the naive and young bride angle being used to defend the bride.
I would just send my regrets. I, myself, am perfectly cabable of attending functions on my own, but I have some serious shyness issues going on and would be completely uncomfortable and miserable attending a wedding of a co-workers daughter without my husband or a close friend as my “date”.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Mar 17, 2019 15:55:18 GMT
Are you remarried to a man the bride does not know? (I was just wondering if maybe you were married to/divorced from your children's father when she babysat for you and are now remarried to someone different.) In that case, while maybe still not acceptable etiquette, it might explain the solo invite. I'm not a big fan of all the rules that come with weddings. I feel for people trying to plan a wedding that they want and can afford and trying to take into account all the etiquette rules and expectations of people and their feelings. It's so much. I would have no problem attending a wedding without my husband. And I would never ask. It's one day. And it's not about me. RE: what I bolded above. While I get what you’re saying, in this particular instance and many others like it that I’ve heard about, if the married/ longtime relationship person getting the solo invite is that far down on the guest list and the couple has to start trimming to stay within a budget more often than not cutting that solo person entirely vs. just cutting their spouse won’t break the invitee’s heart. Most of the time the person not getting the invite at all really won’t notice and probably won’t care. Everybody knows that weddings are expensive and sometimes you don’t make the cut. People generally don’t get all butthurt about it, especially if you are the co-worker/friend of the bride’s mom whose kids the bride babysat long ago. DH and I had a really small wedding and we didn’t invite ANY of our respective coworkers to it. I have a big family and even some of the extended family didn’t make the cut because we were paying for most of it ourselves. If I hadn’t seen or heard from the person or couple in years, they weren’t getting an invite and I’m pretty sure no one cared. My BFF of 25+ years has two DDs, both of them are married. DH and I have been in these girls’ lives since the older one was two and the younger one was an infant, so I am no stranger to either one but we aren’t particularly close. DH and I got an invite to the younger girl’s wedding and we attended. We didn’t get an invite to the older girl’s wedding and we were okay with that too. I didn’t take it personally because I knew she was having a very small wedding and I know how those things go. I would rather just be cut completely instead of being invited alone without my DH. That’s just weird. Etiquette makes these types of situations so much less awkward all the way around because it removes all doubt as to what the couple is thinking. Pretty much every bridal magazine in the history of ever has had an article about it and even a ten second Google search will bring it up. The basic things haven’t really haven’t changed all that much in a hundred years so it isn’t like the information is all that hard to find. Yes yes yes yes YES to every word of this. Especially the bolded part.
|
|
|
Post by Fidget on Mar 17, 2019 15:58:21 GMT
I wouldn't go. DH and I are a package deal for these types of events. It's unheard of in my area or my social circle to invite one half of a married couple to a wedding, or a party. If you can't afford both or don't have the capacity to invite both, then don't invite either.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Mar 17, 2019 16:21:05 GMT
For those of you suggesting the op ask the mom, what do you expect the mom to say? “Yes, it is tacky that my daughter invited you without your long term spouse that she knows and no, he cannot come?” Or, “It must have been an oversight, go ahead and bring him.” when in fact it was not an oversight and now the bride is going to be accommodating someone she didn’t really invite. That is putting the mother of the bride in a very awkward position. And asking her assumes that she knew how the invites were going and condoned leaving the husband off and nullifies the naive and young bride angle being used to defend the bride. I would just send my regrets. I, myself, am perfectly cabable of attending functions on my own, but I have some serious shyness issues going on and would be completely uncomfortable and miserable attending a wedding of a co-workers daughter without my husband or a close friend as my “date”. Exactly. I am pretty shy until I know people. I would be miserable. I would send my regrets and maybe send a card later.
|
|