Is Ellen talking to YOU?

I think there is a difference between someone believing differently than I do and someone being a jerk about it. I will be friends with anyone with different views, but will step away if they are a jerk about it.

There is a difference in being kind and friendly and being friends. I have colleagues who have different views than mine and We are cordial and friendly, get along just fine but are not necessarily bosom friends.

Makes me love Ellen even more. She is a good example on how to get along with most everyone even if you have different views. There are a very few exceptions to this..as there is with most things. But in general I agree with her..

It makes me stop and I need to be a little more kinder to my neighbor who I have avoided for years because her views/ways drive me up the wall. She is very different type of person... I do wave when she drives by, but I hightail it inside just in case she thinks it is an invite to stop and talk for hours..

I think I am a very kind person.  Even when I feel like someone doesn't deserve my kindness, I'm kind anyway.  Yes, I subscribe to the actions are more important than feelings theory.  I have to.  I'm bipolar and my feelings aren't reliable.  My actions are.  And that's what I consider to be good character.  And that's what I strive for. 

I stated on that thread that I'm struggling with my family and friends who are Trump supporters and it's precisely because of the kindness issue.  They are choosing to support unkindness.  They are choosing a political leader who isn't kind.  They are supporting policies that aren't kind at all (like the treatment of people at our border).  And while I think there is room for political disagreement and kindness is debatable in how do we solve the illegal immigration problem, I can get on board with a robust debate about how to let people in, if we should, how many, how do we handle it, etc.  Where you lose me is when a court has order soap and toothbrushes and you were alright with that. Go back to where you came from brown people.  This is the very definition of unkindness.  You want me to be kind to you and I am.  But you don't want to have to show kindness to others?  You want to be kind to me because I'm your cousin and we have a nice, shared history.  But you want to be unkind to people of color?  I'm supposed to be alright with that? 

I think what you are seeing is an ethical crisis because people who have taken the unkindness and oppression of others on the chin are finally standing up and calling out the unkindness.  It looks like division because finally, people are tired of being kind when oppression exists because of the people we are supposed to be kind too.  It looks very much to me like a higher set of expectations for one side.  You can't help it you're racist, you've been sheltered.  You can't help it you think less of immigrants, you're just an America first, flag waving patriot.  You can't help it you don't like gays, your bible tells you they are morally repugnant.  We have been making excuses for unkindness for years.  Some of us have just reached the end of our rope.  

Well a LOT depends on the personality of the person you have opposite views too.
I thought 'W' was quite ineffectual as a President but he seems like a kind and decent man and I believed that he did his best in the job and he genuinely wanted the best for his country (even though I didn't always agree). Plus he's not a loud mouth and there's nothing offensive about him. Not liking him as a President in this instance is not the same as thinking he's a horrible person. Trump for example is different, he is a horrible person and hating him as a President pretty much means you are going to hate him as a person too.

I also wonder at Ellen's definition of "friends" She's in a private box at a sporting event, I'd say it was pretty easy to sit next to a kindly older man and make small talk and share some laughs for an afternoon.
But is that really what most of us call a friendship? Does she really mean she hangs out with him on a regular basis - goes to the movies with him? Rings him up for casual chats in the evening, goes round for dinner once a week, tells him her relationship issues with Portia and asks for his advice...I doubt it.

So when the people are talking about real life friendships and everything that entails it's a lot different to sitting next to a nice old man for an afternoon.
We can all do that. But in a real friendship you are usually much more involved and spending much more time with someone and then those ideological differences can be deal breakers.

She said be kind to everyone, not be friends with everyone. There is a difference between those things. I absolutely believe we should be kind to everyone, even people we disagree with, even people who treat us badly. But, that doesn’t mean I invest time and effort into becoming friends with them.

I didn’t comment on the other thread. In my church and conservative town if I wasn’t friends with those that have different political beliefs, I would have almost no friends. We don’t talk politics.

I too think it really depends on what any individual person’s definition of “friend” is. I’m very, very picky about those people I allow into my immediate circle. I don’t need a lot of hangers on and I don’t need a lot of excess drama since I had more than my share of that nonsense from my family growing up. I also don’t have an overblown need for everybody and their grandma to like me. As a result I only have a handful of “bury the body” friends and I’m fine with that.

I would define it very differently than my people pleasing DH. He has a few go-to people too, but he has a much larger circle of people that he is friendly with, that he would likely define as “friends” and I would define as “acquaintances.” To me there’s a huge difference between the two. I can be friendly and cordial with people I don’t necessarily agree with 100%, but that doesn’t automatically make them my friend. If someone’s personal, core beliefs didn’t align with my own, there is no way they’re getting in to my inner circle. I can be nice or polite to someone who believes horrible things about whole demographics of people, but once I understand that is who that person truly is, I’m going to make a point to steer away from that person in the future and will actively try not to engage because I don’t want to intentionally associate with people who think that way.

Has this changed my mind? No. Am I mad at Ellen for sitting next to Bush? No. Can the world use more kindness? Yes. However, just based on my Facebook feed and who is sharing this, I think they really mean be kinder to straight white Christian Americans because I don't see them extending kindness to anyone else. In some cases this reads "you need to be tolerant of my intolerance". No, no I don't. I will be civil and polite, but I don't need to extend any more than that.

and she did also say "I'm friends with George Bush and I'm friends with a lot of people that don't share the same beliefs that I have"
So she is really saying to be friends with people that you don't share beliefs with.

It depends on what those differing beliefs are, but in some cases that isn't something I want to do and having Ellen, or any other celebrity telling me I should doesn't change my mind in the slightest.

This is how I feel too.  I stated on the other thread that Trump has divided our country - he’s not going to divide my family.  Or my friends. 
Perhaps we should Make America Kind Again.  Being kind makes ME feel good.  

I used to really like Ellen. Loved her sitcom way back when, before it got cancelled when she officially came out. The past year though, not so much. Between her (IMO) tasteless stand up special where all she talked about is how rich she is (yes, we know, you really don't need to beat us over the head with it) and her reaction to the Kevin Hart/Oscar hosting debacle, she's really turned me off. I can be kind to anyone, and like to think that I am most of the time. Doesn't mean they are my friends.

Let's be real shall we? She's not actually friends with Former President Bush, she's an acquaintance of his. Unless it suited some narrative of hers, she wouldn't be golfing/dining/vacationing/attending movie premiers with him.

I hid all of the Trump supporters who outwardly display their hats and signs and whatever else. The sight of the hat has become a conditioned aversive for me-it instantaneously angers me. (Think Pavlov’s dogs and the bells 😉).

With having them all hidden, when I interact with most of them in real life politics isn’t a factor. Most people are quick to avoid politics in everyday conversation, so it’s easy enough to maintain my friendships with them. I have a few family members who bring Trump up every so often when we are together. When that happens it’s on. Or, I leave. Because fighting about what he is doing to Washington and the country as a whole with those people isn’t worth it to me. I’m not going to change their minds, and they’re not going to change mine. And I don’t like to argue that much.

ETA: I am not talking about my close friends here. None of my close friends support him or his platform in ANY way. The above is in regards to extended family members (aunts/uncles, cousins). Were I to find out that a very close friend supported some of the shit he is pulling (like the stuff with separating families at the border and imprisoning them indefinitely) we would no longer be close friends. I would back off that relationship real quick.

It’s trickier with close family members (like my parents. Who I have to say are VERY GOOD about not discussing Trump with my brother and I). My parents voted for him. And I know they really like the way their portfolios are looking right now. And they’re lifelong straight ticket republicans, or just non voters if they don’t like the R choices available (😡). So there’s a good chance they’ll vote for him again. But also they hate what he is doing outside of the economy. 🤷‍♀️ With them, it’s just unconditional love. Like if your kid rapes or murders someone. You still love them, even though they did something terrible. Unconditional love, and political avoidance.

I'm Jewish, so right about  1930-1933 for me as the Nazi party gained power in the German parliament. And my ancestors are grateful for those who stood up for them and helped them escape the Nazis. That's exactly what (IMO) we should be doing for those who are marginalized in these times.