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Post by hop2 on Aug 20, 2019 19:12:09 GMT
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 20, 2019 20:16:44 GMT
THE CAR! It's so silent and cocoon-ish.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 20, 2019 20:36:38 GMT
Amen.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,166 
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Aug 20, 2019 20:52:10 GMT
I used to do this so often - especially in the car - but it is quite unusual nowadays. That’s good, right? 😉
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 20, 2019 21:01:49 GMT
Too true.
My favorite place is the shower because I can blame the hot water for my face looking red.
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bklyngal62
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,940
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Post by bklyngal62 on Aug 20, 2019 21:06:21 GMT
So true.
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Post by elaine on Aug 20, 2019 21:37:06 GMT
It is true and makes me sad and lonely. That, as women, we feel so deeply and yet we choose to cry in isolation only to go on to present a smiling face to the world not letting many/any people see the pain/sorrow and help/join us with those feelings.
So, while I agree that the statements are true, and that most women are resilient, I’m not sure that the actions being lauded are always a healthy thing.
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Post by hop2 on Aug 20, 2019 21:49:22 GMT
elaine I don’t think it’s a healthy thing. But I do think it is a good thing that we know we are not alone in the situation. You can’t cry in ‘public’ for many reasons *It’s unprofessional at work ( which I do sort of agree with depending on the reason ) *We will be deemed ‘over emotional’ ( which I don’t agree with ) *We will be brushed off as hormonal ( don’t agree with, I’m not hormonal every time I cry & men get hormonal too ) *We will be deemed irrational ( again don’t agree sometimes crying is ‘the’ rational response ) *Don’t want to upset ( fill in blank ) ( which I sometimes agree with ) *you have no idea why your actually crying, but you need to and don’t want to explain ( valid ) because if you can’t explain see issues above about what people will assume about us. But whatever the reason we are hiding alone & crying I think it’s important to realize that we aren’t ‘alone’ doing that, we are just coping like many others cope. It doesn’t mean we are any of the labels society will assign to us, we are just women, human, feeling & coping.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Aug 20, 2019 22:19:41 GMT
So very true!
The car in the carwash. If you scream, no one can really hear you.
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Post by elaine on Aug 20, 2019 22:27:35 GMT
elaine I don’t think it’s a healthy thing. But I do think it is a good thing that we know we are not alone in the situation. You can’t cry in ‘public’ for many reasons *It’s unprofessional at work ( which I do sort of agree with depending on the reason ) *We will be deemed ‘over emotional’ ( which I don’t agree with ) *We will be brushed off as hormonal ( don’t agree with, I’m not hormonal every time I cry & men get hormonal too ) *We will be deemed irrational ( again don’t agree sometimes crying is ‘the’ rational response ) *Don’t want to upset ( fill in blank ) ( which I sometimes agree with ) *you have no idea why your actually crying, but you need to and don’t want to explain ( valid ) because if you can’t explain see issues above about what people will assume about us. But whatever the reason we are hiding alone & crying I think it’s important to realize that we aren’t ‘alone’ doing that, we are just coping like many others cope. It doesn’t mean we are any of the labels society will assign to us, we are just women, human, feeling & coping. I guess I know all of the reasons why we choose not to cry in public and put forth a false front, but want to ask how is it different from posting photoshopped pictures to your social media because that is more socially acceptable/desirable? And I know plenty of women who do this even in their own homes, which is what should be a safe haven around people who should love and respect us even when we cry. For me, while it is somewhat comforting to know other women do this too (in the sense that I’m not abnormal), it does little to ameliorate my sadness and isolation in the moment. |
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
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Post by ashley on Aug 20, 2019 22:33:36 GMT
Jeez, I can’t even cry in public the right way. Lol. I barely look ok under normal circumstances, but there’s none of this carrying on and looking gorgeous stuff going on here. (Says the person who cried in her sunglasses at the beach this afternoon).
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Post by hop2 on Aug 20, 2019 23:35:53 GMT
Jeez, I can’t even cry in public the right way. Lol. I barely look ok under normal circumstances, but there’s none of this carrying on and looking gorgeous stuff going on here. (Says the person who cried in her sunglasses at the beach this afternoon). Hugs |
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Post by quinlove on Aug 20, 2019 23:51:25 GMT
I was recently in a situation where all I wanted was to go home - so I could cry.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,166
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 20, 2019 23:55:48 GMT
It is true and makes me sad and lonely. That, as women, we feel so deeply and yet we choose to cry in isolation only to go on to present a smiling face to the world not letting many/any people see the pain/sorrow and help/join us with those feelings. So, while I agree that the statements are true, and that most women are resilient, I’m not sure that the actions being lauded are always a healthy thing. Believe me, I’ve been pretty open and honest with a lot of people about what deep grief is really like. But, there are times when you just can’t do that. I’m not going to get into how I really am with the cashier at the grocery store or explain to everyone who asks about something. Sometimes I don’t have the emotional energy to do that. And I really don’t like crying in front of other people and there are times when saying anything would bring on the tears. Sometimes we need the distraction of participating or being present without verbalizing our situation. |
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Post by elaine on Aug 21, 2019 0:45:01 GMT
It is true and makes me sad and lonely. That, as women, we feel so deeply and yet we choose to cry in isolation only to go on to present a smiling face to the world not letting many/any people see the pain/sorrow and help/join us with those feelings. So, while I agree that the statements are true, and that most women are resilient, I’m not sure that the actions being lauded are always a healthy thing. Believe me, I’ve been pretty open and honest with a lot of people about what deep grief is really like. But, there are times when you just can’t do that. I’m not going to get into how I really am with the cashier at the grocery store or explain to everyone who asks about something. Sometimes I don’t have the emotional energy to do that. And I really don’t like crying in front of other people and there are times when saying anything would bring on the tears. Sometimes we need the distraction of participating or being present without verbalizing our situation. Oh, I know and I agree that there are times that it is a necessity. But that, IMO, isn’t what makes you resilient or awesome. My point, maybe poorly explained or maybe I am the only one who thinks this way, is that the fact that we put on that smiley face after we are crying by ourselves in private isn’t what makes us resilient or what should be celebrated, but what makes women wonderful is that we continue to be there in real and meaningful ways for other people, even when we are torn up inside (and sometimes even while showing it). I may very well be alone, but I just can’t get behind encouraging women to think that crying alone in the shower or the car is a thing to celebrate, as long as we follow it by a fresh made up smiling face to the rest of the world. For me, it is similar to photoshopping the imperfections out of photos or presenting that “only amazing things” life on Facebook. It isolates women to encourage and praise them for hiding their “negative” emotions while exhibiting a false front. Apparently, I am alone in this thought process, but I am okay with that. I do my fair share of crying in the car or the shower, but that is most definitely NOT what makes me resilient. What has made me stronger is to come here and share my struggles in the open with others, along with crying in a number of my meetings with various professionals about my son. My trying to stuff it all inside didn’t help communicate the reality of the situation to anyone. And keeping it to myself was also keeping everyone else out and kept me isolated in my struggles. Clearly, I am reading more into the quote than was meant to be and projecting my life on it. But I would be tempted to punch someone in the throat who told me that my crying in the shower and then putting on make up and smiled so that they didn’t know I was just crying was what makes me great, IGNORING COMPLETELY the situation I was coping/dealing with that made me sad enough to cry in the first place. Celebrate how I handle myself in that situation, not that I look good for the cashier at the grocery store. Again, no judgment on those who don’t share my view - it is just how I see that quote. |
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
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Post by rickmer on Aug 21, 2019 1:01:26 GMT
But, there are times when you just can’t do that. I’m not going to get into how I really am with the cashier at the grocery store or explain to everyone who asks about something. Sometimes I don’t have the emotional energy to do that. And I really don’t like crying in front of other people and there are times when saying anything would bring on the tears. Sometimes we need the distraction of participating or being present without verbalizing our situation. this is how i feel. the cashier, or my son's teacher or random parents at the soccer field don't need to be a party to my tears. is it pride? i don't think so - just some things i don't care to share and i don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. i used to cry in my car. a lot. a LOT. i was the primary caregiver and often after dropping this child here or waiting to pick up that child from there, it came out. i would blow my nose, put my sunglasses on and pull it together. my kids have seen me cry many, many times (i catch them watching in me in movie previews because i cry during the PREVIEW of a sad movie). i am a total softie and cry frequently. but i also don't want my kids to grow up with *that* as one of their primary memories of me. since much of my sadness stemmed from my relationship with their father, i felt that crying was for me to deal with and not worry or frighten them. so when the quote speaks about carrying on like they are fine, for me, i felt like i owed it to them to suck it up, if that makes sense. |
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Post by ceepea on Aug 21, 2019 1:27:22 GMT
OMG, this was me in the shower 10 minutes ago. Somehow it always feels like you are the only one going through this.
Thanks for for posting this, I really needed that tonight.
Stay strong everyone!
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,759
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Post by scrapngranny on Aug 21, 2019 1:31:27 GMT
I have found I have had handle my DH’s stress as well as my own, mine was usually considered not important.
My DH would come home from work and dump all of his stress in my lap, almost daily. If I talked about my work stress, I would get back something along the lines of, you are not the major bread winner, so what difference does it make. He had a very hard time grasping the fact my boss depended on me as much as his boss depended on him.
When the kids were younger he would state he had a stressful day at work and didn’t want to be bothered. I didn’t have that luxury.
It is so much better now that we are both retired and work stress isn’t an issue. He is not a bad guy or a bad husband, but he could never grasp my stress is important too. I think it goes back to his mom always smiling and not showing any stress, therefore women don’t have “real” stress.
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