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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 16, 2019 7:44:21 GMT
I think it's important to express your gratitude - but that the format isn't as important as the thought. That said, I was raised to hand-write thank you notes and I still do so. I am SLOWLY coming around to the format isn't important, but...I was taught early on to hand-write a thank you and still do when sending them out.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 16, 2019 12:22:34 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations, food, etc). That being said, I dont always get what I want. 😂😂 I do not think they are necessary for birthday, Christmas (or fundraiser donations- sorry lucyg !) As long as a verbal thank you was given. I don’t disagree! But the fundraising isn’t done how it was when I was a kid. I would see my relatives and friends and present the fundraiser, they would give me money, I would thank them. Now we get a link from the school and I forward it to family and friends. They donate online. The kid is totally out of the loop. Somewhere along the line, he needs to thank people. If he doesn’t want to write notes, he can call them. I’m okay with that. My BIL that he sees maybe once a year donated $100. Kid needs to say thanks! Oh, yes, in that case, thanks need to be given in some way
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Oct 16, 2019 12:26:25 GMT
I've done my part to keep it alive. My DDs had to write thank you notes for gifts and thanking the person for attending- mostly birthday. When we saw a relative or someone at Christmas and were given a gift a verbal thank you was given. My oldest DD just got married last month and she's been very diligent with keeping up with writing thank you notes for all gifts and also to the hostesses of her bridal showers. I think that kind of acknowledgement is very important. The tradition lives on with us.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 16, 2019 13:00:00 GMT
In my opinion, thank yous are only necessary for graduations, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and funerals (not for attendance, but for flowers, donations, food, etc). That being said, I dont always get what I want. 😂😂 I do not think they are necessary for birthday, Christmas (or fundraiser donations- sorry lucyg !) As long as a verbal thank you was given. I would never expect a thank you card for a gesture toward a grieving family. The grieving family is burdened enough. I have an aunt who is big on thank you notes. She sent flowers to my father when my mom died. (I found it therapeutic to write thank you notes for the kindnesses shown to our family and did my best to send cards promptly while juggling my young son, a difficult pregnancy and my heavy grief.) My aunt's card was mailed to the address I had, a home she moved out of a few months before my mom died. The card had to be forwarded to her new address and took some time to get to her. I opened felt FB about a month after my mom died and saw a photo of my note along with the caption, "am I supposed to be happy I received a thank you note a month after I went out of my way?" This turned into quite a thing on FB - I was not kind and I still have no regrets. I'm not attacking you personally, just trying to explain my thoughts on this. I know different people have different opinions on the subject, it's ok! Your Aunt is a jerk for doing that. When FIL passed away suddenly, we were so appreciative of everything that people did for us that we did do the notes. They were difficult and I can tell you that my brothers-in-law did not send the ones I left for them for people that they knew that I didn't. It was something that was important to me at that time in that situation.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Oct 16, 2019 13:21:58 GMT
The card had to be forwarded to her new address and took some time to get to her. I opened felt FB about a month after my mom died and saw a photo of my note along with the caption, "am I supposed to be happy I received a thank you note a month after I went out of my way?" This turned into quite a thing on FB - I was not kind and I still have no regrets. What an awful, horrible person! I bet that she has always been and will always be that way too. I'm sorry she was so hateful to you.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 16, 2019 13:27:01 GMT
I would never expect a thank you card for a gesture toward a grieving family. The grieving family is burdened enough. I have an aunt who is big on thank you notes. She sent flowers to my father when my mom died. (I found it therapeutic to write thank you notes for the kindnesses shown to our family and did my best to send cards promptly while juggling my young son, a difficult pregnancy and my heavy grief.) My aunt's card was mailed to the address I had, a home she moved out of a few months before my mom died. The card had to be forwarded to her new address and took some time to get to her. I opened felt FB about a month after my mom died and saw a photo of my note along with the caption, "am I supposed to be happy I received a thank you note a month after I went out of my way?" This turned into quite a thing on FB - I was not kind and I still have no regrets. I'm not attacking you personally, just trying to explain my thoughts on this. I know different people have different opinions on the subject, it's ok! Your Aunt is a jerk for doing that. When FIL passed away suddenly, we were so appreciative of everything that people did for us that we did do the notes. They were difficult and I can tell you that my brothers-in-law did not send the ones I left for them for people that they knew that I didn't. It was something that was important to me at that time in that situation.
I agree with you. After my MIL passed away and then my mom only seven weeks later, I found writing the thank you notes to be cathartic for me. Between the two I must have written out hundreds of them.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,577
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Oct 16, 2019 14:38:02 GMT
Whether they are or not, when DS or I receive a gift, a thank you note goes out.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 16, 2019 17:21:41 GMT
My daughter got married December 29, 2018 and she’s still handwriting and sending hers out. Whenever I raise an eyebrow she retortithat she has a year... Hey, she’s writing them. That’s what matters.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 16, 2019 19:07:39 GMT
Saying thank you should always be done after receiving a gift, even if you don't like it!!! I taught my kids to write notes. This day and age I don't care how its done, card, text, call, or a human hug!!
I recently went to a baby shower and I gave a quilt that I made. I just got a text with a photo of the new baby wrapped in it. What better thanks is that!!! I gave a friend a yearly zoo pass for a baby gift. She sent me pictures when they went (several times). I also gave her husband a stuffed tree that held stuffed baby forest animals. Now that the baby is older, she is starting to interact with her toys and last weekend I got a picture of her playing with the tree. My friend did send out very sweet thank you notes and she sent pictures months later. She is a person I would happily shower with gifts.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,128
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Oct 16, 2019 19:40:47 GMT
Saying thank you should always be done after receiving a gift, even if you don't like it!!! I taught my kids to write notes. This day and age I don't care how its done, card, text, call, or a human hug!!
I recently went to a baby shower and I gave a quilt that I made. I just got a text with a photo of the new baby wrapped in it. What better thanks is that!!! I gave a friend a yearly zoo pass for a baby gift. She sent me pictures when they went (several times). I also gave her husband a stuffed tree that held stuffed baby forest animals. Now that the baby is older, she is starting to interact with her toys and last weekend I got a picture of her playing with the tree. My friend did send out very sweet thank you notes and she sent pictures months later. She is a person I would happily shower with gifts.
I love that! What a great gift idea. You are right, when people are appreciative it makes you want to shower them with gifts!
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 16, 2019 19:43:14 GMT
I do Thank You cards but I’ve been finding when I do that the receiver tells me “you could have called/text me instead” so I think I’m over sending cards out.
My my sister got married about 10yrs ago and I gave her her shower...I noted all the gifts and from who so she could send cards out..she refused and said she didn’t have time...tried explaining to he how that it’s really rude and she just didn’t care. So I mailed them off for her. She never mailed cards out for her gifts she got on her wedding day.
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pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,992
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
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Post by pancakes on Oct 17, 2019 1:33:30 GMT
I think it's important to express your gratitude - but that the format isn't as important as the thought. That said, I was raised to hand-write thank you notes and I still do so. I encourage my children to do so as well - although I'm pretty sure only D13 still does handwritten notes - I suspect the older two feel email/tetx/phone call all suffice. I feel the same way. I prefer a card, but I am ok with any method, as long as it’s done. I will text my parents or call them to say thanks for something, but for most people, I try to write a card. Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that my MIL was incensed when we didn’t write a card and instead called her. I had to explain to her, sorry I just never sent cards to close family since we have that relationship. But now I always send her, specifically, a thank you card. Even for something miniscule. 😑
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Post by lisae on Oct 17, 2019 2:27:12 GMT
These days I'm not getting any kind of thank you unless the gift is delivered in person. My rule: no thank you for the wedding gift, no baby gift.
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Post by jubejubes on Oct 17, 2019 3:21:14 GMT
It is becoming very common for the brides & grooms to be are putting in a general Thank You announcement in the Sunday bulletin after there has been a shower hosted by their church friends.
I did tell a younger bride to be that I really didn't like this trend. She said that they got sooo many gifts and they simply didn't have the time to write out cards and put them in the church mailboxes (not requiring postage). I told her that each person had to take the time & energy to pick out a gift, wrap it & attach a card. She was a bit stunned at the comparison.
Another trend is a generic note (photocopied) with absolutely no personalization at all. Why even bother.
There have been a few times, when the bride has been told by the entire group - no thankyou cards. This is usually when they are finishing up a degree, planning a wedding, starting a new job and moving away right after or even before the wedding.
I give a gift because I love the person, not because I received a thank you note from their wedding. A baby doesn't choose the parents and each child should be celebrated.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,026
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Oct 17, 2019 3:23:03 GMT
Not in this house.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 12:37:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2019 5:45:38 GMT
I think young people these days are either ungrateful or have not been taught to express gratitude for gifts. Most of the last gifts I gave, I received no thank you note. I did receive a thank you long after for the last gift, I'm sure because his mom must have urged him to. His bride refused to send one since she did not know me. I thought that was strange. When my ex and I received wedding gifts to everyone who gave a gift whether I knew them or not.
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Post by jenr on Oct 17, 2019 14:08:18 GMT
I think young people these days are either ungrateful or have not been taught to express gratitude for gifts. Most of the last gifts I gave, I received no thank you note. I did receive a thank you long after for the last gift, I'm sure because his mom must have urged him to. His bride refused to send one since she did not know me. I thought that was strange. When my ex and I received wedding gifts to everyone who gave a gift whether I knew them or not. So in her thinking, she doesn't need to thank you because she doesn't know you. So if you turned that around, I guess you didn't need to give her a gift, because you didn't know her. How incredibly rude and entitled of her. I can't believe people actually have that attitude.
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Post by peano on Oct 17, 2019 14:22:28 GMT
No, thank you notes are not old school, but apparently good manners are.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 17, 2019 14:37:29 GMT
My son was taught to send thank you notes--beginning at a young age. We hosted his wedding. I told him in no uncertain terms that everyone who gave gift better receive a thank you note. As far as I know everyone did. A few friends told me that they had received a thank you note. Not sure if he or his wife, or both, wrote the notes, but the notes did go out.
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Post by kimpossible on Oct 17, 2019 16:55:42 GMT
So...I was just listening to a podcast yesterday. They stated that the trend now is to text a thank you and send a picture with the recipient and the gift. I like the idea of them sending a photo...but haven't warmed up on the text yet.
What are your thoughts?
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Post by Fidget on Oct 17, 2019 17:00:27 GMT
I'd rather not get a thank you card if I have to address the envelope myself at the shower. I despise doing that. I took the time to select and purchase a gift, then buy a card and wrap the gift. I then drove to the venue to attend your shower,so you my dear, can address that thank you envelope yourself...
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Post by padresfan619 on Oct 17, 2019 17:05:34 GMT
I'd rather not get a thank you card if I have to address the envelope myself at the shower. I despise doing that. I took the time to select and purchase a gift, then buy a card and wrap the gift. I then drove to the venue to attend your shower,so you my dear, can address that thank you envelope yourself... I’m with you on that one. And you likely already have my address if you sent me an invitation, so you can do that part yourself.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 12:37:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2019 17:58:17 GMT
So...I was just listening to a podcast yesterday. They stated that the trend now is to text a thank you and send a picture with the recipient and the gift. I like the idea of them sending a photo...but haven't warmed up on the text yet. What are your thoughts? Depending on the age of the gift giver, I think this is more than acceptable. It's an acknowledgment of the gift and shows the recipient using it. If the gift giver is elderly and doesn't have access to technology, a written thank you note is appropriate. Our rule has always been before you wear it, play with it or spend it, you will write a thank you note and if you don't like it, the thank you needs to be mailed within a week. When gifts are mailed, a text is sent saying thank you, we received it, but a hand written note follows. We send thank you notes for flowers or donations at funerals, birthday and Christmas gifts, neighbor kindnesses and interviews.
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Post by lurker on Oct 17, 2019 17:59:53 GMT
I rarely attend showers or weddings. After multiple times of choosing a gift from a registry, having it shipped directly to the recipient, receiving the text/email the item was delivered but no acknowledgement from the recipient, I was done. Although I rarely write checks, I now mail a check so when it clears back through my bank, I at least know the gift arrived. /rant
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Post by lesserknownpea on Oct 17, 2019 18:59:52 GMT
I still like the delightful feeling of receiving a note if the person writes something personal in there.
But I’m getting used to the new way of thinking that texts emails ect also work. As long as it’s personal it’s good. I love the idea of photos, so that makes electronic methods work well. I recently thanked my dad by text so I could include a photo of the item (an Apple Watch).
My grandchildren all are being taught to write them however. There are so many valuable lessons here, and nothing is sweeter than a childish message in their own handwriting
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Post by peano on Oct 17, 2019 23:08:49 GMT
I'd rather not get a thank you card if I have to address the envelope myself at the shower. I despise doing that. I took the time to select and purchase a gift, then buy a card and wrap the gift. I then drove to the venue to attend your shower,so you my dear, can address that thank you envelope yourself... This practice was clearly designed by someone who was raised by wolves.
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Post by peano on Oct 17, 2019 23:10:05 GMT
So...I was just listening to a podcast yesterday. They stated that the trend now is to text a thank you and send a picture with the recipient and the gift. I like the idea of them sending a photo...but haven't warmed up on the text yet. What are your thoughts? A texted thank you is better than none at all. And the practice of sending a photo of the recipient with the gift is...charming.
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Post by kimpossible on Oct 17, 2019 23:18:33 GMT
So...I was just listening to a podcast yesterday. They stated that the trend now is to text a thank you and send a picture with the recipient and the gift. I like the idea of them sending a photo...but haven't warmed up on the text yet. What are your thoughts? A texted thank you is better than none at all. And the practice of sending a photo of the recipient with the gift is...charming. Agree, text better than no thank you!
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,493
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Oct 17, 2019 23:55:36 GMT
I don't mind receiving thanks by phone, email, or in person - I don't require a note in the mail. When giving thanks, however, I LOVE sending notes in the mail! I am a cardmaker, after all, and I feel like sending a handmade card shows an extra level of care (I also write thoughtfully on the inside). FTR, I don't mind a bit if the recipient throws it in the trash after reading it. In fact, I was absolutely horrified when some people at work said they KEPT all my cards. I don't want to burden people like that! It's worth noting that for most of my adolescence and part of my adulthood, I was terrible about thank-you notes. I knew I should write them, but I just had a hard time getting the job done. I have managed to reform my ways, so there is hope for those of you out there who are despairing of your kids!
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Post by busy on Oct 18, 2019 0:00:25 GMT
When the older generations complain about how ill-mannered younger generations are, I always wonder who raised them to be that way?
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