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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 17, 2019 13:53:46 GMT
I won't let him back in but it feels nice to know that maybe he knows now that I don't care if he has my swimsuit because I am already looking for a new one. 😉 I know how manipulative people operate. He thinks I will reach out because he had it. You seem to be having way too much fun playing games over this. Two truths: 1. He's not a good man. 2. It's just a bathing suit. Move on with your life. Don't look back.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jul 17, 2019 13:59:49 GMT
haven't read the comments... but i suspect many will be along the same line. you do *not* need perspective, you need to be rid of him.
someone who is into to you and enjoying an intimate relationship with you should be positive and encouraging about how attractive you are.
his comments are selfish and frankly, just plain DUMB. doesn't he *want* you to feel sexy and uninhibited? he wants you worried about how your body looks instead of relaxing and enjoying each other.
then the panties comment... wtf??
there is nothing wrong with what you did. he needs to be aware in *no* uncertain terms that his behaviour to you was unacceptable and you won't have it.
if he reached out to me again i would reply "you made it clear you feel i am not to your standards. pls don't ever contact me again".
lose the loser.
and i am sorry, that is shitty but much better to know now than waste anymore time on a jerk.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 17, 2019 14:04:17 GMT
I won't let him back in but it feels nice to know that maybe he knows now that I don't care if he has my swimsuit because I am already looking for a new one. 😉 I know how manipulative people operate. He thinks I will reach out because he had it. You seem to be having way too much fun playing games over this. Two truths: 1. He's not a good man. 2. It's just a bathing suit. Move on with your life. Don't look back. Trust me, I don't have fun. I had this bad moment yesterday, it happens to the best of us. I am hurt of course and I guess that's what triggered this. Now I am done for good.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 17, 2019 14:06:00 GMT
someone who is into to you and enjoying an intimate relationship with you should be positive and encouraging about how attractive you are. his comments are selfish and frankly, just plain DUMB. doesn't he *want* you to feel sexy and uninhibited? he wants you worried about how your body looks instead of relaxing and enjoying each other. if he reached out to me again i would reply "you made it clear you feel i am not to your standards. pls don't ever contact me again". All of this is so true. Thank you.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 17, 2019 14:36:58 GMT
I had this bad moment yesterday, it happens to the best of us. Of course! It certainly does. I'm just advocating for moving on. Personally, I'd have no further communication with him at all. He could construe your post on FB about the bathing suit as a 'message' of sorts from you to him. He's not worth your time. Let ALL of it go.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,657
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 17, 2019 14:53:42 GMT
Why did you call the hotel?!?! NO contact means just that: no posting secretive FB messages, or dropping hints trying to get at him. Block him and get on with your life. I hope you have the good sense to walk away altogether. Let the bathing suit go. There are plenty of better bathing suits out there, not to mention better guys. Look up and watch some youtube "no contact" videos if you're feeling the need to contact him or re-stir the pot. Block him and get on with your life. (Just in case you didn't hear me say it the first time). Be strong! Walk away and don't look back! I have a sinking feeling you're not really truly done with this asshole. Good luck! Exactly! Just stoooooop. You're still wanting a reaction out of him, for him to contact you. Stop it - it comes off as desperate, not as you don't care that he has your swimsuit.
If you want to send him a message, silence speaks volumes.
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Post by cannmom on Jul 17, 2019 14:55:17 GMT
You are awesome! Good for you for leaving. He’s a jerk.
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Post by quinlove on Jul 17, 2019 15:40:14 GMT
My daughter is in her 40s and dates a lot. I believe she is a lot like you. She herself is very kind and truthful, and consequently, believes everyone.And gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Over and over. In regards to online dating, doesn’t always fare well for her. Here is what I tell her - no response is a very powerful response. Don’t respond. Hold your head up and walk away. You already did it literally, now do it figuratively. I would block this jerk from everything I could. I know it’s hard and hurtful - you need to give yourself some time to wallow a bit. But, please do it privately.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 17, 2019 15:42:24 GMT
My daughter is in her 40s and dates a lot. I believe she is a lot like you. She herself is very kind and truthful, and consequently, believes everyone.And gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Over and over. In regards to online dating, doesn’t always fare well for her. Here is what I tell her - no response is a very powerful response. Don’t respond. Hold your head up and walk away. You already did it literally, now do it figuratively. I would block this jerk from everything I could. I know it’s hard and hurtful - you need to give yourself some time to wallow a bit. But, please do it privately. Excellent advice, thank you. Love the way you phrased that.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 17, 2019 15:53:56 GMT
Why did you call the hotel?!?! NO contact means just that: no posting secretive FB messages, or dropping hints trying to get at him. Block him and get on with your life. I hope you have the good sense to walk away altogether. Let the bathing suit go. There are plenty of better bathing suits out there, not to mention better guys. Look up and watch some youtube "no contact" videos if you're feeling the need to contact him or re-stir the pot. Block him and get on with your life. (Just in case you didn't hear me say it the first time). Be strong! Walk away and don't look back! I have a sinking feeling you're not really truly done with this asshole. Good luck! Exactly! Just stoooooop. You're still wanting a reaction out of him, for him to contact you. Stop it - it comes off as desperate, not as you don't care that he has your swimsuit.
If you want to send him a message, silence speaks volumes.
I know what you mean. I had a moment of weakness, which I think can be understandable since I am pretty hurt. I am listening to all the advice given here. Otherwise I wouldn't come back to read and comment. I appreciate your feedback, even if it sounds a bit harsh. Thank you. Re: the hotel, the only reason I phoned yesterday was because I was sure he had left it behind, like 90 % sure. He can be lazy in general so I figured there was no way he would make time in is schedule to mail me the swimsuit. In no way was I trying to find out if he had left or not or obtain info about him. They gave me this info without me asking, which I think is very inappropriate given that my name wasn't on the reservation. I I don't know why they told me. I asked them to check once they cleaned the room. No need to go into details. I don't like that they don't respect their guests privacy and give info to someone whose name is not even listed. Just give me the necessary information, which is, it wasn't in the room, sorry. Again, thank you.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,657
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 17, 2019 16:02:52 GMT
Exactly! Just stoooooop. You're still wanting a reaction out of him, for him to contact you. Stop it - it comes off as desperate, not as you don't care that he has your swimsuit.
If you want to send him a message, silence speaks volumes.
I know what you mean. I had a moment of weakness, which I think can be understandable since I am pretty hurt. I am listening to all the advice given here. Otherwise I wouldn't come back to read and comment. I appreciate your feedback, even if it sounds a bit harsh. Thank you. Re: the hotel, the only reason I phoned yesterday was because I was sure he had left it behind, like 90 % sure. He can be lazy in general so I figured there was no way he would make time in is schedule to mail me the swimsuit. In no way was I trying to find out if he had left or not or obtain info about him. They gave me this info without me asking, which I think is very inappropriate given that my name wasn't on the reservation. I I don't know why they told me. I asked them to check once they cleaned the room. No need to go into details. I don't like that they don't respect their guests privacy and give info to someone whose name is not even listed. Just give me the necessary information, which is, it wasn't in the room, sorry. Again, thank you. Just FYI - I truly don't mean to come across as harsh. My BFF has had some dating issues recently and she has tendencies to keep reaching back for whatever reasons. I guess I'm used to being blunt with her in order for her to realize what she's doing. Hang in there - it's hard out there in the dating world at our age.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 17, 2019 16:09:20 GMT
I know what you mean. I had a moment of weakness, which I think can be understandable since I am pretty hurt. I am listening to all the advice given here. Otherwise I wouldn't come back to read and comment. I appreciate your feedback, even if it sounds a bit harsh. Thank you. Re: the hotel, the only reason I phoned yesterday was because I was sure he had left it behind, like 90 % sure. He can be lazy in general so I figured there was no way he would make time in is schedule to mail me the swimsuit. In no way was I trying to find out if he had left or not or obtain info about him. They gave me this info without me asking, which I think is very inappropriate given that my name wasn't on the reservation. I I don't know why they told me. I asked them to check once they cleaned the room. No need to go into details. I don't like that they don't respect their guests privacy and give info to someone whose name is not even listed. Just give me the necessary information, which is, it wasn't in the room, sorry. Again, thank you. Just FYI - I truly don't mean to come across as harsh. My BFF has had some dating issues recently and she has tendencies to keep reaching back for whatever reasons. I guess I'm used to being blunt with her in order for her to realize what she's doing. Hang in there - it's hard out there in the dating world at our age. ❤️❤️❤️ One thing is for sure, I absolutely won't reach back. No way, no how. I just have to get over the disappointment. I know I am worth way better than this and I'd rather stay single the rest of my life than to be demeaned like that again. I read about criticism on Psychology Today and why it affects us so much and the article was spot on. Very enlightening: www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201404/whats-wrong-criticism%3famp
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 17, 2019 17:45:30 GMT
OK ladies you have all been so nice and have given me the confidence required to post a picture of me taken three weeks ago for more validation that he is a world class asshole. I did not put on weight since then. I am 44 years old if that matters. So... Does anyone here see this huge belly worth mentioning twice I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think it is kind of sad that you felt the need to post a picture of you in a bathing suit to show us that your friend is a "world class asshole" for making those rude comments. You look great, but what if you were a little flabby? Would you expect us to say "Well maybe he has a point." How well men treat you should have nothing to do with your appearance. Some men have wives/girlfriends that are model perfect and they still verbally and physically abuse them. Other men have wives/girlfriends who are unattractive and they treat them like queens. No one deserves to be verbally abused because of their appearance. I'm glad you are cutting ties w/ this jerk!
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Post by summer on Jul 17, 2019 18:14:29 GMT
Please block this man immediately on social media. Forget about the bathing suit. Trust me, you will find a new bathing suit. Don't waste anymore time or energy analyzing this man or his actions. Move on and you will find a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
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Post by birukitty on Jul 17, 2019 23:23:00 GMT
Thank you all. This morning I feel sad over the whole situation, but things are improving slowly. I know I made the right decision and I won't make contact. The hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that I thought he was a good person, and he showed me he's not, or not anymore. It's the disappointment, which I'll get over in due time. I think this is perfectly normal. You're mourning the end of the relationship of what you thought it should have been, would have been. What concerns me is that you, like any woman in your shoes, are in danger of emotionally being reeled back in by this master manipulator. This is the perfect time to learn about emotional abuse, what it is, why some men and women do it, and how to watch out for the signs in the next partner you choose. It will help clarify what you went through and why this guy acted like this. It will also help build back your self esteem-why you felt you needed to post the photo of yourself in the bikini for us to validate how amazing your body is-which it truly is-but that wasn't the point. You did something incredibly brave and strong-you picked up and left this guy in the middle of the night in the hotel while he was sleeping. That's a huge step! By going further now and learning about emotional or verbal abuse you will truly protect yourself and build your self esteem. There is a website at verbalabuse.com that was started by a woman named Patricia Evans who wrote the book called "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". It is a fantastic book that you can find on Amazon for $11.98. I would recommend starting there. Being verbally abused tears down your self esteem and it's very difficult to build it back up. But with therapy and learning about verbal abuse my self esteem soared and was repaired. When I chose my next partner he was totally opposite of my ex and we've been married now for 24 years. He never puts me down, calls me names, or even raises his voice to me. He is the sweetest, kindest man I could hope for.
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 18, 2019 2:57:06 GMT
Thank you all. This morning I feel sad over the whole situation, but things are improving slowly. I know I made the right decision and I won't make contact. The hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that I thought he was a good person, and he showed me he's not, or not anymore. It's the disappointment, which I'll get over in due time. I think this is perfectly normal. You're mourning the end of the relationship of what you thought it should have been, would have been. What concerns me is that you, like any woman in your shoes, are in danger of emotionally being reeled back in by this master manipulator. This is the perfect time to learn about emotional abuse, what it is, why some men and women do it, and how to watch out for the signs in the next partner you choose. It will help clarify what you went through and why this guy acted like this. It will also help build back your self esteem-why you felt you needed to post the photo of yourself in the bikini for us to validate how amazing your body is-which it truly is-but that wasn't the point. You did something incredibly brave and strong-you picked up and left this guy in the middle of the night in the hotel while he was sleeping. That's a huge step! By going further now and learning about emotional or verbal abuse you will truly protect yourself and build your self esteem. There is a website at verbalabuse.com that was started by a woman named Patricia Evans who wrote the book called "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". It is a fantastic book that you can find on Amazon for $11.98. I would recommend starting there. Being verbally abused tears down your self esteem and it's very difficult to build it back up. But with therapy and learning about verbal abuse my self esteem soared and was repaired. When I chose my next partner he was totally opposite of my ex and we've been married now for 24 years. He never puts me down, calls me names, or even raises his voice to me. He is the sweetest, kindest man I could hope for. Thank you very much. I read many different things today but haven't read about verbal abuse. Will do. Fortunately my self-esteem is intact. This afternoon, I put on my bathing suit, looked at myself for a long time in the mirror and really couldn't see anything wrong with me. As we usually are our worst critic, I think this is great 😁. So his words didn't have any lasting impact. Which is awesome. My day was full of ups and downs, but I went out with friends tonight and I was even able to make a few jokes about what he said, which is good. One day at a time...
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Aug 1, 2019 19:39:28 GMT
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scrapnnana
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,114
Jun 29, 2014 18:58:47 GMT
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Post by scrapnnana on Aug 1, 2019 20:27:22 GMT
I haven’t read everything in this thread, but you were wise to walk away from him and from the situation. You deserve someone who will treat you decently, and this guy is not the one who will treat you well, no matter how many years you have known him.
My take:
He’s manipulative, verbally abusive, and probably a narcissist.
You deserve better.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,422
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Aug 1, 2019 21:28:18 GMT
did you ever hear from him again after?
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Post by needsperspective on Aug 18, 2019 0:47:14 GMT
Sorry all, I am late to reply. No, no news. Thanks for asking. 😁
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Post by needsperspective on Aug 18, 2019 1:14:57 GMT
Just another update... Since then I started dating a guy I met a year ago. For whatever reason at the time it wasn't meant to be but then we met by accident about two weeks ago and started hanging out together again. He is 5 years younger than me, cute as hell and fit, extremely nice and not selfish at all. And, bonus, he thinks I am absolutely gorgeous and tells me several times a day when we hang out together. 😁 I told him what the asshole said to me and his comments towards him were harsher than the harshest comments here lol. So all is good and it makes me realize that good and nice men exist and that the other asshole can just go f*** himself. We are not in an official relationship yet, but just enjoy each other's company going out for dinner and enjoying our common hobby.
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Post by sasha on Aug 18, 2019 1:53:59 GMT
The way you left was perfect. Fuck him!
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Post by scrappintoee on Sept 3, 2019 7:07:14 GMT
I wanted to check if you'd updated, and saw your GREAT news......sooo happy for you !!!
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Sept 3, 2019 8:02:54 GMT
Walk away with your head held high, love.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Sept 3, 2019 14:47:48 GMT
An apology from an asshole is pretty meaningless. This x 1000 Buh bye to him and don't look back!!
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