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Post by elaine on Aug 16, 2019 2:57:28 GMT
Gosh, I’m so sorry. Hugs to you. Thank you. Thanks, and a big ((hug)) back. thanks! elaine you have been through so much lately I wish there were more I could do for you and yours... may you be able to find some peace inbetween the rough spots! May things go smoothly for you and DH tomorrow! ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) Thank you! I keep finding spots here and there of peace and will continue to pursue them. I’m so sorry. I hope you get a break here sometime soon. Thank you.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 16, 2019 2:57:58 GMT
I am so sorry Elaine. I can't imagine the struggle.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,958
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Aug 16, 2019 2:58:11 GMT
I'm sorry Elaine. Sending you hugs and my best wishes.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,767
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Aug 16, 2019 2:59:57 GMT
Hugs...I am so very sorry.
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 6,954
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Aug 16, 2019 3:05:56 GMT
I am so sorry Elaine. I was a caregiver for my father for just 5 months. While I say that I would do it again if I could only have him back for longer, I fully admit that the stress and physical struggle was unreal. I can't even imagine having to do that for the rest of your life.
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Post by elaine on Aug 16, 2019 3:09:26 GMT
I’m so sorry. I hope you get a break here sometime soon. Thank you. I hope so too! I don't even know what to say, especially since I'm sure you've heard all the platitudes before. I'll just say that we are here, and please make sure to take care of yourself. Thanks, Rosiekat. It does help to know you all are here. I am sorry that your life is this way. I send a hug of comfort. Is there a state home or group home for which he would qualify? I know of 2 families with children who will never be able to live alone. One put the daughter in a state operated home/facility for mentally disabled --the daughter is now in her 30s and does well. The other is a son with mental abilities that prohibit living on his own. He lives in a group situation. I do wish you the best. Now that we have a Medicaid Waiver, a group home is a possibility, but he begs to stay with us, so it is a hard decision. We may end up there though. Elaine, I’m hugging you tight right now. Holy cow woman—you are one of the strongest, most resilient, fierce women I’ve ever encountered. LOVE YOU! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ . Dear Elaine, You are such a loving, caring, giving person here on the pod and IRL too, I'm certain. It's heartbreaking, what you are going through. I'm so very sorry. I hope you have an opportunity for some respite care, so that you and your DH can truly have a break at least once in a while on a regular basis. However, with the violence your physically large son subjects you to, I'm thinking that you may need to find a home for him as a couple of pps have suggested. Sending you much love and many hugs... Thank you for your kind words. During the school year we get a few Wednesday nights off per month as there is a respite care place that takes the kids from my son’s school from school, keep him and the others for the night, and then take him back to school on Thursday. It has been a G-dsend! I admit to being very envious of my husband who travels for at least one week per month for work right now.
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Post by destined2bmom on Aug 16, 2019 3:16:47 GMT
elaine I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by elaine on Aug 16, 2019 3:17:16 GMT
elaine I am so sorry for your continued struggles. I know the words don't help, but know that you have an entire community of women supporting you. ❤ Thank you! hugs and hugs elaine. I would start the long process to find some other living situation for him. I am trying to find supportive housing for my adult child with autism (though of the high intellect--totally different from your situation)..our country make it totally hard to do this, especially in high cost areas.. prayers and hugs.... I’m so sorry that you are facing this challenge. My older son also has autism but is much higher functioning and goes to community college right now. He still lives with us, and may be able to move out someday but will need a supportive group home type environment too. (((hugs))) We had a neighbor that ended up putting her son into an adult living facility. It was the best thing for the both of them. Yes, we may end up there. It is hard decision, even in the best of circumstances. I have no words of comfort, I have no words to express how sorry I am, I am not eloquent enough to express how much I admire you. I appreciate you sharing with us and I too am in awe of how strong you are. I wish peace for you and your family. I am just so very sorry. I will be thinking of you especially hard tomorrow. thanks, skellington! I'm so sorry Elaine. ((hugs)) Thank you. Hug definitely appreciated! oh elaine .I am sorry.I will be thinking of you tomorrow and pray for you to have peace about everything. Thank you. I wish I could offer you more than cyber hugs and positive thoughts. Please know that I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome for your son and family. Cyber hugs are good and much appreciated! Skellinton said exactly what I was thinking. Hugs to you as your family continues on with this journey. Thank you. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your difficulties with us, and making the world a better place in spite of it all. thank you - I appreciate the support. ((((Hugs)))) Elaine, I'll be thinking of you and your family tomorrow, and remember we're here to listen anytime. Thank you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 2:13:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 3:21:05 GMT
My ds(13) has Autism + (long list) and will never live on his own.
It is so hard to even think about a group home because 1. This is home. I should care for him. But 2. Someday I won't be here and I'd rather her be in a safe environment before I leave than in some shitty state place after I leave.
I too never thought this would be my life.
Thankfully he has medical waiver and is with IRC so he will get $ from IRC, medical and ssdi. All that will go to funding for a private group home. IRC picks up what medical/ssdi don't cover.
A family friends son loves his private group home. He goes home fri evening to mon morning and holidays. The family takes trips as well.
It just sucks that we have to make these choices. So very much sucks
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Post by chaosisapony on Aug 16, 2019 3:21:35 GMT
I'm sorry Elaine. I truly cannot imagine how difficult your life must be. Best of luck to your family tomorrow.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,793
Jun 26, 2014 17:25:06 GMT
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Post by TXMary on Aug 16, 2019 4:00:13 GMT
I am so sorry, Elaine. I will keep you and your family in my prayers tomorrow.
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Post by kkrenn on Aug 16, 2019 4:02:28 GMT
Elaine,
My heart hurts for you and your husband. My oldest has a lengthy list of disabilities and will not live on her own either. She finished school this past June at the age of 22 and I only had her home for a little more than a month before feeling like I had to find her something to do everyday. She isn't violent (thank the Lord) but she clings to me even sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom while I use the toilet. Anyway, here in California we have Regional Centers which provide her with a day program.
I send you hugs, love, and understanding.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 16, 2019 4:13:17 GMT
Oh elaine, your post breaks my heart. I wish there was something I or anyone else could do for you. You are so strong and I admire you so much. I guess we never know what live will bring us. I am on the opposite side of your future in that my only child doesn’t really seem to want me in his life. It has broken my heart. I told him that I will always love him and want a relationship with him, of whatever level he wants that to be. I told him that I am here if/when he ever wants me or needs me in any way. Both of our situations are painful and not what either of us deserve.
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Post by dewryce on Aug 16, 2019 4:18:10 GMT
I can see how it would be a really hard decision, and super scary for him. The good news is that some group homes can be quite a bit different than the more institutionalized larger facilities and in my experience was much more personalized with closer relationships between the residents themselves and also with the staff. My DH and I both worked at one and leaving those boys was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We took them out into the community quite a bit, and 4 of the 6 attended our wedding (7 hours away) and were ushers for us. We had our own Special Olympics team and one year for the state winter games we were able to arrange to stay at my family’s house with my mom, dad and little brother who was around their age with CP and legally blind. It was such a special time for all of us. I hope when the time comes, if that is a decision you need to make your family has many good options to choose from.
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grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,740
Jun 26, 2014 1:37:37 GMT
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Post by grammanisi on Aug 16, 2019 4:27:14 GMT
I'm so sorry,Elaine. Big hugs from me💕
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 16, 2019 4:50:00 GMT
Elaine, I wish there was something more that all of us here could do for you. Unfortunately all we can offer you are our kindest thoughts and gentle hugs. I'm glad you're back here.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,363
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Aug 16, 2019 4:52:40 GMT
I want to say something really wise or philosophical however my first thought was that sucks. I’m sure you’ve already thought of it but can you get in some outside help even if just for an evening so you and your husband can have a long dinner off by yourselves? I’ll be thinking of you.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,736
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Aug 16, 2019 5:17:49 GMT
I have nothing to offer you in advise. You do have my sympathy (if that is the right word), admiration and of course ((hugs)) I think and hope that I can speak for the peas in saying that you have our heart and ears anytime you need to "talk". I know that when you (general you) are "in it" you just "do" because it has to be done, and don't think, just do. I'd like to think I'd step up as well as you have but I have serious doubts. I think perhaps I would have crumbled by now. Did I mention the admiration part? I hope you find peace and the best way through this for you and your family. More ((hugs)).
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Post by Delta Dawn on Aug 16, 2019 5:21:13 GMT
You are heard.
When you share your story you help us in other ways. You have taught me how to cope. That is very important.
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Post by miominmio on Aug 16, 2019 5:24:04 GMT
I’m so sorry ((hugs)).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 2:13:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 5:37:06 GMT
Your family is in my thoughts.
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Post by patin on Aug 16, 2019 5:52:27 GMT
Oh Elaine - I hear your raw emotions & I thank you for trusting us with those. Of course you are sad. As young Moms, full of naivete & dreams, we never figure that this is how our life will be.You have my admiration for the grace & love you have always exhibited.
I am glad you are at least considering the possibility of a group home. I know you will approach this as you always have with careful diligence. It sort of reminds me of the tough decisions those of us who have had to help our parents make the tough choice of going into a senior care facility, both for their safety & ours.
But for now, I wish you grace & strength to get thru this day. You & all your family will be in my prayers-especially tomorrow.
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Post by jengels999 on Aug 16, 2019 6:03:45 GMT
I don’t post often, but read everyday. You have always been such a positive force on this board. I just want to send you hugs! I am sorry you are dealing with so many challenges. ❤️
Janell
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Post by refugeepea on Aug 16, 2019 6:12:27 GMT
I'm so sorry elaine . I'll be where you are at in seven years. I'll always be the mom of a toddler and ten year old. The other child; it's too painful and long to type out. It's a profound sadness that never goes away.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 2:13:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 6:22:17 GMT
My motger’s Close cousin had a son like yours. ( this was in the 50’s) he got more violent as he got older. They were able to find a home ( a place like the one in rainman).
He thrived there. And learn a craft that made him some pocket money.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 2:13:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 6:50:41 GMT
I wish I knew the right words to say to make you feel strength and peace and comfort. As much as we “think” we know someone, you can never know what your friend or fellow Pea struggles with on a day to day basis. Just know that you have a garden of Peas to lift you up and help you find your way when the path gets too rough. Love and hugs.
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Post by gar on Aug 16, 2019 6:51:09 GMT
I can barely imagine how hard that is to deal with. I hope you can find some respite in some way so that you can have times of peace and enjoyment in your very difficult life.
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Post by lauradrumm on Aug 16, 2019 6:54:45 GMT
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My son will be with us until we die but he doesn’t have the violent issues and is more high functioning. And it’s still hard so I can’t imagine being in your shoes. Hugs, My heart goes out to you.
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Post by KelleeM on Aug 16, 2019 7:26:30 GMT
Sending you so much love. I know a tiny bit of what you’re dealing with because my former MIL was in a very similar situation with her youngest son. She finally moved him to a group home as it was best for both of them. David is now 48 and my former MIL as well as her husband have passed away. I’m so sorry that this is your reality. I’m thinking of you.
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Post by ametallichick on Aug 16, 2019 7:30:15 GMT
I’m very sorry for what you and your dh are going through. (((Hugs)))
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