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Post by andreasmom on Oct 20, 2019 23:40:48 GMT
Kellee, you are grieving. First and foremost, be agentle on yourself.
Everyone has a different timeline and a different way of dealing with such a profound loss.
No one, and i repeat, no one, has the right to judge you.
When I lost my dad, i went to work the day after. I was safe at work as it was a “no cry zone” and i overworked for months because i was in complete denial. My sister, on the other hand, stayed home and cried. That doesn’t mean we grieved more or less than each other. That just shows how we dealt with it in completely different ways and we did what was best for each of us.
It hurts. Big time. And you need to do what’s best for you, not what looks best or what people expect from you.
((((Big hugs)))
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Post by teach4u on Oct 21, 2019 0:47:41 GMT
There’s no answer to this question. If you are at peace with your choice, it’s the right decision for you.
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Post by teach4u on Oct 21, 2019 0:49:34 GMT
You can always give things away. Getting them back is another matter.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 21, 2019 3:21:11 GMT
Kellee, you are grieving. First and foremost, be agentle on yourself. Everyone has a different timeline and a different way of dealing with such a profound loss. No one, and i repeat, no one, has the right to judge you. When I lost my dad, i went to work the day after. I was safe at work as it was a “no cry zone” and i overworked for months because i was in complete denial. My sister, on the other hand, stayed home and cried. That doesn’t mean we grieved more or less than each other. That just shows how we dealt with it in completely different ways and we did what was best for each of us. It hurts. Big time. And you need to do what’s best for you, not what looks best or what people expect from you. ((((Big hugs))) As a teacher, we would occasionally have a child in class lose a mom or dad. They generally returned to school within days. They asked to return. School was normal and people around them weren't grieving. It was just normal. They grieved in the evenings and on the weekends and doing it in smaller increments just seemed to be a more positive way of grieving. When my dad died in 2001, there was no funeral for months, so I retuned back to work two days later and was so thankful for the escape. I knew the grieving process for me would take months and months and doing it in chunks was so much more helpful to me.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,914
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Oct 21, 2019 9:16:09 GMT
There are no rules. Do whatever helps you through this process. You did a wonderfully kind thing in choosing a good place to donate his clothes to. I'm sure it will bring you comfort to know that they are going to deserving people and that a little bit of Dick is still out there helping others. Hugs...
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Post by LisaDV on Oct 21, 2019 13:10:19 GMT
Hugs. You do what's right for you!
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pyccku
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,817
Jun 27, 2014 23:12:07 GMT
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Post by pyccku on Oct 21, 2019 13:16:20 GMT
Do what you need to do.
Some people will find it comforting to keep things around, and it makes them feel more secure to see those things in the closet, etc. Others will find it upsetting to see things, and would rather not have those reminders there every time they open the closet. Others will find comfort in knowing that the clothes are being worn by someone who needs them. It all depends on what is right for you. You're the only one who can make that choice, and nobody else should judge you for it.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Oct 21, 2019 14:09:26 GMT
I found when my parents died that many people had opinions they felt they had the right to express.
I learned the best way to handle them was to have a standard response that I kept repeating over and over to them -- often in the same conversation, because judgmental bitches feel the need to bulldoze until you agree you were wrong and they were right. Do not try to explain or justify. Just have your response, lather, rinse, repeat.
So for me, when someone criticized how I handled it, I would say, "I'm doing what works for me."
"But, blahblahnoise--"
"I'm doing what works for me."
"But, blahblahnoise--"
"I'm doing what works for me."
'You're going to be sorry."
"I'm doing what works for me."
If you don't argue back or explain, it ends it.
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