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Post by MichyM on Oct 13, 2019 18:24:19 GMT
I sure need some Pea advice. Our oldest, almost 40 yo ds, never married, no children, broke up with his longtime girlfriend last fall. Him and his soon to be ex told the family at a small family gathering just before it happened but they didn't elaborate and we didn't ask. Shortly after, DS showed up at my office as he was in town for work. We chatted outside in the parking lot for a few minutes and then I asked if he needed anything. He said "no, you told me never to ask you for anything." That was the last time I've seen him, almost a year ago. He also has pretty much cut off ties with his sisters, aunts and grandmother. I do follow him on Instagram so I know he is still working and doing what he does. Dh has texted him on occasion and ds will answer, though replies are pretty short and to the point and they only talk about their shared love of fishing. Dh will not broach the subject and I don't want him to as I don't want to jeopardize their relationship too. I had Dd send him a wedding invite to her wedding this summer though she didn't want to, and he did not RSVP or show up. His 40th birthday is next month. I don't know if I should send him a card, or not make contact at all and leave it at that. I've told my relatives that he is a grown man and it is on him not me. I am torn trying to figure out when I told him not to ask for help and why that would also mean that he could no longer have a relationship with his family after all this time. Maybe it was when I paid off his car before it was repossessed 20 years ago or when I paid off speeding tickets so he could get a job around the same time. Up until this event last fall, things weren't perfect, but we did talk and visit periodically. He lives about an hour from us. WWTPD? Huh? I have absolutely no idea what this means in context? It seems like a complete non sequitur. You are an adult too, I presume. So, what in the world does “being an adult” have to do with who contacts whom? If YOU want a relationship with your son, it is up to YOU to make the contact, overtures, follow up. Don’t expect him, or anyone else, to do your work for you. If YOU don’t care enough to take the risks and put in the work that developing a new relationship with your son, then you have your answer. He clearly doesn’t want to put the work into a relationship with you as it stands right now. Only you two know why. If YOU want a relationship with him, YOU have to work to make that something he is open to working towards. Buying a card, writing a couple of sentences, and paying for the postage seems like such a small gesture that I have a hard time understanding why you would have to run that by a message board, rather than just doing it. It is maybe 10 minutes of your life, total, and practically risk-free. I’m sorry that this sounds harsh, but life is short. You, or he, could die at any time. I don’t understand your approach to this whole situation. I will guess that you have left out reams of information, but if it is as you state it is, get off your butt and do something to re-establish a relationship with a child you gave birth to, raised, and who - if all is as you state - hasn’t abused or been toxic to you in any way. Thanks for putting into words what I've been thinking for the last day elaine . This all bears repeating.
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Deleted
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Mar 29, 2024 12:52:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 18:41:05 GMT
I sure need some Pea advice. Our oldest, almost 40 yo ds, never married, no children, broke up with his longtime girlfriend last fall. Him and his soon to be ex told the family at a small family gathering just before it happened but they didn't elaborate and we didn't ask.Did you not ask him later while he was on his own? Did you show any interest in what had happened?
Shortly after, DS showed up at my office as he was in town for work. We chatted outside in the parking lot for a few minutes and then I asked if he needed anything. He said "no, you told me never to ask you for anything." That was the last time I've seen him, almost a year ago. I would have asked his what he was referring to, especially if you had no idea what he was talking about Did you not do that
He also has pretty much cut off ties with his sisters, aunts and grandmother. I do follow him on Instagram so I know he is still working and doing what he does. Dh has texted him on occasion and ds will answer, though replies are pretty short and to the point and they only talk about their shared love of fishing. Dh will not broach the subject and I don't want him to as I don't want to jeopardize their relationship too. I had Dd send him a wedding invite to her wedding this summer though she didn't want to, and he did not RSVP or show up. His 40th birthday is next month. I don't know if I should send him a card, or not make contact at all and leave it at that.
I would send him a card. I'm surprised that you had to ask. You sound as if you have no wish to keep in contact with him. You're not making any effort on your part but yet you expect him to do all the running
I've told my relatives that he is a grown man and it is on him not me. Why is it on him with no effort on your part. I would want to know the reason why he has taken this stance.
I am torn trying to figure out when I told him not to ask for help and why that would also mean that he could no longer have a relationship with his family after all this time. Maybe it was when I paid off his car before it was repossessed 20 years ago or when I paid off speeding tickets so he could get a job around the same time. Up until this event last fall, things weren't perfect, but we did talk and visit periodically. He lives about an hour from us. That near I would go over and see him and have a face to face conversation and get to the bottom of what is going on or better still ring him and ask him to join you in a birthday dinner.WWTPD?
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 13, 2019 19:17:35 GMT
Could he be upset that, knowing he was breaking up with his partner, you didn't talk to him more and see how he was? Did he feel abandoned at a time when he was very low perhaps. When you saw him in the parking lot did you talk about the breakup any further? Does he think you weren't interested? I wondered the same thing. Could he have felt that he was abandoned by his family when he needed all of you the most? Now, I'm not saying that you abandoned him, but he might see it that way.
When reaching out it's best to keep first contact positive, no blaming or defensiveness. Write a birthday card that lets him know that you love and miss him and that you're sorry for any hurt you have caused him and would like to take him to lunch or dinner and talk. Be the bigger person here and maybe he'll open up a bit. Broken relationships w/those closest to you can be fixed, but it starts w/honest, open communication.
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peasquared
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Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Oct 13, 2019 19:24:31 GMT
I would definitely send a card. Life is short, you don't want any regrets. If he doesn't respond, that's on him. You will know you tried. I am sorry you are in this position, it must be difficult.
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rodeomom
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Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
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Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 13, 2019 20:28:26 GMT
You live an hour away from your son, go see him.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Oct 13, 2019 21:33:51 GMT
My 2 cents as an adult child who is pretty much estranged from my parents. Without going into a long story, I FEEL pushed aside because I don't agree with her on something to do with my sister. In my opinion this shouldn't have caused a big rift. It was brought up once and basically she just cries instead of communicates about the issue so nothing get resolved.
What communication she excels at is talking crap about me to other people. Don't ever assume what you've said or are saying isn't going back to the source. Interestingly, I found out that my sister is fueling the fire telling her stuff about me that isn't true. Instead of communicating with me and asking the validity of things, she repeats the lies to other people.
Not sure where your relationship has gotten off track or if any of what I've had go on applies to your relationship...but one thing is for sure, you'll never get to the bottom of it without communication!! So i'd get in touch with him and ask to meet up. If he agrees, be ready to hear him out.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2019 21:38:46 GMT
All I can say is there is no way I would be within an hour of my son and not try (several times, if need be) to meet in person and work whatever out. He obviously cares about you if he stopped by to see you at work. When he stopped by - why did you ask if he needed something? Why was that your response vs being thankful he made time for you? I think there is more backstory that we will ever know. But *I* would be dong everything I could do repair whatever is broken with my son.
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Deleted
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Mar 29, 2024 12:52:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 21:40:33 GMT
You live an hour away from your son, go see him. Um, I would have shut the door on my mother. ( my mother said she could not spend Christmas with us because she had to stay home with her real grandchildren. ( I am not adopted, nor are my children) and yes we had taken the family back to visit. She tried to backpedal, but well she let out her true feelings. I put up with her telling I killed my father, because I was there to take care off him after his surgery, but telling me that my children weren’t real? Nope, my children are more important than than she was) We don’t know the story from the son, I say leave him alone until he is ready to make amends.
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rodeomom
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Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 13, 2019 22:01:57 GMT
You live an hour away from your son, go see him. Um, I would have shut the door on my mother. ( my mother said she could not spend Christmas with us because she had to stay home with her real grandchildren. ( I am not adopted, nor are my children) and yes we had taken the family back to visit. She tried to backpedal, but well she let out her true feelings. I put up with her telling I killed my father, because I was there to take care off him after his surgery, but telling me that my children weren’t real? Nope, my children are more important than than she was) We don’t know the story from the son, I say leave him alone until he is ready to make amends. I think you projecting your story and experience on to her. Maybe he doesn't want her to leave him alone. Maybe he is weighing on her to reach out to him. She will never known unless she tries.
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Post by quinlove on Oct 13, 2019 22:36:48 GMT
I would absolutely do something for him on his birthday. Take this opportunity to make amends with your son. You will truly feel better for doing it.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Oct 13, 2019 23:53:05 GMT
My mom made a few comments like the OP has made, that once children become adults it’s up to them to call their parents on holidays, etc. Problem was she never let her kids know this so for years we were all wondering why she never reaches out anymore.
Reach out to your son. Talk to him about the issue.
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Post by shescrafty on Oct 14, 2019 1:40:04 GMT
My mom and I barely speak. We had a big argument after my daughter passed away. I still call on her bday, mother’s day, holidays, etc. she never does.
If you want a relationship or want to know why you don’t have one then you should reach out to him. You ignoring the situation is not going to make it any better.
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luckyjune
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Post by luckyjune on Oct 14, 2019 2:26:29 GMT
I have a sibling who has removed herself from our family (she does see and keep in contact with my brother). My parents are brokenhearted. She offers no reason and has refused letters/phone calls. She's married, with a daughter and is successful and well-known in her career. This is SO not our family. Those of us who were cut out (including me) have no idea what we did to cause this break. Nothing makes sense. My parents are in their late 70s and at this point, I'm thinking they'll never see her again or talk to her again. OP, send the card. You might not hear back, but at least your ds knows the door is open. Most likely your parents know exactly what happen. They just don’t want to accept any blame. My mother knew exactly what she said., but she wouldn’t tell anybody what she said. She wanted me to look like the ungrateful shit of a daughter. Sorry. Have to disagree with you. We were a close family, growing up. My friends always commented on how little conflict there was in our home. Idyllic, really. The situation is so extreme that my only guess is that my sister is having mental health issues (especially since she cut out friends from childhood, high school, and college, as well as her in-laws).
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 14, 2019 8:51:16 GMT
I’m having an ongoing communication problem with my 19-year-old son. It is not related to my move or the divorce as he was like that even while I was married to his dad. I have stopped fighting it now and just let him come to me. Occasionally he will text me about something going on in his life but rarely to never does he ask about mine. I had to stop chasing him as it was getting too frustrating for me. Hopefully he and your son will come around in time but like you said, it is up to them now. At least I stopped the gravy train. He used to call just to hit me up for money constantly.
I see that some of the comments are telling the OP that it’s up to her to reach out to her son. I had a similar issue earlier when I posted about my son wanting me to drive across the state of Pennsylvania to see him briefly on a layover at the airport there. I honestly was questioning whether not I should go based on his treatment of me. I decided to take the Pea’s advice and do it but it didn’t really make much difference in our relationship. I had thought it would show him that I do care and maybe thaw the ice but it didn’t. I went to great expense and trouble to make it happen and although my love does not have a price tag, it was hurtful when he didn’t seem to appreciate the effort.
Sometimes parents go to great lengths to keep up their relationship with their adult children but at some point it needs be a two-way street.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 14, 2019 9:01:06 GMT
OP, if you’re looking for additional support, there are Facebook groups for parents that are estranged from their adult children. Hope that helps.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Oct 14, 2019 15:51:41 GMT
I am someone who is estranged from one of my parents. My "last straw" was a realization of what our relationship was, what it would never be and how it made me feel. I realized that what I was feeling was missing the relationship I WISHED we had. My parent would bring up things from ages ago when I was a kid and didn't know any better. Decades old events would be brought up, making me feel belittled and incompetent even though I was not/am not. Of course, I didn't have full capabilities: I was a kid and needed guidance but what I got was mocked. Even after 30+ years, stupid teenage mistakes were still held against me without forgiveness. The final straw was that they used something I had recently told them in confidence to insult me and cut me to the quick. They repeated what I told them word for word and it just broke me for the very last time. I just couldn't take it anymore. I really gave it everything I had but I had to draw a line and stop volunteering to be treated badly. I am NOT saying this is the case for you and your son, I am only relaying what MY personal experience was/is. Your story may be completely different from mine. Several years have gone by with zero contact: no apology, no contact, nothing. It has taken quite a bit of time for me to heal. For me, I have chosen not to reconnect but I haven't ruled out the possibility of someday trying again. Whatever it is that happened between you and your son, it might be possible that it is something other than the breakup and it might have occurred farther back than you remember or acknowledge. As far as reaching out to him, give it a try. If he doesn't respond that is the same situation that you currently have: nothing ventured/nothing gained. I wish you well and truly hope you are able to repair the relationship. ((hugs)) I'm sorry your parent hurt you like that. I do hope you and your parent are able to reconcile in a way that works for both of you. My mom is genuinely a warm and caring person, but boy oh boy does she think she's funny. I'm in my 40's and I LOVE cooking. Love it. And I'm really good at it. Several times a year she reminds me that "when you kids were home, you didn't even know how to boil water..." Not true. For years my sister and I did all the holiday baking (huge thing for us from Western PA) and I worked fast food so I didn't eat at home so no reason to cook, and, I had no need to learn her brand of hamburger helper cooking with crappy food. She has fought her weight for her entire life. I was a string bean in high school. I'll never forget her calling me "Thunder thighs" when my size 4 off the rack prom dress was a little tight around the thighs. I've always been strong and athletic, a runner. She thought she was funny, but I promise.. that stuck with me. She also hits me out of left field regularly with "you kids didn't pick up a broom or wash a dish when you lived here..." Again, we've all been gone 20 years (well... except my 40 year old sibiling.... another whole story) and the house is a hoarder house. I guarantee you a vacuum hasn't been run over that shag carpet since the last time I did it before a friend came over in an attempt to clean up over 20 years ago. She's hilarious I tell ya, and it takes everything I have to not remind her that 20 years later my home is spotless, neat and comfortable, because yet another example of "I will NEVER be like mom." I forgave her along time ago for her comments, and all the newer or less frequent ones, because I know she's a very unhappy person and the only light in her life is her grandkids and us kids, I would never ever take that from her, but I truly believe her hurtful words aren't intentional or mean spirited. Also, it used to cut, deep, but I've grown up and matured, and I don't let it affect me anymore. I find it laughable. I live far away, so that makes it a bit easier to compartmentalize. I find it ridiculous that the OP's 40 year old is so obtuse and perhaps won't share what is actually at the root of his separation. That is childish. On the other hand, it sure does seem like alot of details are being left out. Not to mention I find it surprising to hear a comment like that and not know where it came from, and not ask (if she truly doesn't know.)
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Post by mollycoddle on Oct 14, 2019 16:03:47 GMT
There would appear to be a whole lot more dysfunction in your relationship with him than a simple birthday card could ever hope to fix. Relationships take some work and no one seems to be putting any in. If you truly want it to be different, you are going to have to be different. You might want to seek some advice from a family counselor who can get you on the right track. This is excellent advice. It is concerning that he has pretty much cut off ties with everyone. I would get to the bottom of it, personally.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Oct 14, 2019 17:45:05 GMT
You say he’s an adult and he is but he’s your adult child and you are his mother. If anyone should put the past behind them and behave differently for a different future it’s you.
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Post by ladytrisha on Oct 14, 2019 19:45:42 GMT
So I have a BIL that sounds similar to your son.
I tend to usually understand where he's coming from because, like me, he holds grudges and will keep churning things over in his head until he only hears the negative. My husband (his brother) taught me to let things go over the years and I'm so much better.
My BIL instead is more and more bitter and angry (2 divorces haven't helped) - and both divorces were on him and his failure to be able to communicate. You can say one thing to him and he just pulls back and shuts down all communication.
He said he envies that my husband and I are best friends and talk about everything that crops up - I had to remind him that our marriage was on a cliff and it took 2 of us to get it away and keep it on a better road.
He has become his mother - and I told him that he was acting just like she did and that he hated it - he said he would talk to his therapist, but nothing. I really believe that if you're going to see a therapist, then at some point a family member or friend should go with you because they only hear one side.
My husband and I have stepped back this year, but we'll try again, especially as their Mom is going into hospice care at the Alzheimer's home.
Reach out Mom - understanding what you may have said and being able to talk about it is a huge step.
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Oct 14, 2019 20:10:03 GMT
OP- you asked for advice and people have asked questions in order to offer advice- will you be coming back to answer the questions?
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leeny
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Oct 15, 2019 1:21:22 GMT
To answer some questions: I still have been sending cards and gifts for the last holiday and birthday. I also include him in group texts to all of our children if something important needs to be conveyed (we are going on vacation, grandma is in hospital, etc) to keep him apprised of family situations. He does not respond but then he doesn't ask to be removed from these. He is also still included in invites to family gatherings. I have tried to get together several times but he says he is busy.
His relationship with his sisters has always been hot and cold, coupled with what has happened with communication, hence DD's reluctance to invite him to her wedding.
Thank you all for your advice, the good and even the bad and ugly. I expected this and that is why I posed the question. I am still not sure what direction I am going to take, but am glad I received feedback, sometimes in a view that I hadn't even thought about.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 15, 2019 3:53:40 GMT
To answer some questions: I still have been sending cards and gifts for the last holiday and birthday. I also include him in group texts to all of our children if something important needs to be conveyed (we are going on vacation, grandma is in hospital, etc) to keep him apprised of family situations. He does not respond but then he doesn't ask to be removed from these. He is also still included in invites to family gatherings. I have tried to get together several times but he says he is busy. His relationship with his sisters has always been hot and cold, coupled with what has happened with communication, hence DD's reluctance to invite him to her wedding. Thank you all for your advice, the good and even the bad and ugly. I expected this and that is why I posed the question. I am still not sure what direction I am going to take, but am glad I received feedback, sometimes in a view that I hadn't even thought about. I think it is great that you are keeping him linked into family texts and invitations. One of my siblings separated herself from the family for quite a few years and would always reply they were busy the whole weekend when another sibling let her know our parents were coming into town. They lived within walking distance of each other and, after my mom went into a dementia care home, dad just started walking over when he was in town. Things have progressed to the point where she is visiting him regularly (they have bonded over a mutual love for family history), which is honestly something I never thought we'd see.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 15, 2019 12:53:55 GMT
I skimmed the responses briefly and I still think that it needs to be a two-way street. Some people think it’s the parent that should put themselves out their time and time again even though they get shut out and hurt. With my son, I have finally backed off and he knows how to get a hold of me. I will hear from him time to time if there’s something he thinks is newsworthy to tell me going on in his life. Rarely does he ask how things are going in mine but that’s just the way it is. I still love him as my son and I treat them equally to my daughter but she reaches out to me virtually daily and that says a lot to me.
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Post by elaine on Oct 15, 2019 18:00:29 GMT
I skimmed the responses briefly and I still think that it needs to be a two-way street. Some people think it’s the parent that should put themselves out their time and time again even though they get shut out and hurt. With my son, I have finally backed off and he knows how to get a hold of me. I will hear from him time to time if there’s something he thinks is newsworthy to tell me going on in his life. Rarely does he ask how things are going in mine but that’s just the way it is. I still love him as my son and I treat them equally to my daughter but she reaches out to me virtually daily and that says a lot to me. Respectfully, there is a world of difference between a 40-year old (OP’s son) and a 19 y.o. (your son) in terms of normal and/or expected behavior, and how a typical parent interacts with children these ages. One is clearly an adult, who is actually old enough to have a 19 year old son of his own, and the other is still a teenager, just entering young adulthood and whose brain won’t finish developing for another 6 years. I’m also scratching my head at your posts on this thread that make it seem as if this estrangement has been going on between your son and you for many years, which is impossible, because 7 years ago he was still in elementary school.
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kibblesandbits
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 15, 2019 19:21:42 GMT
I skimmed the responses briefly and I still think that it needs to be a two-way street. Some people think it’s the parent that should put themselves out their time and time again even though they get shut out and hurt. With my son, I have finally backed off and he knows how to get a hold of me. I will hear from him time to time if there’s something he thinks is newsworthy to tell me going on in his life. Rarely does he ask how things are going in mine but that’s just the way it is. I still love him as my son and I treat them equally to my daughter but she reaches out to me virtually daily and that says a lot to me. He's a boy. He's 19. You've been MIA for the last 2 years of his life. I think you're expecting a lot here.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 19:35:47 GMT
His 40th birthday is next month. I don't know if I should send him a card, or not make contact at all and leave it at that. To answer some questions: I still have been sending cards and gifts for the last holiday and birthday. I didn't realize you've been sending cards all this time. So are you questioning whether to cut him off completely?
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Post by malibou on Oct 15, 2019 22:46:29 GMT
Is it possible he is suffering from depression after his long relationship ended?
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 1:19:29 GMT
I skimmed the responses briefly and I still think that it needs to be a two-way street. Some people think it’s the parent that should put themselves out their time and time again even though they get shut out and hurt. With my son, I have finally backed off and he knows how to get a hold of me. I will hear from him time to time if there’s something he thinks is newsworthy to tell me going on in his life. Rarely does he ask how things are going in mine but that’s just the way it is. I still love him as my son and I treat them equally to my daughter but she reaches out to me virtually daily and that says a lot to me. He's a boy. He's 19. You've been MIA for the last 2 years of his life. I think you're expecting a lot here. MIA?? Ummm, no. If you’ve been following my story, my problems with my son started well before my move and well before my divorce. He was like that even when we were married and even while I lived just 5 MILES from him for 2 YEARS after his dad left me. Most of the time he looks out for himself and nobody else. But yeah, thanks for blaming it all on me. He’s also like that with his dad and older sister to a large degree. The one thing that has changed over the last year is I no longer provide the gravy train when he would occasionally call me. I flew him out here in December with his sister and cousin and he pretty much hit me up for a lot of unnecessary expenses. I then flew home to spend Christmas with him and his sister along with their dad and it was pretty much a disaster. I then flew to Philadelphia in April to see him very briefly during his layover at great expense but he didn’t seem to appreciate that effort either. My last effort was when I flew home to see them in August and he did spend my birthday afternoon with me at a party thrown by his aunt and then attended a baseball game with me and his sister. I was there for a week. It’s not sure how that’s MIA but think what you want. Hope you’re having a super evening.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 1:37:13 GMT
I skimmed the responses briefly and I still think that it needs to be a two-way street. Some people think it’s the parent that should put themselves out their time and time again even though they get shut out and hurt. With my son, I have finally backed off and he knows how to get a hold of me. I will hear from him time to time if there’s something he thinks is newsworthy to tell me going on in his life. Rarely does he ask how things are going in mine but that’s just the way it is. I still love him as my son and I treat them equally to my daughter but she reaches out to me virtually daily and that says a lot to me. Respectfully, there is a world of difference between a 40-year old (OP’s son) and a 19 y.o. (your son) in terms of normal and/or expected behavior, and how a typical parent interacts with children these ages. One is clearly an adult, who is actually old enough to have a 19 year old son of his own, and the other is still a teenager, just entering young adulthood and whose brain won’t finish developing for another 6 years. I’m also scratching my head at your posts on this thread that make it seem as if this estrangement has been going on between your son and you for many years, which is impossible, because 7 years ago he was still in elementary school. The problems with him actually have been going on for years. Total disrespect and no back up from his dad has led to him thinking he can get away with anything and the world owes him everything. Not sure what will eventually become of him but hopefully he matures soon. Many people give him a pass because he is19 but many men and women of that age are out there fighting for our country and respecting those in authority above them. You act like he’s seven. He’s not. Our problems probably started when he was in high school and he realized he could pretty much run the show because if I said anything or tried to discipline him, I would hear it from his dad.
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Post by elaine on Oct 16, 2019 2:18:05 GMT
Respectfully, there is a world of difference between a 40-year old (OP’s son) and a 19 y.o. (your son) in terms of normal and/or expected behavior, and how a typical parent interacts with children these ages. One is clearly an adult, who is actually old enough to have a 19 year old son of his own, and the other is still a teenager, just entering young adulthood and whose brain won’t finish developing for another 6 years. I’m also scratching my head at your posts on this thread that make it seem as if this estrangement has been going on between your son and you for many years, which is impossible, because 7 years ago he was still in elementary school. The problems with him actually have been going on for years. Total disrespect and no back up from his dad has led to him thinking he can get away with anything and the world owes him everything. Not sure what will eventually become of him but hopefully he matures soon. Many people give him a pass because he is19 but many men and women of that age are out there fighting for our country and respecting those in authority above them. You act like he’s seven. He’s not. Our problems probably started when he was in high school and he realized he could pretty much run the show because if I said anything or tried to discipline him, I would hear it from his dad. Your son was in high school last year or the year before. They didn’t start 20 years ago, maybe 2-4 years ago by your own reckoning. Wake up. And if the problems started 4 years ago when he was 15, the fact that you didn’t do something to intervene as his parent, like family therapy, is on you as the adult and the parent. You are really sounding a little out of whack comparing your 19 year old teenager with someone who is an adult that is almost as old as you are, and expecting a teenager to act like a middle-aged adult. Honestly, you really should step away here, because your issues have nothing to do with the OPs, and the more you talk about your relationship with your teenager, the more out-of-touch with reality you sound.
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