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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 15, 2019 17:19:57 GMT
My husband for some reason is all about me getting rid of my stuff. He thinks I don't scrap anymore. I do but just not as much and plus right now my stuff is in about 3 different areas of the house. It wasn't a problem until he left his job that kept him from home all the time. Now he is home and wants it back to 'normal'. I get where he is coming from. But I kinda made the house the way I liked it since he wasn't there (3 years!!). The thing is one DD is moving out within a year, so I will have my own space. So for me, I am just waiting the time until she moves out. Less than a year, probably within the next six months. But he is still grumpy. I have moved stuff around so it isn't in the way as much. I just don't want to get rid of it and I know once she is gone it will be all contained. I know as I get older I will have more time to relax and spend in my space. But he is just driving me nuts. This isn't a new thing.. I have been scrapping for at least 20 years. It just makes me feel like doo-doo why he is acting all smug and this/that and the other. I'm pretty stubborn and holding my own but sometimes i just want to throw in the towel and just get rid of everything. But then what would I do? Just venting....
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Post by papersilly on Jul 15, 2019 17:39:56 GMT
sorry your DH is getting antsy about your stuff. thankfully, my DH supports my shenanigans. as a matter of fact, last weekend he sat in a sweltering car when i stopped off to pick up some supplies from a seller's house. i asked him why he didn't just go in and ask for my car keys and he said "i didn't want to bother you while you were in your shopping zone." instead he stood under a shady tree until i came out. LOL.
the DH of the seller whose house i went to must have been really supportive of her because their entire giant den was converted to a nice little store/craft room.
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Post by peachiceteas on Jul 15, 2019 17:40:01 GMT
This doesn’t sound to me like he’s not supportive of your hobby. It sounds very similar to the situation my parents in law are going through right now and maybe I can share some advice.
FIL was away from home a lot as he worked long shifts and weekends, and now he’s retired. MIL is getting frustrated over certain attitudes and ways of living that she hasn’t really had to deal with on a long term basis for a while and it’s easy to see that FIL and MIL are actually having to learn how to full time live with each other after so many years of him being at home on a part time basis, or irregular basis with his shift work. They love each other completely, but they are having to both adapt to having the other person around all the time.
I think your husband is probably going through a bit of a personal crisis if he has left his job and is having to adapt to being at home again. Now that isn’t to say I don’t think he is being unreasonable - I think he is being insensitive but I can’t imagine it’s personal or not supportive of your hobby. How has he been over the last 20 years? Is this a new thing that he seems to be unsupportive of your hobby or has there always been an underlying tone?
I hope you manage to reach a compromise - I’m sure you will! This will most likely just be a learning curve for you both, having to adapt to your new lifestyle where you live in each others pockets a bit more.
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 2:04:55 GMT
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Post by Elsabelle on Jul 15, 2019 18:08:59 GMT
I'm sorry you're dealing with this conflict. I was thinking along the same lines as peachiceteas above. It's an adjustment period and he's probably feeling like he wants to finally get comfortable in his home. Although, expecting you to get rid of your stuff isn't the way to do that. Is he aware that you're planning on turning DD's room into a craft room? If so, I'd remind him of that every time he brings it up and tell him that if you're both patient that will solve the problem.
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Deleted
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Mar 19, 2024 5:59:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2019 18:20:24 GMT
First, I do understand where you are coming from, just a little different. DH is totally supportive of me having all the stuff, just not all the time it takes to do the stuff. He gets hurt feelings if I spend too much time scrapbooking or cardmaking, because then I am not spending time with him. I know that makes him sound like a whiney baby, but that isn't really the case. He just doesn't understand why scrapbooking takes so long, or how I can sit/stay in a room that long. He doesn't really have hobbies like that, his are very interactive and depend on people plus he is outdoorsy, so there is that. I feel fortunate to have a DH that wants to spend time with me, so it doesn't really bother me too much. I have some friends that have DH's who are always at the bar, or work 70 hrs a week and they are alone a lot, so I don't complain.
Now, an question for you...why is your stuff in 3 places in the house and is that really working for you? I know you said you are moving into DD's room in 6 months to a year, could you let DH know you have 'heard' his concerns and educate him on your plan of action? And then you can use that time to carefully and slowly go through your stuff, purge any thing you need to, donate, and get stuff in shape for the big move? It might pacify him a bit and help you too.
On a side note, my mom is having a hard time with her husband being home after retirement. He's driving her insane.
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Post by lasteve1 on Jul 15, 2019 18:35:56 GMT
My husband is very supportive of my scrapbooking, but I could see how it would be annoying to him if it negatively affected his life at all.
I have a scrapbook room and keep everything well contained and only spend money on supplies from my "personal" fund (we both work full time so we have a small portion of our paychecks go to individual accounts for personal spending so there is no questioning why I spent so much on paper, or a shirt, etc., and for him he spends it on stupid stuff LOL), so for him the only impact he sees are the finished projects which he enjoys looking through occasionally. But, I think it would annoy anyone's spouse if their hobby was having a negative impact on their life. It seems like in your case your supplies are in his way somehow. It's hard to tell what the issue really is without asking a few more follow up questions--Is it because it is cluttered and he would prefer the house to look cleaner? Is it because it's in they way when he is trying to do things? Is it because looking at it reminds him of how much money you spent on it? I would consider exploring the WHY it is bugging him so much... I really doubt it is because he doesn't want you to enjoy a hobby! I know my husband is really into sports and I appreciate and encourage him in that interest, but also get really annoyed when it negatively impacts my life (such as if a game goes super late at night when I need to get up in the morning for work).
I definitely understand your frustration with being able to move everything so soon into a room and not wanting to change anything now, but it seems like it is negatively impacting both of you like this and it's probably worth moving things around now. Also I question how having your supplies in 3 different locations is working for you? You mentioned that you also haven't been scrapbooking as much lately... is that a result of your supplies being scattered? Or is it because of your husband's negative feelings about your supplies everywhere? Whichever it is, it seems like it would be beneficial to both of you if you find a way to contain your supplies in a useable area that doesn't annoy him so much. I would definitely suggest talking to him and explaining how much you love your hobby and don't want to give it up, but want to know what you could do (short of giving it up) that could make him happier with it? Good luck!
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jul 15, 2019 18:55:42 GMT
I can relate a bit. But more in your husband's shoes. I love my scrappy stuff and am fortunate enough to have a dedicated space to store it all (although there are a few things that spill over into storage closets elsewhere...mostly empty albums).
I have an issue with too much clutter. Other than my scrap room (that I keep relatively tidy because I will lose my mind if I don't), I prefer minimalism in my home. Too much clutter makes me feel anxious and there are times where I will spontaneously go around and start throwing things away because doing nothing but staring at the clutter in the house makes me very anxious (and feel a bit claustrophobic). Just the other day I went through most of my kids' coloring mediums because their cluttered desk was stressing me out. Throwing out a few dozen markers (dried out) and pencils (too short) didn't change much, but it sure made me feel better because I was being proactive about the mess that was bothering me. I'm the happiest when the majority of my house is nothing but the essential furnishings needed in the room and a few pictures on the wall. You can imagine how difficult that is with 3 young kids who can't put anything away to save their lives (which is probably why I spend most of my time hiding away in my scrap room...the room full of the most stuff, but also the room with the most order to the chaos...something my mind can handle).
Could it be less that he has a problem with your scrapbooking and more that it seems like it is everywhere? I know that for me, if something is bothering me, the more I look at it, the more it bothers me and the larger I perceive it to be even if nothing has changed the last 100 times I've looked at it.
If this is the problem he is having rather than actually being bothered by your hobby in general, are there ways you can hide the stuff that is bothering him? Like getting an armoire to store it in for the time being? You can probably find something for not much money on craigslist or your local facebook marketplace. Who knows, you might even stumble upon a scrapbox for a decent price (for things like this, I wish I lived in California instead of next door because they have some amazing priced things over there that people want basically full retail price for here). It might be easier for him to deal with seeing 1 piece of furniture in each area you have to keep things in rather than all the stuff that you'd keep inside of it. Maybe you can even compromise and condense from 3 areas to 2 and find a short term solution for the stuff you can live without for the next year (like safe storage under your bed, for example)?
I agree with others that seem to think there is an adjustment period going on with you 2 learning how to live with each other again. Hopefully with some compromise you'll both be able to find a happy meeting point!
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Post by hop2 on Jul 16, 2019 0:23:53 GMT
My Ex was incredibly unsupportive. He’d pretend to be supportive like if I had a tool or something on my holiday list he’d buy it for my gift. He’d tell me that I should pursue my hobby. Yet whenever I did there would be comments like ‘Glad YOU have time for YOUR hobbies’ ‘isn’t there laundry in the laundry room’ ‘Is the whole house clean?’ ‘I see you had the time to craft today yet X,Y&Z are not done?’ At some point I just stopped crafting. It never mattered how many things I did get done before sitting down to craft it just mattered he felt annoyed I was crafting so he’d make rude comments.. there was one day where I got kids ready & off to school, grocery shopped, put groceries away, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned 3 bathrooms, made dinner AND soup for later and got called out for crafting. It still affects me, I didn’t feel like vacuuming yesterday so I didn’t craft either, until I snapped myself out of it & crafted. Yes, you should keep your stuff out of the way, ( I’m sure you do ) but he needs to chill out about it too. Hobbies are an important part of a balanced life.
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Post by alone_inacrowdedroom on Jul 16, 2019 1:52:50 GMT
1) It sounds like he needs a hobby of his own. He might be struggling with having a newfound abundance of at home time on his hands and projecting some frustration on to you. Has he ever mentioned a hobby or sport that piqued his interest? Maybe you could encourage him to pursue it or buy him a few things to get started.
2) Are there any scrappy supplies you could pack away for 6-12 months? Maybe having a portion of the supplies put away out of sight could appease him a bit.
3) If not, could they all be moved from three areas to one? Having them in three areas may make him feel like there’s craft stuff everywhere, and having them consolidated neatly to one spot could help with that.
I’m very fortunate in that my SO is super supportive of my hobby.
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Jul 16, 2019 2:18:42 GMT
supports my shenanigans. as a matter of fact, last weekend he sat in a sweltering car when i stopped off to pick up some supplies from a seller's house. i asked him why he didn't just go in and ask for my car keys and he said "i didn't want to bother you while you were in your shopping zone." instead he stood under a shady tree until i came out. LOL. Awww that sounds like my DH. We have this thing about "15 minutes". We are driving along and I tell him I am going to stop at a store (like Joanns or Michaels) and I will just be 15 minutes. For sure! I know it's a lie and he knows it's a lie, but he goes along with it anyway.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 16, 2019 2:34:39 GMT
Well, that would suck, for sure.
One day at a time. I would compromise with my time, but I wouldn't budge on the scrap supplies unless there was place to move them.
I am lucky. My husband bought a boat. A boat that cost $375 to dock each month at the marina. So my husband doesn't say much at all.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jul 16, 2019 3:42:38 GMT
I had this discussion with DH regarding his “stuff”. I pointed out that it wasn’t fair that there were no neutral zones in the house. He has the basement, attic and one car garage. His gun safe even takes up a corner of my craft room. I said it shouldn’t be too much to ask that in the living room or kitchen I shouldn’t have to move his things to sit down or cook a meal. He moved his things out of the living room and kitchen.
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julie5
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Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Jul 16, 2019 14:43:23 GMT
My husband used to be more critical of my hobby and the time it took, and space it eats up in our home. But he never really enjoyed life enough to have it documented. Now, he’s the one grappling extra maps or receipts or photos when we’re on a trip. He sees the joy it brings me, plus the smiling faces of the kids in the photos. I try to keep my mess under control in our living room.
Someone mentioned him not having a hobby. When my husband realized everyone had a hobby but him, that’s when he backed off the criticizing. He’s still trying to find a hobby but one thing he enjoys is going out to eat. Me, not so much. So I try to do the things he enjoys too. It’s been a learning process for us to learn to respect each other and cultivate healthy habits and hobbies in our free time.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 16, 2019 15:15:35 GMT
I had this discussion with DH regarding his “stuff”. I pointed out that it wasn’t fair that there were no neutral zones in the house. He has the basement, attic and one car garage. His gun safe even takes up a corner of my craft room. I said it shouldn’t be too much to ask that in the living room or kitchen I shouldn’t have to move his things to sit down or cook a meal. He moved his things out of the living room and kitchen. We kinda have these zones as well. He has the garage (except Christmas that is stored up above the garage door - I guess he thinks that is just 'mine' not the family, but okay) So we have a two car garage and other than Christmas and yard stuff (which I don't consider just mine), and I have my stuff (which would take one 'zone' ONCE I get it).. Even enough? I think so. He still thinks like a storage closet that has all kinds of stuff like games/puzzles/coats/luggage/paint is considered my space. I really don't know how he comes to that conclusion. It's not ALL my items, it's just generic stuff.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 16, 2019 15:20:24 GMT
1) It sounds like he needs a hobby of his own. He might be struggling with having a newfound abundance of at home time on his hands and projecting some frustration on to you. Has he ever mentioned a hobby or sport that piqued his interest? Maybe you could encourage him to pursue it or buy him a few things to get started. 2) Are there any scrappy supplies you could pack away for 6-12 months? Maybe having a portion of the supplies put away out of sight could appease him a bit. 3) If not, could they all be moved from three areas to one? Having them in three areas may make him feel like there’s craft stuff everywhere, and having them consolidated neatly to one spot could help with that. I’m very fortunate in that my SO is super supportive of my hobby. 1. Yes a hobby would be great.. no he doesn't have one, unless sleeping counts. 2. I wish.. we just don't have the space. No basement, no attic, just a couple of closets which holds some stuff I moved this weekend but those closets really hold coats/luggage/games/etc. 3. I could move to one space which I have been debating which one space to put it. Probably upstairs. We have been thinking about getting new carpet up there which is why I have been dragging my feet, but in reality it's not going to happen for awhile. So maybe I will just bite the bullet and put my small stash that is downstairs and stash under my desk for now.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 16, 2019 15:26:04 GMT
Oh the only 2 reasons I have 3 spaces is that (while DH was not home), I thought having a little space downstairs where my youngest is usually at would be better because we would be closer together. She doing her thing and I was doing my thing. Worked great and we were both in the same room instead of separated (with me feeling guilty). And then my computer all of a sudden stopped connecting to the internet. I tried everything to make it work but no go. So took it downstairs to directly connect and works fine. So between those two situations I felt that some of my scrap stuff plus my computer in the corner of the family room was a good compromise.
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Post by alone_inacrowdedroom on Jul 16, 2019 15:39:17 GMT
Oh the only 2 reasons I have 3 spaces is that (while DH was not home), I thought having a little space downstairs where my youngest is usually at would be better because we would be closer together. She doing her thing and I was doing my thing. Worked great and we were both in the same room instead of separated (with me feeling guilty). And then my computer all of a sudden stopped connecting to the internet. I tried everything to make it work but no go. So took it downstairs to directly connect and works fine. So between those two situations I felt that some of my scrap stuff plus my computer in the corner of the family room was a good compromise. Do you have a rolling crop tote or extra bin that the downstairs supplies could go in? That way they’re portable and put away when not in use. I know that’s not ideal, and it’s annoying to have to put everything away each time you scrap, but maybe as part of a temporary solution it would work. I’m lucky - we own a two bedroom house and our second bedroom is my craft room, so I can just shut the door when it’s a mess. We are a child free home though, and I know the logistics are a lot trickier when you’re a parent.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Jul 16, 2019 18:47:01 GMT
My Ex was incredibly unsupportive. He’d pretend to be supportive like if I had a tool or something on my holiday list he’d buy it for my gift. He’d tell me that I should pursue my hobby. Yet whenever I did there would be comments like ‘Glad YOU have time for YOUR hobbies’ ‘isn’t there laundry in the laundry room’ ‘Is the whole house clean?’‘I see you had the time to craft today yet X,Y&Z are not done?’ At some point I just stopped crafting. It never mattered how many things I did get done before sitting down to craft it just mattered he felt annoyed I was crafting so he’d make rude comments.. there was one day where I got kids ready & off to school, grocery shopped, put groceries away, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned 3 bathrooms, made dinner AND soup for later and got called out for crafting. It still affects me, I didn’t feel like vacuuming yesterday so I didn’t craft either, until I snapped myself out of it & crafted. Yes, you should keep your stuff out of the way, ( I’m sure you do ) but he needs to chill out about it too. Hobbies are an important part of a balanced life. Your ex sounds sexist, not unsupportive of your hobby. These are the types of things that would be in 1950's ads about 'when it's okay to sit down and sew' or something like that. Sounds like he could have benefited from being told that if he knew enough to notice the laundry room had laundry in it that he could just as easily fold them himself...or at least, maybe you could have benefited. He sounds like a miserable human being to be around...glad you said he is your ex and not your current. Huge step in the right direction!!
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Post by refugeepea on Jul 16, 2019 19:30:01 GMT
I think a better term for my husband is not interested. He's never looked at what I have made. That doesn't bother me at all. I scrap for me and no one else. He knows I don't go crazy spending money on this hobby. He does know what a Xyron X refill looks like.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Jul 16, 2019 23:12:15 GMT
Maybe you can come up with a compromise. I don't have space either, I will here soon, but not yet. So right now I keep my stuff stored upstairs in our bedroom. I also keep a small stash because I know I don't have room for everything. When I want to scrapbook, I fill up my rolling tote with the papers and embellishments I think I will need and bring it downstairs. This keeps my clutter mostly out of the living room. My cricut and computer are downstairs because of ease of use, but I keep the cricut tucked away out of site until I need it. We did recently buy a nice desk for me to craft and put that in the family room. I still keep a majority of my stuff out of the family area and bring down what I need. It's not convenient, but it's what works for me right now.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 17, 2019 12:34:16 GMT
I wonder if DH finds me annoying, now that I am home all day? Surely not - I am delightful! workingclassdog Your DH is being unreasonable. You are entitled to enjoy your hobby in your home. I'd try to sit him down and find a compromise, although it sounds like you are doing that already. Good luck! hop2 I am SO happy he is an Ex. What a jackass. Life is too short to choose dusting over something enjoyable.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 17, 2019 14:05:06 GMT
My first husband was a scrapping enabler. He wanted me to buy even more than I did because he is a gamer and could outspend me any day of the week. He also had no problem with me having a scrapping space in our home.
My second husband hated that I even had a hobby, even though he had several expensive hobbies. The only time I would scrap was when he was away on one of his boating trips. Every scrap item I owned had to be packed away and stored in the back of the basement at all times.
And like hop2, if I even read about scrapping, he would ask, "Isn't there anything you should be doing instead of wasting time?"
Though his idea of me wasting time was anytime I wasn't scrubbing something, cooking him something, or doing anything that let me sit for more than a couple minutes at a time.
OP: My only advice to you is to try to hide away your stuff if it is causing him to bitch about it, and therefore making you miserable hearing his bitching.
I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying he should have that control over her hobby. But sometimes it's about survival.
I would put most everything out of sight until you have that room freed up. Then put everything in there.
I'm sorry he's tainting a hobby that should bring you only joy.
ETA: I'm divorced and single now, and I quite approve of where I have my scrap stash, and how many supplies I own. 😁
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Post by scrappyem on Jul 17, 2019 14:39:52 GMT
This is making me grateful my partner is supportive of my hobby. He actually enjoys looking what I've done and seeing pictures of all things we do. He's sweet and buys my supplies for birthdays and holidays when I ask. He even helped me clean out my scrap room & put together all the Ikea furniture I bought last fall. He sometimes gets annoyed that I will be editing photos while we are watching a show together but even that he's lightened up about lately. He works ALL THE time, so he can't complain too much about the time I spend. His only hobby is golf so he can spend a lot on that. He never says a word about what I spend but we don't have combined finances. I also make my own $ & pay all of my own bills so it's not really an issue.
My ex-husband was terrible about it though. He'd be super pouty if I was doing anything that wasn't paying attention to him, scrapping or otherwise. Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did for myself.
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Chinagirl828
Drama Llama
Melbourne, Australia
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Jun 28, 2014 6:28:53 GMT
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Post by Chinagirl828 on Jul 18, 2019 9:17:20 GMT
I'm also feeling very grateful my DH is supportive. He doesn't usually look at my pages but he actively encourages shopping for supplies and has a hobby that keeps him occupied for hours on end so understands how I can spend so much time on mine.
OP I hope you find a way to balance what you both want until you get your space.
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Post by cumber1137 on Jul 18, 2019 17:29:42 GMT
Aw, I'm sorry your dealing with that! Hopefully he becomes more understanding of your hobby!
My husband is uber supportive. We are also DINKS (Dual income, no kids) so the money I use is my "Fun Money". We each get Fun Money monthly which lets us spend guilt free on whatever we want which gives us a lot of flexibility and there's no judgement if we use that.
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Post by alyssam on Jul 19, 2019 13:24:12 GMT
I had this discussion with DH regarding his “stuff”. I pointed out that it wasn’t fair that there were no neutral zones in the house. He has the basement, attic and one car garage. His gun safe even takes up a corner of my craft room. I said it shouldn’t be too much to ask that in the living room or kitchen I shouldn’t have to move his things to sit down or cook a meal. He moved his things out of the living room and kitchen. We kinda have these zones as well. He has the garage (except Christmas that is stored up above the garage door - I guess he thinks that is just 'mine' not the family, but okay) So we have a two car garage and other than Christmas and yard stuff (which I don't consider just mine), and I have my stuff (which would take one 'zone' ONCE I get it).. Even enough? I think so. He still thinks like a storage closet that has all kinds of stuff like games/puzzles/coats/luggage/paint is considered my space. I really don't know how he comes to that conclusion. It's not ALL my items, it's just generic stuff. My dh is.like this too. Like the whole house is mine and he only gets the garage (which hasn't had a car in it for years b/c tools). We have 4 kids. We homeschool. My craft stuff is confined to one side of the dining room, and I also use that space for paying bills, running our business etc. But somehow, the laundry room, pantry, coat closet... All my space. 🤷 I have already told him that when he retires (12 years from now lol) that he will be volunteering somewhere. Because while I love his very much all day everyday isn't going to be healthy for either of us. I can tell that much just from when he's home sick. 😂
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 19, 2019 14:50:36 GMT
I am grateful for a very supportive husband. He does anything to make my little nook more comfortable and accommodating to my growing stash. At times he does ask me to to scrapbook but it’s because he knows I’m tired and need to rest.
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Post by mrsshampoo on Jul 20, 2019 12:05:31 GMT
My husband doesn’t mind me spending money on new supplies, but he makes sure to add that I should be purging old stuff supplies as I am buying new ones. He groups me with our two toddlers and thinks we have too much stuff in general. Meanwhile, his crap is in an entire spare bedroom, an entire part of the basement, on all the shelving in the garage, and in a cabinet in the laundry room. I seriously don’t have room for laundry supplies, because his car stuff needs to remain at room temperature (insert huge eye roll).
He also doesn’t give me the time to actually work on my hobby with the exception of 1 or 2 crops a year. I should always be doing something else or be “less boring.” With the heat this weekend, I was so excited to work on my new album in the quiet, but he threw a fit because I didn’t want to go out to the bars. Craft beers are one his hobbies, but he doesn’t know how to make friends, so I am stuck going with him. It was my invite for beers anyway, not his, so I should have had more control over saying yes or no. I am really peeved about the whole thing, if you can’t tell.
The short version is that my husband says that he is supportive of my hobby, but his actions say he really isn’t.
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Post by Citygirl on Jul 20, 2019 14:30:32 GMT
I had one of those about 10 years ago. Got rid of him pretty quick.
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Post by curiouscrafter on Jul 23, 2019 0:50:51 GMT
My husband is super supportive so unfortunately I don't have any words of advice for you, as the situation you are in would be upsetting to me. Good luck! I hope you don't stop scrapping because of him.
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