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Post by Really Red on Oct 10, 2014 10:56:36 GMT
Do you want to know why I don't want to go out with you anymore? Because you NEVER choose. Not when your back is to the wall. Never ever. And I'm tired of being the one who makes all the decisions. I've said those exact words to you and you turn it back to me and say "Oh - you are so good at choosing and I am so bad" or "It doesn't matter to me."
AARGH.
I don't want to pick the restaurant every time. I don't want to decide where we're going. I want you to make a choice yourself for a change.
So if you wonder why I make excuses not to go out with you? It's because I'm tired of always choosing.
Rant over.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,377
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Oct 10, 2014 11:00:15 GMT
Let me tell you why I always say "I choose" with some friends (particularly my brothers).... Because no matter what I choose, they won't like it. They'll veto everything I suggest anyway (or whine or pout)-- and well just end up doing what they wanted anyway-- so what's the point?
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Post by baslp on Oct 10, 2014 11:02:52 GMT
This could apply to my husband. It drives me crazy at times.
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Post by wholarmor on Oct 10, 2014 11:12:30 GMT
What bugs me is when my friend says,"Let's hang out,"and when I pick her up, she wants me to choose what to do. I'm not good at choosing, either. If you initiate the hang out time, you should have a plan of what you want to do. Sure, you can ask your friend what they would like to do, but if they don't know, I don't care who chose last time. You want to go somewhere? Have a plan before I pick you up.
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Post by pelirroja on Oct 10, 2014 11:17:52 GMT
Indecisiveness drives me absolutely nuts: I feel your pain. Why not offer up an option? He asks you out to dinner, you say yes and then ask him if he prefers Italian or Mexican food? Wait for an answer even if that means suffering through an uncomfortable long silence while he is deciding. Some people are so afraid of making a mistake, they decide nothing at all. It's frustrating. I don't know if I'd dump him, but I do understand why you might be tempted to call it quits if you're frustrated with wishy-washy behavior.
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 10, 2014 11:40:50 GMT
My husband says he makes decisions all day long and doesn't want to make one more decision when he gets home. Most days, I'm ok with being in charge. But some days I'm tired of making all the decisions, too!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 24, 2024 14:59:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2014 12:01:50 GMT
Nearly every time I ask DH what he wants to do for dinner, he responds with "what are my choices?" I have to have a few choices for him to choose from. Some days I just go ahead and make whatever I want. If it's not what he wanted, he can either suck it up and eat it or make himself a sandwich.
I have one friend that always put it on me to decide where we're going for lunch. I've decided next time I'm picking some fast food place so if she doesn't like that, she can finally make the choice herself.
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Post by maryland on Oct 10, 2014 12:54:22 GMT
That is why I despise cooking/coming up with recipes. The family never gives me ideas, then the kids complain about what we have. I prefer any household chore to cooking and coming up with meal ideas.
My family loves tacos, but my husband doesn't want to eat ground beef a lot (says he always gains wt. when we have tacos!). So I always tell them that if they don't give me ideas, tacos it is! haha!
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Post by Regina Phalange on Oct 10, 2014 13:27:06 GMT
This is my husband as well, and a lot of times, after several you decides, I don't cares, and it doesn't matter to me's, when I finally do pick he says "No, I don't want to go there." Some times vetoing several places. SO THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU DO WANT TO GO? I feel you sister, I feel you.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Oct 10, 2014 13:35:41 GMT
It doesn't bother me too much when people say, "you choose." What bothers me is when I pick, and they say, "oh no, not that. I hate _______."
I say, you have no more/one more veto left, then we're going with one of my choices. Remember when you said "you choose?"
When I give someone the option, I preface it by saying "I'm up for anything except for ________. We always eat there."
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Post by jemali on Oct 10, 2014 13:35:52 GMT
My sister in law is like that. I will ask her if she wants red or blue and she will answer "Either one, it doesn't matter.". I will say "It doesn't matter to me which you have either, do you want RED or do you want BLUE?" Or we will be going out for dinner, and everyone agrees to go to one of two places and she is driving, I will tell her it is drivers choice. But she still doesn't want to pick, even though everyone has said that either of the places would be fine.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 10, 2014 13:41:21 GMT
My DH always asks what are the choices too. He likes me to narrow it down and then to have final say. Most of the time, this system works for us.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,725
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Oct 10, 2014 14:14:13 GMT
My husband always picks. I'm not picky, so I'm good with it. But, when with friends, I've grown accustomed to not making the choice.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 10, 2014 14:25:32 GMT
It doesn't bother me too much when people say, "you choose." What bothers me is when I pick, and they say, "oh no, not that. I hate _______." I say, you have no more/one more veto left, then we're going with one of my choices. Remember when you said "you choose?" When I give someone the option, I preface it by saying "I'm up for anything except for ________. We always eat there." This bugs me more than "you choose" as well. If I ever say "you choose" it usually means I'm not really into going out, eating or whatever it is I have to "choose".
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Oct 10, 2014 14:29:06 GMT
If you ask me to spend time with you tell me what you want to do during that time.
If I ask you then I will tell you what I want to do.
I don't think I have ever asked someone to get together with me without having a plan first.
My agreement to get together would depend first on what the plans are.
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Post by zztop11 on Oct 10, 2014 15:21:23 GMT
My mother always let me choose where we would go. She truly didn't mind. She was a great traveling partner. Whatever I was in the mood for, she was in the mood for.
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Post by melanell on Oct 10, 2014 16:16:45 GMT
The sad part is that when I let someone else choose it's because I'm trying to please them. I want to do whatever makes them happy. But now you're telling me that letting them choose what makes them happy actually makes them unhappy! aaaack!
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Post by melanell on Oct 10, 2014 16:19:53 GMT
I feel like if I choose and the other person is unhappy, it's my fault.
And I feel that I am far less fussy than most people I hang out with, so chances of me being bothered by what someone else picks is pretty unlikely.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 10, 2014 16:30:26 GMT
Ok flip side. I frequently say it doesn't matter because I can really figure something out no matter the choice. In the scheme of things I'd rather just be happy to be spending time with whomever I'm with, where isn't so much of a big deal. However there are several people in my life, DH bring one of them, who will nitpick ANY suggestion on my part. Him "what are we doing for dinner?" Me " how about pizza?" Him "no" Me "ok let's go to the burger place" Him "I didn't like that last time" Me "ok how about that wing place" Him "too loud" Me "Chinese food?" Him " no today too many carbs" Me "ok you choose" Him " why do I always have to pick?" Me If none of that described you OP then I can't say why you always have to choose.
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mochi
Full Member
Posts: 449
Jun 26, 2014 1:45:16 GMT
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Post by mochi on Oct 10, 2014 16:49:28 GMT
I feel like if I choose and the other person is unhappy, it's my fault. This exactly! And I could care less where we eat or what we do, for me it's about spending time with that person.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 10, 2014 17:42:17 GMT
This usedan to really bother me with a friend of mine, until I figured out her pattern! It always goes the same: we agree to go out for lunch, she says "you pick, I don't care where", I pick 3 or 4 places, then she says "I don't want any of those, how about xxx?". I truly don't care, and I can find something to eat from almost any menu. Once I figured out her pattern, it is far less stressful. She is a picky eater, so I would much rather have her pick.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 10, 2014 17:50:39 GMT
I tend to do this quite a bit when it comes to picking restaurants. Why? Because I know that the people that I will be eating with are much pickier than I am and, were the choice truly up to me, they would be miserable.
ETA* if the people I'm eating with are not picky, I'll be the first to propose a restaurant.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Oct 10, 2014 17:59:49 GMT
My husband says he makes decisions all day long and doesn't want to make one more decision when he gets home. Most days, I'm ok with being in charge. But some days I'm tired of making all the decisions, too! this is how is at our house too!! I can sense the frustration come thur because by fri he doesnt want to make ANY decisions
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Post by Karenina on Oct 10, 2014 19:32:12 GMT
Funny you bring this up, just yesterday BF did this to me.
I told him that I wasn't hungry but more than happy to make him something, "what would you like"
"whatever you want to make"
"do you want a sandwich or an omelet?"
"they both sound good, whichever"
(I'm getting frustrated now)
"dude. it is your meal. what do you want???"
"OK, the omelet."
"Kay, what kind of cheese do you want?"
"whatever you want to use"
"THIS IS YOUR OMELET, JUST MAKE A DECISION!"
I thought he was messing with me at first, but he must have just been having a bad day!
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Post by happymom on Oct 10, 2014 20:52:30 GMT
This is what we have done since our kids were little. One person names 3 choices that they would be happy or fine with and the second person chooses from among those 3 choices.
We still do it, even without kids.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Oct 10, 2014 21:04:05 GMT
Do you want to know why I don't want to go out with you anymore? Because you NEVER choose. Not when your back is to the wall. Never ever. And I'm tired of being the one who makes all the decisions. I've said those exact words to you and you turn it back to me and say "Oh - you are so good at choosing and I am so bad" or "It doesn't matter to me." AARGH. I don't want to pick the restaurant every time. I don't want to decide where we're going. I want you to make a choice yourself for a change. So if you wonder why I make excuses not to go out with you? It's because I'm tired of always choosing. Rant over. sounds like my husband most of the time. there are some places he will pick but he usually says lets go get dinner tonight and then he will ask where do you want to go? then it is...... him....I don't care. me.....do you have a flavor in mind? him....nope do you? then I end up saying lets go here. He did this to me last night... called me on his way home. asked if I had made dinner yet. I said no he asked if I wanted to go grab dinner. I said sure, Then I asked if he had something in mind he said. well we could go here or there or into town. well, today I had to call him and give him some information and he asked if I had dinner planned yet. This is the week we haven't done any shopping and we need to go to the store but we are stretching it until this weekend when we can go do all the stores in one sweep and be down for the next few weeks. So he said if you don't come up with something then we can go out. I said lets just decide right now to go out.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 11, 2014 0:40:49 GMT
And I appreciate that. But if someone told you, I want YOU to choose. Please! I hope you would. Because 1. I am not picky at all. I like pretty much everything but Indian food and even there I could find something to eat. And 2. I am ASKING them to tell me only once in a while. Not every time. I beg them. That is what makes me crazy. If I were picky, I'd get it. I really am not. But thanks to all who feel the same frustration! I did take my friend out today and had three choices for her. She doesn't care and is not picky at all, but sometimes I just want her to choose!
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 11, 2014 1:03:59 GMT
This is what we have done since our kids were little. One person names 3 choices that they would be happy or fine with and the second person chooses from among those 3 choices. We still do it, even without kids. We did that except the third person got to nix the second thing and whatever was left was the choice. It works well with adults too.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 11, 2014 1:05:57 GMT
My son and his girlfriend could not make a decision to save their lives. They are both you choose people. My husband and I worry that if they stay together they will never be able to make a big decision. They are really cute though.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 11, 2014 1:19:01 GMT
I'm another one who often says "You choose". Mainly because I'm not a fussy eater, and I love just about everything. The restaurants that I love most would not be suitable for a lot of my fussy friends and family, and I'm not prepared to put up with the complaints about there not being anything on the menu they like. Last time we went out for dinner with my fussy-eater brother and my SIL, I made several suggestions, all of which were kiboshed by Mr Fussy Pants. We ended up going to the same Thai place we always go with him, and he ate the same dish he has there every time. I told my SIL that next time I would take just her to my favourite restaurant because I know she'd appreciate it.
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