Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 20:46:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 12:44:15 GMT
My friend is having the most outrageous issues with her in-laws (she has from almost day one of the relationship really) and it's making me extremely grateful that mine are pretty great.
What are yours like, good, bad or ugly?
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,713
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Sept 15, 2019 12:57:16 GMT
I’m pretty lucky. I get along well with my in laws. As they’ve gotten older, it’s been less pleasant to be around them. Not because they treat me any different, but between each other. There’s constant bickering. There always was, but it’s become more intense.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,075
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Sept 15, 2019 12:57:26 GMT
I won the in-law lottery. They are the most loving, amazing, coolest people I have ever met.
My husband, on the other hand, did not win the in-law lottery. My folks were very dysfunctional.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 20:46:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 13:04:14 GMT
My mother in law can be difficult but she keeps herself to herself and doesn't interfere in our marriage in any way. I often wonder what my husband thinks about his in-laws, he's playing those cards very close to his chest!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,759
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 15, 2019 13:04:25 GMT
My Mil, who has unfortunately passed, thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. She thought dh would never get married so I was a very welcome addition, lol.
Then we had our dd, icing on the cake for her. Basically, I could do no wrong! She was a nice lady and had years of wisdom. We took her on her first trip abroad and later took her and her bff to France, they loved all the new experiences and took regular trips to Spain while they could. Her house was like Piccadilly circus, people always popping in. I learnt to share only what I was comfortable with the whole area knowing!
Eta my husband likes his in laws too. He'll ring up my Dad to talk about sport, was happy to have them come with us on a trip to Canada. They are good people and never judge, just want everyone to do what makes them happy and are interested in all the events in our lives.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 15, 2019 13:11:49 GMT
I get along well with my in laws and they have done a great with my kids. Both my fil and bil can be asses at times, but they are family. Mil is not an ass.
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Post by piebaker on Sept 15, 2019 13:15:58 GMT
I adored my MIL--she was truly a blessing and my mentor. I am sorry my children had only eight years to know her warmth, compassion and wisdom. It was a privilege to know her.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Sept 15, 2019 13:24:35 GMT
I did not like mine at all — MIL is an expert at complementary insults. I actually hadn’t seen them for a few years when my ex and I split up. When things were really bad between us (and she knew and lied to me about when he was arrested, she knew exactly how stressful my situation was), I called her and asked if my ex could come stay with them for a couple of weeks while we tried to work on some peace and direction between he and I... and she said no! She said she couldn’t deal with it! Then three months later when my FIL died suddenly she then let my ex move in with her. Way way too late to provide any stability or help to me or my children, but hey, she didn’t have to live alone, right?
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Post by monklady123 on Sept 15, 2019 13:26:02 GMT
My son has met a woman who he's serious about, and who he will be proposing to soon... and let's just say that I learned everything I know about how to be a good mother-in-law from my own MIL who was NOT one. My father-in-law was great...the first time he met me and discovered I loved anchovies on my pizza he was SO happy. MIL would never let him get a pizza with half anchovies because she said the taste migrated to her side. Which is a legitimate complaint about anchovies, I get that. But she also wouldn't allow him to get a small pizza with just anchovies! (and yes he put up with that...probably because she had such a sharp tongue that he just didn't want to deal with the fallout). But...first time we had pizza during my very first visit up there we ordered for everyone else and then got a small one with just anchovies for the two of us. And yet she STILL had to comment almost non-stop for the rest of the evening about those disgusting anchovies. omg.. The first time we went to visit after we had our ds, he was a few months old. We walked in the house and almost the first thing she said as was "I hope nothing needs to go in the refrigerator because there's no room." Then, the room we were in was SO tiny (not her fault obviously, the room was just small)...but we had to put a portable crib in there which took up most of the floor space. And she had given us NO room in or on the bureau. The entire top of the bureau was covered in knick knacks, and every single drawer was STUFFED to the brim with sewing supplies. The first time we were there after ds was walking, had she made ANY effort to child proof anything? nope. She had a glass figurine of The Little Mermaid (the one in Denmark, not Disney, lol) right in the middle of her coffee table. Ds was your typical toddler who wanted to touch everything. How hard would it have been to put that up somewhere while we were there? She also wouldn't allow one single toy to be visible unless he was actually playing with it.-- When he was a bit older, maybe 3 or so, and we were all eating in the living room (other people were over, too many to sit at the table) she said, right in front of him, "he'll have to eat in the kitchen because he'll spill in here". So she wanted him to eat all by himself out in the kitchen? As if adults haven't spilled food also. But fine, it's her house...so I ate out there with him. ugh In later years I discovered that she wasn't nice to the other daughters-in-law either (dh has three brothers, one sister), so at least I didn't feel like it was just me. Fast forward to my first visit with my ds's soon-to-be fiancée... I went shopping ahead of time with a list of foods that her dd (age 8) likes. And I emptied two entire drawers from the bureau in my dd's room where they were sleeping, and I cleared off the top of the bureau. I cleared off the coffee table so her dd could have room to spread out whatever she wanted. And I made sure to tell her how polite and sweet her dd is (and it's true, I wasn't just making it up, lol), not criticize random things just to be critical. lol... it's all fresh in my mind because ds's girlfriend and I talked about it. Ds had said girlfriend was afraid I wouldn't like her (due to a somewhat dysfunctional family of her own), so I wanted to make sure she knows I do like her, and her dd. If my son loves her then I'm prepared to do the same.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 15, 2019 13:29:25 GMT
My first marriage, I didn't meet my in-laws until after we were married. My DH had left home at 17 and he didn't reconcile with them until much later. My ex MIL is a nutter. They were in and out and in and out. It was usually me extending the olive branch and including them. My ex couldn't care less. Since our divorce, he has discontinued his relationship with them. My children have not seen their grandparents in 7 years.
My current in laws are wonderful. They embraced me from the start. Sure there's times when people get on others nerves but for the most part they are very normal and very fun. I didn't have big shoes to fill as none of them liked my DH ex wife. My DH also tolerates my family well too.
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Sept 15, 2019 13:30:14 GMT
I dearly love my in-laws. Mom and I had some issues at first. Took some work to realize how she said things wasn’t how she meant them.
Dad...in my eyes, he walks on water. My father was neglectful, which was preferable to the physical pain he would inflict if he gave me the time of day. Dad is the Dad I always longed for. To him, I am the daughter they never had.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Sept 15, 2019 13:30:48 GMT
We have a totally fine, normal relationship with in-laws. While I know they would be there in an emergency and if I was in need, they do see SIL’s family more so they are closer to her kids. We live a 5 min drive away from them and see MIL maybe once a month and FIL maybe once every 3 months. I think he’s quite antisocial. But when we’re together it’s fine. They aren’t as warm and fuzzy as my parents but nobody fights. They sometimes fight with SIL’s husband in front of us and it makes DH and I feel uncomfortable.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,482
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Sept 15, 2019 13:36:50 GMT
My mil died pretty early in our marriage. She was really nice and thought I was the greatest thing that happened to her son. He was her only child and tended to treat him like a little kid at times and he was happy to play that role. They lived just a few miles from us and I used to roll my eyes about a lot of things. For example if my husband had a cold, he needed to let his mom know and she'd be over with cold medicine and some soup. Now that I'm older I get that it would be kind of awesome to have your mom do that. My fil died less than five years later. He was a good guy too. My husband is exactly like him.
They never caused drama in our lives - ever.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,530
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 15, 2019 13:42:29 GMT
Mine were great. My mil and I got along really well for the most part. She was a little critical - but never to my face. But my sisters-in-law liked to tell me what she said because they didn't like that she liked me so much and we had a lot in common. Soooo, there's some dysfunction there, but not enough to make it terrible. FIL was a lovely, sweet, warm guy. They are both missed.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,391
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Sept 15, 2019 13:49:31 GMT
Great. In laws and SIL and her family live in our same small town. We're together all the time. We lost my MIL last year, I'd been apart of the family for 20 years by then.
DH gets along great with my parents, sister and her family. We're with my family just as much.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,145
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Sept 15, 2019 14:10:22 GMT
Seems like the majority so far did well in the in-law dept, which is nice. Unfortunately I can't say the same!
Dh hasn't had a relationship with FIL in over 25 years. According to dh he was never a great father, but shortly after we were married FIL screwed dh over in a business deal and that pretty much ended the relationship. Many stories followed about how he's screwed this one or that one over (different family members). It's amazing to me that he's still doing it, but he is...the latest story was last winter.
MIL I got along with fairly well. She was a bit intrusive and overbearing, but kind of easily managed since she didn't live nearby. Unfortunately she intruded and manipulated a situation and when dh called her out on it she went off....I was her target! I could literally hear her screaming at him through the phone. She blamed me for anything and everything including that he didn't speak to his father, lol. Apparently she didn't get it all out the first phone call so she called back about 2 days later and did it again! She's never felt the need to apologize and while i'm cordial if I see her, that is the extent of our relationship.
I certainly have learned lessons in all of it and hope to always have good relationships with my kids and any spouse/so they bring home.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,631
Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Sept 15, 2019 14:15:44 GMT
They’re in their 80’s now. They’re very conservative and they grew up in the segregated south, so they have some views on the world that make it tough for me to relate with them on any genuine level. I’ve always known that I’m not going to change them, though, so I grit my teeth through a lot of our time together.
They love their grandkids and have always been very generous with them, and I appreciate that.
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Post by annie on Sept 15, 2019 14:15:52 GMT
My in-laws pretty much ignore us, and dote on their 3 daughters. My husband was neglected as a child. Left alone, never hugged, never given attention, never loved. I heard a few years ago from one of my husband's sisters that his mom said some pretty shitty things about my husband, like "he'll never make it through college". Well, he's dyslexic, and they never did a thing to help him. Smh. (FYI he now has several college degrees and a masters. He's extremely smart.)
They ignore our kids, who are sweet, kind, very accomplished (valedictorians, leaders, etc...) and rave about their other grandkids to our face. They never ask us about our kids or our lives, they just brag about the others. The whole things is bizarre. My kids have accepted it, and received a lot of love from my side of the family, so I guess it's fine. I just feel bad my husband had to grow up in that environment. We attend the obligatory family gatherings, and my husband's sisters are nice, but we all dread going.
ETA: The most attention we've gotten from my MIL in years is when we quit the church. She ranted at him on the phone on multiple occasions about how we were going to go to hell and needed to find a church (of their religion) and how could we do this and on and on... Needless to say, my husband doesn't phone her much anymore.
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Post by littlemama on Sept 15, 2019 14:25:57 GMT
My mil is a meddler. She also likes to lecture us on what events we "should" go to. We are almost 50 years old. Im pretty sure we are capable of making our own choices. Step-FIL- he has gotten much better as he has gotten older. Im his favorite- he canned spaghetti sauce for the first time and I am the only person who got a jar. Also scored a jar of pickles. FIL was like a dad to me and I still mourn his loss 6 years later.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,573
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Sept 15, 2019 14:27:16 GMT
I get along with both my MIL and FIL. She doesn't come around often (we are lucky if we see her 2x a year). That drives me batty. This goes all the way back to when they divorced and 2 years later DH went to live with FIL. I tried for many years to get her involved with our kids. After time, I just stopped. It was clear she wasn't going to make an effort. I do still let them (mil & 2 sils) know when there is something significant happening. It's up to them to make the time and effort.
FIL live with us. He has his own little apartment like set-up and I can go weeks without seeing him. He used to come to more things for the kids but over time he too has stopped. We offer to pay for his admission and he still declines. But he also doesn't do a lot in general. Stays in his place most days. Again, we have tried and that is all we can do.
My mom as a mil to DH is pretty good. She doesn't try to butt in. She has always been there when we needed her or makes every effort possible to be part of our kids' lives. She hasn't been as involved as she'd like in the last few years only because she was my grandmother's sole caregiver for a long time. My sister has now started taking care of her the majority of the time. But the years of caregiving has taken it's tole on my mom and she is not doing well herself.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Sept 15, 2019 14:29:32 GMT
While my late FIL was great, my late MIL was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She sobbed uncontrollably during the wedding rehearsal... and it was downhill from there. 😳. She didn’t get to hand pick who DH married and I’m sure she blamed me for him never moving back to their town (that was entirely him). I could write a book on the shenanigans she pulled but have opted to just forget as much as possible since she died over 20 years ago. She did show me what NOT to do if I ever become a MIL.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 15, 2019 14:36:23 GMT
My ex's mother was a somewhat difficult woman, but she loved my children dearly and tried in her own way to be a good grandma. She was sad about the divorce, but I think part of her understood and she told me many times she still loved me. She died a few years ago now. Her husband is still alive, but ex has little contact with him (not his bio dad).
My current in-laws are the best. My husband's mother died when we were quite young so it's now his dad and a stepmother. But that woman is big-hearted and kind -- she just folds us all into 'family' and that is that. She considers my grown kids her grandchildren and loves and supports everyone. I love her two daughters as well. I got lucky with all of them. My father-in-law is a bigger-than-life character. My husband is very close to his dad and they spend lots of time together. We've actually discussed buying land together and living on the same property. I'd be all for it.
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Post by ntsf on Sept 15, 2019 14:54:33 GMT
my inlaws lived a ways away, so the kids hardly ever saw them I tried to take them to visit every year or every other year. they are/were nice people, but not hands on with anything. fil has died, and mil is still going strong.. has her own life. and that is fine. we don't actually have too much in common, but they are fine. my parents were a little more involved, but we also did not see them that often. my kids are all fond of their grandparents. its been hard in some ways with them so far away.
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,943
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Sept 15, 2019 14:55:38 GMT
My DH's parents died before we met.
My ex's parents sometimes drove me nuts, sometimes they were good. Since I have been divorced from ex, I've had a much better relationship with them. Without having to defend or explain ex's actions, it's taken the stress that I had with them away. We have lunch a couple times a year with the kids and DH and I go visit them and have dinner a couple times a year. Getting together with ex and my former in-laws is generally a pleasant experience. I don't usually get together with ex unless his family is involved. It's weird how it took getting rid of him for me to appreciate what good people they really are!
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Post by artgirl1 on Sept 15, 2019 15:09:59 GMT
My in law were unbelievable. Plenty of issues before our marriage, and for our first anniversary they told us that either my husband divorce me or they would cut off their relationship with him. The had no contact for 5 years until after my DD was born, then we tried a distant but civil relationship. When my husband died suddenly, 'she' told my 4 year old DD that I killed her father, (No, he was in an accident) and carried on at the funeral telling everyone how much they hated me. But then they decided they didn't want any contact with us. (and my husbands' siblings couldn't have contact either). I sent Christmas cards, info on my daughter's activities, etc every year until my daughter was 18, including our phone and address, and we lived within 5 miles of them. Information about my daughter was often in the local newspaper due to her sport and activities. No contact ever.
A couple of years ago, my SIL contacted my daughter via social media and wanted to establish a relationship. (She was the last remaining sibling and parents had both recently passed.) My DD said Nope, you were the 'adult" and made your decision 30 years ago. Not going to happen now.
They lost. My DD is a wonderful, successful woman, and also a mother herself, and she is the spitting image of her dad.
Karma
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Post by flanz on Sept 15, 2019 15:15:46 GMT
I did not like mine at all — MIL is an expert at complementary insults. I actually hadn’t seen them for a few years when my ex and I split up. When things were really bad between us (and she knew and lied to me about when he was arrested, she knew exactly how stressful my situation was), I called her and asked if my ex could come stay with them for a couple of weeks while we tried to work on some peace and direction between he and I... and she said no! She said she couldn’t deal with it! Then three months later when my FIL died suddenly she then let my ex move in with her. Way way too late to provide any stability or help to me or my children, but hey, she didn’t have to live alone, right?
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Post by flanz on Sept 15, 2019 15:21:24 GMT
I dearly love my in-laws. Mom and I had some issues at first. Took some work to realize how she said things wasn’t how she meant them. Dad...in my eyes, he walks on water. My father was neglectful, which was preferable to the physical pain he would inflict if he gave me the time of day. Dad is the Dad I always longed for. To him, I am the daughter they never had. I love that you call your in-laws Mom and Dad. I did that too. Except for the first two years of our marriage we lived far away from them but there was never any interference in our marriage. On our annual visits home we spent chunks of time with them and there was nothing to complain about. I'm lucky. And DH loved my dad to bits and loves my mom as well. And she adores him. (She's the only one of our parents still living.)
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Post by refugeepea on Sept 15, 2019 15:28:06 GMT
I love my MIL and she has ALS. My FIL has mellowed out over the years. I could write a lot more, but he's better now.
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tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
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Post by tuesdaysgone on Sept 15, 2019 15:28:33 GMT
Mine are a mixed bag. I adore my FIL, who is 89 and ill right now. I'm the only daughter-in-law and he has always been so sweet to me and I know he adores me too. My MIL can be very difficult. It's her way or the wrong way. While she treats me fairly well, I hate how she treats her own daughters and my husband. She is hyper critical of most everything he does. Some of the communication issues in our marriage can be traced back to way she has always treated him.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,503
Jun 26, 2014 14:12:17 GMT
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Post by anniebeth24 on Sept 15, 2019 15:34:05 GMT
DH always says his parents like me more than they like him.
I can do no wrong in their eyes.
I try very hard to remember that when their quirks drive me crazy!
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