luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 14, 2019 17:57:22 GMT
No. And I would read this thread to your daughter. So she knows it’s not just you trying to interfere with her decisions. Good idea and she also asked me to post it.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 14, 2019 17:58:19 GMT
BTW....Since you're here, is there an update to the roommate situation. It didn't look like you ever came back to that thread. Yes, I will update that today or tomorrow as I’m out right now.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 17, 2019 4:56:18 GMT
Bumping for updates luvnlifeladyEdit: I apologize, I didn’t see your other post. Thank you for updating the roommate situation! How are things with your daughter? Has she decided what to do?
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 17, 2019 4:59:28 GMT
If you're looking for her roommate update, she already posted it.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 17, 2019 5:21:05 GMT
If you're looking for her roommate update, she already posted it. Thanks, I just saw it and posted in it. Was coming here to edit my bump.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 17, 2019 8:32:49 GMT
Sorry, but it baffles me that going back would even be under consideration. Not only would I not be going back, I'd be telling the wife about it. No way in **** would I want my babysitter to be drinking alcohol while in charge of my child - not to mention hugging my husband. And I sure as **** would want to know that my husband was instigating both. 100% Dealbreaker Ditto to all of the above. As the mom, I would want a heads up that my husband was being a creeper to the babysitter! I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a heads up to the mom. A man like that will probably cause a huge fuss, deny he did anything, say the babysitter came onto him, he had to push her away and possibly cause a lot of trouble for her. Maybe the wife SHOULD be warned but I can’t see it happening as a quiet sowing of a seed of doubt but something that may have major repercussions. This is how some men seem to hold all the cards and girls are left doubting themselves imho.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 17, 2019 12:27:15 GMT
Ditto to all of the above. As the mom, I would want a heads up that my husband was being a creeper to the babysitter! I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a heads up to the mom. A man like that will probably cause a huge fuss, deny he did anything, say the babysitter came onto him, he had to push her away and possibly cause a lot of trouble for her. Maybe the wife SHOULD be warned but I can’t see it happening as a quiet sowing of a seed of doubt but something that may have major repercussions. This is how some men seem to hold all the cards and girls are left doubting themselves imho. My sister was cheated on. I would want to know. And what if the next babysitter is 17 and unable to stand up for herself?
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,599
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Oct 17, 2019 12:39:11 GMT
She should not go back. Every sense in me tells me he is either trying to set her up in some sense, like saying she drank and came on to him, or overpaying her and making her feel obligated to give him a little something something in return. and asking for a hug?! Just no. She doesnt need to make excuses or be polite. No is a complete answer.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 17, 2019 13:54:28 GMT
I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a heads up to the mom. A man like that will probably cause a huge fuss, deny he did anything, say the babysitter came onto him, he had to push her away and possibly cause a lot of trouble for her. Maybe the wife SHOULD be warned but I can’t see it happening as a quiet sowing of a seed of doubt but something that may have major repercussions. This is how some men seem to hold all the cards and girls are left doubting themselves imho. My sister was cheated on. I would want to know. And what if the next babysitter is 17 and unable to stand up for herself? I agree completely. I know women who were cheated on too and that’s an absolute deal breaker for me. I’d rather find out my husband was a slime ball that way now than by getting an STD I wasn’t expecting later. Also, a friend of a friend’s 15 yo DD was raped by a creeper like that. If I was the mom and a babysitter I liked told me she was unwilling to continue to watch my kid because my DH made her uncomfortable (or however she wanted to word it) I would absolutely pay attention to that, especially if I lost more than one good sitter in a short timeframe. I highly doubt if the guy was that forward with her that quickly, it likely wasn’t the first time he tried that stunt. Tigers don’t readily change their stripes.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 17, 2019 13:56:25 GMT
Ditto to all of the above. As the mom, I would want a heads up that my husband was being a creeper to the babysitter! I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a heads up to the mom. A man like that will probably cause a huge fuss, deny he did anything, say the babysitter came onto him, he had to push her away and possibly cause a lot of trouble for her. Maybe the wife SHOULD be warned but I can’t see it happening as a quiet sowing of a seed of doubt but something that may have major repercussions. This is how some men seem to hold all the cards and girls are left doubting themselves imho. How would it cause trouble for the sitter if she’s not going back? ETA: If a sitter I hired came to me and said, “Hey, I really like you and your kid. I’m sorry but I can’t work for your family anymore because your husband makes me feel really uncomfortable.” How is that in any way going to jive with a story that he had to push her away if SHE is the one not wanting to come back? That just doesn’t make any sense. If she was coming on to him, wouldn’t she *want* to come back?
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Post by tentoes on Oct 17, 2019 14:06:18 GMT
This would be a no-brainer for my girls. My girls never sat for anybody we didn't know personally. No regrets there either. I'd definitely let the mother know the reason why my daughter wouldn't be back also. She has a right to know.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Oct 17, 2019 15:33:01 GMT
I baby sat a good deal in the late 80's. As was said before, there was always beer/liquor around, and I was "welcome" to anything I wanted.
One family in particular stands out as a potential mess if I look back.
Husband and wife were both heavy drinkers and partiers. I'd often babysit their two kids from 8pm til 2 or so when they came home. The dad was supposed to drive me home. Often they'd come home drunk enough I'd decline the ride and sleep on the floor in the daughters bedroom. Occasionally, they came home drunk and I was on the couch asleep downstairs with the kids upstairs. I'm a super heavy sleeper, and I can't tell you how many times I woke up in the morning with all three of us in some configuration on the couches. Believe me, there was no attraction between me and the dad (or mom) but had he been inappropriate, in retrospect, I was in a very dangerous situation. If my daughter were a babysitter and told me of this situation, even ONCE, I'd do everything I could to convince her not to go back. Back then though, I didn't think anything of it.
Babysitting/Nannying is a very intimate job. Both parties make themselves very vulnerable. I also agree with what at least two other peas said (in particular):
1. It sounds like she knows going back is a bad idea, and ran it by you guys for validation. Good job confirming her in her assessment. 2. Too often (men) assume the sitter/nanny/housekeeper "wants" them because of some weird power dynamic they conjure in their minds or some fantasy of having taken advantage of domestic help.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,589
Member is Online
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 17, 2019 16:03:40 GMT
Until the "hug it out" part, I was neutral. But with that, I think it's best she not go back. Same. I thought the "you can have a beer" was him trying to be "cool dad." The overpayment? Eh - coulda been drunk; coulda been feeling really generous. But the "hug it out?" No way. Uh uh. Wouldn't go back.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 21:52:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2019 18:14:50 GMT
I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a heads up to the mom. A man like that will probably cause a huge fuss, deny he did anything, say the babysitter came onto him, he had to push her away and possibly cause a lot of trouble for her. Maybe the wife SHOULD be warned but I can’t see it happening as a quiet sowing of a seed of doubt but something that may have major repercussions. This is how some men seem to hold all the cards and girls are left doubting themselves imho. How would it cause trouble for the sitter if she’s not going back? ETA: If a sitter I hired came to me and said, “Hey, I really like you and your kid. I’m sorry but I can’t work for your family anymore because your husband makes me feel really uncomfortable.” How is that in any way going to jive with a story that he had to push her away if SHE is the one not wanting to come back? That just doesn’t make any sense. If she was coming on to him, wouldn’t she *want* to come back? *I* would want to know that my dh was being a creeper, but there are many women out there who know and do nothing about it. I can see the babysitter saying "your husband made me feel really uncomfortable" and the wife becoming defensive or worse. I agree with your earlier post about tigers not changing their stripes easily and she probably isn't the first one he's made to feel uncomfortable.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 17, 2019 18:32:17 GMT
How would it cause trouble for the sitter if she’s not going back? ETA: If a sitter I hired came to me and said, “Hey, I really like you and your kid. I’m sorry but I can’t work for your family anymore because your husband makes me feel really uncomfortable.” How is that in any way going to jive with a story that he had to push her away if SHE is the one not wanting to come back? That just doesn’t make any sense. If she was coming on to him, wouldn’t she *want* to come back? *I* would want to know that my dh was being a creeper, but there are many women out there who know and do nothing about it. I can see the babysitter saying "your husband made me feel really uncomfortable" and the wife becoming defensive or worse. I agree with your earlier post about tigers not changing their stripes easily and she probably isn't the first one he's made to feel uncomfortable. I’d still say something to let her know why I’m not coming back otherwise I look like the flake. If the mom chooses to get defensive or not believe me then that’s on her not me, and it wouldn’t matter to me anyway because I’d be out of there. When the crap hits the fan (which it very likely will at some point), she was warned.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 18, 2019 13:08:27 GMT
How would it cause trouble for the sitter if she’s not going back? ETA: If a sitter I hired came to me and said, “Hey, I really like you and your kid. I’m sorry but I can’t work for your family anymore because your husband makes me feel really uncomfortable.” How is that in any way going to jive with a story that he had to push her away if SHE is the one not wanting to come back? That just doesn’t make any sense. If she was coming on to him, wouldn’t she *want* to come back? *I* would want to know that my dh was being a creeper, but there are many women out there who know and do nothing about it. I can see the babysitter saying "your husband made me feel really uncomfortable" and the wife becoming defensive or worse. I agree with your earlier post about tigers not changing their stripes easily and she probably isn't the first one he's made to feel uncomfortable. This may be true, but my conscience would not leave me alone if I didn’t say something.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 18, 2019 13:41:30 GMT
*I* would want to know that my dh was being a creeper, but there are many women out there who know and do nothing about it. I can see the babysitter saying "your husband made me feel really uncomfortable" and the wife becoming defensive or worse. I agree with your earlier post about tigers not changing their stripes easily and she probably isn't the first one he's made to feel uncomfortable. This may be true, but my conscience would not leave me alone if I didn’t say something. I'm possibly reading more into the situation. Over here we don't usually have someone sit with the kids unless that person is known to the family. I guess I'm thinking that the families in this situation might live close together, have their paths cross, maybe the husband would be a hirer in an employer . . I'm looking at a bigger picture that would make sense from my perspective. Yes, the wife should know but as @gobananas says, many wives prefer to turn a blind eye. Or, if the wife is not aware of his prediliction and gets a heads up, she could have a go at him, he would say it was all the girl coming onto him and things could escalate. These things aren't black and white, if the husband is the type to look for an opportunity elsewhere you can bet he's not the type to quietly say "sorry dear, it won't happen again." I know I'm not making myself very clear. I can't get my thoughts together concisely today, sorry.
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