AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jan 22, 2020 23:57:25 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. Yeah, that’s a mature response.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jan 23, 2020 5:46:06 GMT
I want to say thank you to everyone who agreed that the two comments were unnecessary. And a big thank you to QueenoftheSloths for your words, and AussieMeg. I am glad to know it's not just me who feels this way. I was telling my daughter how bummed I am about what I read here now. I miss being able to talk about things with no judgment and no nastiness from the Peas. Skellinton, thank you too!
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Post by gar on Jan 23, 2020 7:33:02 GMT
It's a real shame when a few spoil it for the majority. Zella is one of several just this week who've said they hesitate to post because of harsh responses...it's not helping the popularity and buzz of the board at all.
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Post by scrappintoee on Jan 23, 2020 10:41:06 GMT
Why exactly do you think the OP was not minding her business? She is just asking a question to see what others thought. She didn’t say that she said anything to the people. She doesn’t appear to be ready to call CPS. The OP merely asked a question about a situation she saw. Peas do that all the time. We ask opinions on things we saw, things we overhear, we ask opinions on products, work situations, family dynamics, etc all the time.
I don’t see any reason to suspect the OP was being a busybody.
Agreed !!! Good grief, she asked what we THOUGHT. She didn't embarrass or humiliate the Mom and her son in ANY way. Discussing topics about people we all encounter in our lives is part of the FUN of this board, and I'm bummed that it's gotten so bad! I'll also be honest and say that I did NOT consider special needs when I read the OP, I just thought it was weird and glad I didn't have to see it. BUT --THANKS TO PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEIR EXPERIENCES with their autistic children, now I've learned valuable info and that is GREAT!
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Post by scrappintoee on Jan 23, 2020 10:44:30 GMT
Not wanted increased taxes on my husband's social security and pension to pay for maternity leave got me called all kinds of things. Another pea who also wasn't in favor got accused of wanted another pea to be forced to have an abortion. Wait....WHAT ! ? ! ? Ugh, I'm glad I missed whatever thread you're talking about, and I'm sorry that you were treated so horribly!!!
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Post by gar on Jan 23, 2020 11:14:04 GMT
Not wanted increased taxes on my husband's social security and pension to pay for maternity leave got me called all kinds of things. Another pea who also wasn't in favor got accused of wanted another pea to be forced to have an abortion. Wait....WHAT ! ? ! ? Ugh, I'm glad I missed whatever thread you're talking about, and I'm sorry that you were treated so horribly!!! People certainly disagreed with QueenoftheSloths’s point of view but I didn’t see any name calling and I didn’t see the abortion thing she mentioned.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 23, 2020 11:37:45 GMT
I find it very sad when people choose to handslap instead of take advantage of an opportunity for growth. I would NEVER in a million years say something to the mom in this situation. But I would be curious. And I see how special needs kids might be the answer to the puzzling question. I have a child with autism. He would never do this as part of his personality is that he doesn't like to be touched at all. But I can certainly understand that he has behaviors which can come across as odd to those not on the spectrum so surely I can understand a child with the exact opposite behaviors.
Seriously, when you have an urge to slap someone, ask yourself, is this an opportunity where I can educate instead. Because bringing greater understanding should be our goal. Not putting people down.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 1:44:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 11:40:50 GMT
I want to say thank you to everyone who agreed that the two comments were unnecessary. And a big thank you to QueenoftheSloths for your words, and AussieMeg. I am glad to know it's not just me who feels this way. I was telling my daughter how bummed I am about what I read here now. I miss being able to talk about things with no judgment and no nastiness from the Peas. Skellinton, thank you too! I appreciate the education on special needs, too. Sorry for yet another rude response, zella. You really need some thick skin to hang around the peas.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,843
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Jan 23, 2020 11:57:36 GMT
I don’t have a special needs child of my own but have contact with high school aged kids at work on occasion. Any time there’s inappropriate touching/actions they are immediately redirected by the staff. I’m surprised the mom wouldn’t do that. It’s done very matter of factly without shame.
If this kid is not special needs I would think this is an odd way to kiss your mother unless she abruptly turned.
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Post by gar on Jan 23, 2020 12:06:21 GMT
I want to say thank you to everyone who agreed that the two comments were unnecessary. And a big thank you to QueenoftheSloths for your words, and AussieMeg. I am glad to know it's not just me who feels this way. I was telling my daughter how bummed I am about what I read here now. I miss being able to talk about things with no judgment and no nastiness from the Peas. Skellinton, thank you too! I appreciate the education on special needs, too. Sorry for yet another rude response, zella. You really need some thick skin to hang around the peas. To be fair, some peas enjoy the ‘livelier’ threads (as I think lucyg. called them recently) I’m not a fan of name calling but I’m not bothered by swearing. As far as myshelly is concerned - we all know her style so shouldn’t be surprised by that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 1:44:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 12:09:17 GMT
Wait....WHAT ! ? ! ? Ugh, I'm glad I missed whatever thread you're talking about, and I'm sorry that you were treated so horribly!!! People certainly disagreed with QueenoftheSloths ’s point of view but I didn’t see any name calling and I didn’t see the abortion thing she mentioned. I think you didn't see it because it simply isn't there. Honestly, people's interpretations of what others post is baffling.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jan 23, 2020 14:20:10 GMT
People certainly disagreed with QueenoftheSloths ’s point of view but I didn’t see any name calling and I didn’t see the abortion thing she mentioned. I think you didn't see it because it simply isn't there. Honestly, people's interpretations of what others post is baffling. Well let's see, I was called stingy, petty, accused of not giving a crap about society, being anti VA benefits, anti family, anti disabled people, uninsured, a boomer (because apparently that's an insult now). All of these comments were made by peas quoting my comments. Peas who didn't directly quote me also accused me of being anti library and anti school. That's not an interpretation of something that isn't there. And even if it was "just how your words made me feel" if people's words are making other people feel bullied and intimidated, is that really something you want to defend?
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 23, 2020 14:29:29 GMT
I totally agree with some of the thoughts on the hand slapping on here. I would love to ask more questions, or post more. I do think sometimes some people just need a WTF post? But name calling. no. just no.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 1:44:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 14:36:18 GMT
Well you were at a seahawk party...
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 23, 2020 20:37:50 GMT
It's a real shame when a few spoil it for the majority. Zella is one of several just this week who've said they hesitate to post because of harsh responses...it's not helping the popularity and buzz of the board at all. That is why I love the ignore button. There are a few peas who never have anything constructive to offer, just rudeness, so on ignore they go. I don’t mind people disagreeing, or offering different points of view, but their are a few peas who are just bitchy just for the sake of being bitchy.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 23, 2020 21:09:11 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. My skin is of medium thickness, and I have definitely cringed over things people have said to each other here over the years, but I'm scratching my head over the responses to this comment in the thread. This isn't nasty (unless you're counting the use of the word fuck), and it's not even directed at the zella. It's an expressed thought, and it's not even about the actual situation in the OP. More like a random thought related to the topic.
It's what we do. We offer our thoughts on threads. Some people are more straightforward and unfiltered with their thoughts. And even though my personality is more warm and fuzzy, I tend to appreciate those replies. Some people are straight up bitchy. I hate that.
Some people react negatively to zella. Some people react negatively to myshelly. Some people just react negatively. And most of us just hang in there and keep posting!
Some people will disagree with what I just wrote because we all see things differently.
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Post by pierkiss on Jan 23, 2020 21:20:13 GMT
I don’t have a special needs child of my own but have contact with high school aged kids at work on occasion. Any time there’s inappropriate touching/actions they are immediately redirected by the staff. I’m surprised the mom wouldn’t do that. It’s done very matter of factly without shame. If this kid is not special needs I would think this is an odd way to kiss your mother unless she abruptly turned. I’m going to say this, and I hope you don’t take it as a handslap because it is absolutely not. . I say this as a parent of someone on the spectrum, and as a practitioner (BCBA). When I am practicing, I am 100% on it, and I’ll do what I need to do to get my client functioning “normally”, no matter where I am or what’s happening around me. I am there for them and what they need. But as a parent, sometimes when I’m out with my family and my kid does something weird, but not harmful to themselves, the environment, or others I just don’t want to deal with it. It is mentally exhausting worrying about and dealing with your kids behavior in public, day after day. Even the small, innocuous behaviors that almost nobody else would notice, but you do, need to be redirected, or blocked, and a more socially appropriate skill needs to be modeled and have the kid do. Reinforcement for said behavior needs to be given. Sometimes I just need a freaking break. I need to not deal with his quirks for a little while to protect my sanity. So I can feel like a normal adult who doesn’t instantly have to deal with this. And sometimes that means my kid does something odd in public, and we get side glances and stares and sometimes questions (not usually though). Sometimes my kid is the one giving random kisses on random body parts (like my hand or shoulder with my specific kid). It’s a harmless behavior, and not one thats at the top of my priority list with him. 😄. Now, just to be clear, when ANY of my kids do something wildly inappropriate or something that I think they absolutely shouldn’t be doing in public I reign them in real quick. Because I also have a low tolerance for crappily behaved children in public-esp if they’re mine. 😂
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Post by pierkiss on Jan 23, 2020 21:26:32 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. My skin is of medium thickness, and I have definitely cringed over things people have said to each other here over the years, but I'm scratching my head over the responses to this comment in the thread. This isn't nasty (unless you're counting the use of the word fuck), and it's not even directed at the zella. It's an expressed thought, and it's not even about the actual situation in the OP. More like a random thought related to the topic.
It's what we do. We offer our thoughts on threads. Some people are more straightforward and unfiltered with their thoughts. And even though my personality is more warm and fuzzy, I tend to appreciate those replies. Some people are straight up bitchy. I hate that.
Some people react negatively to zella. Some people react negatively to myshelly. Some people just react negatively. And most of us just hang in there and keep posting!
Some people will disagree with what I just wrote because we all see things differently.
I’m 100% with you. I don’t understand why people are taking this comment personally when it’s a general statement about Americans as a whole. Is it the word fuck?
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Post by MichyM on Jan 23, 2020 21:52:36 GMT
My skin is of medium thickness, and I have definitely cringed over things people have said to each other here over the years, but I'm scratching my head over the responses to this comment in the thread. This isn't nasty (unless you're counting the use of the word fuck), and it's not even directed at the zella. It's an expressed thought, and it's not even about the actual situation in the OP. More like a random thought related to the topic.
It's what we do. We offer our thoughts on threads. Some people are more straightforward and unfiltered with their thoughts. And even though my personality is more warm and fuzzy, I tend to appreciate those replies. Some people are straight up bitchy. I hate that.
Some people react negatively to zella. Some people react negatively to myshelly. Some people just react negatively. And most of us just hang in there and keep posting!
Some people will disagree with what I just wrote because we all see things differently.
I’m 100% with you. I don’t understand why people are taking this comment personally when it’s a general statement about Americans as a whole. Is it the word fuck? I'd have to say that it's probably who the comment came from that is predominately the culprit. She has a history of being rude and dismissive (IMO) and that post probably broke a few camels' backs. That said, if we want this site to continue we need to better 'self-police.' Either call the person out directly who is being overtly rude, or put them on ignore. If things continue status-quo, we're all on a sinking ship.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 1:44:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2020 1:09:07 GMT
Dearest zellaI am not picking on your post, please forgive me if you think. But I am picking on you being at a seahawk party, you can tell by my severe dislike if that team that I am not a native to Washington state. Ps, I don’t like The mariners, the cougs, the dogz, Gonzaga or spudnuts.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,544
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Jan 24, 2020 1:33:17 GMT
I totally agree with some of the thoughts on the hand slapping on here. I would love to ask more questions, or post more. I do think sometimes some people just need a WTF post? But name calling. no. just no. I am quoting you, but lots of other posts here resonate with me.
Whenever I want to know something or ask a question, whether it is about my dogs or my kids or my job...I overthink every possible way I might be handslapped and piled upon, and usually decide it's not worth it. I do love the different perspectives offered here, but the sometimes hateful/you suck types of post scare me away. LOL
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Post by mustlovecats on Jan 24, 2020 1:37:47 GMT
I think we are really weird in our society about affection. For some reason it’s weird for anyone to kiss in a non-sexual way and it’s weird for boys to show affection and it’s weird for teens to show affection. And all of that sucks. Americans needs to grow the fuck up. My skin is of medium thickness, and I have definitely cringed over things people have said to each other here over the years, but I'm scratching my head over the responses to this comment in the thread. This isn't nasty (unless you're counting the use of the word fuck), and it's not even directed at the zella. It's an expressed thought, and it's not even about the actual situation in the OP. More like a random thought related to the topic.
It's what we do. We offer our thoughts on threads. Some people are more straightforward and unfiltered with their thoughts. And even though my personality is more warm and fuzzy, I tend to appreciate those replies. Some people are straight up bitchy. I hate that.
Some people react negatively to zella. Some people react negatively to myshelly. Some people just react negatively. And most of us just hang in there and keep posting!
Some people will disagree with what I just wrote because we all see things differently.
You might think it wasn’t nasty. I thought it was bitchy. You were uncomfortable seeing this interaction? Well it’s because you’re weird about affection, that sucks, and you need to grow the fuck up. Couldn’t possibly be that there’s a line where physical contact between mother and son becomes inappropriate and you’re wondering where that line is, it’s because you’re immature and there’s something wrong with you. Nah. It was shitty and it was meant to be shitty. Don’t put lipstick on that pig.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,843
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Jan 24, 2020 4:13:00 GMT
I don’t have a special needs child of my own but have contact with high school aged kids at work on occasion. Any time there’s inappropriate touching/actions they are immediately redirected by the staff. I’m surprised the mom wouldn’t do that. It’s done very matter of factly without shame. If this kid is not special needs I would think this is an odd way to kiss your mother unless she abruptly turned. I’m going to say this, and I hope you don’t take it as a handslap because it is absolutely not. . I say this as a parent of someone on the spectrum, and as a practitioner (BCBA). When I am practicing, I am 100% on it, and I’ll do what I need to do to get my client functioning “normally”, no matter where I am or what’s happening around me. I am there for them and what they need. But as a parent, sometimes when I’m out with my family and my kid does something weird, but not harmful to themselves, the environment, or others I just don’t want to deal with it. It is mentally exhausting worrying about and dealing with your kids behavior in public, day after day. Even the small, innocuous behaviors that almost nobody else would notice, but you do, need to be redirected, or blocked, and a more socially appropriate skill needs to be modeled and have the kid do. Reinforcement for said behavior needs to be given. Sometimes I just need a freaking break. I need to not deal with his quirks for a little while to protect my sanity. So I can feel like a normal adult who doesn’t instantly have to deal with this. And sometimes that means my kid does something odd in public, and we get side glances and stares and sometimes questions (not usually though). Sometimes my kid is the one giving random kisses on random body parts (like my hand or shoulder with my specific kid). It’s a harmless behavior, and not one thats at the top of my priority list with him. 😄. Now, just to be clear, when ANY of my kids do something wildly inappropriate or something that I think they absolutely shouldn’t be doing in public I reign them in real quick. Because I also have a low tolerance for crappily behaved children in public-esp if they’re mine. 😂 Did not take it as a hand slap. I took it as a parent offering me their perspective because I don’t have this experience.
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Post by gar on Jan 24, 2020 7:46:32 GMT
Nah. It was shitty and it was meant to be shitty. Don’t put lipstick on that pig. But we also need to consider the source which, for me, makes it much easier to put aside and take with a pinch of salt.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 24, 2020 11:14:37 GMT
Nah. It was shitty and it was meant to be shitty. Don’t put lipstick on that pig. But we also need to consider the source which, for me, makes it much easier to put aside and take with a pinch of salt. That's exactly it. Posts don't exist in a vacuum. If it was another poster, I might have had a different reaction. But history shows us...some people have literally nothing nice to bring to this board. And handslaps don't bother me on my threads. I've got thick enough skin to withstand them. Actually I give myself a lot of Grace. I'm human. I make mistakes and so do others around me. I post things here specifically because I want input so I can do better. Be better. Think about things from a different perspective. And I can overlook nastiness directed at me. But I want to come out with gloves on to defend all my pea friends. Haha.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jan 24, 2020 21:46:08 GMT
Dearest zella I am not picking on your post, please forgive me if you think. But I am picking on you being at a seahawk party, you can tell by my severe dislike if that team that I am not a native to Washington state. Ps, I don’t like The mariners, the cougs, the dogz, Gonzaga or spudnuts. This post made me laugh, and your prior comment made me smile. Yeah, what can I say? The 12th man flag is raised prior to each game. Almost everyone is wearing Seahawks colors. It's nuts. But it's the one time each week (for the season) that we get to be around other people and have some fun. We only support teams in places we've lived, and can't bring ourselves to be Tampa fans quite yet. And the Broncos SUCK! So Seahawks it is for now.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jan 24, 2020 22:07:04 GMT
This has turned into an interesting thread, and not at all what I thought it would be. There have been many comments that I truly appreciate, including every one talking about special needs kids. My own (grown) kids have issues for sure, but I don't know much about the autism spectrum, as an example, as it's not something I've had much exposure to. So learning more about this is truly helpful.
You don't have to specifically call someone a name or say something aimed directly at them to make your comment rude, unwelcome and unnecessary. I try very hard to only say something negative if I feel attacked, derided, criticized unfairly. I DON'T have a thick skin at all. And until recently that hasn't been an issue on this or the prior board (and I've been a pea for I'm guessing around 13 years). I don't think I ever blocked anyone on the old board. I have now. Thing is I often don't know who to block until I have already read something I wish I hadn't, you know?
I do think that it's sad where things stand here. I really want to be able to "ask the peas," as I've done so very many times in the past. But I don't know that that is a smart move anymore, as I am just too easily hurt or offended. I'm never offended by those who feel I'm in the wrong and tell me so in a gentle or thoughtful way; I've learned so much here, and sometimes it IS from those who aren't agreeing with me. I wish I had the tough skin. I wish I wasn't such a marshmallow. But that's me. And why should we all have to have thick skins in order to communicate in this forum? Shouldn't there be room for all kinds of people?
So much has happened in my life in the last year; I'd love to share, and I think there are some people who'd like to know. But I just feel too vulnerable to be the open book that I truly am.
And finally: cussing doesn't bother me at all. I cuss every day. And I do cuss on the boards too. Generally just to emphasize a point. So no, that's not what bothered me about a specific post.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Jan 24, 2020 22:15:07 GMT
Did not read the whole thread, but bc it's his mom I don't think it's all that strange. Unusual, yes, bc most teens are pulling away from their parents, but actually sweet that he still loves his mama.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 1:44:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2020 1:40:37 GMT
Dearest zella I am not picking on your post, please forgive me if you think. But I am picking on you being at a seahawk party, you can tell by my severe dislike if that team that I am not a native to Washington state. Ps, I don’t like The mariners, the cougs, the dogz, Gonzaga or spudnuts. This post made me laugh, and your prior comment made me smile. Yeah, what can I say? The 12th man flag is raised prior to each game. Almost everyone is wearing Seahawks colors. It's nuts. But it's the one time each week (for the season) that we get to be around other people and have some fun. We only support teams in places we've lived, and can't bring ourselves to be Tampa fans quite yet. And the Broncos SUCK! So Seahawks it is for now. . Nobody is a Tampa fan. Broncos who?
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