Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:38:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 15:35:09 GMT
What a horrific thing to witness! And so traumatic for everyone involved! He simply must get some counseling to help him cope. It is extremely unlikely that she will survive. Praying for your DH and other responders and those she left behind.
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Post by thundergal on Sept 12, 2019 15:38:00 GMT
My gosh. That's horrific. I'm so sorry your DH had to see that.
Sending hugs.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,636
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Sept 12, 2019 15:41:25 GMT
I'm so sorry your husband had to see something so horrific. I can't imagine... My heart goes out to him and his coworkers. There was a girl in my state who was set afire by someone a few years ago and when the authorities got to her she was still alive standing in the road. The officers said it was heartbreaking. She did end up dying. I pray this girl does too as I can't begin to fathom the suffering she must be experiencing.
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Post by bearmom on Sept 12, 2019 15:53:47 GMT
How horrific for your dh and the other first responders.
i would encourage dh to seek out the department therapist. In the meantime, just listen dh when he wants to talk.
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Post by trixiecat on Sept 12, 2019 15:55:46 GMT
What went through my mind was how could someone hate themselves or be in so much anguish that you would choose to torture yourself in such a manner. There are less painful and quicker ways to die. I can't even imagine what went through this poor girls mind.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,636
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Sept 12, 2019 16:01:08 GMT
What went through my mind was how could someone hate themselves or be in so much anguish that you would choose to torture yourself in such a manner. There are less painful and quicker ways to die. I had the same thought. Also, I believe I've read that women normally choose less violent ways to die, such as an overdose. That poor child.
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Post by welshjenni on Sept 12, 2019 16:02:12 GMT
I’m so very sorry for your husband and hope that he get some help to deal with this horrific situation
How desperate must that woman have been to take her life in such a dreadful and painful way. Wishing her family comfort.
One morning a few weeks ago a local gentleman in his early fifties drove into the children’s park, locked himself inside and set fire to himself and the car. People in the park tried desperately to get him out but the doors couldn’t be opened. He was a Carer for his elderly mother. There was counselling available from the following day in the library for people traumatised by witnessing the event.
One can hardly imagine what life must have felt like for anyone who feels that this is their only option. My heart goes out to the loved ones left behind.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Sept 12, 2019 16:04:32 GMT
OMG, how horrible! I hope your DH is able to get the help he needs to cope with witnessing this tragedy.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Sept 12, 2019 16:06:34 GMT
How awful. I was just hoping and imagining that they’ve given her loads of pain medicine and probably anesthesia, so at least she’s not aware and suffering. Then I realized how impossible giving an IV would be, and realized this must affect the doctors and nurses, too. Such an awful thing. 😔
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Post by Patter on Sept 12, 2019 16:09:11 GMT
Oh, I am SO, SO sorry! My daughter's department had something similar happen a few months ago (live bodies burning). It's horrific what our LEO's see/hear/smell each day. I pray that he is able to speak to someone at the department. My daughter's department has on-staff pastors that will even just ride with the men and women on shift. Not sure if y'all have something like that. I will be praying for him, for you and your family, and for the other family. And thank him for his service from one LEO family to another!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 12, 2019 16:09:25 GMT
How awful. For her. Her loved ones. Your husband. And everyone else that is dealing with the aftermath of her actions.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 12, 2019 16:37:44 GMT
I was on my phone when I first posted and couldn’t see your location. I would bet your DH’s agency has resources available to the officers, even if the officers themselves are reluctant to take advantage of them. Good luck to him. This is a situation that I think all responders should be sent to someone by their departments. NO questions asked. tyra
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Post by katlaw on Sept 12, 2019 16:39:58 GMT
I am so sorry. That is a really rough call. Does his department have a peer support team he can talk to? Or another officer who was not involved in the call? A chaplain? Our shift has had the chaplain come in and talk to us as a group. Everyone has a chance to talk about what their role was in the call, how they felt. It is a safe space to let out any feelings you have of helplessness that you could not save someone. You do not need to be religious to feel comforted, usually the department chaplain is comfortable with all denominations. I have had calls like that in my career that I will never forget. It helps to talk about them. Let him know you are there for him as many times as he needs to talk about the call. Sometimes it takes some time to stop seeing them in your mind.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 12, 2019 16:53:35 GMT
DH has been a cop for over 20yrs and has pretty much seen and heard it all so not a lot bothers him anymore. His dept doesn't have ANY resources for this type of stuff, they just keep it in or talk to their spouses. DH talks to me about it so that's what helps him.
I really encourage you to find someone who deals with first responders on this type of stuff and not just a regular run of the mill therapist. If his dept frowns on this and he's scared of the backlash he may get remind him he doesn't have to tell people he's going to see someone.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:38:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 16:55:57 GMT
How truly horrifying for him (and for the poor young woman who felt she had no other way out)
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Post by wezee on Sept 12, 2019 17:01:40 GMT
Please tell him I said thank you. From LEO family to another ((hugs))
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Post by vi on Sept 12, 2019 17:31:01 GMT
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:38:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 17:35:44 GMT
First breathe, yep you! As spouses we know what they see, hear, deal and have to do daily. It is beyond difficult to know they run towards what everyone else runs from.
Many will have diffrent views, what works for our family is we have a deal, have had it from day one....we talk! The deal is he has sometime and then we talk....a day or two, the longest has been a week. I don't get graphic details but we talk. I keep the family dinners going, the activities, lunch dates and ask about his daily day. This allows him normal time so he can wrap his mind around the work event. His department has several Chaplins, not therapists, alot of the guys will talk to them. If your department does, maybe try that. Talk to the other wives, get the families together. They talk in ways sometimes non-LEO families wont be able to understand. So having them around others that know what happened helps.
No one answer for this, being an LEO sometimes is separating your heart from your mind so you can do your job. Our jobs as spouses is to help our LEO as we see fit. Talk to him, don't push ask what he needs. This is something that y'all will need to figure out for the future as other events happens. The one thing I will stress is don't let him slip into that dark hole. If you see that starting reach out. I've always told my husband,we can find another job but we can't find another you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} reach out anytime!
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Post by katlaw on Sept 12, 2019 18:10:10 GMT
DH has been a cop for over 20yrs and has pretty much seen and heard it all so not a lot bothers him anymore. His dept doesn't have ANY resources for this type of stuff, they just keep it in or talk to their spouses. DH talks to me about it so that's what helps him. I really encourage you to find someone who deals with first responders on this type of stuff and not just a regular run of the mill therapist. If his dept frowns on this and he's scared of the backlash he may get remind him he doesn't have to tell people he's going to see someone. In the United States, more first responders die by suicide than in the line of duty each year. I am sorry that your DH's department does not have any resources for mental health injuries. Your DH sounds like he is lucky to have you to talk to. I don't always bring home stuff to my DH, some of it he just cannot hear. No one should be afraid to admit they need help for fear of backlash from their department. We should be treating a mental health injury the same as a physical injury, seek care, heal and return to work cured.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on Sept 12, 2019 18:26:47 GMT
How awful. I can’t imagine what he witnessed. I think talking to a counsellor would help him comes to terms with this. How dreadfully sad for her family and friends.
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Post by Merge on Sept 12, 2019 18:38:39 GMT
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine coming across a situation like that. I hope your husband is able to work through his feelings with a therapist, and that the young woman can be out of pain and at peace.
I hate to ask, but are they certain it was self-inflicted?
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gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,723
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on Sept 12, 2019 18:44:03 GMT
So incredibly tragic. I'm sorry.
Lisa
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Post by scrappintoee on Sept 12, 2019 19:00:02 GMT
(( hugs )) I'm so sorry for all involved! I've always wondered how police, firefighters, paramedics, EMTs, search parties, etc. DEAL with all the horrible things they see. You will be a big help to him by listening, hugging him, and gently encouraging him to seek the counseling they offer. I'm praying for this poor girl, your DH and everyone else involved in rescuing her, and her family! His dept doesn't have ANY resources for this type of stuff NoWomanNoCry .....That is SO sad! God bless your DH and everyone who works with these kinds of tragedies!
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 12, 2019 20:41:36 GMT
I'm so sorry. I hope this is the worst thing he ever has to witness.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,814
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Sept 12, 2019 21:43:57 GMT
That is awful. I feel horrible for the lady, as well as the first responders. I hope your DH feels comfortable enough to talk about it.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,717
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Sept 12, 2019 21:56:18 GMT
Thank God for people like your brave Dh, who puts himself out there every day serving people in desperate need. I hope he can find some counseling to ease this horrific burden. I will keep him and all involved in this terrible situation in my prayers.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,414
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Sept 12, 2019 21:56:40 GMT
omg that's horrible! that poor girl. I'm so sorry your husband had to witness that, its terribly tragic
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Post by papersilly on Sept 12, 2019 22:14:13 GMT
i am so sad for the poor girl who felt she had no other option than to do that to herself. and to have survived it. barely. i don't even know what kind of life she will be coming back to.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 5:38:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 22:40:16 GMT
I was a 911 dispatcher for 16 years and DH is a retired LEO.
After a major incident I was the dispatcher for, I was strongly encouraged to attend the debrief even though I was feeling OK. I went, and I wish to this day I had not. It made it about 5 million times worse. That sort of thing isn't automatically beneficial to everyone.
This just happened. All the emotions your DH is feeling are appropriate. He should be feeling upset and horrified and angry, etc. It may turn out that he needs help with this down the line, or it may not. I think it's too soon to say he must seek help this instant. Give him time to process it. Listen if he wants to talk. Avoid big changes, discussions, decisions for awhile if possible. Don't assume something is wrong because it "should" be. Let him know where resources are if he does need them. Being upset and knocked sideways is what's supposed to happen when we witness horribleness. There is no treatment for appropriate.
Peace to everyone touched by this.
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Post by tyra on Sept 12, 2019 23:25:08 GMT
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine coming across a situation like that. I hope your husband is able to work through his feelings with a therapist, and that the young woman can be out of pain and at peace. I hate to ask, but are they certain it was self-inflicted? They are. I actually had that same thought. When they found her she was awake and aware, but not screaming or anything. From my understanding there comes a time when being burnt that your nerve endings are burnt and you have a period of time of no pain. Nurses/doctors confirm? Anyway, she kept saying she was sorry, over and over. She said something else, I can't remember what it was, but it confirmed that it was self inflicted. Add in her social media posts right before (what alarmed the family and prompted them to call 911) and they are certain. BTW The young lady passed late this morning. 😔
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