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Apr 25, 2024 17:40:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 15:53:58 GMT
For everyone saying no alcohol, it seems to me that if OP is good enough friends with the parents that they vacation together, she would likely know if the daughter had a substance abuse issue. Not having a substance abuse problem doesn’t mean she drinks either. Unless the OP knows she drinks wine, why not play it safe with something like a GC or a bouquet of flowers?
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 15, 2019 16:35:48 GMT
For those of you who gift a bottle of wine; what is the average cost of the kind you give? I am not a wine person, so I'm just curious. I never bring wine because I don't drink wine. I am always surprised that wine is a go-to gift for people. I had four bottles in my pantry from gifts one year. I can see if people actually use the bottle at the party, but most of the time people just set it off to the side. We do bring alcohol to parties, but we only bring it if we know what a person likes. I also don't drink coffee and get stuck with Starbucks gift cards. I would give her a card and probably some flowers.
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Post by lisae on Sept 15, 2019 16:47:07 GMT
Card with $25 or a $25 gift card to Amazon.
I would stay away from giving wine because you don't know her tastes.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 15, 2019 17:04:24 GMT
I wouldn't give wine or any alcohol at all unless you were 100% certain she would want it. A lot of people don't drink, or enjoy wine! I think a gift card would be fine, maybe one of those dinner and a movie packs or even just an Amazon card or prepaid Visa or something like that. It's also interesting to see that a lot of people here think it's strange to give an adult a gift for their birthday, because I'm turning 28 soon and my friends and I definitely still give each other a little gift. It's usually a gift card, but sometimes we'll give something else (a scarf, tshirt, silly socks, something that made us think of the person when we saw it) as just a little "happy birthday, I want to help you celebrate" gesture. I don't think I've spent more than $25-30 though. I think it’s different for a person’s close friends to give them birthday gifts. It’s not as common for adults to give other adults birthday gifts in a party scenario, especially if the attendees are more casual acquaintances which is the case in the OP. Last year our neighbor threw a 50th birthday party for her DH. Since it was around the holidays and they normally host a neighborhood holiday party, they just did this instead. The only people who brought gifts were his family members. None of the neighbors brought wrapped gifts but many people gave him a card. I usually get my BFF a birthday gift and she usually gets something for me, regardless of whether there’s a party. But we’ve known each other for over 25 years. If she would have invited me to a birthday party for one of her adult kids (which would be kind of odd that she’d even be having a party for an adult kid), I would bring a card but probably wouldn’t give a gift even though I’ve known both of them virtually all of their lives.
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Post by chaosisapony on Sept 15, 2019 21:03:23 GMT
The idea of adults getting gifts at birthday parties throws me off honestly. A bunch of friends/couples and I went out to celebrate my 30th, and people brought gifts. I wasn’t expecting it. I felt really weird opening actual gifts, like I was 7. So I’d do a simple card and gift card to a restaurant to at least give something. That's happened to me twice now, it's so awkward! While I appreciate people's generosity, if I'm inviting a group out for my birthday it's just because I want a fun night out with friends. I'm not expecting gifts or for people to pay for my meal. It makes me uncomfortable.
Last year my best friend organized a surprise party for me. It was super sweet. I had just moved into my new house and apparently the friend that organized it sent out my Amazon wish list to everyone she invited! I was horrified when I learned that. I had shared my wish list with her a couple of weeks before just to show her the decor and things I was thinking of buying for my new place. When people were leaving the restaurant the party was at I was walking them out to their car and thanking them but also apologizing for the list being sent out. I was so embarrassed I really didn't know how to handle it.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Sept 16, 2019 1:21:50 GMT
The idea of adults getting gifts at birthday parties throws me off honestly. A bunch of friends/couples and I went out to celebrate my 30th, and people brought gifts. I wasn’t expecting it. I felt really weird opening actual gifts, like I was 7. So I’d do a simple card and gift card to a restaurant to at least give something. That's happened to me twice now, it's so awkward! While I appreciate people's generosity, if I'm inviting a group out for my birthday it's just because I want a fun night out with friends. I'm not expecting gifts or for people to pay for my meal. It makes me uncomfortable.
Last year my best friend organized a surprise party for me. It was super sweet. I had just moved into my new house and apparently the friend that organized it sent out my Amazon wish list to everyone she invited! I was horrified when I learned that. I had shared my wish list with her a couple of weeks before just to show her the decor and things I was thinking of buying for my new place. When people were leaving the restaurant the party was at I was walking them out to their car and thanking them but also apologizing for the list being sent out. I was so embarrassed I really didn't know how to handle it.
Holy crap, I’d die. How embarrassing.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 16, 2019 2:32:15 GMT
I'd donate to a charity in her name or send her a card. It's a bit odd that they're throwing their adult daughter a birthday party.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Sept 16, 2019 7:31:33 GMT
That's happened to me twice now, it's so awkward! While I appreciate people's generosity, if I'm inviting a group out for my birthday it's just because I want a fun night out with friends. I'm not expecting gifts or for people to pay for my meal. It makes me uncomfortable.
Last year my best friend organized a surprise party for me. It was super sweet. I had just moved into my new house and apparently the friend that organized it sent out my Amazon wish list to everyone she invited! I was horrified when I learned that. I had shared my wish list with her a couple of weeks before just to show her the decor and things I was thinking of buying for my new place. When people were leaving the restaurant the party was at I was walking them out to their car and thanking them but also apologizing for the list being sent out. I was so embarrassed I really didn't know how to handle it. r
Holy crap, I’d die. How embarrassing. I clearly have no shame, or my social/cultural group is very different. While I wouldn't expect those things, I wouldn't be surprised or embarasse, per se either. And by the same token I'd never let a person pick up their own tab on their birthday.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Sept 16, 2019 15:11:44 GMT
For those of you who gift a bottle of wine; what is the average cost of the kind you give? I am not a wine person, so I'm just curious. Somewhere in the $12-15 dollar range. I like Dreaming Tree Crush myself - it seems to be a good "middle of the road" red that appeals to white wine drinkers too. The wine is produced by Dave Matthews, so bonus points if the recipient is a DMB fan.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 16, 2019 15:33:41 GMT
I'm not a huge fan of the bottle of wine.. I don't really drink that much wine. In fact, my DD loves wine and she knows what I like, so she will share a little with me since we have the same tastes for the most part. If I received bottles of wine it would probably sit in my fridge forever.. I think I have 3 or 4 of them now. Anyways, a card and GC to a local restaurant would be my go to gift.
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Post by myshelly on Sept 16, 2019 15:37:38 GMT
I don’t gift to adults.
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Post by lucyg on Sept 16, 2019 15:57:58 GMT
Holy crap, I’d die. How embarrassing. I clearly have no shame, or my social/cultural group is very different. While I wouldn't expect those things, I wouldn't be surprised or embarasse, per se either. And by the same token I'd never let a person pick up their own tab on their birthday. When I invite people out for my own birthday, there is no way in hell I’d ever let them pay. Except my mother. I always let her pay. And I am embarrassed when people bring gifts, too. I’m too old for birthday gifts. OP, I would take a card, either with a more engagement-oriented gift (since you think it’s an engagement party in disguise) or no gift at all. Your presence is your gift. ha ha Or whatever. Take a small gift if you like. Don’t angst over it too much, either way.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Sept 16, 2019 19:27:17 GMT
I clearly have no shame, or my social/cultural group is very different. While I wouldn't expect those things, I wouldn't be surprised or embarasse, per se either. And by the same token I'd never let a person pick up their own tab on their birthday. When I invite people out for my own birthday, there is no way in hell I’d ever let them pay. Except my mother. I always let her pay. And I am embarrassed when people bring gifts, too. I’m too old for birthday gifts. OP, I would take a card, either with a more engagement-oriented gift (since you think it’s an engagement party in disguise) or no gift at all. Your presence is your gift. ha ha Or whatever. Take a small gift if you like. Don’t angst over it too much, either way. In fairness, they're usually the ones asking me what I want to do for my birthday. And they all make more $ than I do.
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Post by lucyg on Sept 16, 2019 20:28:51 GMT
When I invite people out for my own birthday, there is no way in hell I’d ever let them pay. Except my mother. I always let her pay. And I am embarrassed when people bring gifts, too. I’m too old for birthday gifts. OP, I would take a card, either with a more engagement-oriented gift (since you think it’s an engagement party in disguise) or no gift at all. Your presence is your gift. ha ha Or whatever. Take a small gift if you like. Don’t angst over it too much, either way. In fairness, they're usually the ones asking me what I want to do for my birthday. And they all make more $ than I do. Sure, if they invited you, that’s different. In my book, the one who invites, also pays.
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Post by tuva42 on Sept 17, 2019 14:52:41 GMT
I love the idea of lottery scratch off tickets. We don't play the lottery, except that my DH buys me a handful every Christmas and birthday. He gets an insane amount of pleasure out of watching me scratch them off and occasionally win a bit.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 17, 2019 15:03:08 GMT
I'm not a huge fan of the bottle of wine.. I don't really drink that much wine. In fact, my DD loves wine and she knows what I like, so she will share a little with me since we have the same tastes for the most part. If I received bottles of wine it would probably sit in my fridge forever.. I think I have 3 or 4 of them now. Anyways, a card and GC to a local restaurant would be my go to gift. We’re not wine drinkers. We always end up regifting them to people we know who do drink wine because we know we won’t drink it. After our anniversary party I think we ended up with something like 6-7 bottles of wine. We looked at each other and said, . DH doesn’t drink wine and I don’t drink at all. We finally got rid of it but it took a while to offload it. And FWIW, we also never used the $50 gift card to a local fancy restaurant that someone gave to us at that same party, and it was FIVE YEARS ago! LOL Now if it would have been a $50 GC to Target or Amazon it would have been burned up long ago... probably on toilet paper or some other mundane but much needed thing.
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