peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,835
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Oct 15, 2019 17:48:11 GMT
I have given several wedding gifts, bridal and baby shower gifts in the past few years. I have never received any thank you note. Maybe I'm old school but I think that you should still send a thank you note to someone when they give you a gift for occasions such as this.
When my kids get married I am going to make them send out cards. I think it is just good practice.
Now they will probably fight me on it:)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 23, 2024 18:31:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 17:54:43 GMT
I think people are just being lazy and/or ungrateful. I had to inquire whether one bride even received our gift because I had it shipped and never heard anything back.
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Post by padresfan619 on Oct 15, 2019 18:00:12 GMT
I’m in the thick of bridal and baby shower season of life and I’ve always received a thank you note after an event.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 15, 2019 18:03:57 GMT
I think I usually still receive a thank you (not sure I’d notice if I didn’t, but that’s only because I’m getting old and forgetful!). Currently trying to get the 10yo to write thank yous to the people who donated to his school fundraiser.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Oct 15, 2019 18:16:50 GMT
This discussion cycles around every so often here, and I always wonder what my answer has been to this question through the years. I'm sure it has changed once or twice.
I'm good with any kind of thank you - in person, in an email, a text, a face time, a note card in the mail. Seriously, thank me however you want. I also think I probably don't remember if I haven't been thanked for something when the gift has been sent.
My daughter has been raised that showing gratitude is important, and should never be skipped over. She was taught to write thank you notes as soon as she could draw or write in a card and reminded to do it before she used the gift. However, at 17, I no longer police her. I know she's made phone calls, sent emails, and also texted a photo of her using the gift and saying thank you (her grandma's favorite way of being acknowledged). I can't imagine having anything to do with her acknowledging her wedding gifts or her fighting that (even though I'm sure that was tongue in cheek).
I no longer think there is only ever one right way to do something.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,835
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Oct 15, 2019 18:18:57 GMT
This discussion cycles around every so often here, and I always wonder what my answer has been to this question through the years. I'm sure it has changed once or twice. I'm good with any kind of thank you - in person, in an email, a text, a face time, a note card in the mail. Seriously, thank me however you want. I also think I probably don't remember if I haven't been thanked for something when the gift has been sent. My daughter has been raised that showing gratitude is important, and should never be skipped over. She was taught to write thank you notes as soon as she could draw or write in a card and reminded to do it before she used the gift. However, at 17, I no longer police her. I know she's made phone calls, sent emails, and also texted a photo of her using the gift and saying thank you (her grandma's favorite way of being acknowledged). I can't imagine having anything to do with her acknowledging her wedding gifts or her fighting that (even though I'm sure that was tongue in cheek). I no longer think there is only ever one right way to do something. It was tongue in cheek.
Even if I received some sort of thanks, doesn't have to be an actual note, that would be fine with me but nothing.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 15, 2019 18:45:21 GMT
Thanks are important; cards are not. Personally, I hate them - I hate sending them and I hate receiving them. I will send them out for a wedding because, apparently, some people get all wadded up about them but everything else will get a thank-you in person, via phone, or via email.
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Post by slowrunner70 on Oct 15, 2019 18:45:24 GMT
we have received thank you notes in the mail for every wedding we've been to in the last few years. i personally love to send thank you notes, birthday cards etc.... in fact, we just had a huge party over the weekend, and two of my friends gave me some unexpected gifts ( bread slicing machine and fancy towels for our new kitchen). i purchased thank you cards today, and they're going out tomorrow. i sure hope people continue to send cards, as my livelihood depends on it
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Post by Linda on Oct 15, 2019 18:57:08 GMT
I think it's important to express your gratitude - but that the format isn't as important as the thought.
That said, I was raised to hand-write thank you notes and I still do so. I encourage my children to do so as well - although I'm pretty sure only D13 still does handwritten notes - I suspect the older two feel email/tetx/phone call all suffice.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 15, 2019 19:00:18 GMT
People are just rude. Or not even taught the importance of thank you notes.
I send them, help my kids send them, and would love to receive them when i give people.
I can count on one hand the thank you notes I've received in the past decade. It makes me sad.
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Post by gardengoddess on Oct 15, 2019 19:01:14 GMT
As long as they take the time to thank you somehow, I'm good.
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Post by mom on Oct 15, 2019 19:02:35 GMT
I have gotten thank you for just about every party, wedding, etc we've gone to. I also have raised my boys to send thank you's. The know that before they cash a check given to them, they had better have sent a thank you.
It may be old school, but saying thank you should never go out of style.
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Post by just PEAchy on Oct 15, 2019 19:04:10 GMT
Our nieces & nephews are starting to get married/have babies and we’ve been to more than a few weddings & showers and sent baby gifts. No thank you cards. Strangely enough, we have gotten thank you notes for every graduation gift we’ve sent out. I don’t mind not getting a card, I typically just throw them out after opening & reading them.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 15, 2019 19:06:21 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations, food, etc). That being said, I dont always get what I want. 😂😂 I do not think they are necessary for birthday, Christmas (or fundraiser donations- sorry lucyg!) As long as a verbal thank you was given.
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Post by birdgate on Oct 15, 2019 19:39:33 GMT
I was impressed with the handwritten thank you note I received from Harrods 15 years ago so I send them out to customers now. Over the last four months I've received two bridal shower thank you cards from gifts I've bought through Amazon's registry.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 15, 2019 21:04:35 GMT
I think people are just being lazy and/or ungrateful. I had to inquire whether one bride even received our gift because I had it shipped and never heard anything back. I don’t think people are necessarily ungrateful. It’s more like they feel entitled to the stuff they get so therefore no need to thank the person giving it. I do agree with lazy though. I was raised to send them and I still do, and I’m raising my kid to send them too. I do think at some point it makes a difference and helps to set you apart from the majority of less polite people in general society. It is never a mistake to be polite.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 15, 2019 21:18:35 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations, food, etc). That being said, I dont always get what I want. 😂😂 I do not think they are necessary for birthday, Christmas (or fundraiser donations- sorry lucyg !) As long as a verbal thank you was given. I don’t disagree! But the fundraising isn’t done how it was when I was a kid. I would see my relatives and friends and present the fundraiser, they would give me money, I would thank them. Now we get a link from the school and I forward it to family and friends. They donate online. The kid is totally out of the loop. Somewhere along the line, he needs to thank people. If he doesn’t want to write notes, he can call them. I’m okay with that. My BIL that he sees maybe once a year donated $100. Kid needs to say thanks!
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Oct 15, 2019 21:21:22 GMT
It would seem they are becoming a thing of the past. I haven't received a thank you card in years, though I do appreciate texts and social media messages of gratitude.
That said, I *am* old school. My 6 year old is finishing thank you notes to the people who sponsored him for his school's fun run.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Oct 15, 2019 21:28:24 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations, food, etc). That being said, I dont always get what I want. 😂😂 I do not think they are necessary for birthday, Christmas (or fundraiser donations- sorry lucyg!) As long as a verbal thank you was given. I would never expect a thank you card for a gesture toward a grieving family. The grieving family is burdened enough. I have an aunt who is big on thank you notes. She sent flowers to my father when my mom died. (I found it therapeutic to write thank you notes for the kindnesses shown to our family and did my best to send cards promptly while juggling my young son, a difficult pregnancy and my heavy grief.) My aunt's card was mailed to the address I had, a home she moved out of a few months before my mom died. The card had to be forwarded to her new address and took some time to get to her. I opened felt FB about a month after my mom died and saw a photo of my note along with the caption, "am I supposed to be happy I received a thank you note a month after I went out of my way?" This turned into quite a thing on FB - I was not kind and I still have no regrets. I'm not attacking you personally, just trying to explain my thoughts on this.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 23, 2024 18:31:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 21:38:37 GMT
I don’t think people are necessarily ungrateful. It’s more like they feel entitled to the stuff they get so therefore no need to thank the person giving it. I do agree with lazy though. Unfortunately, I know a few who are truly ungrateful and as a result, stopped giving to them.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Oct 15, 2019 21:39:04 GMT
One of DH's relatives and his wife never thanked us for their wedding gift. Or their first baby shower gift. Or the very expensive second baby shower gift he had shipped directly to their home. No thanks or even acknowledgment the gift was received and not stolen off their step. If he hadn't seen it being used on FB, he wouldn't even know they got it. If it were up to me, these people would not be getting any more presents.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Oct 15, 2019 21:43:27 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations I have an aunt who is big on thank you notes. She sent flowers to my father when my mom died. (I found it therapeutic to write thank you notes for the kindnesses shown to our family and did my best to send cards promptly while juggling my young son, a difficult pregnancy and my heavy grief.) My aunt's card was mailed to the address I had, a home she moved out of a few months before my mom died. The card had to be forwarded to her new address and took some time to get to her. I opened felt FB about a month after my mom died and saw a photo of my note along with the caption, "am I supposed to be happy I received a thank you note a month after I went out of my way?" This turned into quite a thing on FB - I was not kind and I still have no regrets. What on earth?! That's horrible! ETA - your aunt, not you. I'm sorry that happened to you!
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Post by jenr on Oct 15, 2019 21:49:57 GMT
I was raised to write them, and I still do - although have gotten lazier and sometimes text or post a thank you on FB. I strongly believe in showing gratitude for things, and I'm seriously annoyed by people who do not do so. I don't care if that makes me old school. It takes 3 seconds to show appreciation for something someone does for you.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 15, 2019 21:59:55 GMT
If you thank someone in person, a written thank you (of any kind) isn't necessary. I would say that 75% of the gifts I send to people never get acknowledged. I generally don't send a second gift if the first one doesn't make you happy enough to say thanks.
My kids wrote thank you notes before they could play with an item or cash a check. It just encouraged them to respond quickly. It is just too easy to not acknowledge that someone did something nice for you. One week turns into one month and then three months. We didn't live near family and gifts almost always came in the mail.
I think funerals can be a mixed bag and I wouldn't consider someone not thanking me rude. A grieving person needs to do just that. The evening after my husband and his siblings buried their mom, the four of them sat together and wrote out thank you notes to everyone who had helped, donated cash or check, or sent flowers. It took them maybe two hours and the four of them sat together and reminisced while writing them all. It was all done before everyone went their separate ways in the next few days.
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Post by deekaye on Oct 15, 2019 22:07:45 GMT
In the last handful of years my two daughters have had several occasions to write thank yous (hs graduations, college graduations, engagements parties, wedding showers and weddings) and I am always surprised at how pleased people are that they got prompt thank yous from our daughters, usually noting "We usually don't get thank yous". I think that's a sad commentary.
I also don't like Facebook thank yous but at last I know the recipient got their gift.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Oct 15, 2019 22:31:29 GMT
Thanks are important; cards are not. Personally, I hate them - I hate sending them and I hate receiving them. I will send them out for a wedding because, apparently, some people get all wadded up about them but everything else will get a thank-you in person, via phone, or via email. I’m on this bench, too. When I get a thank you note I the mail, I glance at it and toss it. A personal thanks is enough for me. I recently knit a baby sweater for my friend’s first grandchild. I was thrilled to get a text from my friend with a photo of the little guy wearing the sweater. It’s all the thanks I need. She told me, however, that her son and his wife would be sending me a thank you note. I told her to tell them that I don’t need one, so we'll see. I hate to see them spending their time on thank you notes. Having a newborn is so difficult as it is. I also don’t think it’s necessary to send thank you notes for for attending a funeral, either. I received a card a few weeks ago just for sending a sympathy card. It was just crazy. For the record, dh and I did send notes almost immediately after our wedding nearly 30 years ago. (My MIL thought it was so great that he was ‘helping’ me with those 🙄, as if it was all my responsibility). Our girls sent notes for gifts after birthday parties and after special occasions. I’ve come to believe, however, that a verbal thank you is more meaningful. If someone in my life feels compelled to thank me in writing, I’m totally fine with an email or text. I really do believe it’s the thought that counts, not the format or the etiquette rules.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 15, 2019 22:31:55 GMT
I am old school on this. If I go to the store, get a gift, wrap it, deliver it to event--I want a thank you note. --even if I order off the registry and the store delivers the gift, I expect a thank you.
Someone started the rumor that a person has a year in which to do that. I think a year is excessive--but I'll embrace the thank you even if it comes YEARS later.
A year ago in August, our minister married. We selected off the registry and sent nice appliances that were listed. crickets Several church members asked one another, "Did you get a thank you?" after a few months passed. No notes........ Then the minister was transferred and I thought that was the end of that........ Finally, this August on the anniversary of the wedding--everyone received a thank you note.
I don't know if this played a role or not, but I think it was wise not to mail those notes as they were done. It was better for all to receive at the same time.
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Post by GamGam on Oct 15, 2019 22:57:52 GMT
There’s just something about saying thanks in writing that gives me a warm feeling. DH and I were recent guests at an open house event. The host had prepared so beautifully and bountifully. We were made to feel so welcome. I wrote a note of thanks, and much to my surprise and delight, the host called me to thank me for the note. He said he put it on the mantle and that it continues to give him pleasure. I was a but surprised by his response, but I knew it was genuine. Such a simple thing, and yet........
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,144
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Oct 16, 2019 1:01:47 GMT
Saying thank you should always be done after receiving a gift, even if you don't like it!!! I taught my kids to write notes. This day and age I don't care how its done, card, text, call, or a human hug!!
I recently went to a baby shower and I gave a quilt that I made. I just got a text with a photo of the new baby wrapped in it. What better thanks is that!!!
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Post by lauradrumm on Oct 16, 2019 5:33:12 GMT
My daughter got married December 29, 2018 and she’s still handwriting and sending hers out. Whenever I raise an eyebrow she retortithat she has a year...
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