luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421 
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 2:38:12 GMT
Someone asked me the other day if there was an update on the roommate situation… At the time, I thought there was. I will admit that I am somewhat torn on whether not to stay with my significant other or not. Then I have my friend that offered me a good deal and I have thought about taking it sometimes.
However, between that time and now, I am waffling again on the idea. Yes me and my SO do have issues but we do get along and have a great time when he’s in town and then I have my own peace and quiet when he’s not. I can afford my share of the expenses here but obviously saving money is appealing. I also care about him and our stories are similar so it’s nice to be close to someone who can relate.
When he’s out of town, I have the time to work on my own situation like getting my credit restored after my divorce (last remaing marital debt will be paid off soon) and hopefully starting back to school once my one year is up for in state tuition. I am also working towards running an entire 5K on my birthday in August. I have done around 4 or 5 and have improved my time at each event which is my goal at the moment. I would also like to look for a better job.
With all that being said, there may be a slight complication with me moving in with my friend but that may be just as well anyway. That wasn’t without its own issues so I would definitely have to give it serious thought if I were going to pursue it anyway.
I may still look for a roommate here or maybe find one that already has a place but that is definitely a process all of its own. We shall see. At this point, I think things will work out the way they are intended, whatever that means. Definitely not rushing into any decisions at the moment.
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Post by jubejubes on Oct 16, 2019 3:38:45 GMT
So, the decision that you have made was to NOT make a decision. Then when $h!t hits the fan, the old woe is me, will start up.
Be an adult and make a decision.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 16, 2019 4:57:34 GMT
You're set for a couple of months with this lease, correct? Use the time.
You cam still date this guy without living with him. I say find yourself
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,983
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Post by blue tulip on Oct 16, 2019 12:11:40 GMT
i'm glad you're staying where you are. it sounds like having your own space and time to yourself is a really good thing for you right now, to regroup and learn how to be comfortable with just yourself. the things you are doing to focus on improving your own life, and being independent of anyone else, are good.  |
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
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Post by ashley on Oct 16, 2019 12:19:10 GMT
Sometimes waiting and seeing how life progresses is the best option. If the two of you are going to work out, you’ll make it work while living apart.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 12:36:05 GMT
You're set for a couple of months with this lease, correct? Use the time. You cam still date this guy without living with him. I say find yourself Yes the lease is extended now until March. That will at least get us through the holidays with both of our jobs being very busy and there’s talk of him maybe coming back at that point from Cinci. That gives me plenty of time to get some of my own things in order.Then who knows what’s next... |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 12:38:08 GMT
Sometimes waiting and seeing how life progresses is the best option. If the two of you are going to work out, you’ll make it work while living apart. Right and that gives me time and space to do my own things somewhat easier. I definitely like the breathing room. Then when he is in town, we can go out and explore this beautiful city. |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 12:39:49 GMT
i'm glad you're staying where you are. it sounds like having your own space and time to yourself is a really good thing for you right now, to regroup and learn how to be comfortable with just yourself. the things you are doing to focus on improving your own life, and being independent of anyone else, are good. Thank you. I did think about the upheaval of yet another move and it just is not appealing at this time. I don’t know how long my friend would be in his place and he is contemplating buying so I don’t know where that would even be located or what not. Maybe down the line I would take him up on his offer but definitely not now. Someone told me accurately that dating at this stage of life is like going to a train station and waiting for the train wrecks to come through. Everyone has baggage, some more significantly than the other but the lack of baggage would actually be a red flag too. |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Oct 16, 2019 12:46:48 GMT
So, the decision that you have made was to NOT make a decision. Then when $h!t hits the fan, the old woe is me, will start up. Be an adult and make a decision. How is not taking my friend up on his offer and staying where I am not a decision? Asking for a confused friend. 🤣 It’s hardly “woe is me.” I had one of the most fantastic days of my life on Monday taking in the beautiful scenery of the area. My job is decent but I am always looking for a better opportunity. I’m starting to meet people in my new town and make some good connections. Fall is my favorite season and I am thrilled to be here. Yes I do miss my kids and some will call me out for leaving them (once they were adults) but they are doing well and when I lived there, it was pretty dysfunctional so I had to do what was best for all of us. Not an easy decision by far. |
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,390
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Oct 16, 2019 12:58:27 GMT
Just make sure as your staying put to be thinking about what happens after March. Or it will be a “woe is me” thing when this lease is up and you don’t have a place. Start saving as much money as you can, working on your budget. Figure out how much you can afford for housing, and start looking. I think you need to start now.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,354
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Post by DEX on Oct 16, 2019 16:33:32 GMT
If I read things right, isn't your BF paying his share of the rent still? If he is, I think it is unfair to both of you for this to continue. He is no longer "living" there and has expenses in his new city of his own. If you want to truly be independent, my wish for you would be that you find a way to make it on your own. Actively look for another job, actively look for a new living situation, actively make a decision about whether this relationship should continue. From what you have posted, I get the impression that you already know that you no longer want to be a couple.
Having your life upended with the divorce and move is stressful, I get that. I also remember how things were with your ExDH where you sat around and waited for him to make a decision to end the marriage. Then you moved across the country to live with the new guy. Take back your power and make things happen on your terms. Please don't factor in some guy when deciding your future. You are enough.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 16, 2019 16:45:06 GMT
If I read things right, isn't your BF paying his share of the rent still? If he is, I think it is unfair to both of you for this to continue. He is no longer "living" there and has expenses in his new city of his own. If you want to truly be independent, my wish for you would be that you find a way to make it on your own. Actively look for another job, actively look for a new living situation, actively make a decision about whether this relationship should continue. From what you have posted, I get the impression that you already know that you no longer want to be a couple. Having your life upended with the divorce and move is stressful, I get that. I also remember how things were with your ExDH where you sat around and waited for him to make a decision to end the marriage. Then you moved across the country to live with the new guy. Take back your power and make things happen on your terms. Please don't factor in some guy when deciding your future. You are enough. Right! I noted this months ago. I feel sorry for her “friend” for all we know she’s gonna blindside him when/if he comes back and leave. I cannot help but get the feeling that the OP is using people. Whether it is trying to find a roommate to share expenses, it sounds like juggling other people’s living/livelihoods so she can get what she wants. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get what you want—it’s just crappy when you hang others/use them in the balance to do it. |
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Post by jovifan on Oct 16, 2019 17:52:07 GMT
I feel sorry for her “friend” for all we know she’s gonna blindside him when/if he comes back and leave.
I cannot help but get the feeling that the OP is using people.
Whether it is trying to find a roommate to share expenses, it sounds like juggling other people’s living/livelihoods so she can get what she wants.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to get what you want—it’s just crappy when you hang others/use them in the balance to do it. [/quote]
Ding ding ding!!!
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Oct 16, 2019 20:05:47 GMT
Someone told me accurately that dating at this stage of life is like going to a train station and waiting for the train wrecks to come through. Everyone has baggage, some more significantly than the other but the lack of baggage would actually be a red flag too.  Not following this line of thought at all. How would a lack of "baggage" be a red flag? |
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,170
Location: Alabama
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Post by janeinbama on Oct 16, 2019 20:07:36 GMT
Someone told me accurately that dating at this stage of life is like going to a train station and waiting for the train wrecks to come through. Everyone has baggage, some more significantly than the other but the lack of baggage would actually be a red flag too. Not following this line of thought at all. How would a lack of "baggage" be a red flag? Lies and half truths is what I thought when I read the post originally. We all have baggage - good and bad. |
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Post by lucyg on Oct 16, 2019 20:09:37 GMT
Someone told me accurately that dating at this stage of life is like going to a train station and waiting for the train wrecks to come through. Everyone has baggage, some more significantly than the other but the lack of baggage would actually be a red flag too. Not following this line of thought at all. How would a lack of "baggage" be a red flag? I would think it meant he was lying about his past. You don’t get to 40, 50, or older without picking up some baggage along the way. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 16, 2019 20:51:54 GMT
Not being rude or mean...just a "tough love" commentary.
Are you 100% divorced or not?
You said you were "divorced, done, final,completed, etc.." awhile back, then you recently said "getting divorced", now you're saying you are divorced. Which is it?
My opinion is...despite all the good and "tough love" advice you've been given on multiple past threads >> You have no intentions of changing.
I've said it before, I'll say it again.....
You are looking for someone to take care of you and someone that you can be co-dependant on.
If your current man isn't "the one who can and will do that for you", then you still are actively seeking and trolling the internet and arranging meet ups with the excuse of >> seeking to meet "new friends in a new city" which in your reality means >>"Plan B, contingency plan, men that you are "talking to" to have waiting in the wings".
It is ad nauseum. It is repeat pattern. Is is you being scared and afraid to be on your own.
I know, I have been there.
Never thought I could or would make it own my own, after being beaten down emotionally and mentally, after a toxic abusive horrific marriage. Thought I be living in the streets, in my car, not having a penny to my name. I was wrong.
Thankfully, I have some friends in my life who said what I NEEDED to hear, not what I wanted to hear. Hard truths are not easy to hear from others. But sometimes "tough love" is necessary.
You have been given endless amount of advice, tough love, support from your online message board tribe. You ignore it, again and again.
Many of us(here on this message board and in everyday life) have been scared, broke financially, broken emotionally, lacking self esteem and self worth, tired to the bone, etc...
The only one who can change you, and your situation is you.
Seriously, stop looking for someone to be co-dependent on. Find you. Soul search. Heal you. Fix you. Figure out who you are. Live alone. Get your finances in order.
It won't be easy, but it will be so worth it. You be will end up.... stronger, happier, and independent.
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Post by jovifan on Oct 16, 2019 21:00:12 GMT
Not being rude or mean...just a "tough love" commentary. Are you 100% divorced or not? You said you were "divorced, done, final,completed, etc.." awhile back, then you recently said "getting divorced", now you're saying you are divorced. Which is it? My opinion is...despite all the good and "tough love" advice you've been given on multiple past threads >> You have no intentions of changing. I've said it before, I'll say it again..... You are looking for someone to take care of you and someone that you can be co-dependant on. If your current man isn't "the one who can and will do that for you", then you still are actively seeking and trolling the internet and arranging meet ups with the excuse of >> seeking to meet "new friends in a new city" which in your reality means >>"Plan B, contingency plan, men that you are "talking to" to have waiting in the wings". It is ad nauseum. It is repeat pattern. Is is you being scared and afraid to be on your own. I know, I have been there. Never thought I could or would make it own my own, after being beaten down emotionally and mentally, after a toxic abusive horrific marriage. Thought I be living in the streets, in my car, not having a penny to my name. I was wrong. Thankfully, I have some friends in my life who said what I NEEDED to hear, not what I wanted to hear. Hard truths are not easy to hear from others. But sometimes "tough love" is necessary. You have been given endless amount of advice, tough love, support from your online message board tribe. You ignore it, again and again. Many of us(here on this message board and in everyday life) have been scared, broke financially, broken emotionally, lacking self esteem and self worth, tired to the bone, etc... The only one who can change you, and your situation is you. Seriously, stop looking for someone to be co-dependent on. Find you. Soul search. Heal you. Fix you. Figure out who you are. Live alone. Get your finances in order. It won't be easy, but it will be so worth it. You be will end up.... stronger, happier, and independent. Yes, every single freaking word of this. And it will won’t resonate with her. :/ |
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Post by shelby on Oct 17, 2019 0:45:56 GMT
What concerns me is your attitude towards the person you call your SO. I realize I am old fashioned but if I lived with someone and called them my So it would be because I loved them and wanted to be with them. I'm very independent and comfortable in my own skin but i also want to be with mu DH and make him happy. It doesn't appear you love this man but want someone to help pay your way so you will hold onto him until someone better comes along.
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Post by jovifan on Oct 17, 2019 0:54:25 GMT
What concerns me is your attitude towards the person you call your SO. I realize I am old fashioned but if I lived with someone and called them my So it would be because I loved them and wanted to be with them. I'm very independent and comfortable in my own skin but i also want to be with mu DH and make him happy. It doesn't appear you love this man but want someone to help pay your way so you will hold onto him until someone better comes along. It seems you are better off as acquaintances than an actual boyfriend. I also agree, you’re just using him to help pay your bills for the time being. That’s crappy. |
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Post by jubejubes on Oct 17, 2019 1:12:46 GMT
So, the decision that you have made was to NOT make a decision. Then when $h!t hits the fan, the old woe is me, will start up. Be an adult and make a decision. How is not taking my friend up on his offer and staying where I am not a decision? Asking for a confused friend. 🤣 It’s hardly “woe is me.” I had one of the most fantastic days of my life on Monday taking in the beautiful scenery of the area. My job is decent but I am always looking for a better opportunity. I’m starting to meet people in my new town and make some good connections. Fall is my favorite season and I am thrilled to be here. Yes I do miss my kids and some will call me out for leaving them (once they were adults) but they are doing well and when I lived there, it was pretty dysfunctional so I had to do what was best for all of us. Not an easy decision by far. You are living in a subsidized housing by a man who you aren't sure if you want to continue to be in a relationship with -- that is USING that man to benefit yourself. Meanwhile you're not sure if you will stay with him OR move into a room in a home that another guy owns ... NO DECISION has been made. You are riding on a gravy train that is very convenient to only you. |
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 17, 2019 5:17:19 GMT
That was me who asked for an update, and I apologize that I didn’t see this before I bumped the other thread. Thank you for the update; I hope things will continue to become clearer for you as time goes on!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 17, 2019 9:05:02 GMT
Not being rude or mean...just a "tough love" commentary. Are you 100% divorced or not? You said you were "divorced, done, final,completed, etc.." awhile back, then you recently said "getting divorced", now you're saying you are divorced. Which is it? My opinion is...despite all the good and "tough love" advice you've been given on multiple past threads >> You have no intentions of changing. I've said it before, I'll say it again..... You are looking for someone to take care of you and someone that you can be co-dependant on. If your current man isn't "the one who can and will do that for you", then you still are actively seeking and trolling the internet and arranging meet ups with the excuse of >> seeking to meet "new friends in a new city" which in your reality means >>"Plan B, contingency plan, men that you are "talking to" to have waiting in the wings". It is ad nauseum. It is repeat pattern. Is is you being scared and afraid to be on your own. I know, I have been there. Never thought I could or would make it own my own, after being beaten down emotionally and mentally, after a toxic abusive horrific marriage. Thought I be living in the streets, in my car, not having a penny to my name. I was wrong. Thankfully, I have some friends in my life who said what I NEEDED to hear, not what I wanted to hear. Hard truths are not easy to hear from others. But sometimes "tough love" is necessary. You have been given endless amount of advice, tough love, support from your online message board tribe. You ignore it, again and again. Many of us(here on this message board and in everyday life) have been scared, broke financially, broken emotionally, lacking self esteem and self worth, tired to the bone, etc... The only one who can change you, and your situation is you. Seriously, stop looking for someone to be co-dependent on. Find you. Soul search. Heal you. Fix you. Figure out who you are. Live alone. Get your finances in order. It won't be easy, but it will be so worth it. You be will end up.... stronger, happier, and independent. Preach!!!! ❤️ |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 17, 2019 9:05:22 GMT
What concerns me is your attitude towards the person you call your SO. I realize I am old fashioned but if I lived with someone and called them my So it would be because I loved them and wanted to be with them. I'm very independent and comfortable in my own skin but i also want to be with mu DH and make him happy. It doesn't appear you love this man but want someone to help pay your way so you will hold onto him until someone better comes along. Yup!! |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 17, 2019 11:28:38 GMT
What concerns me is your attitude towards the person you call your SO. I realize I am old fashioned but if I lived with someone and called them my So it would be because I loved them and wanted to be with them. I'm very independent and comfortable in my own skin but i also want to be with mu DH and make him happy. It doesn't appear you love this man but want someone to help pay your way so you will hold onto him until someone better comes along. Yup!! I bet he has some side action too. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 17, 2019 22:44:58 GMT
I bet he has some side action too. maybe a "bromance" ? |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 17, 2019 22:48:01 GMT
I bet he has some side action too. maybe a "bromance" ? The whole thing is odd...but then again I am a member of that "small minded" FB group. |
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Not following this line of thought at all. How would a lack of "baggage" be a red flag? 
