Post by emdg on Sept 15, 2019 13:34:25 GMT
Hi everyone!
Long time pea but I just wanted to post this anonymously. A thread that miominmio posted a while ago got me thinking about sharing my story. I hope you all don’t mind. I just need to get this out and let it go.
It has been more than two years since my father passed away and earlier this year I got an interesting surprise...a call from an attorney about a life insurance policy that I was apparently named the beneficiary. When my parents divorced , my mother insisted that they both carry life insurance until all of my siblings were 18 years old. My youngest sibling is now over 40 years old. I don’t know why my father kept the policy and I certainly have no idea why he would make me the beneficiary.
He had cancer and made the arrangements for after his death including a private service that my siblings and I were not invited to attend. This was not a huge surprise.
My father actually got married to his second wife and excluded us from the wedding.
As a preteen that was very hard for me to understand.
Why wouldn’t he want us to be a part of that day?
How could he do this to us?
Are we not part of his new family?
I spent hours in therapy talking about the feeling of being excluded. I was sad and depressed at the thought that I wasn’t important enough to be included.
I understand now that people elope and I have no issue with that at all but when you have young children it is just cruel and hurtful to not included them. I once overheard my father's second wife say “I have so much stress in my life and now these step children are thrown into the mix”. I was heartbroken.
Now that I am an adult who has been married for over 25 years and raised children I realize that my father and his second wife were just both very selfish people. I am not surprised that their relationship didn’t make it. When you start your life together in such a self-regarding narcissistic way it is bound to fail.
He asked to see me before he died. I went because... well...that is the decent thing to do. He wanted to tell me that he was not sorry for anything he did and he had no regrets about how he lived his life. I told him that I forgave him a long time ago and didn’t need or want an apology from him.
I don’t miss him and I didn’t mourn him because I had already mourned the relationship years before.
I donated the entire amount of the life insurance to an organization that helps survivors of domestic abuse. My hope is something good can come out of such a sad situation.
Thank you for listening. It feels so good to write this down and close this chapter of my life.
Long time pea but I just wanted to post this anonymously. A thread that miominmio posted a while ago got me thinking about sharing my story. I hope you all don’t mind. I just need to get this out and let it go.
It has been more than two years since my father passed away and earlier this year I got an interesting surprise...a call from an attorney about a life insurance policy that I was apparently named the beneficiary. When my parents divorced , my mother insisted that they both carry life insurance until all of my siblings were 18 years old. My youngest sibling is now over 40 years old. I don’t know why my father kept the policy and I certainly have no idea why he would make me the beneficiary.
He had cancer and made the arrangements for after his death including a private service that my siblings and I were not invited to attend. This was not a huge surprise.
My father actually got married to his second wife and excluded us from the wedding.
As a preteen that was very hard for me to understand.
Why wouldn’t he want us to be a part of that day?
How could he do this to us?
Are we not part of his new family?
I spent hours in therapy talking about the feeling of being excluded. I was sad and depressed at the thought that I wasn’t important enough to be included.
I understand now that people elope and I have no issue with that at all but when you have young children it is just cruel and hurtful to not included them. I once overheard my father's second wife say “I have so much stress in my life and now these step children are thrown into the mix”. I was heartbroken.
Now that I am an adult who has been married for over 25 years and raised children I realize that my father and his second wife were just both very selfish people. I am not surprised that their relationship didn’t make it. When you start your life together in such a self-regarding narcissistic way it is bound to fail.
He asked to see me before he died. I went because... well...that is the decent thing to do. He wanted to tell me that he was not sorry for anything he did and he had no regrets about how he lived his life. I told him that I forgave him a long time ago and didn’t need or want an apology from him.
I don’t miss him and I didn’t mourn him because I had already mourned the relationship years before.
I donated the entire amount of the life insurance to an organization that helps survivors of domestic abuse. My hope is something good can come out of such a sad situation.
Thank you for listening. It feels so good to write this down and close this chapter of my life.