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Post by pierkiss on Sept 15, 2019 21:57:27 GMT
They’re pretty awesome. Sometimes they critique things too much. I don’t like that they just show up without warning. Usually when I’m in my pajamas, having a bad day and the house looks like it was hit by a tornado. I hate that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 18, 2024 19:55:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 22:03:37 GMT
Horrid nasty ass people.
Nasty. Narcissistic. Neo troglodytes.
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Post by giatocj on Sept 15, 2019 22:20:59 GMT
My MIL passed away in 2017 before our wedding, but she was an amazing, loving lady. My FIL is the absolute best and I love him dearly. I also love all the other in-laws, too...sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews. I am a very lucky woman to have married into such a great family.
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Post by beaglemom on Sept 15, 2019 23:36:25 GMT
I'm not a fan. My mil is a passive-aggressive, compulsive, complainer. I am a "fixer" and my dh is constantly telling me that she doesn't want me to fix the issues, she enjoys the complaining. It drives in insane.
We live 12 minutes from them. My sil's and their families live a couple of states away. Mil has spent more time with those grandchildren than with our kids. She makes a huge deal of asking my kids about their events for school (3 minutes from their house) and writing it down in her calendar. But then she doesn't show up. But she will fly out to watch my oldest sil's kids events.
In some ways, I feel bad for my fil. I know he is depressed, I wouldn't be surprised if there are other issues as well. He is a total hermit and other than doctor's appointments doesn't leave the house unless mil is with him. But he is blasting through the inheritance they got from mil's parents. Which annoys all of us. He was always bad with money and didn't enjoy working. So he has been "retired" for 20+ years, but mil just retired in June.
I have tried for years to build a relationship. But after events earlier this year I decided I'm out. I will be cordial, but I will no longer make an effort. My kid's don't enjoy spending time with them either. I feel bad for dh because I know there is a part of him that really just wants approval and love from them, but they are too narcissistic to give it. When he graduated with his PhD he had already been working for Google for a number of years. His graduation "present" was a copy of the book "How to get a job at Google."
I would be perfectly fine if I never had to see them again.
My oldest sil is also very narcissistic and the favorite child and I will no longer make an effort with her as well. She told us this last Christmas that she was just too busy to buy presents for the kids so we were no longer doing kid gift exchange. Her kids are 14, 12, 9. Mine are 8, 6, 3, 1. So we've been buying stuff for her kids for Christmas and birthdays for years and now that we have the little kids we are no longer doing gifts. Her oldest birthday is between christmas and new years so mil makes sure that she is with her every year and we all have to make a big deal out of her birthday. My kids are lucky if they get a phone call.
My biggest annoyance with mil/fil is that they bought a time share in mexico that falls on my oldest (and now my younger 2 kid's) birthdays 95% of the time. So they are always gone. And they have invited both of the sil's families to join them, but never us. So they don't even get a phone call from their grandparents on their birthdays.
My parents adore my husband. They have their quirks, but overall I think my husband doesn't mind them. My kids adore them, give the choice they would choose spending time with my parents 100% of the time over my inlaws. Which at times I feel slightly guilty about, but then I remember that my inlaws have done it to themselves, and I no longer feel bad.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,393
Location: Fergus, Ontario
Jun 26, 2014 11:53:40 GMT
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Post by cakediva on Sept 15, 2019 23:58:55 GMT
I lucked out in the inlaw department as well. They have their quirks, but overall they are pretty great people. They have always treated all of us and all of the grandchildren equally.
MIL has been diagnosed with dementia. And FIL is a double leg amputee below the knee (degenerative vein disorder). So they struggle health wise. We lost DH's older brother almost 2 years ago now. And it took a while for MIL to finally grasp he was gone. FIL would have to re-tell her. She still struggles with it. She has good days, but more bad days lately. SIL has just moved to a new house with plans to gut it and have part for them to live in. FIL says you don't move in with your kids. SIL told him it was her place or a home, because they can't stay where they are much longer. Sigh
DH lucked out, my parents were pretty great as well. Dad has been gone 13 years, and mom remarried and then divorced (verbal abuse) and he was just as pissed as the rest of us. Mom is pretty much all about her these days, but not in a narcissistic way. Just all her stories revolve around her. My brother notices it more because he doesn't live locally. But she's 75, and getting a bit forgetful.
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Post by aljack on Sept 16, 2019 1:28:22 GMT
My in-laws pretty much ignore us, and dote on their 3 daughters. My husband was neglected as a child. Left alone, never hugged, never given attention, never loved. I heard a few years ago from one of my husband's sisters that his mom said some pretty shitty things about my husband, like "he'll never make it through college". Well, he's dyslexic, and they never did a thing to help him. Smh. (FYI he now has several college degrees and a masters. He's extremely smart.) They ignore our kids, who are sweet, kind, very accomplished (valedictorians, leaders, etc...) and rave about their other grandkids to our face. They never ask us about our kids or our lives, they just brag about the others. The whole things is bizarre. My kids have accepted it, and received a lot of love from my side of the family, so I guess it's fine. I just feel bad my husband had to grow up in that environment. We attend the obligatory family gatherings, and my husband's sisters are nice, but we all dread going. ETA: The most attention we've gotten from my MIL in years is when we quit the church. She ranted at him on the phone on multiple occasions about how we were going to go to hell and needed to find a church (of their religion) and how could we do this and on and on... Needless to say, my husband doesn't phone her much anymore. This sounds almost identical to my MIL. I am sorry. Makes me super sad and angry for my husband and daughter but we don’t have to see them now because they moved across the country. I just couldn't handle her ignoring my daughter while talking about the other grandchildren and handing out gifts or money to them with nothing for my daughter. Inconsiderate and rude. And the worst part is she will repeatedly say she loves and spoils all the grands, DIL’s, and her sons the same to us and she fully believes it.
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Post by aljack on Sept 16, 2019 1:32:51 GMT
I'm not a fan. My mil is a passive-aggressive, compulsive, complainer. I am a "fixer" and my dh is constantly telling me that she doesn't want me to fix the issues, she enjoys the complaining. It drives in insane. We live 12 minutes from them. My sil's and their families live a couple of states away. Mil has spent more time with those grandchildren than with our kids. She makes a huge deal of asking my kids about their events for school (3 minutes from their house) and writing it down in her calendar. But then she doesn't show up. But she will fly out to watch my oldest sil's kids events. In some ways, I feel bad for my fil. I know he is depressed, I wouldn't be surprised if there are other issues as well. He is a total hermit and other than doctor's appointments doesn't leave the house unless mil is with him. But he is blasting through the inheritance they got from mil's parents. Which annoys all of us. He was always bad with money and didn't enjoy working. So he has been "retired" for 20+ years, but mil just retired in June. I have tried for years to build a relationship. But after events earlier this year I decided I'm out. I will be cordial, but I will no longer make an effort. My kid's don't enjoy spending time with them either. I feel bad for dh because I know there is a part of him that really just wants approval and love from them, but they are too narcissistic to give it. When he graduated with his PhD he had already been working for Google for a number of years. His graduation "present" was a copy of the book "How to get a job at Google."
My oldest sil is also very narcissistic and the favorite child and I will no longer make an effort with her as well. She told us this last Christmas that she was just too busy to buy presents for the kids so we were no longer doing kid gift exchange. Her kids are 14, 12, 9. Mine are 8, 6, 3, 1. So we've been buying stuff for her kids for Christmas and birthdays for years and now that we have the little kids we are no longer doing gifts. Her oldest birthday is between christmas and new years so mil makes sure that she is with her every year and we all have to make a big deal out of her birthday. My kids are lucky if they get a phone call. My biggest annoyance with mil/fil is that they bought a time share in mexico that falls on my oldest (and now my younger 2 kid's) birthdays 95% of the time. So they are always gone. And they have invited both of the sil's families to join them, but never us. So they don't even get a phone call from their grandparents on their birthdays. My parents adore my husband. They have their quirks, but overall I think my husband doesn't mind them. My kids adore them, give the choice they would choose spending time with my parents 100% of the time over my inlaws. Which at times I feel slightly guilty about, but then I remember that my inlaws have done it to themselves, and I no longer feel bad. This is me!!
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,363
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 16, 2019 1:42:12 GMT
Like some of the others, I learned how not to be a mother-in-law from mine. My XH used to say we were going to have to drive a wooden stake through her heart to kill her. She was a mean spiteful woman who hated all five of her daughter-in-laws. None of us were good enough for her sons. She fought with everyone of her daughter-in-laws either at the wedding or at the reception. She was a good grandmother I will give her that.
My father-in-law and I got on well. We were both hard workers and share a lot of common things. I don’t know why he put up with her for all the years he did.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Sept 16, 2019 2:38:45 GMT
I’ve loved both sets of my in laws, xdh’s parents and dh’s parents. My former in-laws were just good hardworking people. They raised seven kids. FIL was a functioning alcoholic with a good heart. I lived with them for six months while xdh was overseas and I was pregnant with our ds. FIL and I used to watch The Tonight Show (Johnny Carson) every week night and play cards. MIL worked really hard and was a very sweet lady. Dh’s parents were both good hardworking people too. We would fly MIL to visit us every couple of years and talk on the phone with her every couple of weeks. Dh and FIL were estranged so I only talked with him a few times on the phone and never met him in person Both sets of parents are gone now
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Post by AussieMeg on Sept 16, 2019 4:01:25 GMT
My father-in-law was great...the first time he met me and discovered I loved anchovies on my pizza he was SO happy. MIL would never let him get a pizza with half anchovies because she said the taste migrated to her side. Which is a legitimate complaint about anchovies, I get that. But she also wouldn't allow him to get a small pizza with just anchovies! (and yes he put up with that...probably because she had such a sharp tongue that he just didn't want to deal with the fallout). But...first time we had pizza during my very first visit up there we ordered for everyone else and then got a small one with just anchovies for the two of us. And yet she STILL had to comment almost non-stop for the rest of the evening about those disgusting anchovies. omg.. My MIL also dislikes anchovies, but whenever she makes pizza, she also buys a jar of anchovies, which she puts in a little dish on the table, so I can add them to my pizza myself. Your poor FIL!
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Post by camanddanismom on Sept 16, 2019 4:32:00 GMT
Mine are wonderful (mil/fil) I am blessed to have them in my life.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 16, 2019 6:38:54 GMT
Mine are terrible. When DH was fighting cancer, the didn’t do one damn thing ( they live 30 minutes from us). I told him, when you pass, I’ll never hear from them again. He passed on Valentine’s Day, and the ONLY communication I’ve had was a text message from my sister-in-law, to tell me I made my MIL feel bad because DH’s funeral mass was so nice. She didn’t do one when my FIL passed and was now upset and it’s my fault. Other than that, nothing. They sent DS a birthday card but no phone call. I was raised better, I sent them Mother’s/Father’s day cards and birthday cards. I will always send my nieces/nephews cards/gifts for their birthdays/holidays. Honestly, I’m over it. I don’t care ONE bit if DS doesn’t have a relationship with them. They are selfish and racist and as far as I’m concerned I don’t want them around DS. My nieces/nephews are ok, they’re all in the 18-21 range but none of them do anything without their parent’s permission. They wanted to visit DH before he passed but since their parents didn’t, neither did they. I hate them for the simple fact that the hurt DH so badly by not visiting, he cried about it. I begged them to come but the were “busy”. That breaks my heart. You are better off without them.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 16, 2019 6:54:28 GMT
My late FIL was a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. He was also extremely judgmental.
My MIL is just a self-centered person. She is not warm and fuzzy at all. I've talked about her before - she's ridiculously cheap and never picks up a tab.
DH has battled incurable cancer for 12 years. They have never offered a hand or a meal. MIL doesn't even ask about him if I pick her up for church alone.
My DH has been very tolerant of my dad. He used to be really difficult, but age and illness have mellowed him. He loves my mom.
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Post by gar on Sept 16, 2019 7:26:46 GMT
We've just been on holiday with my Mum in Law - I think that says enough She's 87
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Post by monklady123 on Sept 16, 2019 9:59:39 GMT
My father-in-law was great...the first time he met me and discovered I loved anchovies on my pizza he was SO happy. MIL would never let him get a pizza with half anchovies because she said the taste migrated to her side. Which is a legitimate complaint about anchovies, I get that. But she also wouldn't allow him to get a small pizza with just anchovies! (and yes he put up with that...probably because she had such a sharp tongue that he just didn't want to deal with the fallout). But...first time we had pizza during my very first visit up there we ordered for everyone else and then got a small one with just anchovies for the two of us. And yet she STILL had to comment almost non-stop for the rest of the evening about those disgusting anchovies. omg.. My MIL also dislikes anchovies, but whenever she makes pizza, she also buys a jar of anchovies, which she puts in a little dish on the table, so I can add them to my pizza myself. Your poor FIL! And that's how you make someone feel welcome in your home.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,663
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 16, 2019 11:12:56 GMT
Dead.
Mine are dead and I'm grateful that their abuse of my dh died with them even if the scars will be there forever.
They were awful.
My family is nuts, i think he should flee but he loves every second of our crazy and my mom likes him more than me so she is nicer to me now too. 😂
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Sept 16, 2019 12:08:15 GMT
It's so endearing to hear of so many great relationships.
My FIL was awesome. He reminded me so much of my own father. They had the same kind of upbringing and had the same hardworking values. I moved 600 miles away from home when I met dh and moved to be with him. My FIL made it feel like my dad was here. He and I had the same twisted sense of humor and my dh had such a great role model in him. Unfortunately, he passed away 4 years ago.
As far as MIL, she's ok. She has a heart of gold and treats the kids so well. She has some quirks that I have a hard time with - I'm sure the same can be said about me. I do my best to be tolerant. My biggest issue with her is that she truly doesn't understand how little free time we have...I honestly believe she thinks we're lying to her when we tell her that we have little to no spare time. A couple of times, I've literally texted her our weekly schedule so that she can see we're not lying.
FIL and MIL were in completely different marriages with each other. MIL was completely oblivious that FIL wasn't happy despite him telling her. Several times over the course of my marriage, my FIL contacted an attorney about divorcing. She caused him SO much stress... and ultimately that stress caused him health problems that led to his passing. He talked to dh about it several times and a few times even said that she was going to drive him to an early grave. He was 57 when he passed off a massive heart attack. It makes me sad that he was so unhappy.
My mom and dad love/loved my dh although I'm sure they were a bit disappointed that he took me away. They were realistic that the job field that dh was in had better jobs here than where they lived. My dh is very charming and so genuine that my parents were won over immediately. My dad passed away just 2 years after we got married. My dh loved my dad... thought he was a great guy - so much like his own dad. My dh loves my mom too...we have had a few moments over the years where she was difficult. It was over the fact that she smoked and we refused to stay with her when we had ds. She got over it. I talk to her weekly. I know she's always liked dh but she told me last month that I really lucked out with dh and he's such a great provider, dad, and husband. It made me a bit teary.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 16, 2019 14:21:41 GMT
BLAH... My FIL is not bad, but my MIL.. OYE, she can drive one to drink heavily. She is pushy, nosy, controlling, racist, just a pain in the arse. I basically refuse to text her for anything unless necessary. Unfortunately the grandkids have figured it out on their own and don't want to be around her anymore either. I could write a book on all her antics over the years.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 16, 2019 14:51:50 GMT
My oldest sil is also very narcissistic and the favorite child and I will no longer make an effort with her as well. She told us this last Christmas that she was just too busy to buy presents for the kids so we were no longer doing kid gift exchange. Her kids are 14, 12, 9. Mine are 8, 6, 3, 1. So we've been buying stuff for her kids for Christmas and birthdays for years and now that we have the little kids we are no longer doing gifts. Her oldest birthday is between christmas and new years so mil makes sure that she is with her every year and we all have to make a big deal out of her birthday. My kids are lucky if they get a phone call. This is my SIL too. Her kids are 8-10 years older than our kid. We bought those kids birthday and Christmas gifts for years (for which they were never appreciative, even though many times we’d give them gift cards or cash). By the time our kid was about 2-3, they were kind of over it plus anything they did give our kid was never anything age appropriate so half the time she couldn’t even play with it or use it. Now they don’t even send our kid a card. Whatever. Now on the flip side, if we did ever happen to be with them for something or other, she would always try to send her kid’s worn out, outgrown stuff home with DD. Thaaaaanks... Not. Here, would you like this dirty trick or treat bag with a torn handle? Gee, thanks. And then they wonder why we’re not too excited to ever get together with them. Don’t even get me started.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,640
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Sept 16, 2019 14:55:35 GMT
My MIL passed away a couple of years ago at the age of 90. She was a pill. My FIL passed away when DH was young, so I never knew him.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Sept 16, 2019 15:01:41 GMT
My MIL is a nice lady, but she wasn't a very good mother. DH has very little to do with her as a result and his father was mostly absent in his life and passed away several years ago. I have zero in-law issues.
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Post by beaglemom on Sept 16, 2019 15:42:16 GMT
Now on the flip side, if we did ever happen to be with them for something or other, she would always try to send her kid’s worn out, outgrown stuff home with DD. Thaaaaanks... Not. Here, would you like this dirty trick or treat bag with a torn handle? Gee, thanks. And then they wonder why we’re not too excited to ever get together with them. Don’t even get me started. My other sil does this. Every time we go visit she tries to send us home with bags of clothes her kids have out grown. They are often stained. But she makes a huge deal about the stuff that was gifts from other people that she thinks cost a lot. 90% of it goes to goodwill as soon as we get home. The one time I went through stuff before we left and took what we actually wanted she came home and saw the still full bags and thought we hadn't seen them. So dh felt like we had to take the stuff to be nice. With her though I feel a little bad. We are better off financially than they are and I know she is really trying to be nice. Thankfully we don't see them very often so she doesn't realize we get rid of all the stuff.
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Post by hockeyfan06 on Sept 16, 2019 16:24:09 GMT
I won the in-law lottery. They are the most loving, amazing, coolest people I have ever met. My husband, on the other hand, did not win the in-law lottery. My folks were very dysfunctional. This is my situation exactly! I always joke I was born to the wrong family.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,455
Jun 26, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
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Post by edie3 on Sept 16, 2019 19:24:22 GMT
My inlaws are both dead. My FIL was a saint, MIL the exact opposite. She told DH that she would always come first, and by god she tried! She was visiting one winter and let me take her only grandson to day care when there was a bad ice storm. She told me the day care would be open. She stayed home and watched videos of grandson while he was at day care. She also was visiting shortly after my father died. DS said I hope Nanna (my mom) would not be lonely. MIL piped up and said " I have been lonely for 20 years".
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 17, 2019 1:31:02 GMT
Now on the flip side, if we did ever happen to be with them for something or other, she would always try to send her kid’s worn out, outgrown stuff home with DD. Thaaaaanks... Not. Here, would you like this dirty trick or treat bag with a torn handle? Gee, thanks. And then they wonder why we’re not too excited to ever get together with them. Don’t even get me started. My other sil does this. Every time we go visit she tries to send us home with bags of clothes her kids have out grown. They are often stained. But she makes a huge deal about the stuff that was gifts from other people that she thinks cost a lot. 90% of it goes to goodwill as soon as we get home. The one time I went through stuff before we left and took what we actually wanted she came home and saw the still full bags and thought we hadn't seen them. So dh felt like we had to take the stuff to be nice. With her though I feel a little bad. We are better off financially than they are and I know she is really trying to be nice. Thankfully we don't see them very often so she doesn't realize we get rid of all the stuff. LOL. My SIL is very well off, but her kids don’t take care of anything so whatever they try to give us is either broken, stained, has pieces missing or pages torn out. It ALL ends up in the trash because it’s not even nice enough to donate!
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Sept 17, 2019 1:45:22 GMT
My mil is the most self centered backhanded person I have ever met. I only see her now on holidays and that is all right by me. My fil was okay.
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Post by PNWMom on Sept 17, 2019 3:53:46 GMT
I've seen my MIL in person twice and never spoken to her in the 24 years I've been with my husband. He has decided he wants to have some tiny semblance of a relationship with her, so they are now facebook friends (she's 2/3 of a continent away and there are no plans to progress past a 2 minute phone call a few times a year), and I've reluctantly become her FB friend as well. Although I secretly hope she dies a terrible death in the very near future for the things she did to my husband as a child.....
No FIL at all, so my kiddos just have my mom as a grandparent. We tell her she has to be extra awesome since she's the sole grandparent, and she totally is <3 My dad's a pretty open racist who does seem to like/respect my husband but I'm not terribly into subjecting my girls to someone who has deeply held shitty beliefs about their/their father's ancestry so he's seen them I think 3 times in total and now lives a few thousand miles away and just follows them on facebook. Both sides are OK with that.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,414
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Sept 17, 2019 4:12:30 GMT
mine are deceased. It works for me
His dad died before I met him, and his mom died about 20 years ago. She had alzheimers, which we didn't figure out right away. We just thought she was crazy. I never liked her because she liked to call me dh's ex-wifes name.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Sept 17, 2019 4:48:40 GMT
Mine are fine-mostly because I’ve learned to change my expectations. My FIL is super intelligent, but has zero people skills. He literally cannot handle being around people for more than an hour which I thought was so rude when he would just leave out of the blue. . Now I know it’s only an hour I need to put up with him so win win. My MIL is more social, but I find I have a difficult time having just regular conversations with her-there is nothing to talk about-she has almost no interests outside of politics and not going there with her. She probably can’t name 3 things about me-she has never asked. Both have lost their filter so we try to limit going out in public with them. Super embarrassed by things they say. So a handful of short visits each years seems to work for everybody.
And my SIL has never given anything to my youngest son-not even a card. My two oldest are the same age as her two and she acknowledges them so apparently the third kid doesn’t exist to her. Who knows.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Sept 17, 2019 7:44:37 GMT
My XILs were hypocritical, selfish, self righteous sick people. It took me a long time to realize the extent of their dishonesty and the damage they caused.
They were nice to my face, and I was never anything but kind and respectful to them. Well, until toward the end of my 35 year marriage, after 13 years of MIL living with us and finally seeing what and who she really was.
XFIL died in 1998, but XMIL is in her 90’s now. Her oldest son and DIL just sent a letter out to the 4 other children and about 20 grown grandchildren looking for someone to take her, but shockingly, all declined. X BIL had her from the time she left my house when XH was put in prison and I went to live with my son. They found out what she’s like for sure. She’s heading for a home now.
I strongly feel it’s because of them that DH was so messed up( sex addict, alcoholic, and other stuff), and hence ended up in prison where he still remains. The issues in this family are legion.
on a more positive note, I adore my DIL I live with. She is so kind to me. Her whole family is, and they are wonderful to my son. I also am crazy about my SIL. I have a separated DIL who I love, but I’m not thrilled with some of her decisions lately. Still I stay out of it and hope for the best.
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